Are you ready?

LETHAL LADY

outtagetme wrote: »

As a serial intruder I would never enter a home without the means to protect myself from baseball bats, knives and golf clubs wielded by sleep groggy women. I usually bring along a sawn-off shotgun, brass-knuckles to knock the crap out of someone in one blow, and sometimes but not always I have a can of pepper spray. A blast of that and you're finished. I then proceed to beat my stupefied captive until she tells me where the valuables are. Further violence is optional depending on my mood.
I tend to avoid houses that have a dog.

Inner demons perhaps?

earpiece

TheStook wrote: »

Wait, whose mad again?

You's

Pottler

IM0 wrote: »

you thought I was joking didnt you?

I wasnt. they would actually be doing me a favour

all that training and no bloody war eh?:D

deco nate

earpiece wrote: »

Jesus, you're all féckin' mad...... I don't even lock my door at night, anyone could just walk in!

and were do you live,town?


Just askin

flutterflye

TehDagsBass wrote: »

LETHAL LADY

Here's a pro-tip: You say you have your knives in the knife drawer, so if an unarmed intruder gets in, where is he going to go straight to? That's right, the knife drawer. So, how should you combat this? Well, you put the knives in the spoon drawer and the spoons in the knife drawer. Then, when it comes time for reaching for weapons, that round of knifey-spooney will be yours.

ah, I see you've played knifey spooney before.

deco nate

flutterflye wrote: »

ah, I see you've played knifey spooney before.

spork,ftw!

earpiece

deco nate wrote: »

and were do you live,town?


Just askin

.... I'll just draw you a map.

Don't worry about stuff. If you want to rob from me, just take it, if you want to put a brick through my face, I reckon you'll do it wether my door is locked or not.

Ambient Occlusion

Three swords.
One for gouging.
One for gutting.
One for decapitating

outtagetme

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Inner demons perhaps?

Nah, just recommending you get a dog and then enjoy a good night's sleep. Doesn't have to be a big one. The noisy, yappy little bastards make me run like the clappers.

superstoner90

earpiece wrote: »

Jesus, you're all féckin' mad...... I don't even lock my door at night, anyone could just walk in!

Whatch out were dealing with a badass over here.

Cork24

3 dogs in the house. A MP police bat along with a bayonet plus a green laser 1000w output in that thing should blind him for a few seconds and beat the day lights out of them

LETHAL LADY

outtagetme wrote: »

Nah, just recommending you get a dog and then enjoy a good night's sleep. Doesn't have to be a big one. The noisy, yappy little bastards make me run like the clappers.

Ta sweetie.;)

Pottler

earpiece wrote: »

.... I'll just draw you a map.

Don't worry about stuff. If you want to rob from me, just take it, if you want to put a brick through my face, I reckon you'll do it wether my door is locked or not.

tbh, I kinda agree. Unless they want to rob my interweb. That'd p1ss me off.

BornToKill

deco nate wrote: »

I know you can own a clock if in a club,but has to be stored thier.think about 20 glocks that are legal.
Very hard to get one now(thats legal,i mean)

Hey no, it's still pretty easy to own a clock. I have two and a watch as well. Guy in the shop wanted me to join a club but I just said I hadn't the time.

TehDagsBass

Cork24 wrote: »

3 dogs in the house. A MP police bat along with a bayonet plus a green laser 1000w output in that thing should blind him for a few seconds and beat the day lights out of them

Really over-doing it, I must say. You've been given a gift - the horrible Cork accent - so a felt belts of "The fields of Athenry baii" should send any intruders, and indeed rodents in the area, running the opposite direction.

blindside88

The missus thinks I'm mad but I keep a machette beside the bed along with an extendable batton. I have 2 guns but these are kept in a gun safe and would not be realistically accessible if needed. To be honest if my house was broken into the only thing that would save me is that I keep the bedroom door locked which may buy me some time

deco nate

BornToKill wrote: »

Hey no, it's still pretty easy to own a clock. I have two and a watch as well. Guy in the shop wanted me to join a club but I just said I hadn't the time.

lol,good one.i meant glock.
Dam phone..

Jimoslimos

Golf clubs and other long weapons are actually pretty poor in a break-in situation. Most people wouldn't have the space and time to use effectively.

