The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

riveratom

miec wrote: »

You are looking it purely from a numbers perspective. If a woman receives three e-mails per week when her profile states clearly she is looking for a relationship and all of those e-mails are men looking for sex only then they are equivalent to getting no e-mails, they are worthless. I would rather have one mail a week that is from a man who is genuine.

That's because it is all about the numbers to a large extent.

Let's say that the % of decent messages anyone (male/female) gets is 10%. The rest are either sleazy mails, useless 'hi' mails or ok emails but you aren't interested in the person based on looks profile. But the 10% are ones you will reply to, to see where it goes.

If I am a typical guy, and I get say 8 messages in 14 days, then I may get 1 decent email (at an absolute stretch).

If I am a typical girl, and I get say 30 messages in 14 days, then I may get 3 decent emails.

Therefore, even though a female might have a higher % of rubbish mails, the number of decent emails is potentially significantly higher.

The above is just surmising though, but I can't imagine the theory is that far off.

cantdecide

singlesnights wrote: »

...I think there are a lot of guys on the site who basically do a mail blitz...

Out of curiosity, does anyone out there do this? Personally, I don't and don't think I ever would.

Ah_Yeah

I used to get a lot of messages (we're talking about 10 a day), but I found that since I don't have the app on my phone any more (stupid poor man's smartphone with zero memory, had to choose between that and facebook ), I don't get as many, because I'm not online.

Galvasean

miec wrote: »

You are looking it purely from a numbers perspective. If a woman receives three e-mails per week when her profile states clearly she is looking for a relationship and all of those e-mails are men looking for sex only then they are equivalent to getting no e-mails, they are worthless. I would rather have one mail a week that is from a man who is genuine.

This x 1000.
Getting mail you don't want is worse than getting no mail at all.

cantdecide wrote: »

Out of curiosity, does anyone out there do this? Personally, I don't and don't think I ever would.

I'm a picky bugger so I typically would not encounter enough profiles to 'mail blitz'. When I do find a profile that I actually want to message I put a bit of care into it to maximize the chances of getting a reply. Generi-messages are easily spotted and rarely replied to.

CastorTroy

Going by some of the comments here, I thought most people did the blitz thing since there are people with multiple dates within a small time period.

Honey-ec wrote: »

Over, always over! Maybe I should add that to the list of criteria on my profile. Oh wait, I don't have any...

Sorry Honey, but it has to be under

Galvasean

CastorTroy wrote: »

Going by some of the comments here, I thought most people did the blitz thing since there are people with multiple dates within a small time period.

I think 'blitz' refers to copy n' pasting a message to literally dozens of profiles. You can be quite successful writing proper messages to a few people though.

smallgarden

Ah_Yeah wrote: »

Just got this message on POF:

"Stunner hi"


I don't even

got same message!


also i dont see what problem is with short hi,how are you messages from women.if i like a guy il send him short message to express interest assuming if he likes my profile hell reply or wont if he doesnt.if im lazy il click show interest button.

Piliger

I am getting frustrated with girls who reply that they don't think we have much in common. What I don't like about it is this clothes rack shopping style of dating. In real life a lot of the best couple and relationships come from people who don't share loads of common interests. I really think it is a mistaken strategy to actively count how many things you have in common. Also people often fail to list everything .. I mean who can think of them ... often they are just so part of your life that they don't come to mind.

Honey-ec

Piliger wrote: »

I am getting frustrated with girls who reply that they don't think we have much in common.

Not saying it's the case with you, but I think a lot of the time people use the "not much in common" thing because it's nicer than saying "I don't fancy you."

ViveLaVie

CastorTroy wrote: »

I'm 5' 10". And honestly, I've no problem with height. Though I do remember a number of years ago being out with someone who I knew beforehand and this was second time out together without others. But then I became really aware of thinking how to try to give her a kiss while trying to be subtle in case she rejects. She was about 5 foot. But that whole thing was partially my fault, being that I tend to overthink things

I'm 5 ft 1 myself and I wouldn't consider 5 ft 10 to be overly tall. Sure you're slightly above average and I'm below average but even so...

All my exes have been over 6 ft. I do have a weird preference for very tall men though but equally I've come across lots of said tall men who like my height and like petite women in general. Maybe we're freaks! :eek:

I wouldn't like to be excluded as a potential for my height anyway, though I'm sure it's happened. My most recent ex was very shy and would never have initiated a kiss even if we'd been the same height. We met in a pub and though I normally wear heels out I happened to be wearing Converse that night. Long story short, we ended up kissing when I couldn't hear something he'd said and he bent down to repeat it. There were other opportunities though, like we kept leaning close and at one point he was sitting and I was standing. So while a big difference in height can make a spontaneous kiss more difficult it can be done!

