A nasty story

Bruce7

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

R0ot

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Rule #1 Don't dip it if you don't know the quality of the hole (works for most dips also)
Rule #2 Council house people are usually not very clean*
Rule #3 Wash your hands after sex.

*May not be true

Logical Fallacy

That's why God invented rubber gloves buddy.

I'd say that was crap

FatherLen

it might have been chocolate. you should have tasted it.

ejmaztec

I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.

Seachmall

Why were your fingers in her bum?

OldGoat

Awwww, a keepsake. How romantic. You should marry that girl. Then, on your 20th Aniversary you can give it back to her.

I love this story, it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

R0ot

OldGoat wrote: »

Awwww, a keepsake. How romantic. You should marry that girl. Then, on your 20th Aniversary you can give it back to her.

I love this story, it makes me feel all warm and gooey inside.

I bet that's how she felt before they started their night of festivities.

fundlebundle

Did you taste it to be sure? It could just be tasty chocolate, better to be safe than sorry. Also you disgust me.
Watching Eastenders, Shame on you

Poor Uncle Tom

How fragile were you feeling when you were scraping up sh1t in the first place?

phasers

Why were your hands there?

harvester of sorrow

Seachmall wrote: »

Why were your fingers in her bum?

Because chiks dig that kinky ****:pac: awwwwwwwwwwww yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SEPT 23 1989

Beggars can't be choosers

My name is URL

At least you got your hole though, eh?

OldNotWIse

I dont think I'll finish this bag of hula hoops after all...:eek:

davet82

the bum is for 'outies' not 'inies' ye dirty swine

John Doe1

how do you know it was hers?:p

ejmaztec

ejmaztec wrote: »

I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.

She'd probably say "I had a little sh1t in my bed last night".







:pac:

GordonCole

While I will admit to a certain cynicism, the fact is that I am a naysayer and hatchet-man in the fight against violence

Mod: Banned

hightower1

How'd you know it was HER ****e? Your a bit drunk, feeling frisky... coulda been up for something new.... Bottom line (giggidy), dont go to sleep with an itchy hole, you'll wake up with a smely finger.

Bruce7

Seachmall wrote: »

Why were your fingers in her bum?

I don't really know. I think I must have gotten carried away by the sordidness of the whole experience. They haven't been back there since, though.

shopaholic01

My name is URL wrote: »

At least you got your hole though, eh?

Both of them, it would appear. Nice story though OP - definitely one for the grand kids.

FloatingVoter

How do you know it was her **** ? You may not know how to wipe your own arse properly and scratched an itch during the night.

Battered Mars Bar

Clip your finger nails, always lick the spoon when finished.

CardBordWindow

What did you have to eat?

Seachmall

Bruce7 wrote: »

I don't really know. I think I must have gotten carried away by the sordidness of the whole experience. They haven't been back there since, though.

I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.

mattjack

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

For the briefest of fleeting moments when you mentioned your relations , I thought you were going to say the girl was related to you.

Bruce7

Seachmall wrote: »

I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.

You're wiser than me, then.

I'm not saying I recommend it, nor that it was the only time I did it. Now that I think of it, I had a much worse experience involving the same theme, but I won't share it as it sounds a lot like an urban myth.

toexpress

Look at it this way could have been worse ... could have found it on the end of your knob

mattjack

toexpress wrote: »

Look at it this way could have been worse ... could have found it on the end of your knob

Indeed , it could have been worse , she could've had a knob.

toexpress

mattjack wrote: »

Indeed , it could have been worse , she could've had a knob.

He was in a council estate, bad I admit but he is hardly likely to find an Asian Transexual in a cat suit knocking around St. Josephs Terrace/St. Bridgets Park or other saintly name s**thole ...

mattjack

toexpress wrote: »

He was in a council estate, bad I admit but he is hardly likely to find an Asian Transexual in a cat suit knocking around St. Josephs Terrace/St. Bridgets Park or other saintly name s**thole ...

Point taken sir, she could've had a strap on.

CavanCrew

Did you wash your hands before typing this?

toexpress

mattjack wrote: »

Point taken sir, she could've had a strap on.

Unlikely, but the wide of a bottle of Miller will do! You can get 20 for €15 in Tesco or Dunnes or somewhere

Anyway for the benefit of the OP look S**T happens, move on get over it there is nothing worse than pulling out and finding half a weeks worth of dinner on the end of your knob but sure you will recover

Crooked Jack

Seachmall wrote: »

I've been in many sordid situations, never once have I found myself inserting my fingers into someone's bum.

ah you havent lived man

Born to Die

OP, did you shake hands with your family when you met them?

link_2007

I'd love a go on Kat Slater

Baneblade

think you need to trim those nails

Bruce7

ejmaztec wrote: »

ejmaztec wrote: »

I'd like to hear the girl's version before commenting further.

ejmaztec wrote: »

She'd probably say "I had a little sh1t in my bed last night".







:pac:

Is replying to your own posts the same as talking to yourself?

Born to Die

Born to Die wrote: »

OP, did you shake hands with your family when you met them?

Answer my question. :mad:

jester77

Easy to happen OP. Most likely scenario was that she was not to clean at the rear and your sack was banging against her hole. You probably also picked up some crabs or something and you were fevoriously scratching your sack as you fled her house and that is how you ended up with the stinky fingers.

fatherted1969

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Such a romantic story cant wait for the film to come out


On another note she sounds like a keeper to me

forfuxsake

two in the pink and one in the stink
two in the crack and one round the back
two in the goo, and one in the poo
two in her muff and one in her stuff

Duggys Housemate

Is this another of those I got laid and here is a not very interesting story about me getting laid thread?


I'd say it is.

kfallon

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Amateur :rolleyes:

Rule number 1 when you are gonna administer a 'sneaky finger', always clip your nails in advance!

The youth of today :rolleyes:

:pac:

Bruce7

Duggys Housemate wrote: »

Is this another of those I got laid and here is a not very interesting story about me getting laid thread?


I'd say it is.

Yes. It is obvious from my initial post how proud I am of this momentous achievement.

kfallon

Bruce7 wrote: »

Yes. It is obvious from my initial post how proud I am of this momentous achievement.

You know what they say sir, a turd on the hand is worth two in the bush!

tvercetti

4 pages and nobody asked how many fingers..............surprised with AH's

Stiffler2

Good man.

2 in the pink, 1 in the stink.





Unless you're a pro like me, then you can change the saying to :

2 feet in the pink and a fist in the stink

some random drunk

Bruce7 wrote: »

Once upon a time I spent a night with this girl. Imagine an older, shorter, smaller-titted, less attractive, more wrecked version of Kat Slater from Eastenders and you've got the picture. I woke up in her council house the morning after and got the hell out of there. As poor luck would have it, I ran into some relations I hadn't seen in a long time as I was passing through town. I was feeling very fragile and just wanted to get away, but they insisted on going for something to eat. I was just about managing to keep the food down, when something unpleasant caught my eye - the girl's sh*t under my fingernails :eek:

Rookie mistake. The thing to do is dip your fingers in her mouth afterwards to clean them.