Single men vs Single women

Daveysil15

Who do you think has it worst? Personally I think single men are stigmatized a lot more than women. If a man is single there is something wrong with him. People say… “You need to get out more, improve your game, go to the gym” etc.

However if a woman is single the typical excuse is… “Ahh well…there’s no decent men left out there.” If a man said that about women he’d be branded a sexist. The single woman doesn’t have to change herself or go through some self improvement process.

Riamfada

There's no decent men out there and a lot of women should go too the gym .

My name is URL

I've been single for most of my life and have never experienced any stigma because of it. Maybe all the bitching takes place behind my back though.. Fcuk what others say.. I'll do what I want.

boomkatalog

Its worse for the woman after 30, all that pressure about biological clocks ticking. You get married women patting your arm and giving you the aul 'it'll happen someday'.

krudler

I'm single nearly two years now and love it, have the odd fling or casual thing, all the fun none of the relationship bullshyte.

Daveysil15

boomkatalog wrote: »

Its worse for the woman after 30, all that pressure about biological clocks ticking. You get married women patting your arm and giving you the aul 'it'll happen someday'.

That is true, however the single woman still has plenty of options. You hear women say they can't find a good man, but you hear of many men who can't find a woman full stop!

Galwayguy35

I do get comments from people saying that I'm pushing on and it's time to find someone, I'm only 37 ffs. But I suppose single women in their late 30's would occasionally get similar comments in fairness. I don't think most of us are single by choice, it's just difficult to find the right person.

Nyan Cat

Any time I haven't seen anyone in a few months- the first thing they ask when I do see them is 'so, are you seeing anyone?'
If you say no they roll their eyes and say ah well

I just ignore it. If I get a wedding invite ill go alone and meet up with friends there and dance in crowds. Sure why not?!

But being a single woman not far off 30 people do comment on it - to your face - (feck em). Water off a ducks back but it's annoying. I've Never said the good ones are gone. I have said I just haven't met someone is throw away Single Freedom for (in a jokey way) and that gets bigger eye rolls but I take that crap in a humourly fashion now

Sitec

No point in going out with someone just for the sake of it.

woodoo

boomkatalog wrote: »

Its worse for the woman after 30, all that pressure about biological clocks ticking. You get married women patting your arm and giving you the aul 'it'll happen someday'.

Tell them you heard their spouse was having an affair. That'll learn them.

Raekwon

I think both genders get an equal amount of pressure put on them by society if they are still single into their 30's and beyond.

I've heard such terms as ridiculous terms as 'spinster' thrown about regarding single women in their 30's which can be quite hurtful and degrading but men have it just as bad. It's not unheard of to hear men having their sexual preference brought into question because they were single and in their 30's. That's even more hurtful and actually more damaging then being called an aul spinster.

Lando Griffin

Intresting thread that is going nowhere (like alot of relationships) hopfully I will be able to pull it back on track (like my relationship).
If we are talking about the ticking timeclock thirty something woman then once the reach this age most become desperate for a man, and its this desperation that scares the single man of thirty something away. Think of it girls, if a bloke is single at thirty then he is single for a reason, probably because they cannot be in a relationship. No man likes the idea of being trapped with the same woman for ever and it takes years for the woman to condition the man to this way of thinking. The more desperate the woman is going on about setteling down and having kids after the first few dates would make any man run a mile. Thereafter the single thirthy something male is a proud stubborn lot who wont ( like their friends ) give up the freedom of single life, therefore any excuse to escape the clutches of a craving woman will take it.

Nyan Cat

Some - nay, many - people will not accept that not everyone has to be with someone to be happy and that some folks actively chose singledom

shopaholic01

Hate all those smug married people. Funny thing is, meet them when they've had one too many and they will tell you they wouldn't get married if they had their time over again. People married more than 10 years are usually happy to tell you this sober.

A lot of Irish people in thier 30's got married in their early to mid twenties - it was the thing to do. They either stay unhappily married, or have the nightmare of divorce, financial and family upheaval.