Maybe others think that that's too much of a gap, but I don't and my exes evidently don't either. In fact, a lot of them have found my height cute, particularly my most recent ex who was very attracted to my tinyness. And just look at Will Smith and Jada Pinkett (he's 6 ft 4 and she's around 4 ft 10/11 I think).

Did you manage to kiss that girl in the end??

cantdecide

Piliger wrote: »

I am getting frustrated with...

If you're getting frustrated, you're not staying detached. Detachment is paramount if you wish to avoid sacrificing your mental health.

seachto7

I think I have exhausted the site within a week. I emailed any who I was attracted to initially and whose profile seemed cool.
Let's face it, physical attraction is the first thing that draws you in. After that it's the luck of the draw....

Maybe they don't think I'm attractive or don't think I have a serious profile up, which is fair enough I guess.....

CastorTroy

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Did you manage to kiss that girl in the end??

Nope! *cue the violins* Work/life got in the way. Or maybe she was wondering why I hadn't made a move and didn't want to initiate.

But I'm another one who finds shorter girls have the whole cuteness thing in their favour.

Maybe you like tall men and vice versa so your average height is... well... average.

But I wouldn't even base anything on the heights in profiles unless it was mentioned. One profile I read had the girl mention she was 5 foot 2 and a half emphasising that at her height, the half matters.

wobblyknees

ViveLaVie wrote: »

I'm 5 ft 1 myself and I wouldn't consider 5 ft 10 to be overly tall. Sure you're slightly above average and I'm below average but even so...

All my exes have been over 6 ft. I do have a weird preference for very tall men though but equally I've come across lots of said tall men who like my height and like petite women in general. Maybe we're freaks! :eek:

I wouldn't like to be excluded as a potential for my height anyway, though I'm sure it's happened. My most recent ex was very shy and would never have initiated a kiss even if we'd been the same height. We met in a pub and though I normally wear heels out I happened to be wearing Converse that night. Long story short, we ended up kissing when I couldn't hear something he'd said and he bent down to repeat it. There were other opportunities though, like we kept leaning close and at one point he was sitting and I was standing. So while a big difference in height can make a spontaneous kiss more difficult it can be done!

Maybe others think that that's too much of a gap, but I don't and my exes evidently don't either. In fact, a lot of them have found my height cute, particularly my most recent ex who was very attracted to my tinyness. And just look at Will Smith and Jada Pinkett (he's 6 ft 4 and she's around 4 ft 10/11 I think).

Did you manage to kiss that girl in the end??

I like shorter girls, makes me feel all manly and protective as I am just over 6 foot.

ViveLaVie

CastorTroy wrote: »

Nope! *cue the violins* Work/life got in the way. Or maybe she was wondering why I hadn't made a move and didn't want to initiate.

But I'm another one who finds shorter girls have the whole cuteness thing in their favour.

Maybe you like tall men and vice versa so your average height is... well... average.

But I wouldn't even base anything on the heights in profiles unless it was mentioned. One profile I read had the girl mention she was 5 foot 2 and a half emphasising that at her height, the half matters.

That's a pity but hopefully we'll all have far more opportunities to go for the unexpected kiss!

Haha, nope my preference is firmly for over 6 footers. If that makes me weird, so be it! I certainly wouldn't have any reason not to date a shorter man though! I am so short that just about any man towers over me...

wobblyknees wrote: »

I like shorter girls, makes me feel all manly and protective as I am just over 6 foot.

That is exactly it for me too! I feel like a very tall man is well equipped to protect me

I think, especially in the world of OD when you make your impression of someone based on a picture and a paragraph, it's important not to rule people out for the sake of things like height etc. Perhaps others will disagree with me but I think you'd really be narrowing down your chances to exclude people based on things like that!

Larianne

seachto7 wrote: »

I think I have exhausted the site within a week. I emailed any who I was attracted to initially and whose profile seemed cool.
Let's face it, physical attraction is the first thing that draws you in. After that it's the luck of the draw....

Maybe they don't think I'm attractive or don't think I have a serious profile up, which is fair enough I guess.....

Maybe change your profile up a bit. Worked for a poster very recently, had a totally different experience on PoF. In fact, he hasn't posted since his impromptu date on Saturday! (that could be a good or bad thing! :pac:)

wobblyknees

Larianne wrote: »

Maybe change your profile up a bit. Worked for a poster very recently, had a totally different experience on PoF. In fact, he hasn't posted since his impromptu date on Saturday! (that could be a good or bad thing! :pac:)

Maybe he is still on his date.

wobblyknees

ViveLaVie wrote: »

That's a pity but hopefully we'll all have far more opportunities to go for the unexpected kiss!

Haha, nope my preference is firmly for over 6 footers. If that makes me weird, so be it! I certainly wouldn't have any reason not to date a shorter man though! I am so short that just about any man towers over me...




