I discovered my bf has been downloading porn through unethical means...what to do?

travelledpengy

You're worse for checking it out. You should feel bad cos that is bad

GAAman

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Site has no reconds on me.

Can't be genuine.

Site tells me I am in york in england, and also tells me i downloaded all the shrek films, all of which I actually saw legitimately.......which is rare :pac:

Recessionbust

Sniff sniff yep I smell a troll

Capt'n Midnight

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I got his IP address and checked it www.youhavedownloaded.com

Just to recap

unless you have paid for a static address you'll most likely have an address that changes randomly at regular intervals.

go to http://whatismyip.net to see what your current address is
it may already have changed. If you turn off the internet box overnight that may also force it to change.

who is your ISP?
people may be able to tell you how long you keep the address on average


Of course you could check the history in the browser or do a search for large files but there is the whole trust issue, there are utilities that will recover deleted files too

BornToKill

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I don't know if its secure or not, the range on it is pretty weak (it can drop at the far end of the house) so I'd be surprised if neighbours could get at it. Unless they were literally camped in the garden or in a car outside.

Do you live in the Killiney area?

ToddyDoody

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I got his IP address and checked it www.youhavedownloaded.com, just out of curiosity. Was wondering if he bootlegged any really bad music that I could playfully tease him about but wasn't happy with what I saw.

Especially since the downloaded stuff was dated and a lot of it was around December, a time of emotional significance for us (which I wont get into) that he absolutely should not have been looking for porn.

Not looking for relationship advice or anything just thoughts on the dilemma, do I let on what I know or should I not? How bad ethically is checking someones online history?

I wouldnt let on (its what i'd prefer) if you're feeling guilty, go to confession (assuming your catholic)

marienbad

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I wasn't snooping, I just found a fun site and wondered if anything funny would come up on it. It's not as devious an act as you make out, I regularly check his ipod to see what kind of music he listens to and if theres anything I can catch him with.
I found Aqua on it before

So wondered if there was anything we could have fun with that it'd churn up. I genuinely trusted him 100% and it never even crossed my mind that I'd find something like that.

Do you just check his e-mail and phone to see if there is anything ye can have fun with ? Check the mileage on his car as you are at it . But most of all don't forget to check the sheets .:eek:

dj jarvis

BornToKill wrote: »

Do you live in the Killiney area?

LOL , very topical


i would not be surprised if the OP has some link to the web site

Daniel S

OP, I'm the only one in my house that uses torrents. I checked the site and apparently I've downloaded the "Homestruck discography". No idea who the f**k they are :rolleyes:!

Give your BF a break would ya!

Jester252

I downloaded a lot of gossip girl but no porn

Caliden

Pushtrak wrote: »

4 pages.

I guess I must have mine set up to show fewer replies per page.

strobe

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I'm pissed that he lied to me. I feel hurt that he made an empty promise and sad that while I was away it seemed he just happily replaced me with Esperanza Gomez and the dildo partywagon.

Maybe it wasn't an empty promise. It was obviously something that you really wanted to do (the weird ass "let's sexually frustrate ourselves by not masturbating while our only other sexual outlet is not available to us" thing) so maybe he figured "ahh well, it's a stupid fucking idea but if she's that mad about the idea I'll give it a shot". Then one night he had a couple of beers in him or something, was absolutely climbing the walls by depriving himself of sexual release and downloaded a bit of porn and had himself a couple of ****.

You are making a gigantic mountain out of a little tiny molehill The Lazer. All that happened here was your boyfriend agreed to a suggestion of yours (quite possibly in good faith) then had a **** to some pretty Latino girl ****ing herself with a dildo.

Jesus tap dancing Christ will ye just get over the complete non-issue and get on with the rest of your life.

(Great thread though, highly amusing, so well done on that whole side of things.)

anitaca

Perhaps he meant the promise at the time but couldn't hold out and didn't want to tell you so as not to spoil your day/night.

Or perhaps he downloaded it but did not watch it. I can think of a few reasons for this.

BornToKill

Teyla Emmagan wrote: »

You don't know what "brutal dildo" is about, it could be a touching love story.