Those that are happily married are the fortunate minority.

a fat guy

I think that it's pretty even...

Women do have it much easier when they're younger IF they are very good looking.

Then again, men who have plenty of confidence, but don't look great, have it easy too.

On the other side of things, if you aren't in a relationship and you're in your forties, then people tend to think that you aren't going to be in one at all and that's just soul-crushing...

I mean, I'm only 21 and even I feel the need to be in a relationship for fear of being alone the rest of my life!

At the end of the day, people are just going to act like people... Best not dwell on it for too long.

Daveysil15

Raekwon wrote: »

I think both genders get an equal amount of pressure put on them by society if they are still single into their 30's and beyond.

I've heard such terms as ridiculous terms as 'spinster' thrown about regarding single women in their 30's which can be quite hurtful and degrading but men have it just as bad. It's not unheard of to hear men having their sexual preference brought into question because they were single and in their 30's. That's even more hurtful and actually more damaging then being called an aul spinster.

You make some good points. I too have had my sexual preference brought into question just because I'm not in a relationship, even though I've had a few flings with women. But I don't go broadcasting it.

A lot of people will just settle for someone just for the sake of been in a relationship. I'd rather be single than settle. It's like if you're in a relationship then your life is suddenly perfect.

Sea Filly

Raekwon wrote: »

I think both genders get an equal amount of pressure put on them by society if they are still single into their 30's and beyond.

I've heard such terms as ridiculous terms as 'spinster' thrown about regarding single women in their 30's which can be quite hurtful and degrading but men have it just as bad. It's not unheard of to hear men having their sexual preference brought into question because they were single and in their 30's. That's even more hurtful and actually more damaging then being called an aul spinster.

The sexual preference questioning thing definitely happens to men, when they haven't had a girlfriend in a while, when really, they don't just want to settle for going out with just anyone. I have male friends like this.

BUT generally, scoring is easier for men in their 30s than women in their 30s, they have the choice of 30 and 20 something women, women not so much.

earpiece

Women are like cigarettes.... you think you want one, but you know they're bad for you, they'll kill you in the end.
That said though, it's okay to have the odd one at the weekend!

hatrickpatrick

TBH being a single guy is fine and I feel absolutely no pressure whatsoever to be in a relationship.

A lot of women seem to judge both themselves and their friends based on relationship status. For example, how many women do you know who stay in a relationship with someone who treats them like sh!te because "it's better than being single"?
And how many women do you know who will get into a relationship with someone they don't really fancy all that much just to prove something to their friends or for reasons of social status?For me, so many I can't count.

We definitely have it easier.

Chamone MF

You make some good points. I too have had my sexual preference brought into question just because I'm not in a relationship, even though I've had a few flings with women. But I don't go broadcasting it.

I think some cnuts in relationships like to think they're somehow special and drop little offhand comments inferring how wonderful they are for having formed a (weak) relationship (which is destined to fail hard). You however must be an oddity...having not yet procreated and settled down in middlestown averageville with a mortgage and mid range car.

or something

Daveysil15

I think both genders find it difficult as they get older, unless the man is rich or the woman is a hot milf. One thing I hate is that if you've been single for a while then you should just accept any offer that comes along. I recently had an offer from a girl who shall we say...is a bit on the heavy side. Anyway I wasn't attracted to her in the slightest, yet my friends were like... "Ahh you should go for it. You don't want to be single for the rest of your life." Older women put up with the same crap.

Dudess

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Who do you think has it worst? Personally I think single men are stigmatized a lot more than women. If a man is single there is something wrong with him. People say… “You need to get out more, improve your game, go to the gym” etc.

However if a woman is single the typical excuse is… “Ahh well…there’s no decent men left out there.” If a man said that about women he’d be branded a sexist. The single woman doesn’t have to change herself or go through some self improvement process.

What planet are you on? As I said on another forum here the other day - I was reading a woman's mag and the messages were "single over 30 - doomed", "childless over 30 - doomed/tick tick tick". Do men's magazines push that kinda spiteful sh1t?! I know it's not a competition but "worse for men"? You're having a laugh!
I know women are the worst culprits for this crap to other women btw.

