The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

cantdecide

Greenduck wrote: »

Went on POF for ONE day a few weeks ago. An older gentleman asked me out then was nice enough to put at the end 'If you dont want to date, how much do you cost?'

Needless to say I closed my account fairly promptly.

Jaysus! I hope that wasn't your only experience of OD?

Greenduck

Yep it was..it really put me off to be honest.

Went the ' old fashioned' route and chatted up a bloke at a bar and got a date that way instead

cantdecide

Greenduck wrote: »

Yep it was..it really put me off to be honest.

Went the ' old fashioned' route and chatted up a bloke at a bar and got a date that way instead

@the ladies;

SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

HellFireClub

Right, my pet peeve for today is getting asked regularly do I have a Facebook page and asking what it is & to be added as a friend. This is clearly an attempt to nose, prematurely I'd argue, into someones life, probably for the purposes of trying to find out/confirm if they are actually single.

I've no problem adding someone after I've met them, but the kind of cynicism/paranoia that has someone wanting or needing to have to basically validate what you have honestly said about yourself on your POF profile, doesn't provide any basis for a date, or any further conversation, I think.

Unfortunately refusing to add someone on FB, seems to immediately fuel the suspicion that led to the request in the first place, and you are then put into the "this guy must have something to hide" box, which is a pity because I don't, but I'm not into dating paranoid people.

Herrick

HellFireClub wrote: »

Right, my pet peeve for today is getting asked regularly do I have a Facebook page and asking what it is & to be added as a friend. This is clearly an attempt to nose, prematurely I'd argue, into someones life, probably for the purposes of trying to find out/confirm if they are actually single.

I've no problem adding someone after I've met them, but the kind of cynicism/paranoia that has someone wanting or needing to have to basically validate what you have honestly said about yourself on your POF profile, doesn't provide any basis for a date, or any further conversation, I think.

Unfortunately refusing to add someone on FB, seems to immediately fuel the suspicion that led to the request in the first place, and you are then put into the "this guy must have something to hide" box, which is a pity because I don't, but I'm not into dating paranoid people.

Well I add girls I'm talking to on FB as well. Not because I'm suspicious. It's so I can check out all their pics to make sure I actually do fancy them. I find it cuts out the ones who put up 2/3 good pics but don't look anything like them usually. There's been a few the past few weeks who I've realized were very different looking once I saw all their pics.

It saves wasting a date and having anyone get attached/hopes up as well.

Pretty Polly

Hi, i had an old OkCupid account and i deleted all the information on it a few months ago and i took down my photo. I decided im going to fill it in again but im not sure what to do about the profile image. Could i say photos available on request or something?

ladylost

HellFireClub wrote: »

Right, my pet peeve for today is getting asked regularly do I have a Facebook page and asking what it is & to be added as a friend. This is clearly an attempt to nose, prematurely I'd argue, into someones life, probably for the purposes of trying to find out/confirm if they are actually single.

I've no problem adding someone after I've met them, but the kind of cynicism/paranoia that has someone wanting or needing to have to basically validate what you have honestly said about yourself on your POF profile, doesn't provide any basis for a date, or any further conversation, I think.

Unfortunately refusing to add someone on FB, seems to immediately fuel the suspicion that led to the request in the first place, and you are then put into the "this guy must have something to hide" box, which is a pity because I don't, but I'm not into dating paranoid people.

I came across this at the weekend but it was to have a nose at my pictures. I declined to add and haven't heard a lot since. I totally agree with you about adding someone I have met and would like to include in my life. I am not adding random strangers as friends. Found the whole thing just weird really

Hardonraging

Pretty Polly wrote: »

Hi, i had an old OkCupid account and i deleted all the information on it a few months ago and i took down my photo. I decided im going to fill it in again but im not sure what to do about the profile image. Could i say photos available on request or something?

You could of course but it may impact on the number of msg's you receive ..

ryan575624324

I am a male on POF in the Galway area. I have been on the site for about a month and sent about 25 mails and got no response. I take time to read the girls profiles and mention some of their interests in the first contact message so I am not sending out Hi, how are you emails. Is this the story with most lads on the site or is it just me?

I don’t get to go out on the pull that often as nearly everybody I know is married or has kids, but when I do I am reasonable successful, so I don’t know what the story is.

Northclare

Tell them you will spend 300 Euro a week on BT Vouchers,4 dinners a week,the keys to your Audi,always topped up with Diesel,pay their rent,and you're happy to be broke as long as they're happy you don't mind.
And oh yeah I'm not bitter lol

miec

Right, my pet peeve for today is getting asked regularly do I have a Facebook page and asking what it is & to be added as a friend. This is clearly an attempt to nose, prematurely I'd argue, into someones life, probably for the purposes of trying to find out/confirm if they are actually single.

I've no problem adding someone after I've met them, but the kind of cynicism/paranoia that has someone wanting or needing to have to basically validate what you have honestly said about yourself on your POF profile, doesn't provide any basis for a date, or any further conversation, I think.

