The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

wobblyknees

Hardonraging wrote: »

Dont ! that's not what im saying.

Perhaps it's my understanding of how a normal relationship works, but reguardless of how much you like / dislike the other person's hobbies, i'd always ask and involve my self in them, i'd never immerse my self in them, but i'd always show that i'm interested.

It's a little thing called support, turns out women love it !

My tongue was firmly in my cheek. I fully agree with what you are saying. The point I really am making is that if all a person says is something like "I'm not her for a long time, so I'm here for a good time, I love going out with my girlies, watching a DVD and drinking a bottle of wine, anything else just ask" I get what I like to call as "meh syndrome".

seachto7

So, put up a profile. I was on pof before, but made ZERO effort, and way too cynical. Emailed a few, but no replies from 90%. A few emails over and back with one person, got no reply to my last mail, and that was kind of it. It's nearly a mirror of what is going on in real life for me!!!
Not sure what to make of it really.........

Varied

seachto7 wrote: »

So, put up a profile. I was on pof before, but made ZERO effort, and way too cynical. Emailed a few, but no replies from 90%. A few emails over and back with one person, got no reply to my last mail, and that was kind of it. It's nearly a mirror of what is going on in real life for me!!!
Not sure what to make of it really.........

I'd say it doesn't get better. I've met a few online and a few in real life over the last few weeks, although it has usually been a fun night, I've lost interest the next day. It is definitely tough out there, but at least you may have fun along the way.

seachto7

Well, yeah, no way I'm going to take it seriously, it's just another avenue to explore, but so far, I am not expecting much from it. Worse again, if you are based outside the pale, as I am...

riveratom

seachto7 wrote: »

Well, yeah, no way I'm going to take it seriously, it's just another avenue to explore, but so far, I am not expecting much from it. Worse again, if you are based outside the pale, as I am...

You defo can't take it seriously, that's for sure. Very hit and miss but if you get to go on a few dates and meet some people, and maybe have some fun along the way as mentioned, sure all good

seachto7

since my last post, a barrage of emails, but not sure I would like to meet any of them, but I am being nice and replying to all of them.......

Busy Lizzie

seachto7 wrote: »

since my last post, a barrage of emails, but not sure I would like to meet any of them, but I am being nice and replying to all of them.......

This is what I'm struggling with... should I "be nice" and reply to people when I think we have nothing in common and dont see us meeting up? Or just ignore them? I feel that by replying it's expressing some bit of interest and I think that would be misleading...

Busy Lizzie

I was wondering where the "Meet me" button was as I was getting loads of notifications of them, but the same people weren't bothered enough to send me a mail! I've just found it I think, at the top of the page in POF there's a Meet Me option, where if you click it, it shows a random pic and a Yes/No/Maybe button. It's crap like this that takes the good out of OD. Sure obviously people are just going through that like a shopping cart and not even reading your profile. :mad: Less than a week on POF and already I'm frustrated!!!

riveratom

seachto7 wrote: »

since my last post, a barrage of emails, but not sure I would like to meet any of them, but I am being nice and replying to all of them.......

On POF? I rarely get emails on there, except from girls I don't fancy....

seachto7

yup, anyone I did fancy, I emailed, and they didn't reply!!! It's the same story in real life for me!!

riveratom

seachto7 wrote: »

yup, anyone I did fancy, I emailed, and they didn't reply!!! It's the same story in real life for me!!

POF is a bit of a meat-market to be fair though. Defo one to take with the biggest pinch of salt.

I'd estimate the attractive girls on there get upwards of 75-100 messages a day. So even if you fancied say 10 guys who mail, are you really going to email all of them, much less meet / end up going on a date with any or even one or two of them!

seachto7

I think I might just do nothing. Let them come to me!

you wha?

Whats with the "Meet Me" function?! so and says he wants to meet you.....eh,just mail me so?!? i dont get it! :mad:

smileyj1987

you wha? wrote: »

Whats with the "Meet Me" function?! so and says he wants to meet you.....eh,just mail me so?!? i dont get it! :mad:

I have 9 people on that thing and have mailed them all and not one of them sent me anything back !!!

