Communion Money

iguana

hoodwinked wrote: »

would you also agree with sending your 16 year old to work and give their wages for the family?

If my kid gets a part-time job at 16, or any age, they will be handing up part of their wages to the household. Ideally that money will be secretly put in a savings account for them for when they are older and have a big expenditure like their wedding, house purchase, etc but not knowing what our financial position will be like at that future date the money may be used for something else. They won't be required to get a job but if they are earning it's good for them to learn to budget.

silly

iguana wrote: »

If my kid gets a part-time job at 16, or any age, they will be handing up part of their wages to the household. Ideally that money will be secretly put in a savings account for them for when they are older and have a big expenditure like their wedding, house purchase, etc but not knowing what our financial position will be like at that future date the money may be used for something else. They won't be required to get a job but if they are earning it's good for them to learn to budget.

If my daughter got a part time job i wouldnt expect her to give me any of it, but i would expect her to pay for her own things like phone credit, magazines/books trips to the cinema/concerts and clothes etc (not including essential items like school books/ uniforms etc)
When she got a full time job and was still living at home, then yes, money towards bills would be expected.

hoodwinked

iguana wrote: »

If my kid gets a part-time job at 16, or any age, they will be handing up part of their wages to the household. Ideally that money will be secretly put in a savings account for them for when they are older and have a big expenditure like their wedding, house purchase, etc but not knowing what our financial position will be like at that future date the money may be used for something else. They won't be required to get a job but if they are earning it's good for them to learn to budget.

and i agree with that my point there was more would you see their earning potential and force them into working full time for the 'family' because money was needed by the parents for holidays...etc

coffee_cake

hoodwinked wrote: »

and i agree with that my point there was more would you see their earning potential and force them into working full time for the 'family' because money was needed by the parents for holidays...etc

how is that any way comparable to being given 1000 as an 8 year old for nothing, and not keeping all of it

ash23

hoodwinked wrote: »

and i agree with that my point there was more would you see their earning potential and force them into working full time for the 'family' because money was needed by the parents for holidays...etc

Forcing a 16 year old into a full time job would involve them dropping out of education. The two situations are not comparable at all. As I already said, there is no reason in this day and age (with benefits etc available) that any 16 year old would have to go to work full time to provide for their family unless they had children themselves.

Using money that the child got for dressing up in a nice outfit and doing the rounds of the extended family is very very different to dropping out of school and working in a full time job for a wage.
A communion and confirmation happen at ages 8 and 12 approx. Two days in 12 years of a childs life is not in any way comparable to a 40 hour week, every week.

silly

ash23 wrote: »

Forcing a 16 year old into a full time job would involve them dropping out of education. The two situations are not comparable at all. As I already said, there is no reason in this day and age (with benefits etc available) that any 16 year old would have to go to work full time to provide for their family unless they had children themselves.

.

There is also no reason in this day and age why a family would be starving..and have to use the childs communion money to pay for food..(with benefits etc available)

Sleepy

Reading this thread, part of me feels a little guilty that by not baptizing my daughter, she'll be missing out on a financial windfall that saved wisely would pay for her first car...

That said, I don't think she'd make a fortune on religious events anyway as we don't get involved in any of our extended families religious activities nor give presents to the child being indoctrinated... maybe it's my not being an Irish Catholic but i can't see what cash has to do with the stated purposes of the ceremony, it seems more like bribing a child to conform to the belief system than anything else...

silly

Sleepy wrote: »

That said, I don't think she'd make a fortune on religious events anyway as we don't get involved in any of our extended families religious activities nor give presents to the child being indoctrinated... maybe it's my not being an Irish Catholic but i can't see what cash has to do with the stated purposes of the ceremony, it seems more like bribing a child to conform to the belief system than anything else...

The cash is simply given as a gift to the child as a congratulations on recieving their first holy communion. Like cash is given as a gift to couples getting married.

implausible

Woo, this thread is very interesting!

If I give a gift to a child for communion or his/her birthday, I don't dictate to the parents how to spend it. I presume that they know best and it really isn't my business if it is spent on a party, on the family or by the child. As long as it isn't drank or wasted by a feckless parent, I don't care. If I did care, I would give an actual gift or One4all vouchers.

