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protecting children.

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  • 14-05-2012 7:54pm
    #1
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,495 ✭✭✭✭


    Heard about this at the weekend and I cant make up my mind if it is an over reaction or if the father is being sensible.

    This father has a 15 year old daughter and she was having a few friends over for her birthdays her mother has arranged to go out the father wanted to cancel the party as he said he would not be happy to have his daughters female friends in the house for the evening unless her mother or another adult was there his reasoning is that you can never be too careful! and he would be very strict about not ever being alone with his daughters friends ( no lifts home unless his daughter is in the car etc )

    Do you think this a bit of an over reaction?


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    #2
    Daffodil.d
    Registered Users Posts: 353 ✭✭Daffodil.d


    I don't blame him. He's making sure he's never goin to be in a compromising position.


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    #3
    Orion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    It's a part of child protection training that you don't put yourself in a position where an allegation, however spurious, can be made.

    However I think this is overreacting a bit. I'd let the party go ahead but ensure that I am never left alone with any of the girls even for a minute.


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    #4
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    Orion wrote: »
    It's a part of child protection training that you don't put yourself in a position where an allegation, however spurious, can be made.

    However I think this is overreacting a bit. I'd let the party go ahead but ensure that I am never left alone with any of the girls even for a minute.

    Which requires another adult in the room :D
    I think he's being sensible.


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    #5
    January
    Closed Accounts Posts: 23,862 ✭✭✭✭January


    Or another girl... as long as there is someone else (doesn't have to be an adult) who can vouch that nothing happened, that's ok.


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    #6
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    January wrote: »
    Or another girl... as long as there is someone else (doesn't have to be an adult) who can vouch that nothing happened, that's ok.

    an independent adult would carry more weight I would think.


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    #7
    Orion
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,807 ✭✭✭✭Orion


    January wrote: »
    Or another girl... as long as there is someone else (doesn't have to be an adult) who can vouch that nothing happened, that's ok.
    Aviana Low Racer wrote: »
    an independent adult would carry more weight I would think.

    His wife is not an independent adult. A peer of a child who makes an allegation refuting that allegation would actually carry more weight.
    mariaalice wrote: »
    he would be very strict about not ever being alone with his daughters friends ( no lifts home unless his daughter is in the car etc
    So he's happy dropping another child home in the car with his daughter there as a +1. What's the difference? In fact the scenario of the party provides for more independent witnesses than the lift home does.


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    #8
    uck51js9zml2yt
    Closed Accounts Posts: 18,268 ✭✭✭✭uck51js9zml2yt


    January wrote: »
    Or another girl... as long as there is someone else (doesn't have to be an adult) who can vouch that nothing happened, that's ok.
    you win :-)


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    #9
    edellc
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,787 ✭✭✭edellc


    he is totally over reacting, as long as he is always around two of them and never just one then no allegations and if there was ever then he has a witness who would also be the accusers peer

    isn't it a sad old world when this is what a father has to think about when throwing a party for his teenage daughter and her friends


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    #10
    silverharp
    Registered Users Posts: 18,363 ✭✭✭✭silverharp


    total overreaction, this is the same paranoia that if taken onboard attempts to breakdown normal family interaction.

    A belief in gender identity involves a level of faith as there is nothing tangible to prove its existence which, as something divorced from the physical body, is similar to the idea of a soul. - Colette Colfer



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    #11
    The Corinthian
    Closed Accounts Posts: 19,777 ✭✭✭✭The Corinthian


    Entering my apartment building, a few years ago, I started chatting to the neighbours two sons who were around 8 - 10 years of age and were playing outside. We discussed languages and they naturally were curious about what certain words were in Italian or German or whatever (I naturally declined to translate swear words).

    After a few minutes I was overcome with an uncomfortable feeling, almost like I was being watched or had done something wrong and realized that this was down to the fact that I was a lone male in the unsupervised company of minors. I made my excuses and went into my apartment.

    While I understand that the vast majority (although not all) of child abuse is perpetrated by males, it is both depressing and disheartening that our society has decided to judge all men as rapists and child molesters by default. As a man, I'm not even allowed to sit next to a child on certain airlines.

    I'm just waiting for when a child in trouble ends up hurt or killed because no man present is willing to help them, for fear of being branded a pervert. Probably only a matter of time before that happens, TBH.


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    #12
    looksee
    Registered Users Posts: 28,502 ✭✭✭✭looksee


    I think it is very inconsiderate of the mother to say ok to a party and then arrange to be away. I would think bunch of 15 year olds would be better supervised by the mother anyway as she would have a better idea of what (teenage deviousness) was going on, though I don't blame the father for being concerned.


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    #13
    iguana
    Registered Users Posts: 12,916 ✭✭✭✭iguana


    Sounds sensible, tbh. But it's not the children he is protecting, as presumably he knows they are in no danger from him, it is his himself that he is safeguarding.
    The Corinthian wrote: »
    I'm just waiting for when a child in trouble ends up hurt or killed because no man present is willing to help them, for fear of being branded a pervert. Probably only a matter of time before that happens, TBH.

    I saw a documentary programme that touched on this a few years ago. The programme makers were setting up situations in which members of the public would see someone needing help to see if they would intervene or not. One of their most consistent findings was that men on their own were most reluctant to intervene when a child or a teen girl was the person who seemed to need assistance. And when asked why they walked on the main reason given was that they were worried about putting themselves in a situation where they could find themselves accused or suspected of hurting the child/girl.


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    #14
    leeroybrown
    Closed Accounts Posts: 7,563 ✭✭✭leeroybrown


    Unfortunately we males are stigmatised in this situation regardless of the gender of the minors. I know people who work in retail environments where only the female staff are allowed approach lost or misbehaving children due to fear of legal complaints. I know I'd be reluctant to help a lost child for fear of being labelled as something else due to being male. It's not a great state of affairs but I can understand the father's reluctance.


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    #15
    samina
    Registered Users Posts: 329 ✭✭samina


    I know of a man who when he was young there were allegations of child abuse in his family. He was not involved in any way. They turned out to be false and the girl went on and had psychological treatment. Anyhow, now this man has children he will not bathe or dress his daughters. If its ever Mentioned he just says he doesn't think it's right. Anyone who knows him a long time will know the reason why.


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    #16
    Rocket19
    Registered Users Posts: 451 ✭✭Rocket19


    Absolutely ridiculous.

    I can't believe the kind of paranoia exhibited by some. They're his daughter's friends, with his daughter, in his own home. It's not like he's sniffing around random teenage girls outside a night club or something. Crazy.


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