The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

HellFireClub

smallgarden wrote: »

on ratio of men to women od, i think its alot more socially avceptable for women to be od than men.id suspect there are still alot of men who would be embarassed to admit to their friends they were online dating or thinking of it whereas there isnt as much stigma among women.itd be interesting to see numbers of female/males on pof or okc. ive heard singles nights and speed dating normally struggle more to fill male places.i think guys prefer traditional route of go for few drinks for dutch courage and take it from there

I think women "may" be a bit more motivated when it comes to finding someone as they obviously have a body clock to take account of. There is certainly no stigma associated with OD from any of the circle of friends I know, if anything there is a bit of envy that you can detect, in terms of being free and single and able to do your own thing, to give someone a bit of time in your life if you choose to do so, and to move onto someone else if you don't.

Some folks I know who are in long term relationships, and by that I mean committed long term relationships where they are living together or else married and/or with kids in either situation, some of these folks are seriously seriously struggling to keep things together financially from what I can see.

I genuinely hope I am not sounding smug by point that out, but I certainly wouldn't be feeling in any way stupid or deviant whatsoever for being single and for trying out, or "having to resort to", (as the settled down people refer to it!), OD at the moment, because the alternative as I'm seeing it from time to time, could be an awful lot more difficult to cope with...

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

I think women "may" be a bit more motivated when it comes to finding someone as they obviously have a body clock to take account of. There is certainly no stigma associated with OD from any of the circle of friends I know, if anything there is a bit of envy that you can detect, in terms of being free and single and able to do your own thing, to give someone a bit of time in your life if you choose to do so, and to move onto someone else if you don't.

Some folks I know who are in long term relationships, and by that I mean committed long term relationships where they are living together or else married and/or with kids in either situation, some of these folks are seriously seriously struggling to keep things together financially from what i can see.

I genuinely hope I am not sounding smug by point that out, but I certainly wouldn't be feeling in any way stupid or deviant whatsoever for being single and for trying out, or "having to resort to", (as the settled down people refer to it!), OD at the moment, because the alternative as I'm seeing it from time to time, could be an awful lot more difficult to cope with...

Yep, on the stigma, it is all but gone at this stage, half the world is doing or has done OD.

Apparently in London, it's odd to not do online dating!

Daveysil15

HellFireClub wrote: »

she reckoned that there are like four times as many single women as there are single men in Ireland

I don't believe that. It seems to me its the opposite. Wheather its a club on a dating site, the men usually out-number the women. Some night clubs will offer free drinks for women. The idea is that if they get more women in then more men will follow. It still ends up been a sausage fest.

I've had a lot of conversations with women on POF asking them what they think of the site. Most of them complain over all the freaks and guys that just want sex. It's a shame because it discourages them and makes it almost impossible for the genuine guys that just want to meet women.

riveratom wrote: »

I'm starting to get a bid jaded with the old OD myself. Endless emailing, not getting replies, even when I take the time to write 2-3 friendly paragraphs referencing stuff from their profile, while tonnes of other blokes just write 'fancy a shag', getting mails from girls I have no interest in (and where most are just 'you're cute / hot etc'), trying to figure out if I do fancy someone based on their photos, wondering if they'll look the same in real life etc.

I know how you feel. A lot of women will say in their profiles that you should try and be original and reference something from their profile. They say they won't reply if you just say "hi." But even if you do make the effort they still need to be interested or attracted to you.

Trying to figure out if you fancy someone by looking at their photos can be tricky alright. I was chatting to this girl once. She had 3 photos up. One with just her face, (which she looked nice in), the other 2 of a tattoo on her back. Why would someone upload 2 photos of the same tattoo I don't know. She's looked fairly attractive in her first photo, then later she added a full lenght portrait photo and well... lets just say a lot of the bigger girls prefer to upload photos of just their face, (usually from the most flattering angle possible.)

G-Money

I joined OKCupid the other day. I checked out a few girls profiles but didn't email any of them. I got an email from one of them asking was her profile not good enough for me to mail her! I sent her a polite reply though and that seem to help.

