Communion Money

gerarda

800 euro?? I remember going up to the local sweet shop after making my communion with 1 pound in my pocket and was happy with that. (I made about 50 pounds which went into the post office) My buddy had a fiver, he asked the shop assistant how much are the bon bon's, he said 1 penny. Then you could see him doing the calculations in his head, then he jumped with excitement! Mr! Gimme five hundred bon bon's!!

deisemum

I got 50p. I didn't have much of an extended family as a lot of them died as babies.

There's no way I'd take any of my childrens money off them or expect them to pay towards their party, that just seems so wrong. That's up to parents to cover such costs. My children saved most of their money and kept some to buy themselves a treat.

Sam Mac

silly wrote: »

ash23 wrote: »

Meh, I make my daughter pay for certain things out of her birthday/communion/christmas money.

I put a roof over her head and food on the table, keep her warm and dry. I buy 95% of everything she needs. If she happens to want a specific item of clothing or a book or something and she happens to have the money to pay for it, then I don't see the harm in letting her pay for it.

well, yes, i'm the same, she wanted a tracksuit in penneys, and she didnt need it, so she paid for it herself. If she wanted a book or earrings from Claires accessories then she pays for them herself. She bought 2 gold fish and a gold fish bowl herself etc.
But i just felt when it came to buying a maths copy for school, that that was my department.

I remember I bought terrapins and a tank with my confirmation money - they died about a month later and cost €25 each (I bought two) and the tank was €100 so that was the end of that

davet82

deisemum wrote: »

There's no way I'd take any of my childrens money off them or expect them to pay towards their party, that just seems so wrong. That's up to parents to cover such costs.

i agree if you have it but there are some people out there on the breadline and if they needed to take 100 euro out of 800 euro made after paying maybe 300 euro for a party ect, i wouldn't critise anybody personally.

silly

davet82 wrote: »

i agree if you have it but there are some people out there on the breadline and if they needed to take 100 euro out of 800 euro made after paying maybe 300 euro for a party ect, i wouldn't critise anybody personally.

I'm a single mother on minimum wage, we didnt have a party that cost €300 because I couldnt afford it.

davet82

silly wrote: »

I'm a single mother on minimum wage, we didnt have a party that cost €300 because I couldnt afford it.

its unfortunate that not all people are as sensible as you but i guess some people let their hearts rule their heads and get themselves into messes trying to keep up with people that do have it

ash23

silly wrote: »

I'm a single mother on minimum wage, we didnt have a party that cost €300 because I couldnt afford it.

One year my daughter decided to pay for her birthday party out of her Christmas money because I couldn't afford to have a party for her. Her choice and while I didn't feel so great about it, it was her choice and I went with it.

OldNotWIse

Gawd, I made sixty pound in 1991 :rolleyes: Wonder why nobody has mentioned donating a percentage to a children's charity...

hoodwinked

davet82 wrote: »

its unfortunate that not all people are as sensible as you but i guess some people let their hearts rule their heads and get themselves into messes trying to keep up with people that do have it

but that isnt the childs fault, if a person needs their child to bail them out financially for keeping up with the joneses that doesn't reflect well on the parents.

ash23 wrote: »

One year my daughter decided to pay for her birthday party out of her Christmas money because I couldn't afford to have a party for her. Her choice and while I didn't feel so great about it, it was her choice and I went with it.

this is my point, no parent likes to let their children down, a once off birthday party is nothing because to be fair ill bet you went all out to make it up to her in other ways

just like children shouldn't be financing events like communions for their parents, its not like its an event that pops up unexpectedly, you know its coming from the day they are baptized. that gives plenty of time to save, and not need your child to pay a 'fee' to the parents towards the cost of the day,

or worse letting them pay for holidays, put it this way if your child couldn't afford the flight would you leave them at home? thats a good gauge on who should be paying for it!

davet82

hoodwinked wrote: »

but that isnt the childs fault, if a person needs their child to bail them out financially for keeping up with the joneses that doesn't reflect well on the parents.

i'm not talking about keeping up with anybody, if your child is in a class of 30 children and 29 of them children are having a party and your child is feeling left out and wants a party, i can see how some people who cannot afford it, get themselves into financial trouble over it and let the child contribute to the party they wanted. I dont think think that reflects on badly on any parent giving a child what they want?

ash23

hoodwinked wrote: »

just like children shouldn't be financing events like communions for their parents, its not like its an event that pops up unexpectedly, you know its coming from the day they are baptized. that gives plenty of time to save, and not need your child to pay a 'fee' to the parents towards the cost of the day,

or worse letting them pay for holidays, put it this way if your child couldn't afford the flight would you leave them at home? thats a good gauge on who should be paying for it!

