Single men vs Single women

Earthhorse

Gummy Panda wrote: »

It is childish stuff though I noticed it happens mainly in the workplace.

Ah, the modern workplace, where all good children go when they've outgrown university.

gaffer91

Agree with the people who say it's worse for women, especially for 'older' women. An older relation of mine worries aloud about whether women she knows in their thirties who are single will be "left on the shelf". What an awful expression and outlook on it. Doesn't really seem to be the same stigma about single males at the same age. (I'm a male FWIW).

WindSock

WindSock wrote: »

And have Batchelor's beans, Batchelor's walk, have batchelor / batchelorette parties.

Batchelor's seem to be celebrated as fun loving party boys who never grow up and have lots of girlfriends and cars and spaghetti hoops and things. Spinsters are miserable oul hags.

Til not too long ago it was used to describe everything from hermits to closet (but fairly well known) gays.
I know there's people who wonder about me because I don't manwhore around, just don't let it get to me though.

WindSock

I don't think it's as bad for people to think you are gay than to think you are a complete failure at life if you have no spouse or kids.

suicide_circus

Dudess wrote: »

Spinster - old maid knitting.

Bachelor - ok, in Ireland, farmer's son in misery, John B. Keane character; but in popular culture: the guys in Entourage and Californication.

I'm not wealthy, beautiful or living it up in LA so those tv shows have little baring on my popular culture

WindSock

WindSock wrote: »

I don't think it's as bad for people to think you are gay than to think you are a complete failure at life if you have no spouse or kids.

Well not too long ago it was seen as a pretty bad thing was it not? I don't think it was fully embraced by Irish society at large and since it's perceptions we're talking about I would have thought that mattered.

Raekwon

Earthhorse wrote: »

I'm kinda amazed that someone's sexuality is called into question if they've been single for a while. Not sure what circles people are moving in where that's happening, sounds like schoolboy stuff.

I agree it's totally ridiculous but it doesn't seem uncommon unfortunately. Even my own parents think that their 40+ year old neighbor who never married is "probably abit light on his feet" as my father eloquently put it (in their defense they are quite old fashioned and stuck in their ways).

On a really simplistic level type George Clooney into Google. I guarantee you that the first suggestion from the autocomplete will be the word 'gay'. Type Daryl Hannah into Google. Does her sexual preference appear? No? Well she is the same age as Clooney and never married or had any children either so why doesn't the word 'gay' appear for her?

Earthhorse

Raekwon wrote: »

I agree it's totally ridiculous but it doesn't seem uncommon unfortunately. Even my own parents think that their 40+ year old neighbor who never married is "probably abit light on his feet" as my father eloquently put it (in their defense they are quite old fashioned and stuck in their ways).

I can understand it coming from a slightly older generation though, it was the norm for people to marry then, whereas now single life is a valid choice. All I can see is I've never seen it in my social circles; friends, work etc.

On a really simplistic level type George Clooney into Google. I guarantee you that the first suggestion from the autocomplete will be the word 'gay'. Type Daryl Hannah into Google. Does her sexual preference appear? No? Well she is the same age as Clooney and never married or had any children either so why doesn't the word 'gay' appear for her?

I get where you're coming from but it's not a great test as the press are always going to run with the most sensationalist stories when it comes to celebrities, whether they're true or not.

WindSock

Deleted User wrote: »

Well not too long ago it was seen as a pretty bad thing was it not? I don't think it was fully embraced by Irish society at large and since it's perceptions we're talking about I would have thought that mattered.

True, but ones sexuality comes into question in regards to women too, although probably not to the same extent. However I think there are more expectations and pressures on women to be married and have kids by a certain age too. Well the biological pressures of course are a large factor.
Also if you are talking about the past, the very notion of the word spinster is a bit shit. It was one of the few jobs available to single older women.

Chuck Stone

Being a single man in the wrong end of my 30's I must say I don't feel any societal pressure to be 'settled down' nor do I feel any great need to.

As for the guys who say it's so hard to get a woman - stop being so ****ing desperate - women can sense that desperateness and they hate it.

Am I right womens?

shopaholic01

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Being a single man in the wrong end of my 30's I must say I don't feel any societal pressure to be 'settled down' nor do I feel any great need to.

As for the guys who say it's so hard to get a woman - stop being so ****ing desperate - women can sense that desperateness and they hate it.

Am I right womens?

You are chuck (feel like I'm in Corrie, chuck)

Daveysil15

Chuck Stone wrote: »

Being a single man in the wrong end of my 30's I must say I don't feel any societal pressure to be 'settled down' nor do I feel any great need to.