Unfortunately refusing to add someone on FB, seems to immediately fuel the suspicion that led to the request in the first place, and you are then put into the "this guy must have something to hide" box, which is a pity because I don't, but I'm not into dating paranoid people.

I would have to agree that someone requesting to link with me on Facebook is a big no no, I don't care if the person thinks I have something to hide but I am disturbed that people are resorting to FB to verify photos or won't meet because you decline. What fricking part of our life remains private in OD?

Daveysil15

ryan575624324 wrote: »

I am a male on POF in the Galway area. I have been on the site for about a month and sent about 25 mails and got no response. I take time to read the girls profiles and mention some of their interests in the first contact message so I am not sending out Hi, how are you emails. Is this the story with most lads on the site or is it just me?

25 mails is nothing man. It's just a dip in the ocean... or sea. I must have sent over 500 emails at this stage. Out of all the girls I've messaged I'd say about 15% of them replied. About 5% of them had a decent conversation with me. 2% of those then went on a date with me. Trust me - you gotta be patient!

sam34

sam34 wrote: »

ok folks, let's have less of the lazy generalisations please

Northclare wrote: »

Tell them you will spend 300 Euro a week on BT Vouchers,4 dinners a week,the keys to your Audi,always topped up with Diesel,pay their rent,and you're happy to be broke as long as they're happy you don't mind.
And oh yeah I'm not bitter lol

drop it. the warning was very clear.

JennyBurke101

HellFireClub wrote: »

Right, my pet peeve for today is getting asked regularly do I have a Facebook page and asking what it is & to be added as a friend. This is clearly an attempt to nose, prematurely I'd argue, into someones life, probably for the purposes of trying to find out/confirm if they are actually single.

I've no problem adding someone after I've met them, but the kind of cynicism/paranoia that has someone wanting or needing to have to basically validate what you have honestly said about yourself on your POF profile, doesn't provide any basis for a date, or any further conversation, I think.

Unfortunately refusing to add someone on FB, seems to immediately fuel the suspicion that led to the request in the first place, and you are then put into the "this guy must have something to hide" box, which is a pity because I don't, but I'm not into dating paranoid people.

What no way??? I would NEVER meet up with anyone without having seen their facebook!!! Honestly if a guy said no I wouldn't meet up with him I would totally just assume he was a fake and a pervert!!!

If meeting up is suggested I say "Sure, maybe we could swap facebooks, don't worry I wont message you but its just to make sure your not an old guy" and to be honest no one seems to have a problem with this in fact they are pretty understanding about it and say no problem!!!!

average_runner

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

HellFireClub wrote: »

Right, my pet peeve for today is getting asked regularly do I have a Facebook page and asking what it is & to be added as a friend. This is clearly an attempt to nose, prematurely I'd argue, into someones life, probably for the purposes of trying to find out/confirm if they are actually single.

I've no problem adding someone after I've met them, but the kind of cynicism/paranoia that has someone wanting or needing to have to basically validate what you have honestly said about yourself on your POF profile, doesn't provide any basis for a date, or any further conversation, I think.

Unfortunately refusing to add someone on FB, seems to immediately fuel the suspicion that led to the request in the first place, and you are then put into the "this guy must have something to hide" box, which is a pity because I don't, but I'm not into dating paranoid people.

What no way??? I would NEVER meet up with anyone without having seen their facebook!!! Honestly if a guy said no I wouldn't meet up with him I would totally just assume he was a fake and a pervert!!!

If meeting up is suggested I say "Sure, maybe we could swap facebooks, don't worry I wont message you but its just to make sure your not an old guy" and to be honest no one seems to have a problem with this in fact they are pretty understanding about it and say no problem!!!!

So you turn down a guy with no Facebook page. I don't have one.

mood

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

What no way??? I would NEVER meet up with anyone without having seen their facebook!!! Honestly if a guy said no I wouldn't meet up with him I would totally just assume he was a fake and a pervert!!!

If meeting up is suggested I say "Sure, maybe we could swap facebooks, don't worry I wont message you but its just to make sure your not an old guy" and to be honest no one seems to have a problem with this in fact they are pretty understanding about it and say no problem!!!!

If you do accept a total stranger on Facebook it gives them access to way too much of your person info. Maybe you have your school/college/work place on it. They have access to you friends, family and possible colleagues or bosses. There is no way I would share all that with a random guy on a dating site.

HellFireClub

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

What no way??? I would NEVER meet up with anyone without having seen their facebook!!! Honestly if a guy said no I wouldn't meet up with him I would totally just assume he was a fake and a pervert!!!

If meeting up is suggested I say "Sure, maybe we could swap facebooks, don't worry I wont message you but its just to make sure your not an old guy" and to be honest no one seems to have a problem with this in fact they are pretty understanding about it and say no problem!!!!