That's not really accurate or realistic.
I was in a crap financial position when my daughter was born. Then I went to a great financial position and then back to a crap financial position.
Some people are barely keeping a roof over their heads or food on the table. Some people are choosing between heat and food. Saving for a communion isn't a priority for some.
If the child chooses to pay for their family holiday or if the parent has to take the childs communion money to put oil in the tank. Or if the child would be disappointed by not having the communion party and the parent knows they can pay for it and then use the gift money to repay what they paid, then so be it.
Plenty of people pay for weddings on the basis of the gifts they will receive going to pay for the wedding afterwards.
I'd imagine the same is true for many trying to pay for birthdays, communions, confirmations etc.

I don't think it's "stealing" from a child.

hoodwinked

davet82 wrote: »

i'm not talking about keeping up with anybody, if your child is in a class of 30 children and 29 of them children are having a party and your child is feeling left out and wants a party, i can see how some people who cannot afford it, get themselves into financial trouble over it and let the child contribute to the party they wanted. I dont think think that reflects on badly on any parent giving a child what they want?

again that really isnt what being a parent is about, your child is going to want a million things, you don't have to give it to them, its your job to be a parent not their best friend.


and out of a class of 30 to be fair (and realistic) you will have those not even making their communion (and thus no parties)


like wise there is no need to get into debt even having a party, you could organise a small family only party in your house with food for €50. i saw dresses reduced in debenhams for €36 it can be done for cheap people just dont WANT to. they want their child to have the designer dress like suzie down the road.

blowing a fortune on a communion you cannot afford is not a good thing, and making your children contribute to you blowing money is wrong. At least with weddings (and i dont agree with this either you should stay within budget and not count on gifts) its money given to the couple that the couple use,


with communions that money was given to your child not you, taking someone else's money is theft unless you intend to pay it back to them!

davet82

hoodwinked wrote: »

again that really isnt what being a parent is about, your child is going to want a million things, you don't have to give it to them, its your job to be a parent not their best friend.


and out of a class of 30 to be fair (and realistic) you will have those not even making their communion (and thus no parties)


like wise there is no need to get into debt even having a party, you could organise a small family only party in your house with food for €50. i saw dresses reduced in debenhams for €36 it can be done for cheap people just dont WANT to. they want their child to have the designer dress like suzie down the road.

blowing a fortune on a communion you cannot afford is not a good thing, and making your children contribute to you blowing money is wrong. At least with weddings (and i dont agree with this either you should stay within budget and not count on gifts) its money given to the couple that the couple use,


with communions that money was given to your child not you, taking someone else's money is theft unless you intend to pay it back to them!

now in all fairness i think you know that giving a child EVERYTHING they want is not what i ment. I'm just talking about giving them pretty much want they want for this special day.

realisticly i think i'm closer to the mark than you think on the parties in the class imo.

this may come as a shock to you but 36 euro is too much for some people in the times we're in. i really dont think its all about keeping up with people.

I actually agree with you, i wouldnt make MY children contribute to anything, yet i can afford it, i wouldnt critise anybody for doing otherwise though is all i'm pointing out.

ash23

hoodwinked wrote: »

with communions that money was given to your child not you, taking someone else's money is theft unless you intend to pay it back to them!

But if you use it for the mortgage one month, having put a roof over the childs head every day for 18 years, then so what?

Would people prefer that the money was kept in a savings account while the child went cold/hungry so the parent wasn't using it for the family?

Or would people rather see a child do without a birthday party every single year, never get to go on a school tour or get a day out because that child has money in their savings account and their younger siblings don't so none of them can go?

I think that if money is tight then money gifted to the children is fair game for their needs. All their needs, not just "special" things.

I know in our house the money went into one "pot" and my mother chose how it was used. We got some of it but mainly it was used in a communal pool for the things we ALL needed. Not just one of us.

eaglej13

florawest wrote: »

When my two children made their communion, have one more to go, put over half in credit union, spent some and gave some to charity so everyone happy

to charity,
thats my wifes name, eternally gratefull!!!

silly

ash23 wrote: »

But if you use it for the mortgage one month, having put a roof over the childs head every day for 18 years, then so what?

Would people prefer that the money was kept in a savings account while the child went cold/hungry so the parent wasn't using it for the family?

.

getting a bit carried away here talking about starving children etc..

