Tis yourself

Scioch

Tis yourself is it ? Pounding on my door, raising the hackles on my poor old dog and setting my heart to a painful stutter.

Tis bad enough the rain and misery that surrounds this forgotten hole without seeing your mean auld face staring in at me.

Have ya nothin better to be doin than tormenting poor folks trying to stay warm and dry ? Beating on doors and scaring the life out of them before peering in with your beady eyes.

I havent got anything for ya, the weather is bad, the crops were poor and I havent been able to get to town. I'll tell ya now I've nottin for ya !.

God damn ya to hell sir and your cruel unforgiving eyes, I hope ya go down screaming for the torment you inflict upon me. I tell ya now I've nottin for meself let alone a bastard like you !.

**********************************************************

The old man slammed the door after handing over the last few coins he had to his name to pay for a life of misery. He sat down by the fire, the weight of a lifetime of guilt, shame, regret and fear laid heavily upon his soul. He had nothing yet still had to pay for it. He barely eat his fill of stale bread and rotten spuds yet paid more of his lot for it than any king ever paid for a banquet.

He stared hopefully into the flames as if they might give him an answer, a way out of this endless suffering. 60 odd years he worked and starved and scraped and fought for nothing but misery and the chance to work and fight and scrape and starve again. And he knew it wouldn't change until the day he went to the ground. But he sat and he hoped and he begged and he prayed because he didnt know how to do anything else. The rich man lived on what the poor man hadnt got to give while on a rain soaked road behind cold uncaring eyes the devil quietly smiled.

PurpleBee

I like the first half, I don't think the second half adds anything to the piece. To me the second half is a less interesting reformulation of what we can imaginatively infer from the gaps in the first.

Scioch

Thanks for the feedback. I'm not sure I'd agree with your view that the second part adds nothing. You can imaginatively infer a lot of different things from the first piece that may or may not be relevant.

I added the second for a number of reasons, one was to clarify the old man character, what was happening and how it affected him. I felt I also needed to draw it all back onto the rent collector to make the point I was trying to make about how some struggle for very little, others live in luxury on the back of that and the mechanism which enables this is the collector.

pickarooney

PB is right, I feel.

I tell ya now I've nottin for meself let alone a bastard like you

This line alone tells the reader practically everything.

Scioch

pickarooney wrote: »

PB is right, I feel.

This line alone tells the reader practically everything.

In relation to the old man or the point ? The entire thing is basically setting up the last line. I want the old man's character and the point of his inclusion left in no doubt so that all focus is on the collector at the end and on the words "behind cold uncaring eyes the devil quietly smiled." Who or what is the "devil" here ? I know the second piece can be largely inferred from the first in relation to the old man but if left out then there would be too much that can be inferred. The old man is centre to the piece (as in we are getting all info through his story) but the entire story isnt his.

Without highlighting the point of the old man and his plight and the underlying point about status in life/class or whatever I'd be worried the point may be missed in relation to the rent collector.