As for the guys who say it's so hard to get a woman - stop being so ****ing desperate - women can sense that desperateness and they hate it.

Am I right womens?

There's a difference between been desperate and pursuing something you want. If a cougar seeks sex with a younger man does that make her desperate?

ukonline

krudler wrote: »

I'm single nearly two years now and love it, have the odd fling or casual thing, all the fun none of the relationship bullshyte.

Lucky son of a... :mad:

Chuck Stone

Daveysil15 wrote: »

There's a difference between been desperate and pursuing something you want.

Depends how hard you 'pursue' it.

If a cougar seeks sex with a younger man does that make her desperate?

Not if it's just sex, I guess. If she's out desperately 'pursuing' men as potential partners because 'the clock is ticking' then, yeah, imo that gives off a desperation aura which is such a turn-off.

mariaalice

I wonder if this way of looking at relationships is a relatively new idea, I know there was always a bit of stigma in Ireland about singleldom but when I was young there were losts of older single people amoung our nebighours and there was never much comment about it there seemed to be more acceptance about life and how it turned out for you.

woodoo

Dudess wrote: »

My uncle's sexual preference was called into question on ratemyteacher.ie because he was still single at 45ish. He showed them when he later got himself a lady ten years younger and sired three kiddies by her. :pac:

Was your uncle Enda Kenny

branbee

In general i wouldn't say theres much difference between the two however since myself and my child's father have broken up i have realised that the difference between a single father and a single mother is huge when it comes to dating.

Im not currently looking/dating but i know that if i was alot of men would be put off by the fact I've a child, but i don't think it is as big an issue for him. Maybe its in my head but i don't think so! The other day i was talking to a guy and when i mentioned my child he just ended the conversation and hasn't talked to me since! I wasn't even interested to begin with, was just being polite!

Feeona

Chuck Stone wrote: »

women can sense that desperateness and they hate it.

Women can also sense makey uppy words too :P

Chuck Stone

Feeona wrote: »

Women can also sense makey uppy words too :P

I just googlised it and google disney hava problem with it?

Granted, 'desperation' would have been moar betterer proberly.

Feeona

Chuck Stone wrote: »

I just googlised it and google disney hava problem with it?

Granted, 'desperation' would have been moar betterer proberly.

I'm feeling a bit discombobulated now

foreverandever

I think it does get harder once you're in your 30s but for a reason. Women have a biological clock and it's more difficult to conceive and there are more problems the older you are when you get pregnant. So that's probably why people ask more often-are you seeing someone. Men are able to reproduce for much longer which is why there isn't as much a hurry on them!

Chuck Stone

foreverandever wrote: »

Women have a biological clock and it's more difficult to conceive and there are more problems the older you are when you get pregnant.

And that's why we have dogs and cats and all the little things you can buy them in the shops.

/runs

foreverandever

Chuck Stone wrote: »

And that's why we have dogs and cats and all the little things you can buy them in the shops.

/runs

Hah exactly spinster+cats=??

RobbingBandit

Chuck Stone wrote: »

And that's why we have dogs and cats and all the little things you can buy them in the shops.

/runs

Someone really should crown you King of After Hours.

Feeona

foreverandever wrote: »

Hah exactly spinster+cats=??

Catwoman

amacca

I don't really know what its like for women so I cant really comment with any authority on that...

I can say what I think tho and I know what its like for me (single man/thirties) and its no bed of roses if you want to meet someone and despite being relatively normal (and possibly above average looking with good job etc) you are still being sabotaged by your own particular brand of cluelessness/awkwardness/shyness etc and remaining single despite wanting to make a meaningful connection with someone

I also know that at the end of the day its not totally societies perception of me or work colleagues perceptions or any whisperings that may or may not be happening behind my back that really matter a fcuk to me (sticks and stones).........what probably makes life difficult for both genders is our own perceptions of where we think we should be at in life and how we don't measure up to what we consider to be the norm or what all the smart successful wonderful people are achieving.............society provides us with the idea/or the image of what we should be doing- the successful career we should aspire to have etc etc but at the end of the day we ourselves use that as a stick to beat the sh1t out of ourselves when we dont measure up to what we think we should be..........

The worst hurt comes when you turn on yourself and tbh I think some men and women are equally good at that ..............

I also think that most of these threads about who has it worse in some particular area of life can be answered by quoting some REM lyrics


Everybody hurts.