The only point I was making was, if you cannot afford to have a communion/confirmation party costing €300, then you shouldnt have it. You can still have a party, I dont understand how a party could cost that much anyway!! I had one for my daughter's confirmation recently, my sisters and brother and parents all came to our house afterwards, bowl in hand. I laid on food myself and my daughter and her cousins had a great day.

ash23

silly wrote: »

getting a bit carried away here talking about starving children etc..

The only point I was making was, if you cannot afford to have a communion/confirmation party costing €300, then you shouldnt have it. You can still have a party, I dont understand how a party could cost that much anyway!! I had one for my daughter's confirmation recently, my sisters and brother and parents all came to our house afterwards, bowl in hand. I laid on food myself and my daughter and her cousins had a great day.

I'm not really. I've had weeks where I've had to choose between food and heating. That's life for some people.

My point is that you might not have €300 but you might know your child is getting €300 and they desperately want a communion party. So the parent pays for it and uses the money they get in gifts to pay for what they really want - the party.
Of course the parent could skip the party and use the money for toys/clothes that the child doesn't really want or need.
What's the difference?

silly

ash23 wrote: »

I'm not really. I've had weeks where I've had to choose between food and heating. That's life for some people.

My point is that you might not have €300 but you might know your child is getting €300 and they desperately want a communion party. So the parent pays for it and uses the money they get in gifts to pay for what they really want - the party.
Of course the parent could skip the party and use the money for toys/clothes that the child doesn't really want or need.
What's the difference?

There is a big difference between clothes and a bloody party imo!

ash23

silly wrote: »

There is a big difference between clothes and a bloody party imo!

Would it bother you if the child spent all it's communion money on a new games console and games?
If it spent all it's money on hoodies from Abercrombie and Fitch and Nike Hi-tops? Is it acceptable to spend €800 on designer clothes or should the child spend it all in Pennys because you think it should?

Just because you personally don't think a party is a priority, doesn't mean you can dictate the importance of a party to someone elses child.
Or accuse parents of theft for using the childs own money for something the child wants that you personally find frivolous.

silly

ash23 wrote: »

Or accuse parents of theft for using the childs own money for something the child wants that you personally find frivolous.

I never mentioned the word theft, or implied it.

Again, the point I was making was........
A party doesnt have to cost €300 - there is no need for anyone to have to spend so much on a party because their friends are having a party...

hoodwinked

hoodwinked wrote: »

thats so mean though! :eek: parents shouldnt be counting on their children to make them money,

fair enough if they bought their siblings a small gift or a cheap toy of some kind, but paying for a family holiday just seems mean and somewhat like theft to me.


it wouldn't sit right with me taking money from my daughter, i am her parent its my job to provide for her, when shes legally an adult then yes its fair game, but taking money from an 8 year old? its like taking candy from a baby

i did in my post here. and i stand by it, paying for you to go on holiday is not your childs responsibility, parents choose to have children, children dont choose their parents and thats why its the parents responsibility to provide for their child, not the other way around,

if you depend on your 8 year olds income, there is nothing right about that.

ash23

silly wrote: »

I never mentioned the word theft, or implied it.

Again, the point I was making was........
A party doesnt have to cost €300 - there is no need for anyone to have to spend so much on a party because their friends are having a party...

You didn't fair enough. My mistake.


What harm if the money is there and that's what the child wants above all else? What's the problem?
I don't see the difference to be honest between a €300 party and a €300 games console.

A party for a large family can easily tot up to €300. bouncy castle = €100. Magician = €100. Food = €100.
Easy.

What harm if that is what the child wants instead of the latest toy/designer gear.

ash23

hoodwinked wrote: »

if you depend on your 8 year olds income, there is nothing right about that.

Sadly, that's life for some. Myself included at times.
And no, there's nothing right about it but it's reality for some.

workingstudent

I'm 20 now and I remember a girl in the year behind me made €2000 for her communion..blew it all in a few years..her brother made his communion this year god only knows what he got!

Daisy03

I'm 23 and got 300 pounds when I made my communion and over 1000 pounds when I made my confirmation. I remember buying roller blades out of the communion money and I probably got some things after my confirmation. Everything else went into the credit union along with birthday money, Christmas money and money from part time jobs as a teenager. If I ever have children I will make them do the same. Those savings have been used to buy and insure my first car, go on holidays etc and there is still fair bit left over. It's my rainy day fund and I'm glad my parents made me save.

cloud493

Someone mentioned to me in work the other day a communion cake for their sister cost 200 euro :eek:

Daisy M

I dont think there is any right or wrong way as to how a child communion/confirmation money is spent. It is up to the individual family as to what they do. If a parent chooses to let their child blow the whole lot or save it or gets them to put it towards the cost of the party there really isnt going to be any huge knock on effect. Live and let live, spending or saving money for your child makes you neither a good or bad parent.