This thread is actually making me think about some of the cash gifts I have received for my newborn. A lot of it will go into her post office account for when she is older, but I will be spending some of it on things that she needs e.g. our old baby monitor is banjaxed. According to some people on this thread, I suppose this is wrong too!

ash23

silly wrote: »

There is also no reason in this day and age why a family would be starving..and have to use the childs communion money to pay for food..(with benefits etc available)

On an ongoing basis there is no reason a child should have to earn a wage weekly to keep a families head above water. However, it is entirely possible that an unexpected event will floor a family and they would have to dip into a savings account for that. Or that there wouldn't be money in the pot to cover things like swimming lessons or dance classes.

Again, I doubt any family would be so destitute as to have to pull a child from school and send them working all the time. But I can see how many families would have a really bad month here and there and have to use a communion fund to pay for the car repairs or the broken washing machine and so on.

You're trying to compare two totally different things.

silly

ash23 wrote: »

On an ongoing basis there is no reason a child should have to earn a wage weekly to keep a families head above water. However, it is entirely possible that an unexpected event will floor a family and they would have to dip into a savings account for that. Or that there wouldn't be money in the pot to cover things like swimming lessons or dance classes.

Again, I doubt any family would be so destitute as to have to pull a child from school and send them working all the time. But I can see how many families would have a really bad month here and there and have to use a communion fund to pay for the car repairs or the broken washing machine and so on.

You're trying to compare two totally different things.

oh for god sake, this started with people disagreeing about parents spending their childs communion money on a family holiday..
And now we are talking about starving families, kids leaving school to work, and fecking broken washing machines!

coffee_cake

implausible wrote: »

e.g. our old baby monitor is banjaxed. According to some people on this thread, I suppose this is wrong too!

Yeah, that's the same as pulling them out of school at 16 so they can work for you

Ayla

silly wrote: »

The cash is simply given as a gift to the child as a congratulations on recieving their first holy communion. Like cash is given as a gift to couples getting married.

Sorry, I know I'm splitting hairs, but traditionally this is not the case - the gift (financial or practical) were given to help the new couple set up their new lives & home together, not as a "congratulations". Even now, really, the main thought when giving a wedding gift is to help out the couple.

Honestly, the giving of money for communion is really more akin to giving money for birthdays. As a form of saying "good job" to something the child experiences (voluntarily or not).

End OT ramble

ash23

silly wrote: »

oh for god sake, this started with people disagreeing about parents spending their childs communion money on a family holiday..
And now we are talking about starving families, kids leaving school to work, and fecking broken washing machines!

It's how the conversation evolved. It happens.
I mentioned the washing machine as personally it was something that threw me for six one month.
Few hundred euro I hadn't budgeted for that month. Meant a month of beans on toast. Benefits can't cover for that.

However they can ensure no family would have to take a child out of full time education which was my point.

silly

silly wrote: »

The cash is simply given as a gift to the child as a congratulations on recieving their first holy communion. Like cash is given as a gift to couples getting married.

Yeah, congratulations on being safely delivered into the clutches of the Catholic church, those noted protectors and defenders of Irish children!

Woo hoo!

It's kind of odd the way people are still doing this isn't it? I mean people who don't believe in God, don't go to church, and are outraged about clerical sex abuse. But as soon as communion year hoves into view it's "where do I sign up?"

sorry, off topic rant. Apologies.

implausible

bluewolf wrote: »

Yeah, that's the same as pulling them out of school at 16 so they can work for you

I wasn't comparing the two! My point is that I don't think that cash given to a child should be only spent by the child on things only for that child.

Parents usually know best and if that means spending it on something that is ultimately for that child's benefit (whether that be a party, an x-box, fixing the washing machine or putting food on the table), then there is nothing wrong with it.

You could have the same argument about child benefit payments....but that's a whole different can of worms....

Daisy M

This thread is gone bonkers. Berating parents who are doing the best job they can to bring up their children over how communion/ confirmation money is spent is ridiculous. When I give a gift I never ever wonder of how it will be used or spent. I have often given a cinema voucher as a gift knowing that the whole family will benefit as money is tight and days out are scarce and it was appreciated by parents and children alike.

I dont know any child who would choose to do without a communion party if they had the money to pay for it and the parents didnt. My children would definitly had sacraficed the money if we could not have afforded a party. The party is more important to them than any amount of euros. I honestly dont think any of the 3 of them can remember what they spent their money on, but they remember and still talk about how good their communion day and party was. Parties dont have to be expensive but they still cost and most people would feel obliged to invite everyone who gives a card and gift back for at least a cup of tea and a bite to eat. Would it be a good lesson to teach a child that its all take take take.

coffee_cake

implausible wrote: »

I wasn't comparing the two! My point is that I don't think that cash given to a child should be only spent by the child on things only for that child.