Well I've 8 recent pics of myself up on POF, all taken from my FB page, I've clearly stated on my POF profile that I'm single, no kids, etc. There is nothing on my FB page that would contradict what I've honestly explained about myself on my POF page. In relation to what you have said that you would assume about me, on the basis of me not accepting Friendship Requests from people I have not met, your assumption above about me, couldn't actually be more incorrect...

As for assuming that someone is a pervert because they want to keep a private FB page private, what on earth is the story there???

JennyBurke101

Look its just a personal thing, its not about photos or what your saying about yourself ...its just showing you are a normal guy, like you could go on google and get several photo's of the same model and I would be none the wiser ...where as friends interact on facebook ....It might sound odd to you but there you go!!

mood

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

Look its just a personal thing, its not about photos or what your saying about yourself ...its just showing you are a normal guy, like you could go on google and get several photo's of the same model and I would be none the wiser ...where as friends interact on facebook ....It might sound odd to you but there you go!!

Surely you can tell the difference between a poorly take photo by an ordinary person and a professional photo of a model/actor!

riveratom

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

Look its just a personal thing, its not about photos or what your saying about yourself ...its just showing you are a normal guy, like you could go on google and get several photo's of the same model and I would be none the wiser ...where as friends interact on facebook ....It might sound odd to you but there you go!!

You'd actually let a complete stranger - who could be anyone - add you as a friend on Facebook?

JennyBurke101

You would be surprised..... sure you could go onto a public profile ...take several pics of someone and claim to be them ...

JennyBurke101

riveratom wrote: »

You'd actually let a complete stranger - who could be anyone - add you as a friend on Facebook?

As I say if we have been talking and they suggest meeting up...it comes on the cards when meeting up is suggested!

Again most guys I have asked have started with "Safety first ..of course"

mood

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

As I say if we have been talking and they suggest meeting up...it comes on the cards when meeting up is suggested!

Again most guys I have asked have started with "Safety first ..of course"

I consider not giving a total stranger access to my friends and family etc as safety.

riveratom

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

As I say if we have been talking and they suggest meeting up...it comes on the cards when meeting up is suggested!

Again most guys I have asked have started with "Safety first ..of course"

So if you meet them and there's no spark or whatever, do you just unfriend them then after the first date?!

It seems odd to me that you would be happy to meet up on a date with someone only after you have gone through their Facebook posts, photos, etc - and they through all of yours!!

Surely if you can see a few pics of them on their profile and have been chatting for a little while and sounded them out that way, you should then be ok meeting with them in a public place?

I think you're getting the whole safety thing the wrong way round ;-) The way you do it is you give only minimal details about yourself before meeting, then see how it goes. That way, they don't have every single piece of info on you before you even meet like!!

seachto7

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

Look its just a personal thing, its not about photos or what your saying about yourself ...its just showing you are a normal guy, like you could go on google and get several photo's of the same model and I would be none the wiser ...where as friends interact on facebook ....It might sound odd to you but there you go!!

why would I let a stranger access my FB profile? I know plenty of people who don't use it, and I am not long from deleting my own profile....

JennyBurke101

Maybe, I can see what you are all saying and you all sound logical but I just wouldn't be comfortable meeting up with someone without a facebook, I just feel safer and if we don't get I just tend to leave them in the friends list, I know this may sound strange to you but its not as if the guys seem horrified by this, they seem to be into swapping facebook

Daveysil15

riveratom wrote: »

You'd actually let a complete stranger - who could be anyone - add you as a friend on Facebook?

In fariness a lot of people do this anyway. There's plenty of friend whores on FB with over a thousand friends. I think its a good idea as you'll know the person is who they say they are.

riveratom

Daveysil15 wrote: »

In fariness a lot of people do this anyway. There's plenty of friend whores on FB with over a thousand friends. I think its a good idea as you'll know the person is who they say they are.

True, but that's just in general terms, whereas this is in the context of being approached for a date.

HellFireClub

Daveysil15 wrote: »

In fariness a lot of people do this anyway. There's plenty of friend whores on FB with over a thousand friends. I think its a good idea as you'll know the person is who they say they are.

I used to have hundreds of "friends" on FB, the vast majority of whom I didn't really know. I deleted the lot of them, with the exception of 80 odd people who I know and now keep in contact with.

Some people use FB like this, they keep it for people they know like family and close friends, and they don't want it stuffed with people who they don't really know at all. That is a decision I made about my use of FB and lately I find I'm being questioned about that on POF whenever I get asked if I will "add a friend" on FB.

My answer always politely being, "sorry, I only add people who I have at least met and might be interested in meeting again", usually is the end of the conversation, which is completely fine with me because I'd just have identified another paranoid timewaster on the site and I'd rather be aware of that before meeting them than after.

HellFireClub

Jasus myself & Larianne agreeing on something, I must finally be starting to get the auld head around the world of OD!!! :D:D