Has this possibility been discounted at this stage? Could it have been a touching story of love?

BengaLover

According to the site developer: 'Eric, we don't bother ourselves to separate dynamic IPs. The site is just for show.'

Hail 2 Da Chimp

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I thought about that, but the IP I got from him was from an e-mail in December and the date labelled on his downloads for quite a lot of them was in December.
I know he doesn't turn his modem off at night so he tends to keep the same IP until he manually restarts, I've checked a lot of his IPs and they stay the same for usually a few weeks to a month or two before they change. I checked them all in the appropriate timeframe that I know he was using them.

Holy sh!t, you're like a cross between Sherlock Holmes and the ex from Fatal Attraction, god help your boyfriend!

NicoleL88

What a fantastic thread.

token101

Pushtrak wrote: »

That's low. I'll point out the snooping isn't on, but there isn't call for this.

FFS, get a grip. This is after hours not the personal issues or the school counselor's office. If you can't take the banter, don't post.

BornToKill

anitaca wrote: »

Perhaps he meant the promise at the time but couldn't hold out and didn't want to tell you so as not to spoil your day/night.

Or perhaps he downloaded it but did not watch it. I can think of a few reasons for this.

Or watched it but didn't fap?

birdwatcher

She should check her BFs hands and see if there's hair growing on his palms........that and a simple eye test will determine whether he's been abusing his special purpose
:rolleyes:

wellboytoo

I read all this thread and have'nt had as much fun since ....well **** really, but I do hope the Lazor is a troll, cos if she's for real I would really dread to be the bf... scary Lady.
But great thread

im invisible

BornToKill wrote: »

Or watched it but didn't fap?

ah now, thats going a bit too far

Cee-Jay-Cee

So he downloaded some porn, so fricken what!

Were you and him getting on well up until the point you discovered this? If so then what is the problem, its not hurting anyone and it was effecting the two of you so forget about it.

How Soon Is Now

If you spent as much time ''giving him attention'' as you do spying on him this wouldnt be an issue would it......

If my girlfriend came to me with what your going on about or visa versa id ****ing laugh.

btard

OP may well be a troll, but I actually had a girlfriend exactly like this a few years ago. She was a sweet girl and I loved her dearly at the time. Not long after we got serious I had to go away for a fortnight on a family matter. I was talking to her online one night and happened to mention something about some porn I had been watching in the hotel. She got all upset and mad at me. I thought she was just taking the piss at first but soon realised she was serious. Eventually she made me promise her I would never look at porn anymore. I had no intention of keeping that promise because I thought it was a silly request, but I loved her and didn't want her to be upset. I put her attitude down to being a bit young and naieve. She had a lot of silly romantic ideas about relatiionships. We broke up at a later stage due to her being a bit of a control freak. I still think about her sometimes with affection. She was a really sweet girl and loved me lots but I couldn't take the irrational tantrums anymore whenever I tried to have my own space. A lot of the things OP has being saying in this thread is exactly how she acted and thought. Brought me down memory lane.

humbert

I think we've all learned a valuable lesson.

Torrent your sensitive emotional porn and direct download the hardcore ethnic stuff.

efb

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c_o8vYUU-jo

bpb101

yo op
maybe if you gave him some he would be force to torrent websites!!!

woodoo

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Well its clear people want to make me out to be the bad one in all this, don't let the facts get in your way or anything.

I checked multiple IPs after my initial search from the first IP of his I was able to find showed up the dildo videos. After that I had reason to search for more. Had the first search not showed anything I wouldn't have continued because I love and trust him.

And I never "installed spy software", you'll be claiming I had espionage teams tracking him next.

I'm not sure if you are real or not. But if you are then the sooner this guy gets shot of you the better. What you are up to is not normal. Its way over the top and a bit chilling if you ask me.

howamidifferent

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

That'd be all well and good except he promised me he wouldn't do anything like that over the christmas break and he quite blatantly lied.

:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

120_Minutes

Thanks to the OP i'm now aware of the work of Miss Gomez. She's like a younger Sofia Vergara who does all the stuff I wished Vergara would do.

TO THE FAP DEPOSITORY!

Thwip!

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

We're in college and were going home to our families over christmas, thought it'd be romantic to shave ourselves for when we next meet and the release would be great. I certainly did it. :pac:

Whether you agree with it or not it was just a suggestion and he agreed to it. If he felt it was strongly unreasonable like you clearly do he should have said so and not lied to me before hastily starting his latino dildo party as soon as I was out of the way.
How do I know he wasn't hiring prostitutes during this time or that he wouldn't hook up with someone else? If he lies about this how do I know what else he'd lie about?

...perhaps he misheard you:pac:

omgitsthelazor

btard wrote: »

OP may well be a troll, but I actually had a girlfriend exactly like this a few years ago. She was a sweet girl and I loved her dearly at the time. Not long after we got serious I had to go away for a fortnight on a family matter. I was talking to her online one night and happened to mention something about some porn I had been watching in the hotel. She got all upset and mad at me. I thought she was just taking the piss at first but soon realised she was serious. Eventually she made me promise her I would never look at porn anymore. I had no intention of keeping that promise because I thought it was a silly request, but I loved her and didn't want her to be upset. I put her attitude down to being a bit young and naieve. She had a lot of silly romantic ideas about relatiionships. We broke up at a later stage due to her being a bit of a control freak. I still think about her sometimes with affection. She was a really sweet girl and loved me lots but I couldn't take the irrational tantrums anymore whenever I tried to have my own space. A lot of the things OP has being saying in this thread is exactly how she acted and thought. Brought me down memory lane.

This post makes me sad.
Why do you call what she did "silly romantic ideas", it sounds really cute and what should be in a relationship. It sounded like she cared for you a lot, maybe you should have reassured her that you weren't trying to pull away from her and she would have been less clingy? All she needed was to feel secure that you were hers.

But thanks for sharing, I wouldn't like to be thought of that way by my man.

Sonics2k

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

This post makes me sad.
Why do you call what she did "silly romantic ideas", it sounds really cute and what should be in a relationship. It sounded like she cared for you a lot, maybe you should have reassured her that you weren't trying to pull away from her and she would have been less clingy? All she needed was to feel secure that you were hers.

But thanks for sharing, I wouldn't like to be thought of that way by my man.

May I ask how old you are?

I mean, you seem to be quite young and naive to think your boyfriend was going to go a few weeks without having a good tug, and you consider it a huge betrayal.

It's not as if he cheated on you, he just watched a bit of porn, did his thing and got back to whatever he was doing. It's a good stress relief, especially for males.

howamidifferent

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

This post makes me sad.
Why do you call what she did "silly romantic ideas", it sounds really cute and what should be in a relationship. It sounded like she cared for you a lot, maybe you should have reassured her that you weren't trying to pull away from her and she would have been less clingy? All she needed was to feel secure that you were hers.

But thanks for sharing, I wouldn't like to be thought of that way by my man.

Sorry love but any boyfriend you ever get will have a tug over a mizz ezemeralda lookalike riding a big dildo. Thats life. Get over it.

omgitsthelazor

Caliden wrote: »

Username: 'omgitsthelazor'
Registered: May 2012
Posts: 29

And this somehow got to 8 pages.
OP you've either led a sheltered life or you're a decent troll.

If you want serious advice: http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=1174

Thank you for the link, it was never my intention for this thread to be about relationships though. I specifically mentioned that in the OP, I was more interested into the ethics of the background check and how people here in my bf's shoes would react if I came clean to them with what I knew. Clearly...not well.
Some of the stuff people said here about myself, my bf and our relationship upset me earlier but I think I've calmed down now, its probably not as big a deal as I thought it was, or at least its not something that men apparently would register as a big deal or acknowledge it could upset their partner. Which is all that really matters I suppose.

p.s. I'm not a psychotic spoon killer.

jam_mac_jam

How would you feel if somebody read your private emails or your diary or your text messages. What you have done is much worse then a bit of porn watching . If I was you I would keep your mouth shut and stop snooping.

