Things to do before you pop a sprog

Dudess

I like when people bring their baby in. Those who aren't interested can just ignore, it's really straightforward. I've never heard of anyone being made to feel bad for not being interested, or feeling forced to show enthusiasm.

kfallon

Rocky_Dennis wrote: »

The name of it can be:
Getting Some Loven With One In The Oven

Or "Up The Muff While Up The Duff"

TeddyTedson

Wet the bed and blame it on hormones.

stovelid

kfallon wrote: »

Or "Up The Muff While Up The Duff"

Up the shitter while carrying a critter.

Fiona

Dudess wrote: »

I like when pepole bring their baby in. Those who aren't interested can just ignore, it's really straightforward. I've never heard of anyone being made to feel bad for not being interested, or feeling forced to show enthusiasm.

I don't mind it until the child starts screaming cos it's be passed around like a rag doll. Then it annoys me cos I can't stand the sound of crying baby.

kfallon

stovelid wrote: »

Up the shitter while carrying a critter.

If her co-star has a particularly large 'appendage' we could even call it, "Honey I shrunk the kid" :eek:

:pac:

SEPT 23 1989

Sleep as much as you can

mikemac1

Dudess wrote: »

I like when people bring their baby in. Those who aren't interested can just ignore, it's really straightforward. I've never heard of anyone being made to feel bad for not being interested, or feeling forced to show enthusiasm.

They don't like it when you say they have an ugly baby though

Any new mums bringing their babies to work here hang around the reception area
that way everyone who wants to see them can go down and if you don't then you don't
good plan

as for OP, sleep sleep sleep

Earthhorse

How the hell is she supposed to bring the baby into the office before she's given birth?

Earthhorse

Earthhorse wrote: »

How the hell is she supposed to bring the baby into the office before she's given birth?

she just doesn't need the buggy yet :pac:

ejmaztec

lazygal wrote: »

Looking for suggestions on what I should do before the imminent arrival of BabyLazyGal. One week of freedom to go, what to do with it?

Just wait on the roof for the right time, then treat your newborn to some umbilical bungee jumping. Don't forget to put it on Youtube..

Borboletinha

Try to come to terms with the fact that life as you know it its about to end... forever! Things are never gonna be the same, ever again...













ah, and sleep!:)

pickarooney

Travel

al28283

mikemac1 wrote: »

What will the babys name be?

Let the good people of AH decide

Start a poll!

Atari Jaguar

Pherekydes

Empty your bowel!

Practice breast feeding (any unsuspecting 3 year-old will do).

Make and freeze dinners for the next 18 years.

Put their name down for your favourite school now!

Make love one last time...

stovelid

Pherekydes wrote: »

Practice breast feeding (any unsuspecting 3 year-old will do).
..

I'm sure the work could be contracted out here in the event of no other suitable candidates being forthcoming.

Dr. Feelgood

Is sleeping really good advice? It's not like you can bank all this extra sleep your getting and use it when you need it later. If anything maybe you should try and get used to having less sleep.

flutterflye

You could push around the buggy/pram and put something random in it like a teddy or a cabbage with a smiley face drawn on it, so you can laugh at the faces on onlookers, or give poor little old ladies a heart attack when they peer in.

stovelid

Sleep is overrated.

As you will soon discover.

kfallon

flutterflye wrote: »

You could push around the buggy/pram and put something random in it like a teddy or a cabbage with a smiley face drawn on it, so you can laugh at the faces on onlookers, or give poor little old ladies a heart attack when they peer in.

They will still just say the usual ould, "Ah isn't she/he lovely!!!"

flutterflye

stovelid wrote: »

Sleep is overrated.

As you will soon discover.

:eek:

You crazy?
Sleep is not overrated!

Lucyfur

Get a hollywood/californian wax. Sleep. Have sex/give head in rooms with the door OPEN. Sleep. Have more sex.

Jester252

Talk to your parents about what you were like as a teenager from their point of view and remember that you will have to deal with this in a couple of years.
go on a trampoline to see what happens.
and try not to think about pooping in front of the doctors and the nurses sure they see it everyday

Pherekydes

Jester252 wrote: »

and try not to think about pooping in front of the doctors and the nurses sure they see it everyday

This was taken care of with my first point: Empty your bowel!

Jester252

Pherekydes wrote: »

Jester252 wrote: »

and try not to think about pooping in front of the doctors and the nurses sure they see it everyday

This was taken care of with my first point: Empty your bowel!

Toilets
getto water birth

Ghost Buster

Have unprotected sex whilst fertile.

lazygal

Some good ideas here. Going to stop the next garda I see.

branbee

Enjoy being alone!
And enjoy being bored!

People take these for granted!

hooradiation

lazygal wrote: »

Looking for suggestions on what I should do before the imminent arrival of BabyLazyGal. One week of freedom to go, what to do with it?

Procure a time machine and go back to the fateful night your life was ruined forever and stop the act that created the melon-headed, vagina ripping parasite that has been using your bladder as it's own personal punch bag for the last few months.

or just relax.

Either one is good, really.

pwurple

Go through your wardrobe and pull out some things you can wear after the pregnancy belly goes away. Hurray! You'll still need the maternity wear for a few weeks until the bump settles, but it's nice to have something to look forward to.

Stock up on some post-prego foods that you have been denying yourself. For a treat. Blue cheese, pate, booze, rare steak, drinks with caffeine.

Stick some cabbage leaves in the freezer! You'll need them.

Stock up on the paracetamol. Chemists only let you buy a limited amount in one go, you'll be maxed out on it for about 4 to 6 weeks.

Faolchu

Earthhorse wrote: »

How the hell is she supposed to bring the baby into the office before she's given birth?

as the parasite is inside her she will invariably take the yoke with her wherever she goes so if she just goes into teh office hey presto so does the parasite

shopaholic01

Admire your genitals, they'll never look like that again :rolleyes:

IM0

pwurple wrote: »

Stick some cabbage leaves in the freezer! You'll need them.

in case she runs out of bog roll?

lazygal

IM0 wrote: »

in case she runs out of bog roll?

Nah, its a well known remedy for sore boobs when breastfeeding.

shopaholic01

IM0 wrote: »

in case she runs out of bog roll?

Apparently eases breast pain

flutterflye

shopaholic01 wrote: »

Apparently eases breast pain

It really does.
I felt like such a tit (:D) with cabbage leaves in my bra - but they worked better than the n+ did!
Don't know how it works, but it does.

lazygal

Any more ideas? Maternity leave is boring.

smash

lazygal wrote: »

Any more ideas? Maternity leave is boring.

well have you done any of these suggestions yet?

Nothingbetter2d

practice pea shooting from your fanny.... see if you can aim it just right

lazygal

smash wrote: »

well have you done any of these suggestions yet?

Yes, all of them. The garda was a bit snotty about his hat though.

Nothingbetter2d

lazygal wrote: »

Yes, all of them. The garda was a bit snotty about his hat though.

you haven't tried the pea shooting from your fanny yet though.... you'll need a ream of paper and a hoover pipe

smash

lazygal wrote: »

Yes, all of them. The garda was a bit snotty about his hat though.

Wait, where's the fanny pics?

Nothingbetter2d

smash wrote: »

Wait, where's the fanny pics?

here she is Fanny

It's Fanny Chemlar a profession skiier

lazygal

smash wrote: »

Wait, where's the fanny pics?

The person who correctly guesses the date and time of the sprog's birth will be rewarded with a picture.

Hold your pee for AAAAGGGEEESSSS. From what I hear you wont have the ability for long.

Nothingbetter2d

lazygal wrote: »

The person who correctly guesses the date and time of the sprog's birth will be rewarded with a picture.

next wednesday at about 11:25am

mikemac1

lazygal wrote: »

The person who correctly guesses the date and time of the sprog's birth will be rewarded with a picture.

I've a feeling it'll be late at night

Tuesday night, 11:25pm

lazygal wrote: »

The garda was a bit snotty about his hat though.

Don't mind his moaning
Your right to use his cap is the law!

smash

lazygal wrote: »

The person who correctly guesses the date and time of the sprog's birth will be rewarded with a picture.

Wait... a before or after picture?

Nothingbetter2d

smash wrote: »

Wait... a before or after picture?

i think it would need to be a before.... the after picture would resemble a post explosion event with lots of structural damage to the surrounding areas