The C&H relationshippy lovey dovey thread of love

wnolan1992

pollyannawins wrote: »

if you knew your best friend was cheating on his long time girlfriend and she was in hospital with plague would you lmake a pass on her? any one else have this problem?

If he was my best friend, why would I go behind his back like that? I mean, he's clearly a douchebag, but becoming a douchebag yourself using his douchebaggery as an excuse is douchebaggery of the highest order.

Macavity.

Depends on many factors.

iamanengine

I once got with a girl who my best friend had an absolutely huge thing for but he never told me until after...that was bad vibes.

pajor

Two wrongs don't make a right..?

LoonyLovegood

But three lefts do!

thelad95

pajor wrote: »

Two wrongs don't make a right..?

Two wrights make an aeroplane....

Junco Partner

If the guy is an ass and carries on like that. Well then yeah, if the girl had reciprocating feels, go for it.
Two wrongs don't make a right but sometimes karma needs a little push (or just plain doesn't exist)'when it comes to bad people, sometimes you go batman on it. If you get to be the vessel of karmic retribution AND get laid. Than why not.

pajor

LoonyLovegood wrote: »

But three lefts do!

Now I'm lost. :pac:

pollyannawins

wnolan1992 wrote: »

If he was my best friend, why would I go behind his back like that? I mean, he's clearly a douchebag, but becoming a douchebag yourself using his douchebaggery as an excuse is douchebaggery of the highest order.

thank you for your response. that is food for thought. though the end factors might include the feelings of the girl as well as the tried and trusted 'friends don't rob girlfriends' (its the modern age and women have been known to where pantaloons). the severity of the plague is also a factor as a sudden change in familiar relations might adversely affect the girl's recovery.
but I will take your advice and side with just sending her flowers instead.

Junco Partner

So I've been kind of seeing this girl for the last few weeks. Been out probably four times and hung out a few times at home.
She was talking to a friend of mine that I work with; on Facebook. Basically trying to find out if I talk about her or what , trying to get a read on my feelings I guess. I guess I should expect that talk in the next few days.
The problem is that she told my friend basically that she's developing strong feelings for me. Which would be great except they just aren't there for me at all. I can't really figure out why: she's smart, she's pretty; but that spark just ain't there for me.
I know I need to do the decent thing and end it but I want to do it in a nice way which is where I'm drawing a blank. I just don't really know how to do it the decent way. I haven't really text her much this week at all. Running the risk of doing the blank out method. Which through experience is a nasty thing to be on the end of.

TL;DR
how do you dump someone decently?

Cherry Blossom Girl

Junco Partner wrote: »

TL;DR
how do you dump someone decently?

Just have an honest conversation with her. I can't really tell you what to say exactly but here's some do's and dont's.


Numero uno: don't do the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing. I know it's actually somewhat true in this case but that line is confusing and ambiguous and she probably won't believe you anyway. Try and give her a solid and clear explanation so she isn't left wondering what the hell she did/said to make you not like her anymore because she will wonder. If you're just not feeling it then tell her that. It's crap but sometimes it happens and hopefully she'll understand.

Numero dos: don't drag it out. You haven't been seeing her that long so just sit her down and get it over with. Don't be curt but just don't let it turn into an hours long affair. No one needs that. Say what you have to say, listen to whatever she has to say and then leave. Personally, I feel like its better to break up with someone in public rather than at their house, especially if the relationahip isn't that serious, but other people disagree. If you do do it in public, try for somewhere quietish where you can hear each other and loads of people won't see her possibly crying, etc.

Numero tres: Be nice about it obviously, but don't be overly sympathetic. This can be difficult to get right. Maybe she'll cry a bit, if she does comfort her but don't (literally) be a shoulder to cry on. It's hard for me to verbalise but basically, be kind to her, don't forget to tell her the things you like about her but don't give her hope that you'll change your mind. Make sure she knows that this is it. Give her a hug when you're parting ways if you think that'd be appropriate.

Numero cuatro: leave her her alone afterwards. Don't try and be her friend, at least not now. Don't tell her you want to stay friends either, it just sets up unnecessary expectations and someone will get hurt. If you actually do want to remain friends, wait a while until her feelings for you have dissipated.

Numero cinco: if all else fails:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=298nld4Yfds

(You can start paying me for relationship advice any day now Junco :pac: )

thelad95

I'd agree with everything Cherry Blossom said. Break-ups suck no matter what but there are definitely ways to make it less painful. Some people think whittling off a few clichés will do fine but I think it is better to just be honest, and if possible, end things relatively peacefully and give each other space for a while. I think it's a bit weird when you see two people who break up hanging out together a week later, even if it's with mutual friends. Ok sometimes, it's fine especially if the two people were close anyway before they got together but often, it's a recipe for disaster.

