I discovered my bf has been downloading porn through unethical means...what to do?

Teyla Emmagan

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Theres a difference between looking at porn and downloading 2gb of "brutal dildo".

You don't know what "brutal dildo" is about, it could be a touching love story.

So it's the type of porn he's looking at you don't like then? One "brutal dildo" video does not automatically make him a perverted woman hater who is into violent sex. He could have downloaded it though accident/morbid curiosity, taken one look at it and though 'well that's not for me, so glad i have my precious omgitsthelazor'.

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Theres a difference between looking at porn and downloading 2gb of "brutal dildo".

2GB really isn't that much, sure a DVD release would be about 1.37GB. If he's downloading the high-quality Brutal Dildos stuff some of them are over 1GB apiece.

Also the "brutal" bit refers to the size of them, it's mostly solo stuff.

Hannibal Smith

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Theres a difference between looking at porn and downloading 2gb of "brutal dildo".

Porn is just fantasy, it doesn't reflect what he's in to, as in what he'd like to do to you *eeek mental images get out...get out!* If he's never been brutal with you or you've ever had reason to question him then it could just be you looking for a reason to confront him. Ie, if you fear for your own safety, you've got a right to address the subject? Whereas you were being snoopy *jees snoopy, dildos, brutal...get out!!!*:D

Satts

It could be worse, it could have been gay porn.

Carlos_Ray

I can smell the bunny boiling from here....

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I mean I discovered what he was doing through unethical means, I don't care how it was downloaded. The problem was it was and what it was -.-

Some of the filenames were things like "brutal dildo" and a lot of crass things involving hispanic women. Its not like it was page 3 stuff or anything, it sounded really vulgar.

It's porn, what were you expecting?

omgitsthelazor

Hannibal Smith wrote: »

No, you shouldn't confront him. It's a bit like reading some one's emails/texts, you go snooping you may find something you don't like, that's the risk you take when you go snooping . The fact that you now know, is your own doing and you shouldn't make him feel bad for it. You may not like what he's looking at the internet, but he's not going to like what you did either, and it doesn't give you any rights or permission to confront him over it.

As long as it wasn't anything illegal, forget what you saw.

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

Teyla Emmagan

Deleted User wrote: »

Also the "brutal" bit refers to the size of them, it's mostly solo stuff.

Well!!!

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

Well it was probably that, have a massive row or break up with you, which would you prefer?

Benny_Cake

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

You don't know what "brutal dildo" is about, it could be a touching love story.

I believe it's a period piece about a bookish young woman's attempt to go to rabbinical school.

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

Why would you make him promise something so stupid

unless he has an actual addiction to it which is harmful
but i bet he doesn't

get over it

grindle

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

Why in the name of fuuck should he do that to please you?

Edit: And why would it please you?

Doom

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I got his IP address and checked it www.youhavedownloaded.com, just out of curiosity. Was wondering if he bootlegged any really bad music that I could playfully tease him about but wasn't happy with what I saw.

Especially since the downloaded stuff was dated and a lot of it was around December, a time of emotional significance for us (which I wont get into) that he absolutely should not have been looking for porn.

Not looking for relationship advice or anything just thoughts on the dilemma, do I let on what I know or should I not? How bad ethically is checking someones online history?

Any chance of a link to that porn site too.....;)

Allyall

First of all, get a video camera. Then film yourself doing "unethical" things, if possible, film yourself doing them with him, without his knowledge (seeing as you do spy on him anyway, this should be no problem to you.).

Upload the video(s) you made to the site(s) that he downloaded his porn from.

Name them similar names to the videos he watched.

That way, the next time he watches porn, you will hear him straight away, saving you the time of having to wait for him to leave, so you can sneak up to the computer again, and see what he was doing.

Also, letting him know that you know.

TheGimp

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

Men lie about porn all the time.

mcmoustache

*adjusts glasses*

Does your bf have a static IP from his ISP. Most people get their IP addresses through DHCP so they could have one address today and another tomorrow if they restart their router in between.

Unless you know which IP address your bf had at the time of these illicit downloads, that website won't be much use. I would say that it's highly unlikely that he had the same IP back then and I think you should feel bad for snooping and for thinking he downloaded that porn. He definitely looks at porn but I don't think he downloaded the porn reported on that site.