As for dogs, yes good at dissuading casual opportunistic scumbags, the hardcore criminal element would have no qualms about putting a bullet in Rover or indeed poisoning/doping a few hours beforehand

Cork24

TehDagsBass wrote: »

Cork24 wrote: »

3 dogs in the house. A MP police bat along with a bayonet plus a green laser 1000w output in that thing should blind him for a few seconds and beat the day lights out of them

Really over-doing it, I must say. You've been given a gift - the horrible Cork accent - so a felt belts of "The fields of Athenry baii" should send any intruders, and indeed rodents in the area, running the opposite direction.

You most think every one in cork has a very strong cork accent, like the type u see in the tv.
Coming from a cork lad I couldn't even get my accent that strong in fact I don't even have a cork accent.

LETHAL LADY

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Golf clubs and other long weapons are actually pretty poor in a break-in situation. Most people wouldn't have the space and time to use effectively.

As for dogs, yes good at dissuading casual opportunistic scumbags, the hardcore criminal element would have no qualms about putting a bullet in Rover or indeed poisoning/doping a few hours beforehand

Well what do ladies do then?

kowloon

Have a firearm in the house but the intruder has to promise to play fair as it takes a while to deal with alarms, locks and firearm assembly. I keep the ammo and some parts hidden elsewhere.

bobbytables

Either there is sense to this or I'm full of ****, I'm not sure which, but my understnding is that if you have an obvious weapon in the house & **** up an intruder with it, you'll go down. However if it looks like an item that was most likely brought with the intruder & you manage to take control of it, flake away, it's ok.

Live in or near a ghost estate I'm sure there's plenty of "weapons" to be found.

PandaX9

Well i live in house full of scary Russian me son I can't picture myself being too in danger, however if I was every left alone..

Having a keen interest in cooking, my kitchen is literally showered in knifes.

Buuiuuut I don't think I'd ever need them that much as I have an exact replica of the sword Russell Crowe had in the opening of Gladiator in my wardrobe. All I've have to do is stroll downstairs with that baby brandished over my shoulder and those intruders will (hopefully) sort themselves out.

deco nate

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Golf clubs and other long weapons are actually pretty poor in a break-in situation. Most people wouldn't have the space and time to use effectively.

As for dogs, yes good at dissuading casual opportunistic scumbags, the hardcore criminal element would have no qualms about putting a bullet in Rover or indeed poisoning/doping a few hours beforehand

how many hardcore crims will do that?
Just to get a hd tv,xbox,ps 3.and a few quid?

Cork24

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Golf clubs and other long weapons are actually pretty poor in a break-in situation. Most people wouldn't have the space and time to use effectively.

As for dogs, yes good at dissuading casual opportunistic scumbags, the hardcore criminal element would have no qualms about putting a bullet in Rover or indeed poisoning/doping a few hours beforehand

Has happening to a few people I know their dogs were poisoned a few days before the break ins one person had it dropped into the letter box dog ate it..
Mine are locked into the. Bed room with me. The only thing they wake me up even if they hear something from the top of the road

TehDagsBass

blindside88 wrote: »

The missus thinks I'm mad but I keep a machette beside the bed along with an extendable batton. I have 2 guns but these are kept in a gun safe and would not be realistically accessible if needed. To be honest if my house was broken into the only thing that would save me is that I keep the bedroom door locked which may buy me some time

A woman and a machete in the same bedroom.

You have a death wish, my friend.

LETHAL LADY

kowloon wrote: »

Have a firearm in the house but the intruder has to promise to play fair as it takes a while to deal with alarms, locks and firearm assembly. I keep the ammo and some parts hidden elsewhere.

How can I access a firearm, apart from joining a gunclub, which seems to me to not really want lady members?

Jimoslimos

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Well what do ladies do then?

Assuming you don't have a gun, a shorter club that you can swing faster in tighter confines. Or a tazer/stun gun.

Disadvantage: You need to get pretty close to the criminal. But that's also a risk from his point of view.

Herrick

There was a theft in my area recently and I was so worried about being broken into, I had to buy myself a shotgun and everything. I wouldn't hesitate to use it now. If that man came in and tried to steal any of the whistles in here... I'd blow his feckin' head off his shoulders!
I have it cocked an' all so I can get the jump on him.

Jimoslimos

deco nate wrote: »

how many hardcore crims will do that?
Just to get a hd tv,xbox,ps 3.and a few quid?

Those are opportunistic scumbags. The hardcore element are those which specialise in tiger-kidnapping and the like.