I have been mailing 3 different people for the last 4 day but as of tonight not one of them have mailed me back the joys of OD . Ah well time to find some one else :D

Galvasean

Busy Lizzie wrote: »

This is what I'm struggling with... should I "be nice" and reply to people when I think we have nothing in common and dont see us meeting up? Or just ignore them? I feel that by replying it's expressing some bit of interest and I think that would be misleading...

Based on feedback in this thread some people would prefer to be mailed back, but most people say they would rather not be mailed back at all to avoid a sense of 'false hope'. Personally I think the former group are clutching at straws TBH.

I've recently started using the POF phone app and have noticed I have been getting a lot more replies to my mails since I started messaging off it. I think I'm more comfortable messaging from my phone as it feels more natural/casual, whereas sending emails via computer feels business like and less fun....
Anyone else feel like this?

jodiebeat

Hey everyone very infrequent poster on boards I think roughly 3 or 4 times max but I've been giving pof a try recently and just need to have a good ole rant!!
Tale of Woe 1: Had been chatting to one lovely guy describes himself on his profile as looking for a relationship and after about two weeks of messaging he suggests meeting up and delighted I agree. Cue stony silence
Tale of Woe 2: Chatting to a guy for about three weeks really good banter as well as some more indepth convo and about 10 minutes ago in the middle of conversation he deletes his profile!
Maybe I'm just too young for this online craic (22) but the last guy made me seriously go ouch!:(
Anyhoo typing this out has helped so thanks for reading!

newbee22

Galvasean wrote: »

I've recently started using the POF phone app and have noticed I have been getting a lot more replies to my mails since I started messaging off it. I think I'm more comfortable messaging from my phone as it feels more natural/casual, whereas sending emails via computer feels business like and less fun....
Anyone else feel like this?

I agree with using phone app is way easier- the way you message kind of flows better- feels easier to come across as yourself as oppossed to writing an email!

Still receiving lots of messages from older men- i must look really old in my picture

smileyj1987

jodiebeat wrote: »

Hey everyone very infrequent poster on boards I think roughly 3 or 4 times max but I've been giving pof a try recently and just need to have a good ole rant!!
Tale of Woe 1: Had been chatting to one lovely guy describes himself on his profile as looking for a relationship and after about two weeks of messaging he suggests meeting up and delighted I agree. Cue stony silence
Tale of Woe 2: Chatting to a guy for about three weeks really good banter as well as some more indepth convo and about 10 minutes ago in the middle of conversation he deletes his profile!
Maybe I'm just too young for this online craic (22) but the last guy made me seriously go ouch!:(
Anyhoo typing this out has helped so thanks for reading!

Ah I think you need to have a tough skin for the OD thing because you will get a fair few knock backs . I know this from experience of it but you will find somebody eventually it will take time to weed out all the ego trippers but when you do it will be worth it . Ah your not too young to be using , I think alot more young people use it .

you wha?

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I have 9 people on that thing and have mailed them all and not one of them sent me anything back !!!

I have been mailing 3 different people for the last 4 day but as of tonight not one of them have mailed me back the joys of OD . Ah well time to find some one else :D

part of me thinks its POF messing with my head....ha!

Larianne

newbee22 wrote: »

Still receiving lots of messages from older men- i must look really old in my picture

Check your user settings. You might not have a limit on your age setting.

Galvasean

jodiebeat wrote: »

Tale of Woe 1: Had been chatting to one lovely guy describes himself on his profile as looking for a relationship and after about two weeks of messaging he suggests meeting up and delighted I agree. Cue stony silence
Tale of Woe 2: Chatting to a guy for about three weeks really good banter as well as some more indepth convo and about 10 minutes ago in the middle of conversation he deletes his profile!