I haven't bothered emailing any girls since I re-joined.

HellFireClub

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I don't believe that. It seems to me its the opposite. Wheather its a club on a dating site, the men usually out-number the women. Some night clubs will offer free drinks for women. The idea is that if they get more women in then more men will follow. It still ends up been a sausage fest.

I've had a lot of conversations with women on POF asking them what they think of the site. Most of them complain over all the freaks and guys that just want sex. It's a shame because it discourages them and makes it almost impossible for the genuine guys that just want to meet women.

I know I won't be believed here, but women are just as open to sending out a curveball looking for no strings as men are these days in my experience, both on POF and also in general. The difference is that we don't take offence when it gets mentioned!

smileyj1987

HellFireClub wrote: »

I know I won't be believed here, but women are just as open to sending out a curveball looking for no strings as men are these days in my experience, both on POF and also in general. The difference is that we don't take offence when it gets mentioned!

You are right I have saw a good few profiles like that , I even got a mail off a woman who wants NSA while her boyfriend works down in Cork ! I mean for christ sake buy some form of a toy but don't cheat on your boyfriend while he is earning a living . That really bugs me .

smallgarden

Daveysil15 wrote: »

" But even if you do make the effort they still need to be interested or attracted to you.

Trying to figure out if you fancy someone by looking at their photos can be tricky alright. I was chatting to this girl once. She had 3 photos up. One with just her face, (which she looked nice in), the other 2 of a tattoo on her back. Why would someone upload 2 photos of the same tattoo I don't know. She's looked fairly attractive in her first photo, then later she added a full lenght portrait photo and well... lets just say a lot of the bigger girls prefer to upload photos of just their face, (usually from the most flattering angle possible.)

my interpretation of this is you dont like being judged on your photos if youve put effort into mailing someone but youre more than happy to rule out girl on her looks! some of the comments in this forum are so ridiculously hypocritical its just not funny! if you judge someone on their looks dont be annoyed when others judge you! this theme repeats itself regularly

Larianne

riveratom wrote: »

Yep, on the stigma, it is all but gone at this stage, half the world is doing or has done OD.

Apparently in London, it's odd to not do online dating!

I wouldn't agree with that. I've been in the middle of conversations where someone will say "X has a new boy/girlfriend. Oh, they met Y on the internet". With a definite tone to the internet part. I've seen on many profiles "we'll say we meet at a bar". I guess the more and more people use internet dating that stigma will go away. I don't think its there yet.

I've told a few friends I've been using internet dating but they would be close friends and ones I know wouldn't think anything of it. I wouldn't tell others because I feel they would find it strange. Same way as I wouldn't tell them I post on Boards. :pac:

sofia.88

Hey!
I've just started internet dating..got two dates coming up having previously cancelled them cos i got too nervous, the thought of meeting a fella actually sober is quite scary. and has made me rethink my whole relationship with alcohol. I think i'm gonna try out a whole bottle or rescue remedy before i actually meet him. haha

smileyj1987

sofia.88 wrote: »

Hey!
I've just started internet dating..got two dates coming up having previously cancelled them cos i got too nervous, the thought of meeting a fella actually sober is quite scary. and has made me rethink my whole relationship with alcohol. I think i'm gonna try out a whole bottle or rescue remedy before i actually meet him. haha

Ah that feeling will happen with all dates and if you are really nervous why don't you consider meeting him for a drink rather then having a few before the date because you might end up having one to many . I know because it happened to me on a date she got delayed by two hours I had a few drinks for dutch courage in the house and I went to the pub at the agreed time but stayed in the pub and got drunk . I fell asleep while on the date which was very stupid . She actually believed from meeting me I had a drinking problem which is far from the truth .

Larianne

smileyj1987 wrote: »

Ah that feeling will happen with all dates and if you are really nervous why don't you consider meeting him for a drink rather then having a few before the date because you might end up having one to many . I know because it happened to me on a date she got delayed by two hours I had a few drinks for dutch courage in the house and I went to the pub at the agreed time but stayed in the pub and got drunk . I fell asleep while on the date which was very stupid . She actually believed from meeting me I had a drinking problem which is far from the truth .

