Going for gold.

Pighead

Was reading in the paper yesterday about a sports event happening in London this July and August where people from all around the world are competing against each other for medals. Could be something to consider for any competitive boards users out there.

As one of the fittest people in central Dundalk, Pighead is seriously considering entering one of the events. Apparently there are 26 of these events to choose from so finding a suitable one shouldn't be a problem.

Pighead's never been one to shirk a challenge but at the same time he'd like to pick an event which maximises his chances of glory and add to his medal collection which includes a silver medal for attendance in primary school back in 89.

Have been looking through the events list and due to having bandy legs, small fists, a lack of balance and a hairy chest, gymnastics, boxing, running and all the swimming races have been ruled out.

Have narrowed it down to BMX, shooting and beach volleyball. Don't own a gun or a volleyball so will probably go for BMX.

Can't understand why pool is not on the list. Much more skillful and exciting than the likes of synchronised swimming or canoeing. They should also consider adding bowls and snooker and get rid of wrestling and trampolining. Not knocking the event but just think there's plenty of room for improvement if they ever want this to take off properly.

So what activities would you add to these games?

Pushtrak

Oh, going for gold in the sports sense. How dull.

KeithM89_old

Sauve

Slaps.

Posy

God, I used to LOVE that show!!

Xavi6

Add FIFA 12 to the list and remove regular football.

The fact that the competitors in football are professionals goes against the spirit of the games, and a sports simulation will allow everyone from fat 12 year old Asians to 50 year old Germans to take part.

Much more of a world game.

Pighead

Pushtrak wrote: »

Oh, going for gold in the sports sense. How dull.

Nothing dull about pushing your body to its limits in the pursuit of glory. Dedication, determination and another inspiring word that ends in -ion.

Think it was Michelle Smith who said "There's nothing I won't do to become the best" It's that sort of can do attitude that can make Ireland great again.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Pighead wrote: »

Nothing dull about pushing your body to its limits in the pursuit of glory. Dedication, determination and another inspiring word that ends in -ion.

Think it was Michelle Smith who said "There's nothing I won't do to become the best" It's that sort of can do attitude that can make Ireland great again.

Oh, well if drugs are on the menu, that widens the choices a little. The tricky bit now is hwo the **** do we get you past the urine test?

I'd like to see mitching off school, conkers, marbles and strip twister added.

Pighead

Xavi6 wrote: »

Add FIFA 12 to the list and remove regular football.

The fact that the competitors in football are professionals goes against the spirit of the games, and a sports simulation will allow everyone from fat 12 year old Asians to 50 year old sexy Germans to take part.

Much more of a world game.

Cracking idea. Economical too given you can beat the fat 12 year old Asian and the sexy 50 year old German from the comfort of your own living room. Hopefully the organisers would send your winning medal in the post.

hairyprincess

Pighead wrote: »

Have been looking through the events list and due to having bandy legs, small fists, a lack of balance and a hairy chest, gymnastics, boxing, running and all the swimming races have been ruled out.

I'm with you there

Sauve

Uh, hello?

I SAID slaps.
Best sport there is.

Mr.Biscuits

Skillful Biscuit Eating.

Early rounds would be your easy challenges with Snacks, Club Milks where you would have to eat the chocolate portion off and fastest time wins. Latter stages would be a more trickier fare though with the final round dedicated to licking the cream from a Lemon Puff with breaking away so much as a crumb of biscuit.

Pighead

Sauve wrote: »

Slaps.

Would you consider entering Sauve? Remember this is an elite competition where you will be pitted against the absolute best of the best.

Only the worlds greatest slappers will be in London that weekend. It's alright being the best slapper in your village but this is the big time baby.

HazDanz

I think there should be a intoxicated drugs event. How much drugs can you put into your body while hopping on one leg before heart failure/passing out. Thats a gold medal for champions. To make sure everything was fair and legite a drug test could be conducted through out the season to make sure everyone had at least a significant level of drugs in their system.

Sharpshooter

Pighead wrote: »

So what activities would you add to these games?