That's really rough on both counts. The only advice I can really offer is to dust yourself off and not let it bother you (easier said than done by times, I know for sure). It's a bit tricky, but you have to try not get too attached to people before you meet up as they can be prone to disappearing on you for no apparent reason. In fact I'd hazard a guess that there is not a single poster on this thread that it has not happened to. Just for future reference even after a date or two this happens reasonably often as well. There seems to be a lot of people out there with no manners / respect.

stargazer 68

Galvasean wrote: »

The only advice I can really offer is to dust yourself off and not let it bother you (easier said than done by times, I know for sure). It's a bit tricky, but you have to try not get too attached to people before you meet up as they can be prone to disappearing on you for no apparent reason.

Oh yeah!! Lost count of the number of 'dates' I had lined up sometimes and then they just vanished. To be honest I think it was just to get the thrill of someone saying yes to them for some people!

riveratom

Galvasean wrote: »

That's really rough on both counts. The only advice I can really offer is to dust yourself off and not let it bother you (easier said than done by times, I know for sure). It's a bit tricky, but you have to try not get too attached to people before you meet up as they can be prone to disappearing on you for no apparent reason. In fact I'd hazard a guess that there is not a single poster on this thread that it has not happened to. Just for future reference even after a date or two this happens reasonably often as well. There seems to be a lot of people out there with no manners / respect.

Dovies wrote: »

Oh yeah!! Lost count of the number of 'dates' I had lined up sometimes and then they just vanished. To be honest I think it was just to get the thrill of someone saying yes to them for some people!

I think it's one of the issues with the 'online' part of online dating as well, and why nobody should take it seriously. With the cloak of anonymity, it's far too handy for some people to just disappear in a way that they wouldn't do (and wouldn't have the balls to), in real life.

If you met someone in real life, had their number, knew people who knew them, etc, you wouldn't go disappearing as it would just look weird and you would naturally get called on it. That's not an issue with online, but the way you should look at it is that you have dodged a bullet by not meeting them.

cantdecide

It's the 'treat it as a numbers game' factor. You throw out a dozen hooks and you have to tend them all no matter how many bites you get. You're used to being let down so you keep your options open and when you become 'successful', inevitably you will be the one doing the letting down. OD is a world of pain and disappointment. It's hard to know why we bother

HellFireClub

you wha? wrote: »

Whats with the "Meet Me" function?! so and says he wants to meet you.....eh,just mail me so?!? i dont get it! :mad:

It's just for killing boredom, it doesn't actually mean someone wants to meet you!

jodiebeat

Thanks everyone really sound advice there! I'll try scout out a good thick rhino hide for my next log in! Good luck everyone!

Galvasean

cantdecide wrote: »

It's hard to know why we bother

Because we are sick of the pub/club scene

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

Because we are sick of the pub/club scene

Jesus Christ if I read that line one more time on POF! :mad: Well have a few dates lined up, have to say, the more I continue with it and lurch closer to going on dates as opposed to just chatting, mailing or texting other people, the more I struggle to keep engaging with it, I couldn't be getting on better I think, with the folks I'm chatting to on POF, but I'm just not able to get into it for some reason at the moment, which is a bit of a pity as I've agreed to go on 3 dates over the next week, but I just can't get into it at all, and I have to say the dates I'm meant to be going on, they couldn't be nicer people (as in numbers swopped, plenty of banter back and forth and what appears to be an initial attraction based only on pics obviously)...

I've done the OD thing before and didn't run into this mental block that I seem to be having with it right now, I actually got on great with it before, but I've just no interest whatsoever in it at the moment, only seems to have come over me in the last 2 days...

seachto7

I got a telling off for not asking 2 people for dates. I wasn't going to anyhow, but that was that....

JamesBond2010

Can i just say i think POF is gone total **** now. it is always the same old people thats on it..No new faces & if there is they only last afew days then they are gone. i found the women to be very stuck up full of them selves on it.Some of them no pic no reply, yet they dont have pic themselves..& if u donk look like george clooney or ryan renolds your screwed..