EDIT: I just saw your post about getting the IP from last december. By the way, does anyone else share the house with him and is his wifi secure?

I should also point out that downloading porn is silly in this day and age because there are plenty of porn streaming sites out there. Those combined with private browsing leave very little evidence on the pc.

I also checked that site myself and it told me that I'm in the clear. That's nonsense because only yesterday I downloaded Black Amputee Midget Pineapple Dildo Fantasies 8.

pickarooney

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Theres a difference between looking at porn and downloading 2gb of "brutal dildo".

I downloaded a brutal Dido album once.

Hannibal Smith

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

Your boyfriend said....No dear, I won't look at porn over the Christmas break?

At the end of the day it's up to you. Maybe some one else will come along and tell you that you should confront him if you want to maintain an open and honest relationship, which is perhaps what you want to hear. But at the end of the day, if you had that you wouldn't be checking his IP address.

He may have lied to you, but you did something equally dishonest, in my opinion of course

token101

He's been downloading brutal dildoing of Hispanic women :eek:

Two options: You could be a sh*t girlfriend and moan, and he'll get bored and dump you. Or you could buy a cannon, fake tan yourself up, put on your best Spanish accent and make all his dreams come true.

Coriolanus

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

Stupid thing to make him promise.

dj jarvis

WolfgangWeisen wrote: »

Well, that site certainly pulled up a few things I downloaded

Anyway, Op, know what a bunny boiler is? 'Cause you're one of them. Cop yourself on and trust your partners until you're given a reason not to, porn does not count as that. Unless, of course, you want to be a spinster?

Seems like thinly veiled spam though.

exactly what i thought when i read the OP.............

and if it is true - BUNNY BOILER :mad:

RobbingBandit

Take some photos of yourself for him so he can put them up to share with his fellow perverts.

Teyla Emmagan

Poor man, can't even enjoy a peaceful **** without being judged on it...

omgitsthelazor

grindle wrote: »

Why in the name of fuuck should he do that to please you?

Edit: And why would it please you?

We're in college and were going home to our families over christmas, thought it'd be romantic to save ourselves for when we next meet and the release would be great. I certainly did it. :pac:

Whether you agree with it or not it was just a suggestion and he agreed to it. If he felt it was strongly unreasonable like you clearly do he should have said so and not lied to me before hastily starting his latino dildo party as soon as I was out of the way.
How do I know he wasn't hiring prostitutes during this time or that he wouldn't hook up with someone else? If he lies about this how do I know what else he'd lie about?

Nodin

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

We're in college and were going home to our families over christmas, thought it'd be romantic to save ourselves for when we next meet and the release would be great. I certainly did it. :pac:

Whether you agree with it or not it was just a suggestion and he agreed to it. If he felt it was strongly unreasonable like you clearly do he should have said so and not lied to me before hastily starting his latino dildo party as soon as I was out of the way.
How do I know he wasn't hiring prostitutes during this time or that he wouldn't hook up with someone else? If he lies about this how do I know what else he'd lie about?

....good jaysus spare us......

pickarooney

He might be in need of a brutal dildo because you effectively cut his cock off?

token101

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

We're in college and were going home to our families over christmas, thought it'd be romantic to save ourselves for when we next meet and the release would be great. I certainly did it. :pac:

Whether you agree with it or not it was just a suggestion and he agreed to it. If he felt it was strongly unreasonable like you clearly do he should have said so and not lied to me before hastily starting his latino dildo party as soon as I was out of the way.
How do I know he wasn't hiring prostitutes during this time or that he wouldn't hook up with someone else? If he lies about this how do I know what else he'd lie about?

You're right. Excavate the patio, you never know.

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

We're in college and were going home to our families over christmas, thought it'd be romantic to save ourselves for when we next meet and the release would be great. I certainly did it. :pac:

Whether you agree with it or not it was just a suggestion and he agreed to it. If he felt it was strongly unreasonable like you clearly do he should have said so and not lied to me before hastily starting his latino dildo party as soon as I was out of the way.
How do I know he wasn't hiring prostitutes during this time or that he wouldn't hook up with someone else? If he lies about this how do I know what else he'd lie about?