Cork24

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

kowloon wrote: »

Have a firearm in the house but the intruder has to promise to play fair as it takes a while to deal with alarms, locks and firearm assembly. I keep the ammo and some parts hidden elsewhere.

How can I access a firearm, apart from joining a gunclub, which seems to me to not really want lady members?

You can buy pepper spray on the net. Also u can buy the spray the usmc use it's some sort of mustard spray it's twice the price of the pepper. You could get a letter off a land owner telling u it's ok to shoot in his land and take it to your local station with a serial number of a gun u have put away

Cork24

Troling.. A loaded shotgun my god

senorwipesalot

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

How can I access a firearm, apart from joining a gunclub, which seems to me to not really want lady members?

Are you joking?
Jesus,it would be a bloody massacre once a month.

starbelgrade

TehDagsBass wrote: »

A woman and a machete in the same bedroom.

You have a death wish, my friend.

I doubt your mam would let you have a woman in the bedroom, let alone a machete.

Cork24

senorwipesalot wrote: »

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

How can I access a firearm, apart from joining a gunclub, which seems to me to not really want lady members?

Are you joking?
Jesus,it would be a bloody massacre once a month.

Even the post man will get some lead

TehDagsBass

Lads, advising people how to get their hands on weapons legally for illegal usage is pretty shady at best.

If you're not trained in using a firearm then it's utterly retarded to buy one as it WILL be used against you or by you in a way that will harm you or others around you. There is not, to my knowledge anyway, defensive firearm training here in Ireland and to become adept with a gun through hunting or sport shooting, so much so that it would be a viable choice for defense, would be a big investment of time and other resources.

Buying a firearm as someone who has not used firearms for the sole purpose of "just in case" will lead to nothing but trouble and people here, particularly firearms owners, should have more cop on than to be advising how to go about it. What do you want lads, for them to tighten up gun laws even further?

Sorry for the seriousness in what has been a light hearted thread but jesus, telling people how to go about getting a gun when they've clearly no experience with them is utterly apprehensible.

LETHAL LADY

Cein fath?

TehDagsBass

starbelgrade wrote: »

I doubt your mam would let you have a woman in the bedroom, let alone a machete.

She let me have your mam in my bedroom.

I don't know what to categorize your mam as though, to be honest. Lady on the streets but a freak in the bed, to say the least.

Cork24

TehDagsBass wrote: »

Lads, advising people how to get their hands on weapons legally for illegal usage is pretty shady at best.

If you're not trained in using a firearm then it's utterly retarded to buy one as it WILL be used against you or by you in a way that will harm you or others around you. There is not, to my knowledge anyway, defensive firearm training here in Ireland and to become adept with a gun through hunting or sport shooting, so much so that it would be a viable choice for defense, would be a big investment of time and other resources.

Buying a firearm as someone who has not used firearms for the sole purpose of "just in case" will lead to nothing but trouble and people here, particularly firearms owners, should have more cop on than to be advising how to go about it. What do you want lads, for them to tighten up gun laws even further?

Sorry for the seriousness in what has been a light hearted thread but jesus, telling people how to go about getting a gun when they've clearly no experience with them is utterly apprehensible.

Well I wouldn't call it rocket science in how to get a gun. Just cos every one applies for one doesn't mean their going to get on...

The law has changed already to get a gun now you most get a doctors cert (ur not going to kill ppl or ur self with it)

KeithM89_old

TehDagsBass wrote: »

Lads, advising people how to get their hands on weapons legally for illegal usage is pretty shady at best.

If you're not trained in using a firearm then it's utterly retarded to buy one as it WILL be used against you or by you in a way that will harm you or others around you. There is not, to my knowledge anyway, defensive firearm training here in Ireland and to become adept with a gun through hunting or sport shooting, so much so that it would be a viable choice for defense, would be a big investment of time and other resources.

Buying a firearm as someone who has not used firearms for the sole purpose of "just in case" will lead to nothing but trouble and people here, particularly firearms owners, should have more cop on than to be advising how to go about it. What do you want lads, for them to tighten up gun laws even further?

Sorry for the seriousness in what has been a light hearted thread but jesus, telling people how to go about getting a gun when they've clearly no experience with them is utterly apprehensible.

*Whoop* *whoop*
Its the fun police.

Rig all the door handles to be wrapped in fibre wire, choke them to death and leaves no mess.

TehDagsBass

Irresponsible gun ownership is what is causing a massive amount of needless deaths in the states every year. We don't need that here and I certainly don't think it's appropriate to advise people who've little/no experience with firearms how to circumvent the law in order to get one.