Nah, it was the people talking about sending the kids out to work I was slagging, not you

Crea

My son got €690 for his communion. He bought a BMX bike (delighted with himself). He bought some Hex-bugs and a toy each for his brother and sister. He has put the rest into the credit union. I send him to a summer camp every year. This year he wants to do a 2nd camp so I said he could if he pays for it. He is good to save some of this birthday money - the fecker has more money in the bank than me!!

LittleBook

Good article in the Irish Times this week which shows how varied people's approach to communion and confirmation money is:

Laughing All The Way To The Bank?

davet82

silly wrote: »

this started with people disagreeing about parents spending their childs communion money on a family holiday..

no i started the thread looking for advice on how to manage the money my daughter recieved on her holy communion

the holiday thing started when i discussed what my parents had done with my communion money... and that was brought us our first foreign trip which i must say was the best family holiday ever.

I joked about doing the same but it would not sit easy with me as i can afford (and have went previous) with my family. If i couldnt afford the party my daughter wanted, i dont think i would have hesitated to use the money to pay for it...

The communion is about the day, not the money. They have no real concept of money at that age. The gift of money is because of the day and if the money is needed to fufil my daughters expectations of that day, well so be it.

But i do not pass judgement on anybody using that money to bring up their child as they see fit, each to their own, as long as the parents arent drinking the money ect i dont see the problem, the kids will hit you later for it in their teens anyways

OldNotWIse

A communion party? Have I been living under a rock?

ash23

OldNotWIse wrote: »

A communion party? Have I been living under a rock?

I had a communion party 23 years ago so yes, possibly

silly

OldNotWIse wrote: »

A communion party? Have I been living under a rock?

I think its relatively new...well maybe the last 10 yrs or so.
i'm 32, and none of my family had a party..or my class as far as i remember. We went for dinner, no aunts or uncles, maybe granny, and then we went to fota for the day!
It was always a day out, not a party in my day.

OldNotWIse

ash23 wrote: »

I had a communion party 23 years ago so yes, possibly

I'd better report my parents so (and all the parents of children I went to school with) for cruelty and depravation :rolleyes:

davet82

OldNotWIse wrote: »

I'd better report my parents so (and all the parents of children I went to school with) for cruelty and depravation :rolleyes:

Childline's number is 1800 66 66 66.... there ya go! :cool:

Daisy M

We had a party on the lawn of the priests house thrown by him then went home as normal that was over 30 years ago. My husbands neices and nephews are in their 20s and all had some type of party for their communion and confirmations.

I seriously cant see why some posters wont live and let live. Whether another poster chooses or not to celebrate these occasions for their children and how they choose to celebrate them is their own business and I cant understand the meanspiritness of people trying to throw cold water on it. In our familys communions and confirmations are a great way to get the family together on a regular basis. Its a day when a child sees just how special and loved not only as part Gods family but as part of their own. Our families go out of their way to spend the day with us and its much appreciated. Its an opportunity to catch up and get group photos en masse. This is our way of doing it and does not effect anyone else so why is it bothering someone who didnt do it this way???

OldNotWIse

davet82 wrote: »

Childline's number is 1800 66 66 66.... there ya go! :cool:

Already have it actually. I used it to report a list of relatives who had the cheek to put less than fifty euro in a card for me B*stards, I will never be able to receive holy communion if I cannot afford to pay for a bouncy castle like

OldNotWIse

silly wrote: »

I think its relatively new...well maybe the last 10 yrs or so.
i'm 32, and none of my family had a party..or my class as far as i remember. We went for dinner, no aunts or uncles, maybe granny, and then we went to fota for the day!
It was always a day out, not a party in my day.

Likewise. We just had a meal with parents and grandparents.

ash23

silly wrote: »

I think its relatively new...well maybe the last 10 yrs or so.
i'm 32, and none of my family had a party..or my class as far as i remember. We went for dinner, no aunts or uncles, maybe granny, and then we went to fota for the day!
It was always a day out, not a party in my day.

Isn't that pretty much a party?

I went to the local school with my classmates and we had TK red lemonade and rice krispie buns. Then it was down to the hotel with my mother and siblings. I consider that a party.

My own daughter had a few over at the house (grandparents, aunts and uncles) and then to my grans house for a tea party with a few gran aunts. Not a bouncy castle in sight but I would call it a party.