Oh no! What a terrible date for her. :pac:

Just remember that the person you're meeting for the first time is human so they will more than likely be nervous too. Are your dates this weekend, Sofia88?

sofia.88

He wants to meet for coffee or ice-cream..which would be grand except my confidence has been kinda crushed lately, so its all a bit nerve wreckin!! Ha Ha.. Thanks though!!

smileyj1987

sofia.88 wrote: »

He wants to meet for coffee or ice-cream..which would be grand except my confidence has been kinda crushed lately, so its all a bit nerve wreckin!! Ha Ha.. Thanks though!!

Well then this could be the best pick me up for you then . If you do one of those two things without a few drinks you will be able to get to know him better and see does it lead to . I do know how your feeling on the confidence thing but put yourself and keep doing it until you find Mr Right

cantdecide

Does no one sleep around here?

You'll be fine. Put it out of your mind. It'll all work out...

sofia.88

Larianne wrote: »

Oh no! What a terrible date for her. :pac:

Just remember that the person you're meeting for the first time is human so they will more than likely be nervous too. Are your dates this weekend, Sofia88?

Ya it's tomorrow, I've been trying to decide what to wear all day and everything..haha. I'll try remember that he's just human too and more than likely could be feelin the same...:)

smileyj1987

cantdecide wrote: »

Does no one sleep around here?

I used to but got sick of it , I think its because I have got to the stage in life where i want something more then a quick meaningless s*** .

Larianne

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I used to but got sick of it , I think its because I have got to the stage in life where i want something more then a quick meaningless s*** .

I don't think that's what he/she meant.

singlesnights

Larianne wrote: »

I wouldn't agree with that. I've been in the middle of conversations where someone will say "X has a new boy/girlfriend. Oh, they met Y on the internet". With a definite tone to the internet part. I've seen on many profiles "we'll say we meet at a bar". I guess the more and more people use internet dating that stigma will go away. I don't think its there yet.

<Mod snip>
Post edited and previous post removed

I see the Internet as a great source for like-minded people (just look at this site, with all it's various forums for people with similar interests). The danger, however, is when people seperate it from real-life interaction. If you're shy, for example, chatting on the Internet can be somewhat of a comfort zone but it will only make shy people feel even more uncomfortable with real-life interactions.

That's never a good thing and one of the reasons the stigma of Internet dating still exists to some degree, in my experience.

CastorTroy

Larianne wrote: »

I don't think that's what he/she meant.

I thought that's what was meant at first as well, then figured it was just worded wrong.

Honey-ec

Anyone dating it up this weekend? Got asked out by a guy who seems lovely but I've a work thing tonight, my mam's birthday and a 30th tomorrow and the Restaurant of the Year awards on Sunday. Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest...

HellFireClub

Honey-ec wrote: »

Anyone dating it up this weekend? Got asked out by a guy who seems lovely but I've a work thing tonight, my mam's birthday and a 30th tomorrow and the Restaurant of the Year awards on Sunday. Busier than a one-legged man in an ass-kicking contest...

I've one this evening, girl looks gorgeous and all looks well so far, lately though I'm really having a problem motivating myself to go on actual dates...It's not nerves, it's just the idea of possibly going from single to not single, even just sticking my toe in the water is enough to make me shudder these days, I've gotten so used to doing my own thing and basically being able to do as I will without having to factor someone else into the equation.

Honey-ec

HellFireClub wrote: »

I've one this evening, girl looks gorgeous and all looks well so far, lately though I'm really having a problem motivating myself to go on actual dates...It's not nerves, it's just the idea of possibly going from single to not single, even just sticking my toe in the water is enough to make me shudder these days, I've gotten so used to doing my own thing and basically being able to do as I will without having to factor someone else into the equation.

Do you not think that going into it with that attitude is slightly unfair on the girl in question? Sounds like she's doomed to failure before you even meet.

singlesnights

HellFireClub wrote: »

I've one this evening, girl looks gorgeous and all looks well so far, lately though I'm really having a problem motivating myself to go on actual dates...It's not nerves, it's just the idea of possibly going from single to not single.

