Worry making me sick

LegacyUser

Hi there,

My mam passed away 3 years ago when I was 22.

I think I have coped ok with this however I am worried sick my dad will also die now.

This is something that is starting to take over my thoughts on a daily basis. It keeps me up at night worrying, to the point I have nightmares and it brings me to tears regularly.

I have also developed adult onset acne and asthma both which I think have been brought on by this stress.

My dad is completely fit and healthy although in his late 60's now. Its gotten to the stage where I have actually woken him up out of his sleep to check he is still breathing.

Someone please help me as I need to get a grip but I dont know how.

banie01

I read your post O.P and I couldn't not leave you a reply...
I hope you're feeling ok and I'm sorry for your loss.
Your feelings of worry and fear concerning your Dad are totally understandable, but as you know yourself very very unhealthy for you.

I really think you should make the effort to see a counsellor.
It can be very cathartic and helpful to unload, to just talk about these things with someone who is trained to listen and to hopefully help you get a handle on what aspects of your loss are feeding into your stress/worry cycle.
Please take the time to talk to someone, even your GP could give you a heads up on local bereavement counselling and support groups.
I can assure from my own experience of initially thinking it wasn't going to help me.
To my realisation that it has....It is a helpful experience.

Just to add, that though I can understand why you worry and the causes.
I find worry to be one of the most negative, and most damaging forms of emotion.
Its emotional effort that is wasted on 'what ifs' and 'buts'
It can(as unfortunately you are finding out) Destroy one's own health and happiness for no gain whatsoever
Worry has never helped anyone, nor has it ever fixed a problem!
Indeed so many of us get stressed out by worrying about things that are outside our own control that the worry we have for others.
Leads to those we were worried over.... worrying about us

You can't switch off worry so try to use your worry constructively.
If there are specific fears around circumstances you control!
Change those circumstances for the better.
If you worry that 'if' something happens that someone won't know how you feel, or what you wanted.
Tell them! Be sure they know!
Worrying about death Well we can try to avoid it, to stave it off.
But it comes to us all.
Isn't it better to worry about how we enjoy life?
How we will build memories and relationships that will keep us alive in the hearts of those we love after we are gone?
Than it is to worry about whether or not someone is dead yet?
But if the worry is about things that are outside your control, for the inevitibilities that life brings us all, the fear of loss.
Well we all have that fear
But we can embrace what time we have with those we love,
Build happy memories for the times to come when all we want is their warmth and smile,
Enjoy what we have right now.
Or we can sit in and worry about what happens when they're gone
and lose out on the moments that will make us smile tomorrow for the fear that 'worry' brings us.

Worry about what you can change,and then change it!!!!
Worrying about what you can't change is really just wasted effort.
Its as much use as trying to hold back the tide with a magic wand.
I wish you all the best in your journey through your grief OP and hope that you find some better way to deal with this stress.
Rgds
Bryan