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Communion Money
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well, I certainly hope that any money I have given as gifts to kids hasnt gone into their parents pockets to pay for expensive parties or family holidays.(if you cant afford it...don't get it) If I wanted to give it to their parents, I would have made out the card to them, but that would be a bit ridiculus when it's the child's big day...
Well, I'm one of those poor unprivileged children whose Communion and Confirmation money went straight into my parents' pockets.
And I have to say, I wouldn't change a thing.
My parents had seven children, six of which were born in eight years.
We got a family holiday every single year as we were growing up - mostly within Ireland, but still family holidays.
Looking back, would I have rathered a Playstation or whatever ...? No! I love the very many memories that I have of those family holidays.
And, looking back, with so many kids born within so many years, chances are that our Communion/Confirmation money paid for most of those holidays. And I think that's a great thing!
It's not the child's big day; or at least it shouldn't be. It should be the family's big day. And, if any money is made from it, it should go towards the family as a whole.0 -
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In this day and age there is no need for any 16 year old to have to drop out of education and work full time.
However I don't disagree with a 16 year old having a part time job for things like clothes, trips etc. Working weekends or babysitting so that they can have a bit of extra pocket money, thus relieving their parents of the pressure to pay for the more frivoulous things the child wants, if the parents are strapped for cash.
so you agree a 16 year old doesn't have to earn money through the means to them at that time which would be to work, to pay for the family but you think an 8 year old should have to earn money through the means to them at that time which would be their communion, to pay (money given specifically to them via the name on the card) for the family ????Well, you've clearly led a very different life to me. There is no way parents can hide it from a child that money is tight. Any child of school going age knows that there are kids who have more or less than they do, depending on their circumstances. If you have no money it's impossible not to have your child notice that.
My child knows we don't have much but she knows we have enough. I always tell her I've enough to keep a roof over our heads, food on the table and heat the house. But not enough for the lavish birthdays parties her friends have, the designer gear and the countless extra curricular activities the others do.
Same as I knew as a child that we had less. It didn't mean I lay awake at night fretting over it. It just meant I knew what to ask for and when not to bother.
actually you'd be surprised, my mum a single mum rarely had money when we were young,
we never knew how bad it was because she protected us like parents should,we never went on holidays, when all my friends were in France/Spain/Turkey, we went on day trips to the beach and had as good a time, it was the best she could afford, when they all went to swimming pools, she bought a £5 paddling pool and stuck us in that in the garden for the summer, she baked and did everything she could to cut costs, she joined management saving schemes just to afford communions/christmases where she'd pay £5 a week here and there till she had enough to give us close to the day our friends were having, we understood some people would have bouncy castles..etc and we wouldn't but we would still have the best fun,
she made sacrifices for us in any way she could but we never felt we missed out, and she never 'dipped' into our communion/birthday money and i respect her more for the fact she didn't need us to bail her out financially and not to mention how handy my communion/confirmation money came in when i went to college. i wouldn't have been able to go to college if it wasn't for my mum putting the money aside, meanwhile i don't barely remember my communion day. i know when it comes down to communion 'family' holiday v college which outcome i preferred.Because that's all a holiday with the family is about. A suntan. :rolleyes:
tbh as i said above there are alternatives, if you can't afford a holiday (which is a luxury not a need) don't use your own childs money to pay for it. accept you (the parent) cannot afford one!I don't know about you but easily over half my wage goes on my child. Maybe I don't see anything wrong with her sharing what she has when I give so much of what I have.
You don't have to agree with it, you don't have to do it yourself. But don't try to imply that I am "stealing" from my child :mad:
you give so much of what you have because you chose to have your child, your child did not choose you as a parent, as a responsible adult and parent you should understand the simple concept you are the responsible one, which in turn means you are responsible financially not your child,
i am all for sharing, my daughter shares her toys/food and her love, she is a kind child, but she also knows her mum will always look after her, even if mum has soup for dinner 5 nights a week while she eats her veg and red meat (just an example of things broke parents do for their children) thats enough for me, i would be ashamed to take money off her especially money given to her for her, i as her parent are supposed to look after her every need at least until she is legally an adult thats what i chose to do when i had her, and what parent really expects their child to pay them back for money they spent on said child??? .
i have been the child of a broke parent, i am a parent who has had good times and bad, yes im currently in the good, but i protect my child from the ups and downs that is a miserable financial situation like my parent did for me to give me a childhood,
its what parents do, protect their children and at 8 years old the money should be theirs and only theirs.0 -
Eh, a child doesn't earn communion and birthday money. They are gifted money. And if a parent feels the money is better spent on the childs holiday/spending money for the holiday then that's their call. No different than another parent saying it's ok to spend it on an xbox that the whole family can use, or a trampoline that can be used by all. If I had a few kids and one chose to buy a trampoline for eg, should I tell all the other kids they can't use it because one child bought it?hoodwinked wrote: »so you agree a 16 year old doesn't have to earn money through the means to them at that time which would be to work, to pay for the family but you think an 8 year old should have to earn money through the means to them at that time which would be their communion, to pay (money given specifically to them via the name on the card) for the family ????actually you'd be surprised, my mum a single mum rarely had money when we were young,
we never knew how bad it was because she protected us like parents should,we never went on holidays, when all my friends were in France/Spain/Turkey, we went on day trips to the beach and had as good a time, it was the best she could afford, when they all went to swimming pools, she bought a £5 paddling pool and stuck us in that in the garden for the summer, she baked and did everything she could to cut costs, she joined management saving schemes just to afford communions/christmases where she'd pay £5 a week here and there till she had enough to give us close to the day our friends were having, we understood some people would have bouncy castles..etc and we wouldn't but we would still have the best fun,
You're missing my point.