That is exactly it for me too! I feel like a very tall man is well equipped to protect me

I think, especially in the world of OD when you make your impression of someone based on a picture and a paragraph, it's important not to rule people out for the sake of things like height etc. Perhaps others will disagree with me but I think you'd really be narrowing down your chances to exclude people based on things like that!

When I'm doing a search, I don't even look at things like hair, height, education etc. Only a couple of obvious criteria like age for example. I have to admit though, the idea of a woman taller then me is a little scary for some reason!

Novella

I'm starting to think I must be ridiculously fussy or have unduly high expectations because I reply to such a small minority of mail. I seem to get so many "Hi" messages or messages looking for NSA and I dunno, I think I'm gonna quit 'cause it seems a bit pointless for me.

Larianne

Novella wrote: »

I'm starting to think I must be ridiculously fussy or have unduly high expectations because I reply to such a small minority of mail. I seem to get so many "Hi" messages or messages looking for NSA and I dunno, I think I'm gonna quit 'cause it seems a bit pointless for me.

Would you hide your profile (assuming you're on PoF) and just message guys that interest you? Or you could put a 50+ character minimum on mails to avoid the "Hi" type messages.

CastorTroy

ViveLaVie wrote: »

Haha, nope my preference is firmly for over 6 footers. If that makes me weird, so be it! I certainly wouldn't have any reason not to date a shorter man though! I am so short that just about any man towers over me...

Ah so there's hope for us non 6 footers with the short women yet.
Though the whole protective thing may go out the window if they saw me. :P

wobblyknees wrote: »

Maybe he is still on his date.

A bit tied up?

Honey-ec

CastorTroy wrote: »

Though the whole protective thing may go out the window if they saw me. :P

The whole "protective" thing kind of weirds me out, tbh. I'm more than capable of protecting myself, I'm not really sure why I should feel the need to have a man provide that.

CastorTroy

Honey-ec wrote: »

The whole "protective" thing kind of weirds me out, tbh. I'm more than capable of protecting myself, I'm not really sure why I should feel the need to have a man provide that.

Ha! Yeah. From my experience, I think it's safe to say most Irish women can fend for themselves. Especially verbally. So I just step back and enjoy the fireworks

Novella

Larianne wrote: »

Would you hide your profile (assuming you're on PoF) and just message guys that interest you? Or you could put a 50+ character minimum on mails to avoid the "Hi" type messages.

I didn't know you could put a character limit on messages. I will do that 'cause the vast majority of mail I get is just, "Hi" or "Hottttt" and I never feel like replying to those messages. Maybe that's my problem but when I send a message, I make an effort and I guess I'd just like that back.

mood

Novella wrote: »

I didn't know you could put a character limit on messages. I will do that 'cause the vast majority of mail I get is just, "Hi" or "Hottttt" and I never feel like replying to those messages. Maybe that's my problem but when I send a message, I make an effort and I guess I'd just like that back.

I have to say I replied to some 'hi' type of messages which lead me to met some very nice guys. However, it was on a paid site.

Those 'your son hot' messages are the worse. Any guy who starts off with that has to be clueless when it comes to women.

riveratom

mood wrote: »

I have to say I replied to some 'hi' type of messages which lead me to met some very nice guys. However, it was on a paid site.

Yeah, it's probably worth remembering that maybe some people aren't exactly comfortable being on an OD site in the first place, or could be very shy, etc. No reason to rule someone out of course, so good call on replying to some of them..

mood wrote: »

Those 'your son hot' messages are the worse. Any guy who starts off with that has to be clueless when it comes to women.

Does the same go for women then, because I've gotten a few of those?

mood

riveratom wrote: »

Yeah, it's probably worth remembering that maybe some people aren't exactly comfortable being on an OD site in the first place, or could be very shy, etc. No reason to rule someone out of course, so good call on replying to some of them..



Does the same go for women then, because I've gotten a few of those?

Yes. i screams childish and clueless IMO.

Herrick

Grrrr, have been unfortunate enough to have been landed with a headwrecker :mad:

mood

Herrick wrote: »

Grrrr, have been unfortunate enough to have been landed with a headwrecker :mad:

Tell us more. I could do with a laugh

Larianne

riveratom wrote: »

Yeah, it's probably worth remembering that maybe some people aren't exactly comfortable being on an OD site in the first place, or could be very shy, etc. No reason to rule someone out of course, so good call on replying to some of them..

I decided to give a guy the benefit of the doubt once and within 5 minutes of mailing back and worth turned out he was 'horny'. :cool:

I think if someone starts off a conversation with just "Hi" in the message when there are numerous interests/hobbies/statements on a profile to comment on/question, they're not worth messaging back.