Trolling boards, would win Gold!

If that's not allowed then, S'trolling a packed stadium pissing off as many people as you can, before you get disqualified.

Super-Rush

I'm quite good at fishing.

Cool_CM

HazDanz wrote: »

I think there should be a intoxicated drugs event. How much drugs can you put into your body while hopping on one leg before heart failure/passing out. Thats a gold medal for champions. To make sure everything was fair and legite a drug test could be conducted through out the season to make sure everyone had at least a significant level of drugs in their system.

Isn't that just the Tour de France?

El Weirdo

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Oh, well if drugs are on the menu, that widens the choices a little.

Ah yes, competitive yoke-taking - see who can get the most Zannussi'd and end up watching a whole Jamie-Lee Curtis film on a TV that isn't even plugged in - all in the name of sport.

I'm fucking there, man. We should trounce the Yanks at that one.

If 'Needless Fapping' was an event I'd be Lord Sebastian ****in Coe and they'd make me an Olympic ambassador.

Pighead

Mr.Biscuits wrote: »

Skillful Biscuit Eating.

Early rounds would be your easy challenges with Snacks, Club Milks where you would have to eat the chocolate portion off and fastest time wins. Latter stages would be a more trickier fare though with the final round dedicated to licking the cream from a Lemon Puff with breaking away so much as a crumb of biscuit.

Excellent suggestion. We could scrap that rubbish 'Discus' event and replace it with your idea. The 'Biscus'.

Fart

Farting competition?

Cool_CM

Pighead wrote: »

Mr.Biscuits wrote: »

Skillful Biscuit Eating.

Early rounds would be your easy challenges with Snacks, Club Milks where you would have to eat the chocolate portion off and fastest time wins. Latter stages would be a more trickier fare though with the final round dedicated to licking the cream from a Lemon Puff with breaking away so much as a crumb of biscuit.

Excellent suggestion. We could scrap that rubbish 'Discus' event and replace it with your idea. The 'Biscus'.

Why not combine it with the extreme fapping idea and have extreme soggy biscus?

Sea Filly

Posy wrote: »

God, I used to LOVE that show!!

There was always a Didier from France on it, no matter when you tuned in.

Sea Filly

Pighead wrote: »

Hopefully the organisers would send your winning medal in the post.

No way, man, NO WAY. I'm standing on that podium. How else will the world see my black power salute?

http://tiny.cc/w2ffew

Lapin

I suggest a competition competition.

The person who wins the most competitions wins the overall competition.

In the event of a tie, there would be a competition to determine the winner of the competition competition.

We could have a men's competiton competition and a womens competition competition.

Then we could have a competition between the winner of the men's competition competition and the women's competition competition to find the ultimate champion of all the competition competitions.

I foresee a lot of competition to compete and be the most competitive in all the competition competitions.

Winston Payne

Lapin wrote: »

I suggest a competition competition.

The person who wins the most competitions wins the overall competition.

In the event of a tie, there would be a competition to determine the winner of the competition competition.

We could have a men's competiton competition and a womens competition competition.

Then we could have a competition between the winner of the men's competition competition and the women's competition competition to find the ultimate champion of all the competition competitions.

I foresee a lot of competition to compete and be the most competitive in all the competition competitions.

You've just screwed off the top of my head with that. Let's call it a good start.

DB21

I Pighead

Sharpshooter

Fart wrote: »

Farting competition?

Sniffer dogs would be barking mad, security would go into meltdown!

dave3004

A fart control comp.

You give dodgy food to competitor and (s)he has to be in the midst of a group of people around and let out farts without anyone hearing.

Anybody who gets heard farting is disqualified. The competition can take place outdoors in the early rounds, moving up to the office as it gets further into the comp.

The final is held in an elevator.

Pighead

The ultimate challenge for Pighead would be to enter the 'Staying awake until 2:30am' event. Have been on this wonderful earth for over 30 years now and have never managed to stay awake that long. Even now as the half two approaches Pighead can feil his hannds starte to fail him and his speeling let him down. Eyes are gettting droopy and systems are beginnning to shutt down.