Siuin

Men may not have a biological clock, but there still can be quite a lot of pressure from family as well as the feeling of being 'left out' in social situations where all their friends are already paired up. I'm dating a guy who's just hit 30 (I'm 21) and he really had to rethink things when I told him that I didn't intend on having any kids until my mid 20s at the earliest. I think he's still hoping I'll change my mind, but it does mean that things get a lot more serious a lot quicker. Also, it's rather awkward when he brings me along as his partner at work events and everyone else is married, many with babies.

previous user

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I66aySW4le8

Sindri

krudler wrote: »

I'm single nearly two years now and love it, have the odd fling or casual thing, all the fun none of the relationship bullshyte.

Yet you're dying inside...

Chuck Stone

RobbingBandit wrote: »

Someone really should crown you King of After Hours.

/ runs faster.


:pac:

leonidas83

Siuin wrote: »

Men may not have a biological clock, but there still can be quite a lot of pressure from family as well as the feeling of being 'left out' in social situations where all their friends are already paired up. I'm dating a guy who's just hit 30 (I'm 21) and he really had to rethink things when I told him that I didn't intend on having any kids until my mid 20s at the earliest. I think he's still hoping I'll change my mind, but it does mean that things get a lot more serious a lot quicker. Also, it's rather awkward when he brings me along as his partner at work events and everyone else is married, many with babies.

He needed to re-think things, he's going out with a 21 year old girl ffs, no fella in his thirties should be even slightly thinking about their girlfriend getting pregnant around that age, she still has alot of living to do, tbh mid-20's is even still quite young for any woman

Siuin

leonidas83 wrote: »

He needed to re-think things, he's going out with a 21 year old girl ffs, no fella in his thirties should be even slightly thinking about their girlfriend getting pregnant around that age, she still has alot of living to do, tbh mid-20's is even still quite young for any woman

Yeah, I think it's an issue of him coming from a rather traditional family (in Jerusalem, of all places!) and he has a good stable job here, so it's rather like the next step for him. That said, I've been more than clear about where I stand. I just don't like the idea of one partner being ready for kids when the other isn't- makes them rather lazy with using protection...

shopaholic01

leonidas83 wrote: »

He needed to re-think things, he's going out with a 21 year old girl ffs, no fella in his thirties should be even slightly thinking about their girlfriend getting pregnant around that age, she still has alot of living to do, tbh mid-20's is even still quite young for any woman

21 to mid 20's? It's only a couple of years:rolleyes:

Sea Filly

The King of Moo wrote: »

I don't know, I think lots of men would like to live in a nice bachelor pad .

Funny you should say that, I always seem to see the term 'bachelor pad' used in a derogatory way.

krudler wrote: »

George Clooney is a bachelor, he must cry himself to sleep every night

George Clooney is George Clooney though, not really representative.

Dudess wrote: »

Spinster - old maid knitting.

Bachelor - ok, in Ireland, farmer's son in misery, John B. Keane character; but in popular culture: the guys in Entourage and Californication.

Entourage is seen as a bit of a fantasy though.

Snowie

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Who do you think has it worst? Personally I think single men are stigmatized a lot more than women. If a man is single there is something wrong with him. People say… “You need to get out more, improve your game, go to the gym” etc.

However if a woman is single the typical excuse is… “Ahh well…there’s no decent men left out there.” If a man said that about women he’d be branded a sexist. The single woman doesn’t have to change herself or go through some self improvement process.

I think that all sh1t....

Were all holding off for the holy wood good looks that we want, and a as nation we've all become a shallow i recon..

Sappa

I feel sorry for women in there late 20's early 30's who are single for a long time.
I've a relative in her early 30's all her friends are marrying,having kids and she is single watching from the sidelines.
Women in there early to mid 30's are less appealing to guys there own age not all but many would prefer a younger model to test drive as she has less mileage.
Guys in there 30's can generally snag a younger lady a lot easier but in Iteland if a woman is still single at 30 odd she is considered a spinster and rellies feel sorry for her.

Snowie

Sappa wrote: »

I feel sorry for women in there late 20's early 30's who are single for a long time.
I've a relative in her early 30's all her friends are marrying,having kids and she is single watching from the sidelines.
Women in there early to mid 30's are less appealing to guys there own age not all but many would prefer a younger model to test drive as she has less mileage.
Guys in there 30's can generally snag a younger lady a lot easier but in Iteland if a woman is still single at 30 odd she is considered a spinster and rellies feel sorry for her.

Im 30 and single i like women in there 30s there more fun more sense of humor dress better and well there just a little softer around the edges
being honest younger women don't really interest me, Id much rather date a woman a little older then me then younger then me all the girls I was with as a 16 year old were always 17 and 18 i was never really with younger girls..

