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The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**
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Tell us more. I could do with a laugh
Jaysus glad I'm some entertainment anyway :pac:
Let's see. Swapped nums last Thursday was going grand few days, had a good laugh and banter she seemed cute and really good fun. Then on Saturday got chit chatting about how long been single, blah blah blah all that stuff :rolleyes:
She goes on about some lad she was seeing for last year but wouldn't commit to her. I was asking if they've been in touch lately, she said only one in last while since she was back from hols.
Anyway alarm bells ring in my head and I said ok sure if its a thing you and he have unfinished business its grand I don't want to get in the way. Anyway the dramatics have unfolded now, she's not sure what she wants, she's afraid of being hurt cause her ex dumped her via text, the whole lot. Says she really into me and is afraid I'll dump her and hurt her or she'll hurt me :rolleyes:
Said she needs time to think. I didn't leave it that long admittedly, only a day and a bit, but I haven't the energy to wait around on what seems to be a messer. So just FB messaged saying it's grand leave it. Then she says she hasn't made up her mind, but I'm obviously giving up on her ffs :rolleyes:
Anyway chit chat on FB. Says she's scared just wishes we could meet. Grand says I we can, she kinda avoided it for a bit, then agrees. I'm thinking maybe she is really worried about getting hurt so a quick coffee might help her get things in perspective if we get on. We talk about meeting halfway, she doesn't know when she can. Has no cash to afford to tax car, hasn't even been able to go out to meet friends cause her hols left her strapped and all that. I offer to drive to her she seems ok with that then says maybe I can meet you halfway she might be able to borrow her dads car. I said if you can't so will I drive out to ya, she says she'd prefer meet halfway as she'd feel awful making me drive a couple of hours leave it with her.
I said grand, I've made all the effort I can (too fcuking much effort at that) get in touch if you know the story.
So thankfully I think thats all I hear Cause it's either I'm being put on the back burner for some shaper that was happy to use her for a year but not get with her or she really genuinely has a few issues from past relationships. I'm glad it only took a day or so for it all to come out.
Jesus I need a drink :pac:0 -
Jaysus glad I'm some entertainment anyway :pac:
Let's see. Swapped nums last Thursday was going grand few days, had a good laugh and banter she seemed cute and really good fun. Then on Saturday got chit chatting about how long been single, blah blah blah all that stuff :rolleyes:
She goes on about some lad she was seeing for last year but wouldn't commit to her. I was asking if they've been in touch lately, she said only one in last while since she was back from hols.
Anyway alarm bells ring in my head and I said ok sure if its a thing you and he have unfinished business its grand I don't want to get in the way. Anyway the dramatics have unfolded now, she's not sure what she wants, she's afraid of being hurt cause her ex dumped her via text, the whole lot. Says she really into me and is afraid I'll dump her and hurt her or she'll hurt me :rolleyes:
Said she needs time to think. I didn't leave it that long admittedly, only a day and a bit, but I haven't the energy to wait around on what seems to be a messer. So just FB messaged saying it's grand leave it. Then she says she hasn't made up her mind, but I'm obviously giving up on her ffs :rolleyes:
Anyway chit chat on FB. Says she's scared just wishes we could meet. Grand says I we can, she kinda avoided it for a bit, then agrees. I'm thinking maybe she is really worried about getting hurt so a quick coffee might help her get things in perspective if we get on. We talk about meeting halfway, she doesn't know when she can. Has no cash to afford to tax car, hasn't even been able to go out to meet friends cause her hols left her strapped and all that. I offer to drive to her she seems ok with that then says maybe I can meet you halfway she might be able to borrow her dads car. I said if you can't so will I drive out to ya, she says she'd prefer meet halfway as she'd feel awful making me drive a couple of hours leave it with her.
I said grand, I've made all the effort I can (too fcuking much effort at that) get in touch if you know the story.