It's not nice for either gender (if they let it bother them) but please wake up if you genuinely think it's worse for men. And as for "A woman isn't expected to change herself"... sure.
Just because her deluded mates tell her "There there, no man deserves you bla bla", the usual nauseating soundbites, doesn't mean that's a reflection of societal attitudes in general.
Btw, this isn't a bitchfest - I think a person should work on their appearance, general wellbeing etc if they find it hard to meet someone.

Raekwon

Sea Filly wrote: »

The sexual preference questioning thing definitely happens to men, when they haven't had a girlfriend in a while, when really, they don't just want to settle for going out with just anyone. I have male friends like this.

Yeah I've got a few mates/work colleagues like that too. They pretty much don't want to settle for just anyone for the sake of being in a relationship, and rightly so, but they do have to put up with some amount of stick and get ribbed about their sexuality, which is unfortunate

Sea Filly wrote: »

BUT generally, scoring is easier for men in their 30s than women in their 30s, they have the choice of 30 and 20 something women, women not so much.

I disagree with you here. I think women still have a far easier time scoring then men regardless of age. I mean if women started approaching men then the playing field might be more level but they don't, so it's not.

Aside from just 'scoring' I've actually noticed a recent trend of women in their early/mid 30's starting relationships with guys in their 20's. I personally know of 3 separate couples that have started relationships this year where the woman was much older. IME the only time women in their 30's/40's might not have alot of success with the opposite sex is when they have children from a previous relationship that potential suitors might see as excess baggage.

Dudess

My uncle's sexual preference was called into question on ratemyteacher.ie because he was still single at 45ish. He showed them when he later got himself a lady ten years younger and sired three kiddies by her. :pac:

Brendog

Definitely women have it better. So much easier for them to go out an hook up with someone.

The basic code for guys is to be rejected 4-5 times and go home.

Scruffles

if anyone has it 'worse',us nonsexuals/asexuals have it worse-we dont hear the end of peoples desperation; they make it sound like people who dont have a boy/girlfriend are not normal figures of society,and how having a relationship defines what they think all people shoud strive to be/have.
we have it shoved in our faces and the hetros who do actively shove it in peoples faces have the cheek to complain about gay people [as if theyre fcuking clones doing the same things] doing it to them,take that hypocrisy and shove it back up the hole it came from,and stfu.

Daveysil15

Dudess wrote: »

What planet are you on? As I said on another forum here the other day - I was reading a woman's mag and the messages were "single over 30 - doomed", "childless over 30 - doomed/tick tick tick". Do men's magazines push that kinda spiteful sh1t?! I know it's not a competition but "worse for men"? You're having a laugh!
I know women are the worst culprits for this crap to other women btw.

It's not nice for either gender (if they let it bother them) but please wake up if you genuinely think it's worse for men. And as for "A woman isn't expected to change herself"... sure.
Just because her deluded mates tell her "There there, no man deserves you bla bla", the usual nauseating soundbites, doesn't mean that's a reflection of societal attitudes in general.
Btw, this isn't a bitchfest - I think a person should work on their appearance, general wellbeing etc if they find it hard to meet someone.

And what about all the help that is out there for single men? You have the PUA movement (Pick Up Artist), numerous books, websites and magazine articles offering men advice. Men are been told to change this, change that. There is a lot more advice out there for single men than there is for single women. That alone tells me men have it tougher.

Then you have the fact that men are stigmatized for wanting to meet women as its usually assumed that the man is only after one thing if he approaches a woman on a night out. There seems to be a creep/predator attitude regarding a man's sex drive. Yet its the man that usually has to make the first move. It is socially unacceptable for men to acknowledge there is a problem from any external sources, yet women are allowed to denigrate men in the dating scene.

Dudess

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Dudess wrote: »

What planet are you on? As I said on another forum here the other day - I was reading a woman's mag and the messages were "single over 30 - doomed", "childless over 30 - doomed/tick tick tick". Do men's magazines push that kinda spiteful sh1t?! I know it's not a competition but "worse for men"? You're having a laugh!
I know women are the worst culprits for this crap to other women btw.