Why not just go on the date and enjoy it for what it is - the opportunity to spend a few hours in the company of what sounds like a gorgeous girl.

You can take things as slowly as you want - besides, you can become friends if nothing else.

seachto7

singlesnights wrote: »

You can take things as slowly as you want - besides, you can become friends if nothing else.

Sorry to interrupt, just reminded of a line I used when a woman said "I think we should just be friends" and I said "No thanks. I have loads of friends already" :o

cantdecide

smileyj1987 wrote: »

I used to but got sick of it , I think its because I have got to the stage in life where i want something more then a quick meaningless s*** .

Larianne wrote: »

I don't think that's what he/she meant.

CastorTroy wrote: »

I thought that's what was meant at first as well, then figured it was just worded wrong.

This is what happens when you post at 2am

Honey-ec wrote: »

Do you not think that going into it with that attitude is slightly unfair on the girl in question? Sounds like she's doomed to failure before you even meet.

I feel what HFC is saying. Being single for lengthy periods turn into a Stockholm syndrome eventually. OD itself can be fatiguing too. It's just a question of persistence. I was talking to a mate last night who's met his GF on POF and they're smitten with each other.

miec

No dates for me. There was a sniffle of a date on the horizon, however, the man in question wanted to come around to my house and when I said I am not comfortable with that and suggested a public place and along came the sound of silence...

I got an email from one of them asking was her profile not good enough for me to mail her! I sent her a polite reply though and that seem to help.

I always find the attitude of some people who do this as very weird, if I see someone has viewed my profile and not e-mailed me I take it as a sign that the photo attracted them but there were aspects in my profile that were not their cup of tea. I hate the view me feature which is why I have hidden who I view. I want to look and either e-mail them or look at the next one without any hassle.

Honey-ec

cantdecide wrote: »

I feel what HFC is saying. Being single for lengthy periods turn into a Stockholm syndrome eventually. OD itself can be fatiguing too.

I get that, and it's why I never un-hid my profile when I came back from Italy, because the thought of going on any more first dates and having the same first conversation yet again just didn't appeal to me. I just think when you're feeling *that* jaded about the whole thing it's probably time to just take a break rather than forcing yourself to go on dates you don't really have any interest in. If he'd rather be anywhere else in the world the poor girl is going to pick up on that and wonder what the hell is wrong with her.

Hardonraging

No dating plans here for a change....

wobblyknees

I'm meeting someone later.

:cool:

HellFireClub

Honey-ec wrote: »

Do you not think that going into it with that attitude is slightly unfair on the girl in question? Sounds like she's doomed to failure before you even meet.

I can see where you are coming from, but the problem with what I mentioned there, it's strictly "pre-date", as in I really struggle to get into a "I'm going on a date" mode. A large part of that is that I'm unbelievably busy in work at the moment and due to the nature of what I do, I can get pulled this direction or that direction with very little notice, especially at the end of the evening, which can really make it difficult to clear an evening for a date.

But if I get myself actually on a date, I'm completely grand, it's not like I end up on dates where I'm going in with a half-hearted approach, that would be unfair if it were to happen.

I'm at my worst when I'm trying to approach getting ready, I feel like I'm on my way out the door to a wedding or something, having not met the person before, you start thinking, "what the fúck am I at here at all?!?"...

The problem when it comes to OD, just speaking for myself really is that you're putting in this big effort to present yourself well on an actual date, and when it's an OD, there's no avoiding the reality that because you haven't met the other person, there could just be nothing at all there...

At least with conventional dating, if you ask someone out (and you get a yes!), there is definitely something there, a mutual attraction and basic chemistry of some sort, but with OD, you are really exposed to all of that being missing more or less from the get-go, and then you still have what could turn out to be an awkward date to get through... When you stack up the possibilities of this happening, for someone like myself where I have really very little spare time for dating, with work being so busy, it's actually hard (I find anyway), to talk yourself into going on a date.