:rolleyes:

omgitsthelazor

mcmoustache wrote: »

*adjusts glasses*

Does your bf have a static IP from his ISP. Most people get their IP addresses through DHCP so they could have one address today and another tomorrow if they restart their router in between.

Unless you know which IP address your bf had at the time of these illicit downloads, that website won't be much use. I would say that it's highly unlikely that he had the same IP back then and I think you should feel bad for snooping and for thinking he downloaded that porn. He definitely looks at porn but I don't think he downloaded the porn reported on that site.

EDIT: I just saw your post about getting the IP from last december. By the way, does anyone else share the house with him and is his wifi secure?

I should also point out that downloading porn is silly in this day and age because there are plenty of porn streaming sites out there. Those combined with private browsing leave very little evidence on the pc.

I also checked that site myself and it told me that I'm in the clear. That's nonsense because only yesterday I downloaded Black Amputee Midget Pineapple Dildo Fantasies 8.

The only other person in the house (usually) is me though I wasn't there during the time the stuff was downloaded, it was only him. I don't know if its secure or not, the range on it is pretty weak (it can drop at the far end of the house) so I'd be surprised if neighbours could get at it. Unless they were literally camped in the garden or in a car outside.

Shryke

I imagine he doesn't tell you that he looked at porn because you'd go complete mental case about it. He was being nice.

He's probably on heroine though.

mattjack

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I got his IP address and checked it www.youhavedownloaded.com, just out of curiosity. Was wondering if he bootlegged any really bad music that I could playfully tease him about but wasn't happy with what I saw.

Especially since the downloaded stuff was dated and a lot of it was around December, a time of emotional significance for us (which I wont get into) that he absolutely should not have been looking for porn.

Not looking for relationship advice or anything just thoughts on the dilemma, do I let on what I know or should I not? How bad ethically is checking someones online history?

Thefirestarter wrote: »

You make it sound like you dumped toxic waste on a family of ducks, not a simple browser history search.

Is there a connection between 'the duck family' and the 'time of emotional significance' ?

omgitsthelazor

Nevore wrote: »

Stupid thing to make him promise.

Stupid of him to accept if thats what he thought of it. It wouldn't have been an issue if he was just honest, honesty is all I ask.

DEFTLEFTHAND

Masterbating to Hispanic women been brutally dildoed is one of the most natural things on this earth. Don't judge the poor guy.

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Stupid of him to accept if thats what he thought of it. It wouldn't have been an issue if he was just honest, honesty is all I ask.

yeah so you could flip out at him

if you're so obsessed with honesty you wouldnt be snooping

leave him alone and get a life

maybe if you weren't "saving yourself" so much and getting more you wouldn't be obsessing over this

pickarooney

Who needs honesty when you have distrust and subterfuge?

btard

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Theres a difference between looking at porn and downloading 2gb of "brutal dildo".

Don't be put off by the title. There's no such thing as nice porn. A lot of it is about fantasys of domination and power rather than the sex itself. It doesn't mean he's some kind of weird pervert. It doesn't mean he loves you any less or doesn't fancy you either. If it was a bad emotional time for both of you as you say, then he may have needed a strong distraction or release from that. Confronting him about it pre supposes he did something wrong. It's no big deal, just forget it.

dj jarvis

DEFTLEFTHAND wrote: »

Masterbating ON Hispanic women been brutally dildoed is one of the most natural things on this earth. Don't judge the poor guy.

FYP :-)

Just out of interest was it specifically Latinas or was there a nationality in the title? Just trying to figure out exactly which it was that he was watching. The fact that you found the title distasteful reminds me of one involving one nationality. :P

omgitsthelazor

bluewolf wrote: »

yeah so you could flip out at him

if you're so obsessed with honesty you wouldnt be snooping

leave him alone and get a life

maybe if you weren't "saving yourself" so much and getting more you wouldn't be obsessing over this

Oh please you don't know me.

Gummy Panda

The internet is for porn so grab your díck and double click

Pushtrak

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Stupid of him to accept if thats what he thought of it. It wouldn't have been an issue if he was just honest, honesty is all I ask.

I don't know you, so this is a genuine question. If he hadn't agreed to it, would you have pressed the issue or would you have been ok with it? He might not have wanted a protracted discussion on it, to the point where he'd have to go along with it anyway.