It's not nice for either gender (if they let it bother them) but please wake up if you genuinely think it's worse for men. And as for "A woman isn't expected to change herself"... sure.
Just because her deluded mates tell her "There there, no man deserves you bla bla", the usual nauseating soundbites, doesn't mean that's a reflection of societal attitudes in general.
Btw, this isn't a bitchfest - I think a person should work on their appearance, general wellbeing etc if they find it hard to meet someone.

And what about all the help that is out there for single men? You have the PUA movement (Pick Up Artist), numerous books, websites and magazine articles offering men advice. Men are been told to change this, change that. There is a lot more advice out there for single men than there is for single women. That alone tells me men have it tougher.

Then you have the fact that men are stigmatized for wanting to meet women as its usually assumed that the man is only after one thing if he approaches a woman on a night out. There seems to be a creep/predator attitude regarding a man's sex drive. Yet its the man that usually has to make the first move. It is socially unacceptable for men to acknowledge there is a problem from any external sources, yet women are allowed to denigrate men in the dating scene.

Still not convinced men have it tougher - it's as bad for each gender, only in different ways. Women are of course told to change their appearance though - something I'm not all together against tbh. There's a big difference between "You're 35, sagging - that's it for you" and "You're 35, sagging - try running and yoga, brilliant for your health, figure and emotional well-being".

Dudess

Brendog wrote: »

Definitely women have it better. So much easier for them to go out an hook up with someone.

The basic code for guys is to be rejected 4-5 times and go home.

Ah that's only for casual rides/flings - we're talking relationships here.

Sir Digby Chicken Caesar

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M9fFOelpE_8

Dudess

Scruffles wrote: »

if anyone has it 'worse',us nonsexuals/asexuals have it worse.

That must suck all right. Some people cannot cope with being single, seem to feel they are defined only by being part of a couple - must be awful to be so needy. But worse again, they project this neediness by getting bothered over OTHER people being single. To care so much about other people's relationship status or lack thereof has got to indicate issues with themselves, otherwise, why would they care?

I'm not talking btw about when people say "Oh so and so is a cool person, weird how they're still single" - that's just being nice. And there's nothing needy about wanting to fall in love.

The King of Moo

I hate this "we have it so much harder than you" attitude. It's not a competition. Both men and women experience pressure if they're single and in their thirties, but I think it's clear that there is a greater pressure on women to get married and have kids.
I'm single and in my late twenties and in no rush to get into a serious relationship.
I'd rather stay single than enter a relationship just for the sake of it.
I'm not getting much pressure to meet someone at the moment, but I probably will if I'm single in a few years, and I won't take any notice of it.

Battered Mars Bar

Ya there's something seriously f**ked up with irish womens dating attitudes. There's serious personification of males sexual interest and drive as something sick, barbaric, perverted and dangerous.

krudler

you know what, I'd rather be single forever than settle, I know a few people who have and fcuk. that. sh1t. to roll over in the morning and confronted with someone and think "you're the best I could do" how fcuking depressing.

shopaholic01

krudler wrote: »

you know what, I'd rather be single forever than settle, I know a few people who have and fcuk. that. sh1t. to roll over in the morning and confronted with someone and think "you're the best I could do" how fcuking depressing.

Or worse still, to know you could have done better.

secretambition

boomkatalog wrote: »

Its worse for the woman after 30, all that pressure about biological clocks ticking. You get married women patting your arm and giving you the aul 'it'll happen someday'.

The correct response to that is "hopefully not", and proceed to tell them how you're considering taking a year to travel round the world and generally implying your freedom is amazing. It winds them up no end.

Wibbs

I'd say overall women have it worse. There can be a lot of societal pressure on them to be in a relationship. Often, if not mostly from other women. Women discuss relationships much more which adds to it. I've known way more women who've been in meh or even bad relationships rather than face being single. Even the words that describe the state. Bachelor sounds way better than spinster.