So thankfully I think thats all I hear Cause it's either I'm being put on the back burner for some shaper that was happy to use her for a year but not get with her or she really genuinely has a few issues from past relationships. I'm glad it only took a day or so for it all to come out.
Jesus I need a drink :pac:
Run this way Herrick >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>0 -
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This may be true, but in my experience, any of those guys I replied to the conversation never really went anywhere. The "Hi" message was followed by "How are you?" or "Been on this site long?" or "How are you finding the site?". It's annoying when you're laid out various conversation starters on your profile. Sometimes guys didn't even read my profile.
In comparsion, I usually had long conservations and/or had dates with guys who commented on one or two things on my profile.
I do agree cantdecide, that I think some people don't really know how to approach online dating.
Would you suggest a coffee at that point, no? I know some people want to establish a rapport in email/via text first but if I had engaged with someone, however superficially, I would probably chance meeting them to see was there a spark.
Should online dating be approached differently to 'real-life'? I'm not sure. If I were in a pub and a guy strolled up to me and said 'Hi' and I liked the look of him I'd take it further. Online dating is only different in some people's minds, I think, because of the profile. But some people just aren't any good at writing them and some people will ignore them entirely and only email people they're attracted to. Should you have a certain amount of things in common first before you meet?
In a club situation I wouldn't stop someone trying to chat me up and say, 'Hang on, have we enough in common first?'. I understand a rapport is important but sometimes there'll be a spark in person with someone that might not exist via email. My ex was so atrocious at texting I used to wonder if he had any real interest at all. Then in person we had so much chemistry it was ridiculous. We didn't have much in common either, so if we had judged each-other by online profiles we probably wouldn't have met. If I had relied on his crap texting as an indicator of his interest I would have cut ties and never had a great relationship.
This isn't all directed at you Larianne, just wondering this for a while and your post prompted me to say it, so sorry if it seems like I'm jumping at you! It really isn't intended that way!
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Would you suggest a coffee at that point, no? I know some people want to establish a rapport in email/via text first but if I had engaged with someone, however superficially, I would probably chance meeting them to see was there a spark.
Sorry, ViveLaVie, I'm not sure what part of my post you are referring to with this question?Should online dating be approached differently to 'real-life'? I'm not sure. If I were in a pub and a guy strolled up to me and said 'Hi' and I liked the look of him I'd take it further. Online dating is only different in some people's minds, I think, because of the profile. But some people just aren't any good at writing them and some people will ignore them entirely and only email people they're attracted to. Should you have a certain amount of things in common first before you meet?
Difference with a 'real-life' situation is that you have things like body language, tone of voice, use of language etc. to help you gain an idea of a person in those split seconds of meeting.
In theory, it should be easier to make contact with someone online as the person they are contacting have laid out a list of their interests, hobbies and personality compared to just meeting in a bar and trying to think of something to 'break the ice'.In a club situation I wouldn't stop someone trying to chat me up and say, 'Hang on, have we enough in common first?'. I understand a rapport is important but sometimes there'll be a spark in person with someone that might not exist via email. My ex was so atrocious at texting I used to wonder if he had any real interest at all. Then in person we had so much chemistry it was ridiculous. We didn't have much in common either, so if we had judged each-other by online profiles we probably wouldn't have met. If I had relied on his crap texting as an indicator of his interest I would have cut ties and never had a great relationship.
And that's the annoying thing with online dating!! A spark might not exist online but could if you happened to meet when out and about. But then again, it might not! Also, the opposite can happen - get on really well via mail/text and then when you meet, not much there at all.This isn't all directed at you Larianne, just wondering this for a while and your post prompted me to say it, so sorry if it seems like I'm jumping at you! It really isn't intended that way!
Ah, I know. This is a discussion forum
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Sorry, ViveLaVie, I'm not sure what part of my post you are referring to with this question?