Macavity.

Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You.

Jhcx

So romantic

LoonyLovegood

Just don't do a room 101 on it and text her á la a gameshow host.

sibby

Junco Partner wrote: »

TL;DR
how do you dump someone decently?

Imagine the shoe is on the other foot and she's breaking up with you. Do it the way you'd like to be broken up with (if that makes sense).

Junco Partner

sibby wrote: »

Imagine the shoe is on the other foot and she's breaking up with you. Do it the way you'd like to be broken up with (if that makes sense).

So angry break up sex ? :pac:

Junco Partner

Cherry Blossom Girl wrote: »

(You can start paying me for relationship advice any day now Junco :pac: )

Do you take cheques? .

Seriously though thanks. it's not gonna be fun but I'm feeling confident that I can pull this off with minimum tears.

Cheers to the rest of Ye too. C and H makes life that much more navigatable.

Junco Partner

thelad95 wrote: »

I think it's a bit weird when you see two people who break up hanging out together a week later, even if it's with mutual friends. Ok sometimes, it's fine especially if the two people were close anyway before they got together but often, it's a recipe for disaster.

I know, It doesn't work at all really does it. The dumped party clings to false hope and drive themselves craz. While the dumper offers friendship so they can feel like less of a bad guy/girl. big horrible maelstrom of drunken pleading and Taylor swift songs

Jhcx

Junco Partner wrote: »

I know, It doesn't work at all really does it. The dumped party clings to false hope and drive themselves craz. While the dumper offers friendship so they can feel like less of a bad guy/girl. big horrible maelstrom of drunken pleading and Taylor swift songs

In saying that I'm still waiting on my breakup sex. Maybe that's what's she's doing just lingering around to seem lesless guilty all I want is one more night

Junco Partner

Jhcx wrote: »

In saying that I'm still waiting on my breakup sex. Maybe that's what's she's doing just lingering around to seem lesless guilty all I want is one more night

It's not gonna come, And if it does: shame on them. It's wrong to toy with people like that.

Jhcx

Junco Partner wrote: »

It's not gonna come, And if it does: shame on them. It's wrong to toy with people like that.

I'm just tankful I get plenty without them

Junco Partner

Jhcx wrote: »

I'm just tankful I get plenty without them

Self-medicating eh? :pac:

Jhcx

Junco Partner wrote: »

Self-medicating eh? :pac:

Totally fear of a drought around the south Ha Ha

Saying thatit's been raining all day

Junco Partner

So for context my broadband is gone Until next week or the week after. Chatting with with the girl I'm about to end things with about how much I'm looking forward to better call Saul when I get my Netflix back. Won't have a day off to do the dumping in person till wednesday and don't wanna just not text her cause blanking out is cruel. Trying to be as non commital to plans as possible without it being obvious.
kind of hard though when she mentions how we can watch it together etc etc.
She's copped something is up and Netflix together keeps popping into the conversation
"So does that mean we won't get to watch it together?" .
Don't wanna dump her by text but finding it harder to steer the conversation in different directions Without promising more dates.

Oh life. Always making sure I spend time cringing.

thelad95

Junco Partner wrote: »

So for context my broadband is gone Until next week or the week after. Chatting with with the girl I'm about to end things with about how much I'm looking forward to better call Saul when I get my Netflix back. Won't have a day off to do the dumping in person till wednesday and don't wanna just not text her cause blanking out is cruel. Trying to be as non commital to plans as possible without it being obvious.
kind of hard though when she mentions how we can watch it together etc etc.
She's copped something is up and Netflix together keeps popping into the conversation
"So does that mean we won't get to watch it together?" .
Don't wanna dump her by text but finding it harder to steer the conversation in different directions Without promising more dates.

Oh life. Always making sure I spend time cringing.

Break-ups over the phone are not ideal but it might be a good idea to just be ruthless with her. I was in a similar situation before Christmas where I was strung along kind of like how you're saying and it was torture to be honest. Being non-committal and 'distant' in text conversations is kind of playing mind-games instead of trying not to hurt their feelings.

iamanengine

HugsiePie wrote: »

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW :o:o:o:o:o



That is all.

Now you know how it feels when people delete posts :P

iamanengine

HugsiePie wrote: »

What are you on about? MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA

...you evil genius

LoonyLovegood

Lara, this is totally the right thread for it.

So I was on ok cupid, with the intent to delete my account. I'm having coffee with someone tomorrow. Well, today

iamanengine

Depending on your age cinema or go for a drink. Standard!