Thwip!

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I wasn't snooping, I just found a fun site and wondered if anything funny would come up on it. It's not as devious an act as you make out, I regularly check his ipod to see what kind of music he listens to and if theres anything I can catch him with.
I found Aqua on it before

So wondered if there was anything we could have fun with that it'd churn up. I genuinely trusted him 100% and it never even crossed my mind that I'd find something like that.

And it's the porn you're upset about?

plasmaguy

So did this "emotionally significant time" coincide with a drop off in you and bf's sex life??

Might be a clue there!

omgitsthelazor

Sonics2k wrote: »

May I ask how old you are?

I mean, you seem to be quite young and naive to think your boyfriend was going to go a few weeks without having a good tug, and you consider it a huge betrayal.

It's not as if he cheated on you, he just watched a bit of porn, did his thing and got back to whatever he was doing. It's a good stress relief, especially for males.

19. I didn't think he would by default, I thought he would because he agreed with my suggestion and said he would. Is it naive to believe your partner?

strobe

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

Some of the stuff people said here about myself, my bf and our relationship upset me earlier but I think I've calmed down now, its probably not as big a deal as I thought it was, or at least its not something that men apparently would register as a big deal or acknowledge it could upset their partner. Which is all that really matters I suppose.

After Hours prevails once more! We're cruel to be kind (well sometimes we're just cruel I guess, but still...). Success!

Can I get a 'huzzah!!' AH?

p.s. I'm not a psychotic spoon killer.

omgitsthelazor

jam_mac_jam wrote: »

How would you feel if somebody read your private emails or your diary or your text messages. What you have done is much worse then a bit of porn watching . If I was you I would keep your mouth shut and stop snooping.

I'd feel it was an invasion of privacy if they did it with intent. If they saw it accidentally it'd be my own fault for not being more secure with my personal things.

If you were in the position of sitting at a computer and unknowingly your partners e-mail was open in the background and on screen popped something in full view that aroused suspicion like a sexy message or someone talking about drugs or something else that'd concern you that your partner might be involved with. If you saw that completely innocently and had the option to check out that situation without confronting them what would you do? Ignore them? Ask them? Or read further in the hope that its a misunderstanding.

howamidifferent

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

19. I didn't think he would by default, I thought he would because he agreed with my suggestion and said he would. Is it naive to believe your partner?

Did you flick the bean over the xmas at all?

jam_mac_jam

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

I'd feel it was an invasion of privacy if they did it with intent. If they saw it accidentally it'd be my own fault for not being more secure with my personal things.

You didnt do it by accident though, did you? You used youhavedownlouded.com, did you use that website by accident?

arse..biscuits

I haven't had a **** for a few days if you're interested?

Sonics2k

omgitsthelazor wrote: »

19. I didn't think he would by default, I thought he would because he agreed with my suggestion and said he would. Is it naive to believe your partner?

So, we can assume he's about 19 too?

You truly truly cannot expect a 19 year old male, who's already got the sex-drive of a viargra riddled Rhino, not to masturbate over the space of a month. It's actually a crazy idea.

Lots of males look at porn, the vast majority of them masturbate. You truly do not need to be bothered or offended by this, it's just how it is. Just because he is, does not mean he loves you any less, or is not attracted to you.

It's quite literally just a little something to get the imagination going. That is all.

animan

Op stfu and get over it. It's only porn and you shouldn't be spying on your boyfriend

RDM_83 again

Its probably better he was looking at porn tbh because that means he's going to bed horny.

Whats the big deal really with the porn anyway, like you let a dude choke you during sex (not that there's anything wrong with that all i can think of is the scene from Peep Show) but he might think you allowed yourself to have someone do something that could be viewed as violent and degrading to you is pretty shocking

omgitsthelazor

arse..biscuits wrote: »

I haven't had a **** for a few days if you're interested?

I'm interested in you leaving me alone, verrrry interested.

alphabeat

two words that are even more horrifying than downloaded porn , OP


****

Bank



I doubt you're in his though .