I'm saying that a child will NOTICE that they have less. Not that they won't be happy. In fact, you agreed with my point. You, as a child, knew that your family couldn't afford things. That's not to say you were an unhappy child. I wasn't an unhappy child. My child is not unhappy.
But if she decides she wants to spend her communion money on the communion party because it's important to her to have the bouncy castle and the big party, then that is her call. If she chooses to save her money so that she can pay for her own flight so that we can go on holidays this year, then thats also her choice.she made sacrifices for us in any way she could but we never felt we missed out, and she never 'dipped' into our communion/birthday money and i respect her more for the fact she didn't need us to bail her out financially and not to mention how handy my communion/confirmation money came in when i went to college. i wouldn't have been able to go to college if it wasn't for my mum putting the money aside, meanwhile i don't barely remember my communion day. i know when it comes down to communion 'family' holiday v college which outcome i preferred.
I've savings plans in place for college, life insurance, illness plans which I pay for every month. I could argue that your parents were selfish for not making sure they could afford to put you through college instead of making you use your own money. As parents isn't your education their responsibility?
You see, you make judgements on parents without knowing the facts. My daughter is probably better placed financially that many others but for her future. I've all avenues covered should something happen to me and I pay through the nose for that.
I can't afford a holiday but I can afford a college fund. I don't agree with using a childs birthday money for their education. That's MY job.tbh as i said above there are alternatives, if you can't afford a holiday (which is a luxury not a need) don't use your own childs money to pay for it. accept you (the parent) cannot afford one!
My daughter wasn't planned. I didn't really choose to be a parent but I do my best because the alternative was abortion. So it's not as simplistic as "you chose to have your child" but that's a whole other argument.you give so much of what you have because you chose to have your child, your child did not choose you as a parent, as a responsible adult and parent you should understand the simple concept you are the responsible one, which in turn means you are responsible financially not your child,
As I said, I have my daughter provided for.i am all for sharing, my daughter shares her toys/food and her love, she is a kind child, but she also knows her mum will always look after her, even if mum has soup for dinner 5 nights a week while she eats her veg and red meat (just an example of things broke parents do for their children) thats enough for me, i would be ashamed to take money off her especially money given to her for her, i as her parent are supposed to look after her every need at least until she is legally an adult thats what i chose to do when i had her, and what parent really expects their child to pay them back for money they spent on said child??? .
i have been the child of a broke parent, i am a parent who has had good times and bad, yes im currently in the good, but i protect my child from the ups and downs that is a miserable financial situation like my parent did for me to give me a childhood,
its what parents do, protect their children and at 8 years old the money should be theirs and only theirs.
You'd let your mother go hungry to keep your communion money:eek: 0 -
Eh, a child doesn't earn communion and birthday money. They are gifted money. And if a parent feels the money is better spent on the childs holiday/spending money for the holiday then that's their call. No different than another parent saying it's ok to spend it on an xbox that the whole family can use, or a trampoline that can be used by all. If I had a few kids and one chose to buy a trampoline for eg, should I tell all the other kids they can't use it because one child bought it?
no but consider the fact your child will play for years on a trampoline/xbox, they will only get 1 or 2 weeks out of a holiday. if you are stuck for money consider value for money.You're missing my point.
I'm saying that a child will NOTICE that they have less. Not that they won't be happy. In fact, you agreed with my point. You, as a child, knew that your family couldn't afford things. That's not to say you were an unhappy child. I wasn't an unhappy child. My child is not unhappy.
But if she decides she wants to spend her communion money on the communion party because it's important to her to have the bouncy castle and the big party, then that is her call. If she chooses to save her money so that she can pay for her own flight so that we can go on holidays this year, then thats also her choice.
i didn't know as a child i just know now, when we were told, all the bouncy castles are busy and we'll do this (insert less expensive option here)instead it was clearly her way of saying i can't afford it. if your child is offering to pay for her bouncy castle because its important to her she obviously knows you can't afford it and its down to her to pay for things that are important to her.I've savings plans in place for college, life insurance, illness plans which I pay for every month. I could argue that your parents were selfish for not making sure they could afford to put you through college instead of making you use your own money. As parents isn't your education their responsibility?
You see, you make judgements on parents without knowing the facts. My daughter is probably better placed financially that many others but for her future. I've all avenues covered should something happen to me and I pay through the nose for that.
again thats still down to you, not her, these are your choices, why should she pay for your choices?I can't afford a holiday but I can afford a college fund. I don't agree with using a childs birthday money for their education. That's MY job.
paying for their education is a parents job until the child is 18 at which point they are legally an adult and its down to them, my mum helped me out with rent...etc but i knew i was one of the lucky ones whos mum actually helped, ive seen children who once they hit 18 were literally told get a job im not giving you money you are an adult now.
planned or not, if you get pregnant it is a choice to pay for this child for the next 18 years or not have it, its one of conditions of having the child. you don't have children so that they give you money.My daughter wasn't planned. I didn't really choose to be a parent but I do my best because the alternative was abortion. So it's not as simplistic as "you chose to have your child" but that's a whole other argument.
As I said, I have my daughter provided for.
then if she is provided for why would you need to take money from her?You'd let your mother go hungry to keep your communion money:eek:
thats a bit of a low blow, and tbh my mum unknowingly to us at the time always made sure we were fed first and foremost, i guess its a trait she passed onto me, selflessness for the sake of your child rather then selfish parenting.
ditto with myself, i will go without to make sure my child has what she needs, i do hope she never finds out about it but i was happy to do it to get us through the bad patch.0 -
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