My children get far too much money for these events and in return I give far too much. Its the one thing the recession doesnt seem to have effected.

The Big Red Button

I don't get how people are referring to it as money that the child has made.

They didn't earn the money. Chances are they had a great day for their Communion, funded by their parents. And I'm pretty sure that most kids in a Catholic school, if asked in advance whether they'd rather sit out the Communion while all their friends in school made it, they'd choose to do it - and would, in fact, be upset if their parents didn't allow them to.

It's the parents who make the decision to allow the child to make their Communion, it's the parents who organise and pay for the whole thing. So, in my opinion, the parents should have a huge say in what's done with the money.

€800 is a massive amount of money for an eight-year-old - but it's actually a pretty insignificant amount compared to the cost of raising a child, from birth to adulthood. So, if the money can be used to help struggling parents put food on the table at the time, then so be it. Or, even without being dramatic, if the money can be used to pay for a party, or just to make life a little bit easier for the family in any way, there's not a thing wrong with doing that.

Obviously in an ideal world the money would be put aside in a savings account, for the big expenses that will occur as the child gets older ... unfortunately it's not an ideal world, though.

In our family, our Communion and Confirmation money was taken by our parents at the time (and none of us ever minded that, it would never have even occurred to us to mind!) But, throughout secondary school, we all got a couple of school tours abroad, trips to the Gaelteacht, etc, and my parents told us at the time that they were paying for it out of our Communion/Confirmation money. Now, in hindsight, the couple of hundred I made didn't come even close to covering the cost of two school tours to France and Spain and three stints in the Gaelteacht! :rolleyes: At the time, though, I was dead proud of myself for "paying" for those things myself. And, looking back, my parents were probably struggling financially when we were in primary school but less so as we got older ... they certainly did the right thing to take the money given to us, and use it themselves at the time, rather than having us fritter it away on unnecessary items, or rather than having it sitting in a savings account while they were short of cash.

In cases where the parents aren't stuck for cash, I still don't think it's right to let a child that age have control of that much money. If I were in that situation, I'd probably let them buy something small that they want (a toy, some clothes, etc) and put the rest of it in a savings account until they're old enough to properly understand the value of money.

The Big Red Button

deisemum wrote: »

There's no way I'd take any of my childrens money off them or expect them to pay towards their party, that just seems so wrong.

But how is it in any way wrong? You chose to baptise them. You chose to bring them up as Catholics. You chose to have them make their Communion. At a cost to yourself.

They didn't earn the money, the money was given as a result of your decisions.

Personally, if I was giving money, I'd see it as giving money to the family. Not to the child! The card might be addressed to the child, but I would trust that the parents would spend the money as they see fit. (Not that it's any of my business once the money is handed over.)

hoodwinked wrote: »

or worse letting them pay for holidays, put it this way if your child couldn't afford the flight would you leave them at home? thats a good gauge on who should be paying for it!

Well, no, I think most parents would rather not go on holidays at all, than to go on holidays without their child. So your example isn't really relevant.

From the child's point of view ... no holiday, or a holiday for the whole family? Of course they're going to choose to bring the whole family on holiday, and what on earth is wrong with that! I don't see any moral dilemma there, what child wouldn't want to go on a family holiday?

It's not a case that parents should be bringing their children on holidays. It's very much a luxury, and not one that many can afford. So, if the child is lucky enough to get a few hundred for their Communion - enough to bring the whole family on a holiday - I honestly see nothing wrong with spending it that way.

silly

chatterpillar wrote: »

But how is it in any way wrong? You chose to baptise them. You chose to bring them up as Catholics. You chose to have them make their Communion. At a cost to yourself.

Exactly, a cost to yourself...not the child.

chatterpillar wrote: »

Personally, if I was giving money, I'd see it as giving money to the family. Not to the child! The card might be addressed to the child, but I would trust that the parents would spend the money as they see fit

Ah come on! do you take their birthday presents too?? I hope to god that any money I give a child on their communion day is for them and not for their family. Yes, it is up to the parents to make sure they spend it wisely and put some away for when they are older and need a deposit for a car or whatnot..but to spend it on a family holiday! if you cant afford to take your kids on a holiday - you dont! Simple as that!