Siuin

Sappa wrote: »

I feel sorry for women in there late 20's early 30's who are single for a long time.
I've a relative in her early 30's all her friends are marrying,having kids and she is single watching from the sidelines.
Women in there early to mid 30's are less appealing to guys there own age not all but many would prefer a younger model to test drive as she has less mileage.
Guys in there 30's can generally snag a younger lady a lot easier but in Iteland if a woman is still single at 30 odd she is considered a spinster and rellies feel sorry for her.

I have a rule with pity: Don't feel sorry for someone who doesn't feel sorry for themselves. Kids and a white picket fence aren't for everyone.

I'd like to think my current guy didn't choose me for my 'low mileage' but the fact that we're actually very compatible and enjoy eachother's company. He dated women in their early 30s, and while he used the phase 'like puritans in bed', I think he simply had bad luck in that regard.

Sea Filly

Sappa wrote: »

I've a relative in her early 30's all her friends are marrying,having kids and she is single watching from the sidelines.

And?

Sappa wrote: »

but in Iteland if a woman is still single at 30 odd she is considered a spinster and rellies feel sorry for her.

You being one of them, clearly.

What age are you, out of interest?

DEFTLEFTHAND

My 20 year old brother is single and my mother has asked me on occasions do I think he's gay. Lord help us. :rolleyes:

Wattle

I'm a single bloke early 40's. Ten years ago I was a bit panicked by the idea of 'being alone forever' but not now. I've kinda eased into solitude and am happy in my own company. Occassionally the snake does stir but maybe only once a fortnight. I'm really glad that I'm not a slave to my own sex drive anymore. I've been pretty much asexual for a long time now and to be honest it's a big relief. I haven't completely given up on the idea of meeting someone special but as one of my favourite singers says 'I'd rather be alone than try to be somebody that I'm not'.

Sappa

Sea Filly wrote: »

Sappa wrote: »

I've a relative in her early 30's all her friends are marrying,having kids and she is single watching from the sidelines.

And?

Sappa wrote: »

but in Iteland if a woman is still single at 30 odd she is considered a spinster and rellies feel sorry for her.

You being one of them, clearly.

What age are you, out of interest?

She is actually very upset by this as her mother keeps telling us,yes I do feel sorry for her and I wish she would find the right guy.
If she wants to remain single good for her but she doesn't,she looks better than the average but is far too picky.
Ohh I'm 31 and do you come here often.

Richard Hillman

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

My 20 year old brother is single and my mother has asked me on occasions do I think he's gay. Lord help us. :rolleyes:

Im a long term singleton. One of my mates said to me one night when drunk, that he is cool with it if i'm gay :pac:

Sea Filly

Sappa wrote: »

She is actually very upset by this as her mother keeps telling us

Maybe it's her mother who is upset, not her?

Sappa

Sea Filly wrote: »

Sappa wrote: »

She is actually very upset by this as her mother keeps telling us

Maybe it's her mother who is upset, not her?

Nope,
It's definitely her but I think it's actually society in general who pressurise them with stupid movies victimising a woman if she is in her 30's and single.

Sea Filly

Sappa wrote: »

Nope,
It's definitely her but I think it's actually society in general who pressurise them with stupid movies victimising a woman if she is in her 30's and single.

You seem like you're judging her yourself though.

Sappa

Sea Filly wrote: »

Sappa wrote: »

Nope,
It's definitely her but I think it's actually society in general who pressurise them with stupid movies victimising a woman if she is in her 30's and single.

You seem like you're judging her yourself though.

You seem to have a negative opinion of me because I am stating a fact,I only want her like anyone to be happy in themselves and I think society in general put a huge over emphasis on a woman in her 30's to be married,kids and balancing a career,if she is anything but that people think why not or what's wrong with her she will end up a spinster knitting sweaters by the fire.

woodoo

Don't panic listen to Chad

Duggys Housemate

Sappa wrote: »

Sea Filly wrote: »

Sappa wrote: »

Nope,
It's definitely her but I think it's actually society in general who pressurise them with stupid movies victimising a woman if she is in her 30's and single.

You seem like you're judging her yourself though.

You seem to have a negative opinion of me because I am stating a fact,I only want her like anyone to be happy in themselves and I think society in general put a huge over emphasis on a woman in her 30's to be married,kids and balancing a career,if she is anything but that people think why not or what's wrong with her she will end up a spinster knitting sweaters by the fire.

You spend far too much time worrying about her life.

Sea Filly

Duggys Housemate wrote: »

You spend far too much time worrying about her life.

This.