Single men? Generally have it easier. With the exceptions of the guys who're woefully bad at talking to women.

Sea Filly

Wibbs wrote: »

Bachelor sounds way better than spinster.

Not really, it still has tragic connotations, IMO.

saa

Dudess wrote: »

That must suck all right. Some people cannot cope with being single, seem to feel they are defined only by being part of a couple - must be awful to be so needy. But worse again, they project this neediness by getting bothered over OTHER people being single. To care so much about other people's relationship status or lack thereof has got to indicate issues with themselves, otherwise, why would they care?

Yes so many people have to project what is right for others to be living their lives like, well unless they're doing something destructive, you know what I mean.
Absolutely agree its issue within themselves, the people I know who are always seeking for someone else stops them developing as a person themselves because it takes up so much of their time energy, focus its basically their main or only goal and stops them enjoying nights out with friends and when they finally do get into relationships they are not happy at all because they rely so much on that other person being with them for fulfillment anything that goes slightly wrong in the relationship cuts them to the core because its so much of who they see themselves as, its like their living for the other person in a really damaging way. She cares because its her no1 priority why wouldnt it be everyone elses.

Its funny I have a partner and we don't live together and people think we have serious relationship issues because of that, ha sounds like a commitment issue but trust me its not, we've lived together before and I must admit it is easy to switch into that stay in and never do anything for yourself anymore mode.

The King of Moo

Sea Filly wrote: »

Not really, it still has tragic connotations, IMO.

I don't know, I think lots of men would like to live in a nice bachelor pad .

krudler

Sea Filly wrote: »

Not really, it still has tragic connotations, IMO.

George Clooney is a bachelor, he must cry himself to sleep every night :pac:

Dudess

Spinster - old maid knitting.

Bachelor - ok, in Ireland, farmer's son in misery, John B. Keane character; but in popular culture: the guys in Entourage and Californication.

Raekwon

Wibbs wrote: »

Single men? Generally have it easier. With the exceptions of the guys who're woefully bad at talking to women.

I was going to comment on this post but Dudess beat me too it.......

Dudess wrote: »

Bachelor - ok, in Ireland, farmer's son in misery, John B. Keane character; but in popular culture: the guys in Entourage and Californication.

Gummy Panda

Guy is single too long and not reporting weekly one night stands = closet gay

Well according to some

christmas2012

maybe they just couldnt be bothered with the stresses of a relationship

WindSock

The King of Moo wrote: »

I don't know, I think lots of men would like to live in a nice bachelor pad .

And have Batchelor's beans, Batchelor's walk, have batchelor / batchelorette parties.

Batchelor's seem to be celebrated as fun loving party boys who never grow up and have lots of girlfriends and cars and spaghetti hoops and things. Spinsters are miserable oul hags.

christmas2012

hahaha hiliarious.. batchelors beans party boys they should start rebranding sell the lifestyle!!!

Earthhorse

I'm kinda amazed that someone's sexuality is called into question if they've been single for a while. Not sure what circles people are moving in where that's happening, sounds like schoolboy stuff.

Gummy Panda

Earthhorse wrote: »

I'm kinda amazed that someone's sexuality is called into question if they've been single for a while. Not sure what circles people are moving in where that's happening, sounds like schoolboy stuff.

It is childish stuff though I noticed it happens mainly in the workplace.

Daveysil15

Battered Mars Bar wrote: »

Ya there's something seriously f**ked up with irish womens dating attitudes. There's serious personification of males sexual interest and drive as something sick, barbaric, perverted and dangerous.

This is partly why I think men have it worse. Male sexuality is a subject that seems to elicit hostility in many women here. Our society kind of denigrates a man’s sex drive, reducing him to merely a rutting animal with no deeper context.

shopaholic01

WindSock wrote: »

And have Batchelor's beans, Batchelor's walk, have batchelor / batchelorette parties.

Batchelor's seem to be celebrated as fun loving party boys who never grow up and have lots of girlfriends and cars and spaghetti hoops and things. Spinsters are miserable oul hags.

Don't forget the cats:rolleyes: