The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Colours

HellFireClub wrote: »

Have to say, my experience with POF has gone from zero to hero, the only difference being a small change to my profile and a username change?!?

:cool::cool::cool::cool::cool::cool:

...and maybe a small shift in attitude as well?

I don't mean for that comment to be taken as a dig in any way; I just picked up on a general negative tone in your comments throughout last week about OD.

In any case I'm glad that things have picked for you on the OD front. I've hit a bit of a slump in that department myself. (In case it hasn't been pointed out before: there are plenty of swings and roundabouts on OD!).

The guy, with whom I've been out on 2 pretty steamy dates so far, has still not replied back to the message I sent him four days ago. I don't get it. If he's playing it cool then that's just another kind of game playing and I'm not interested playing along by those "rules". If he's not interested in me for whatever reason then I'd appreciate if he could take the time to tell me this. A simple message would do!

And while I'm on that particular subject .... to all those posters out there asking if they should let the other person know that they're not interested in pursuing things any further with them, then the answer is an unequivocal YES. You should have the balls to do this even though I know it sucks but as they say honesty is the best policy and the other person should appreciate that you at least showed them the respect of not stringing them along.

The rate of messaging back and forth between me and this guy is like wading through treacle on a cold day and emanates zero passion or even interest from his corner. I wouldn't be surprised if he messages me in the next day or so just taking up where I left off in my message to him four days ago. If this was back in the pony express days, I'd be getting a faster turn around from my paramour than this! Like the point of dating is to firstly see how the pair of you gel with eachother and then after that assuming you're both on the same page, it's to build on this initial attraction. If I really like a guy I want to hear from him and about him all the time and I don't think that's abnormal.

blacklilly

Has anyone ever seen someone off a dating site that they never met but just recognised them from their pictures?
Happened me while food shopping the other day, see this guy and kept saying to myself that I know him from somewhere, could see him looking at me too. Then it dawned on me and for some silly reason I could feel my
face go red

Hardonraging

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

....

Personally, it sounds as if he was clutching at straw's, I wonder if there's a Stockholm syndrome for OD.

Sarah** wrote: »

Hope everyone is having a date filled weekend! Any nice tales from dates so far this weekend?

I had quite the amazing weekend with the same girl I've been courting, technically date no three was Saturday night, altho thing's ran on a little longer than either of us expected.

Inevitably we spent today involved in multiple activities/conversations and parted ways as we both have to return to normality tomorrow, which of course was a shame given the spark between us has grown over the past few weeks.

We're still working out the bumps along the way,it's far from smooth sailing, but even if she left me now i'd always remember the time we had together.

Sarah**

Hardonraging wrote: »

Personally, it sounds as if he was clutching at straw's, I wonder if there's a Stockholm syndrome for OD.





I had quite the amazing weekend with the same girl I've been courting, technically date no three was Saturday night, altho thing's ran on a little longer than either of us expected.

Inevitably we spent today involved in multiple activities/conversations and parted ways as we both have to return to normality tomorrow, which of course was a shame given the spark between us has grown over the past few weeks.

We're still working out the bumps along the way,it's far from smooth sailing, but even if she left me now i'd always remember the time we had together.

That's lovely! Date three and it sounds like it certainly did run longer... given it started on Saturday.

Any advice on how you managed that!? lol...

Did you meet her on POF?

Funny enough, I have just returned from my date three.... I was given a surprise by him which he clearly put alot of thought in to... so for those people out there doubting things... Don't give up. Some people really do put in the effort...

So spill all... How was your weekend? Any chats which may lead to dates or dates which may lead to chats?

Hardonraging

Sarah** wrote: »

Any advice on how you managed that!? lol...

Did you meet her on POF?

Seems my linguistic skills captivated her so much she couldnt leave..

I spotted her on pof a while back

Sarah** wrote: »

Don't give up. Some people really do put in the effort...

I'd echo what Sarah is saying here, sometimes in life you really have to work hard for something, and when it comes to online dating it's all too easy to go down the simple route, the dinner, drink's, cinema.

I once drove 3 hours for the chance to see a girl, people said i was crazy, but i'd do it again because in the end, If you want something in life you have to put in the effort, and let that person know they are worth it.

Mucky.Bucky

Colours wrote: »

The guy, with whom I've been out on 2 pretty steamy dates so far, has still not replied back to the message I sent him four days ago. I don't get it. If he's playing it cool then that's just another kind of game playing and I'm not interested playing along by those "rules". If he's not interested in me for whatever reason then I'd appreciate if he could take the time to tell me this. A simple message would do!

At least he didn't acknowledge your text and tell you he was going to reply/text/call back later and then not. Setting you up to expect something, then nothing. And although you're not sitting around waiting for him, your mind is sometimes on what he said he would do. Perhaps, some days and time later you'd be tempted to text him again because maybe there might be a logical reason. Just for him to fob you off again the same way. I'll reply back later and then nothing.
Fcuk sake: why say it if you don't intend to do it.
(i had some lad last year string me along like this but with a gift he wanted to send me in the post and but it was nothing but it was nothing but excuses).
Nasty nasty nasty nasty fcuk

Colours wrote: »

And while I'm on that particular subject .... to all those posters out there asking if they should let the other person know that they're not interested in pursuing things any further with them, then the answer is an unequivocal YES. You should have the balls to do this even though I know it sucks but as they say honesty is the best policy and the other person should appreciate that you at least showed them the respect of not stringing them along.

I whole heartedly agree with this. Especially if things are going on a good path. Perhaps you're into the 3rd, 4th, 5th date, maybe even took it a step further and into a bedroom, if there's a change of heart or there's no click or chemistry or it's not working for you, be up front about it and say so. If you're worried about breaking their heart or upsetting them, you won't. Not after a couple of dates anyways. The honesty is to be appreciated and respected because you know where you stand and you're not left waiting and hanging and wondering.
It's even worse when something like this is communicated by setting you up with an expectation to receive something like a text/call/date/gifts/whatever just to not do it, give an excuse and leave you guessing. Jesus christ!

Galvasean

blacklilly wrote: »

Has anyone ever seen someone off a dating site that they never met but just recognised them from their pictures?
Happened me while food shopping the other day, see this guy and kept saying to myself that I know him from somewhere, could see him looking at me too. Then it dawned on me and for some silly reason I could feel my
face go red

Actually when I was en route to the tGC Galway Beers I was in the Eason in Hueston station. I was walking one way and this girl was walking the other. We both 'double taked'. It wasn't until later that I realised I recognised her face from OD. I was also in a bar once and was served by a girl I messaged on OKC. I don't think she recognised me. Just as well since she didn't reply :P

HellFireClub

blacklilly wrote: »

Has anyone ever seen someone off a dating site that they never met but just recognised them from their pictures?
Happened me while food shopping the other day, see this guy and kept saying to myself that I know him from somewhere, could see him looking at me too. Then it dawned on me and for some silly reason I could feel my
face go red

Lol, I'm laughing as I write this, nah I'm not even gonna say it, will probably get an infraction for saying this, well I recognised a girl on it this week and let's just say, last time I saw those eyes looking into mine...........!

;);););););)

HellFireClub

Colours wrote: »

...and maybe a small shift in attitude as well?

I don't mean for that comment to be taken as a dig in any way; I just picked up on a general negative tone in your comments throughout last week about OD.

In any case I'm glad that things have picked for you on the OD front. I've hit a bit of a slump in that department myself. (In case it hasn't been pointed out before: there are plenty of swings and roundabouts on OD!).

The guy, with whom I've been out on 2 pretty steamy dates so far, has still not replied back to the message I sent him four days ago. I don't get it. If he's playing it cool then that's just another kind of game playing and I'm not interested playing along by those "rules". If he's not interested in me for whatever reason then I'd appreciate if he could take the time to tell me this. A simple message would do!

And while I'm on that particular subject .... to all those posters out there asking if they should let the other person know that they're not interested in pursuing things any further with them, then the answer is an unequivocal YES. You should have the balls to do this even though I know it sucks but as they say honesty is the best policy and the other person should appreciate that you at least showed them the respect of not stringing them along.

The rate of messaging back and forth between me and this guy is like wading through treacle on a cold day and emanates zero passion or even interest from his corner. I wouldn't be surprised if he messages me in the next day or so just taking up where I left off in my message to him four days ago. If this was back in the pony express days, I'd be getting a faster turn around from my paramour than this! Like the point of dating is to firstly see how the pair of you gel with eachother and then after that assuming you're both on the same page, it's to build on this initial attraction. If I really like a guy I want to hear from him and about him all the time and I don't think that's abnormal.

I fully take your point on the negativity. I've 3 dates set up for next week now, weird turnaround! Well there yiz go all you doubters, I told ye I wasn't that frugly!

A major prob with internet dating though I think is the fact that even though you can have a great date (and it sounds like you did!), you can be dealing with other partially arranged dates and dates that are running into second dates, with the other person, and any lads I know as in mates, who had a schedule of dates set up and were having a run of luck with it, would be milking it a bit for a while, (I'm not saying I agree with this a bit but it can be the way people approach OD). I know this isn't fair on you and I'm not saying this is what is happening in your case but it is a serious drawback I think with OD, if you do meet someone you do like, the question always arises, what do you do with the dating site profile???

ladylost

I just saw my first full frontal pic on POF!! Some guy has them as his profile pics. Would any girl really think that's attractive and think oh I must message him!!!

Today also out of the blue I've had mails from guys I messaged weeks ago. Think I won't bother replying to them. If someone doesn't message for weeks that makes me think I'm the back up plan? Not looking to be anyone's back up plan.

The guy I've been meeting is confusing me a bit. He seems keen enough to meet up but let's just say there is very little on the physical side when we do. I'm not sure if it's because he's shy or he's friend zoning me without having the conversation. I'm planning to bring up the subject next time we meet. Any suggestions on how best to phase it would be welcome. Thanks.

HellFireClub

ladylost wrote: »

I just saw my first full frontal pic on POF!! Some guy has them as his profile pics. Would any girl really think that's attractive and think oh I must message him!!!

Today also out of the blue I've had mails from guys I messaged weeks ago. Think I won't bother replying to them. If someone doesn't message for weeks that makes me think I'm the back up plan? Not looking to be anyone's back up plan.

The guy I've been meeting is confusing me a bit. He seems keen enough to meet up but let's just say there is very little on the physical side when we do. I'm not sure if it's because he's shy or he's friend zoning me without having the conversation. I'm planning to bring up the subject next time we meet. Any suggestions on how best to phase it would be welcome. Thanks.

This sounds like me, don't kill him off just 'cos he could be a bit shy! I was like this, only coming out of it now, some guys can be a bit of a Fr. Dougal when it comes to making a move, take the initiative and make it easier for him!

ladylost

HellFireClub wrote: »

This sounds like me, don't kill him off just 'cos he could be a bit shy! I was like this, only coming out of it now, some guys can be a bit of a Fr. Dougal when it comes to making a move, take the initiative and make it easier for him!

I kind of tried that but it didn't really work. I think he's interested but I don't want to be throwing myself at him either. Need some kind of indication from him so at this stage think it's just better to have the chat. Then we all know where we stand and can go from there.

HellFireClub

ladylost wrote: »

I kind of tried that but it didn't really work. I think he's interested but I don't want to be throwing myself at him either. Need some kind of indication from him so at this stage think it's just better to have the chat. Then we all know where we stand and can go from there.

Are we talking about a first kiss here? Seriously, some guys (I'm one of them), can be hard work in this dept, you're as well just making the move for him!

Armaghmagic

Been chatting to a girl on POF and she has been shortening words throughout her messages.

I asked her if she was on many dates and she said "no", i asked why to which she replied "i must be too picky"......i spotted my ironic chance and asked "so would you date a man who constantly uses text speak" to which she replied "text speak??". I give up!

HellFireClub

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Been chatting to a girl on POF and she has been shortening words throughout her messages.

I asked her if she was on many dates and she said "no", i asked why to which she replied "i must be too picky"......i spotted my ironic chance and asked "so would you date a man who constantly uses text speak" to which she replied "text speak??". I give up!

When my run of luck with the messaging & dates ends, will someone remind me that POF did actually appear to work for a few nights, when I'm throwing the baby out with the bath water next week and ranting about deleting my account?!?!?

ladylost

HellFireClub wrote: »

Are we talking about a first kiss here? Seriously, some guys (I'm one of them), can be hard work in this dept, you're as well just making the move for him!

Yes we're talking first kiss. Will see how we go if we meet this week.

Armaghmagic

While im giving out about POF (when it really isn't all that bad), another thing that gets me is when women from Northern Ireland block me because I am from another country. Being on the border with the north most of the women available for me to contact are in the 6 counties. Limits my chances even further!

Honey-ec

Well I had absolute RUCTIONS with a POF squeeze that I'd been seeing on and off since June on Sunday. Don't think I'll be hearing from him again. Which is absolute pants because out of all the dates I've been on from POF, this is the one guy I really, really liked.

Sigh.

Maguined

Honey-ec wrote: »

Well I had absolute RUCTIONS with a POF squeeze that I'd been seeing on and off since June on Sunday. Don't think I'll be hearing from him again. Which is absolute pants because out of all the dates I've been on from POF, this is the one guy I really, really liked.

Sigh.

What happened? it turn out they were a closet Munster fan? :pac:

Was tempted to sign up to OD again last night, but remembered how much of a distraction it was for me and thought the better of it.

Hardonraging

Honey-ec wrote: »

Well I had absolute RUCTIONS with a POF squeeze that I'd been seeing on and off since June on Sunday. Don't think I'll be hearing from him again. Which is absolute pants because out of all the dates I've been on from POF, this is the one guy I really, really liked.

Sigh.

Sorry to hear things didnt work out with him, altho i have an idea why, i wont say out loud anyway ..

Who knows what will happen in the long run, you may get a surprise msg from him in a week or two ..

Honey-ec

Maguined wrote: »

What happened?

Nutshell version: he saw messages on my phone from another guy I'm dating and went mad. The irony is, I would have happily gone exclusive with this first guy, only he was at pains to point out that he wasn't in the headspace for a relationship. I took this to mean that he was dating other people too, but apparently not. In fairness to him, he accepted that he didn't really have any right to be jealous, given that we weren't in a relationship, but said he couldn't help it, he felt "cheated on". Haven't heard from him since Sunday, and don't think I will be.

Herrick

Had a date the weekend, got on great. Had been talking for ages before hand and she was really into me, but I blew it

Really liked her as well

ladylost

Herrick wrote: »

Had a date the weekend, got on great. Had been talking for ages before hand and she was really into me, but I blew it

Really liked her as well

Sorry to hear that. Are u sure u blew it?

HellFireClub

Honey-ec wrote: »

Nutshell version: he saw messages on my phone from another guy I'm dating and went mad. The irony is, I would have happily gone exclusive with this first guy, only he was at pains to point out that he wasn't in the headspace for a relationship. I took this to mean that he was dating other people too, but apparently not. In fairness to him, he accepted that he didn't really have any right to be jealous, given that we weren't in a relationship, but said he couldn't help it, he felt "cheated on". Haven't heard from him since Sunday, and don't think I will be.

To be honest, that sounds more like he wanted out (or maybe a better way of putting it is he didn't want to take it any further), and you handed him a convenient excuse. This is the problem with OD I think, you can meet someone, have the chemistry & the craic, you can end up thinking you're half way up the hill, until the person you've been dating turns out to be pursuing something similar with this weeks squeeze, it's a major flaw with OD I think...

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

To be honest, that sounds more like he wanted out (or maybe a better way of putting it is he didn't want to take it any further), and you handed him a convenient excuse. This is the problem with OD I think, you can meet someone, have the chemistry & the craic, you can end up thinking you're half way up the hill, until the person you've been dating turns out to be pursuing something similar with this weeks squeeze, it's a major flaw with OD I think...

That's the complete opposite to how I'd read it.

Sounds like he was just upset that you were seeing another guy at the same time as him...and even though he said he wasn't in the right place for a relationship, he still really likes you...

Hardonraging

riveratom wrote: »

That's the complete opposite to how I'd read it.

Sounds like he was just upset that you were seeing another guy at the same time as him...and even though he said he wasn't in the right place for a relationship, he still really likes you...

You know what i said obv in my pm, but i'd agree with RT here, his heart got a sudden kick when he realised he wasn't the only guy you were seeing..

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

That's the complete opposite to how I'd read it.

Sounds like he was just upset that you were seeing another guy at the same time as him...and even though he said he wasn't in the right place for a relationship, he still really likes you...

Well either he wants a relationship or he doesn't...

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well either he wants a relationship or he doesn't...

Not that simple though...

riveratom

Grr. Had date 2 with a smokin' hot girl last night, it was strange though as even though we got on great, it felt a bit 'flat', like there was nothing really there. We had a laugh and got on well, but just didn't feel like there was much between us. Got a text confirming the same on her end earlier....onwards and upwards so!!

stargazer 68

Honey-ec wrote: »

Nutshell version: he saw messages on my phone from another guy I'm dating and went mad.

How did he see them Honey?