Defiler Of The Coffin

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Stupid of him to accept if thats what he thought of it. It wouldn't have been an issue if he was just honest, honesty is all I ask.

Men lie to women all the time. I read that in a book somewhere.

Coriolanus

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Stupid of him to accept if thats what he thought of it. It wouldn't have been an issue if he was just honest, honesty is all I ask.

If he's picked up on even a glimmer of the batshít insanity that you're displaying to us, he probably figured if he refused it'd be the cause of a stormy arguement.

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

We're in college and were going home to our families over christmas, thought it'd be romantic to save ourselves for when we next meet and the release would be great. I certainly did it. :pac:

Whether you agree with it or not it was just a suggestion and he agreed to it. If he felt it was strongly unreasonable like you clearly do he should have said so and not lied to me before hastily starting his latino dildo party as soon as I was out of the way.
How do I know he wasn't hiring prostitutes during this time or that he wouldn't hook up with someone else? If he lies about this how do I know what else he'd lie about?

Here's how your suggestion affected his thought process.

You: "Hey I think we should save ourselves until we see each other again, the release will be amazing, as will the sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex sex dildo dildo dildo dildo dildo dildo dildo dildo Latino Latino Latino Latino Latino LATINO DILDO PARTY

Him: "Yeah I'm in".

marienbad

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Stupid of him to accept if thats what he thought of it. It wouldn't have been an issue if he was just honest, honesty is all I ask.

Honesty is all you ask ??? And you are the one going behind his back !!

Double standards or what ! I mean if you are prepared to do this what else are you capable of ?

omgitsthelazor

Deleted User wrote: »

Just out of interest was it specifically Latinas or was there a nationality in the title? Just trying to figure out exactly which it was that he was watching. The fact that you found the title distasteful reminds me of one involving one nationality. :P

There were quite a few with a woman called "Esperanza Gomez" who I assume is hispanic based on the name. The distasteful part was the description of what was being done to said woman in the title.
It has nothing to do with nationality puuuulease, although there was none mentioned.

Memory Of 98

Brutal dildo isn`t that bad, find Japanese girls exchanging bodily fluids or Brazillian fart porn though and you have something to worry about

Are any other minorities present or does he just go in for the Hispanics.

dj jarvis

marienbad wrote: »

Honesty is all you ask ??? And you are the one going behind his back !!

Double standards or what ! I mean if you are prepared to do this what else are you capable of ?

funny thing is , if it was the other way around , and HE was checking her internet history and coming up with all this control crap , the law would have been called in a heart beat , and a control order and a ankle tag fitted

could never understand the law in this regard - women stalks man , ah sure shes just worried/cares/loves him to much - but a bloke does it and hes a rapist/joseph fritzl - go figure

by the by , unintentional thread of the week

omgitsthelazor

marienbad wrote: »

Honesty is all you ask ??? And you are the one going behind his back !!

Double standards or what ! I mean if you are prepared to do this what else are you capable of ?

I wasn't snooping, I just found a fun site and wondered if anything funny would come up on it. It's not as devious an act as you make out, I regularly check his ipod to see what kind of music he listens to and if theres anything I can catch him with.
I found Aqua on it before

So wondered if there was anything we could have fun with that it'd churn up. I genuinely trusted him 100% and it never even crossed my mind that I'd find something like that.

omgitsthelazor

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

There were quite a few with a woman called "Esperanza Gomez" who I assume is hispanic based on the name. The distasteful part was the description of what was being done to said woman in the title.
It has nothing to do with nationality puuuulease, although there was none mentioned.

"Esperanza Gomez is a Latina Pornstar born on the 13th of May, 1983 in the powdery hills of Columbia. She is a former Bunny of the infamous Playboy mansion and had the privilege of winning Miss Playboy TV in 2005. Her delicious 36D rack of delights coupled with jaw dropping beauty has caused a stir in the US where she has been working on some intimate projects. The lovely Latina is not at all camera shy, and claims to be a real life f*ck bunny and voyeur. She can be seen in a number of saucy outdoor scenes with Bang Bros where she flaunts a perfectly round ass tanned pert tits and takes a whole heap of hardcore c*ck."