TheBegotten

LETHAL LADY wrote: »

Personally speaking I always plan ahead for intruders and such types. Hanging from the bedpost on a shoestring is a baseball bat, just in case in a deep sleep I am remotely able to defend myself when an intruder enters.

At my front and back door are used golf clubs hidden in strategic places just in case our home faces an attack.

I also keep a large arsenal of knives in a knife drawer for cooking mainly but if ever came the need to defend myself I know where they are.

So are you ready for an attack?

I have a small dog that sounds like a big dog. Does that count? Just grab something from the shed outside. More importantly, what about the zombie apocalyspe?

Pottler

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Those are opportunistic scumbags. The hardcore element are those which specialise in tiger-kidnapping and the like.

Thats it, tiddles the tiger has to go. Cant live with the risk and anyway, it's pi55ing all over my carpets. I'll stick him up on ads.ie,"one Bengal for sale, may have worms"

Cork24

TehDagsBass wrote: »

Irresponsible gun ownership is what is causing a massive amount of needless deaths in the states every year. We don't need that here and I certainly don't think it's appropriate to advise people who've little/no experience with firearms how to circumvent the law in order to get one.

How can one circumvent the law their is no Way around it... Your checked by the cops if u pass that check it sent to the doctors to get u mentally tested now . If that's check out ok you are then check again and still you could get turned down.

Other wise you go to the black market

Posy

I'm ready to tackle intruders, assuming by 'tackle' you mean pull the duvet over my head and whimper in terror.

senorwipesalot

TehDagsBass wrote: »

Lads, advising people how to get their hands on weapons legally for illegal usage is pretty shady at best.

If yo not trained in using a firearm then it's utterly retarded to buy one as it WILL be used against yo or by yo in a way that will harm yo

Sorry for the seriousness in what has been a light hearted thread but jesus, telling people how to go about getting a gun when they've clearly no experience with them is utterly apprehensible.

popcapinurass

BornToKill

KeithM89 wrote: »

*Whoop* *whoop*
Its the fun police.

Rig all the door handles to be wrapped in fibre wire, choke them to death and leaves no mess.

At night, I wire the door handle to the bedroom to the mains. Saw it in Home Alone and thought it was pretty darn clever.

TehDagsBass

Cork24 wrote: »

How can one circumvent the law their is no Way around it... Your checked by the cops if u pass that check it sent to the doctors to get u mentally tested now . If that's check out ok you are then check again and still you could get turned down.

Other wise you go to the black market

Because firearms aren't licensed here for home protection. You're advising someone how to obtain a firearm that has been licensed for X activity when they've no intention of using it for that, but instead for a completely illegal usage.

I'm not sure where exactly the law falls on such advice but I can't imagine Boards.ie wants to be known for letting people advise people how to obtain firearms for potentially criminal uses.

outtagetme

Jimoslimos wrote: »

Golf clubs and other long weapons are actually pretty poor in a break-in situation. Most people wouldn't have the space and time to use effectively.

As for dogs, yes good at dissuading casual opportunistic scumbags, the hardcore criminal element would have no qualms about putting a bullet in Rover or indeed poisoning/doping a few hours beforehand

Excellent point, fine sir.
Throughout my litany of breakins I have always carried a firearm. Now rarely have I sought the need to continue my larceny if I am inconvenienced. Indeed I would have no qualms about shooting a dog.....but the thing is....it's easier to shoot a human who's attacking me with a bat than just blasting a hound who is botching my operation. I tend to call it quits when the yelping starts and the lights go on upstairs.

Incidentally, I've never burgled an apartment. They're an excellent defence mechanism. I can't get in easy....I sure as hell can't jump from a window if things go awry and there are multiple obstacles to be overcome such as front lobby security, stairs, etc. before I even gain access.
Semi detacheds are best. Front and back access and the neighbour's property to confuse my target in the event of suspicion.

Pottler

Cork24 wrote: »

How can one circumvent the law their is no Way around it... Your checked by the cops if u pass that check it sent to the doctors to get u mentally tested now . If that's check out ok you are then check again and still you could get turned down.

Other wise you go to the black market

lol, I can make a phone call and have a pistol in 20 mins. Sadly, it's easier to get an illegal firearm than a legal one. I laugh a lot when I hear the likes of Shatter spout crap about "stricter gun licencing laws" which really only affect the law abiding citizens.