Pighead did manage to stay awake until 2:29 one night but he got so excited about the prospect of finally breaking through the 2:30 barrier he exploded into a deep sleep and almost died.

Where To

I like rhythmic gymnastics.

Not the sport, just the words.

LH Pathe

Kelly guy who hosted that looked exactly like tubridy's waxwork

Duiske

Pighead wrote: »

Only the worlds greatest slappers will be in London that weekend.

Katie Taylor is gonna kick your ass soooo bad.

im invisible

They should bring back painting, dont know why they ever got rid of it

LH Pathe

Duiske wrote: »

Katie Taylor is gonna kick your ass soooo bad.

seems any 'athlete' we're sending be it man or woman is purely on the basis of being capable of such .. face it; we're a nation of pugilist pikeys

MadsL

im invisible wrote: »

They should bring back painting, dont know why they ever got rid of it

It's still there, along with that other competitive DIY sport; Fencing.

nice_very

last place (as in - did'nt even qualify) in the pretentious third party talking about oneself event, goes to.............


pighead would like to thank all of those that did not in any way support him, as he tried his best but failed.

maybe next time....... (not)

southcentralts

Paper
Rock
Scissors

for the Gold
3 2 1

fortwilliam

Ignoring each other competition,

One person from every country put in a pub, the winner is the one who ..... Ah, is it yerself Pablo? Jaysus isn't it feirce weather altogether, I was only sayn' that to Tzang Yung Tao over there earlier...

Nah, we would be crap at that, the French would win.

kincsem

Pighead forget darts.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=clv0S--z4p0

Pherekydes

There should be an event called "Whining about first world problems". Guaranteed multiple golds for Ireland.

One suggests Pighead should try Pole Vaulting. All you need is a pole; even a brush handle will do. A modicum of speed and gymnastic ability, and Bob's your uncle: a Gold for Ireland!

Of course, looking at Ireland's success in Rugby, we should endeavour to find other sports that hardly anyone in the world does and try to excel at them.

As for adding new events, we already have too many. I suggest combining a few to reduce the numbers. How about the 10000m High Hurdles? Or the Rhythmic Gymnastic Bike race? Or my own favourite: The Basketball Shot Putt.

Fr_Dougal

Saying mass should be an Olympic Sport.

Think about it...all across the country you'd have fellow priests saying mass as quickly as possible trying to qualify. Even if you're not practising you still get dragged to the odd mass whether it's for a funeral or a wedding or some mad thing like that.

Even though there's only one gold, everybody wins.

Pherekydes

Fr_Dougal wrote: »

Saying mass should be an Olympic Sport.

Think about it...all across the country you'd have fellow priests saying mass as quickly as possible trying to qualify. Even if you're not practising you still get dragged to the odd mass whether it's for a funeral or a wedding or some mad thing like that.

Even though there's only one gold, everybody wins.

Why only one gold? There could be individual and team competitions; there could be golds for different styles; gold for saying mass backwards, forwards; synchronized masses; and gold for saying multiple masses: how many masses can you squeeze in in one hour? Gold for the largest attendance...

So many potential golds for Ireland. But our team would fcuk it up. No doubt. They'd fail the doping tests. Miss masses due to trying to father kids. Be DQed for going over the allowed time limit. Our star "player" might go off in a huff...

celticcrash

Sulky racing. Cops from different countries could try to stop the race by any means possible.
It would be the new chariot event.
The Cops could bring their own sulkys, with blue light attached of course.

Pighead

nice_very wrote: »

last place (as in - did'nt even qualify) in the pretentious third party talking about oneself event, goes to.............


pighead would like to thank all of those that did not in any way support him, as he tried his best but failed.

maybe next time....... (not)

Ouch. What a horrible start to the day for poor old Pighead.

You should enter the 'horrible unprovoked attack' event. Or maybe enter the 'least appropriate username' contest. Nasty piece of work.

Mr. Presentable

Tiddlywinks!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hBx-JazBX7E