Sorry, I meant after exchanging a few generic messages. I assume if you are mailing that something about each-other has attracted ye already, be that the picture or something in the profile. The 'hey how are you' messages might be boring but maybe if ye met in person ye would get on well?Difference with a 'real-life' situation is that you have things like body language, tone of voice, use of language etc. to help you gain an idea of a person in those split seconds of meeting.
In theory, it should be easier to make contact with someone online as the person they are contacting have laid out a list of their interests, hobbies and personality compared to just meeting in a bar and trying to think of something to 'break the ice'.
That's exactly my point. In a mail or a text you don't have any of those cues so it makes it much harder to get a sense of who someone is, to the point where people will dismiss people for less than they would in real life IMO.
I once had a great rapport texting with a guy. When we met up we were on completely different wavelengths. I've also had occasions where I've found texting someone so boring but have been really excited to be around them in person.
I think the list of hobbies etc is a guide only and can sometimes make it more difficult to meet people. You might be a perfect match with someone on paper but horrible together in reality. When it's reduced to matching up hobbies and interests I think it can go wrong. Some of the best couples are total opposites.And that's the annoying thing with online dating!! A spark might not exist online but could if you happened to meet when out and about. But then again, it might not! Also, the opposite can happen - get on really well via mail/text and then when you meet, not much there at all.
That's why I think meeting up with someone soon or responding to 'Hi' messages might be worth it.Ah, I know. This is a discussion forum
Anyone else wanna weigh in?? 0 -
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That's exactly my point. In a mail or a text you don't have any of those cues so it makes it much harder to get a sense of who someone is, to the point where people will dismiss people for less than they would in real life IMO.
Anyone else wanna weigh in??
No no. Carry on, shur
The thing about online profiles is that there's no mystery and no discovery. You put your best foot forward in a one page advertisement. If you aren't 'out there' in your profile, you come across as dull. IRL, you get the chance to show someone your 'true' self at a reasonable pace (assuming you meet certain other standards).0 -
I am getting frustrated with girls who reply that they don't think we have much in common. What I don't like about it is this clothes rack shopping style of dating. In real life a lot of the best couple and relationships come from people who don't share loads of common interests. I really think it is a mistaken strategy to actively count how many things you have in common. Also people often fail to list everything .. I mean who can think of them ... often they are just so part of your life that they don't come to mind.
God, I'd find it awful hard to think of anything myself and himself have in common. And sure we still get on great!
Actually, a guy who had lots in common with me - I think I'd find him pretty boring?! Sure what's there to learn about, then?
'Twould be no fun ... like, I'd have no interest in dating a male version of myself!0 -
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Set up a pof profile there. Interface is awful. Started looking through the meet me feature lazily clicking through, not realising that it immediately sent a notification to the other user. Feck I totally wasn't paying attention when I started using that
So I messaged a few of the girls and asked a few questions. I still feel like a bit of a dick for using that stupid meet me thing. I also came across a girl that I recognise from college a few years back, always fancied her but never had the courage to act on it. Sent her a message too
Slightly terrified/excited by the whole thing.0 -
hasn't posted since his impromptu date on Saturday! (that could be a good or bad thing! :pac:)wobblyknees wrote: »Maybe he is still on his date.
Maybe he dayudd
wobblyknees wrote: »I have to admit though, the idea of a woman taller then me is a little scary for some reason!
My last girlfriend was taller than me. I know a lot of people find that weird, but hey that's their problem. I was quite happy dating a girl that looked like a model. :PSays she really into me and is afraid I'll dump her and hurt her or she'll hurt me :rolleyes:
Ah, one of THOSE people. In the business, we call them lunatics.
re: "Hi" messages etc.
I must admit when I started out with OD I sent a few of them. I only know it's considered a big no no because of this thread to be honest. My thinking was that is how you start a conversation in real life (as opposed to walking up to a girl in a bar and saying, "I see you like Batman, I too like Batman...")
Ah well, the difference between online and IRL I guess.0 -
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