The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

mood

riveratom wrote: »

Not a fan of the multiple dating myself. Am a one-girl kinda guy and much prefer to focus on the one that is attracting my attention

Same here (re men of course).

By just spacing out first dates more it rule out having a few people on the go at once. Surely someone can manage that!

Herrick

So after getting that first big message apologising last night off your one, I replied calmly saying as far as I'm concerned I've been give the run round and I would have preferred if she had been upfront and just called it off on time.

Now I will say and please don't mistake it for an excuse for her when she said she'd be late she did say she wasn't totally sure of the time she'd be finished and she hoped half nine but could be later but wouldn't be totally sure and would let me know. It wasn't a case of I was waiting to meet and she stood me up or anything. I was given a heads up so to speak. I think my earlier post made it look like she only text me after our meeting time had passed. I know I know :rolleyes:

Anyway after telling her I thought she was messing me about I got another big long text. She said she was really sorry and fully accepted it looked like that but it honestly wasn't her intention. Said she hasn't been on a date in years and has a terrible habit of forgetting things and messing up. She knew she looked like she was full of it but she wasn't playing games she doesn't see any sort of appeal in them and really wanted to meet me if I'd agree to arrange something.

Said she'd be in town with a friend on certain night and if I was out with a friend we could all meet or if that didn't suit we could arrange a meet in the day time during the week as her ex is off and will be able to take her daughter. She said that she wouldn't have gone to the trouble of arranging the date if she never intended to show, I will say she did organize it cause she picked the place and time alright.

Would she really be texting all that if she was playing around? I'm confused any other time I've been obviously played/blown off they never accept they were in the wrong and try to rearrange something.

Now my problem here is, I've been told recently by mates that I have an awful habit of being too black and white about things and not giving second chances at times.

Does it seem like I should ignore or give a chance? I would appreciate it advice here. I just think messer, but then I'm told people balls up and act stupid at times.

But then I read Andrea's experience of giving another chance and she was let down again.

mood

@ Herrick

If she really intended to go on the date she would have had a baby sitter or her ex lined up to mind here daughter. This doesn't seem to be the case. Also if she had not been on a date it years surely she could have phoned her friend and explained the situation so she could rearrange having her hair done. Surely a good friend would understand. And trying to arrange to meet you when she has a friend with her seems very childish. If I were you I would move on and forget her. If someone starts this sort of thing early on it never leads to a relationship.

Herrick

mood wrote: »

@ Herrick

If she really intended to go on the date she would have had a baby sitter or her ex lined up to mind here daughter. This doesn't seem to be the case. Also if she had not been on a date it years surely she could have phoned her friend and explained the situation so she could rearrange having her hair done. Surely a good friend would understand. And trying to arrange to meet you when she has a friend with her seems very childish. If I were you I would move on and forget her. If someone starts this sort of thing early on it never leads to a relationship.

Well she hadn't the daughter last night, I came across wrong. I just meant that usually when she has her she couldn't meet during the day, but could next week. Also when I said meeting with friends when we don't know each was awkward, she said hence we can meet during the week so.

But I do get you about rearranging with her friend, thanks

Ah_Yeah

RE the multiple dating thing:

I'm not a multi-dater, I'm really a one man gal, but I think that dating more than one person for one or two dates is perfectly acceptable, you're not committed to them.

However, if you keep dating other people after more than 3 dates, I think that in itself tells you how into them you are.

IMO if I was really into someone I wouldn't want to date other people, so it's more of a "they're nice to spend time with, but I don't see it developing into a relationship".

CastorTroy

Herrick wrote: »

Well she hadn't the daughter last night, I came across wrong. I just meant that usually when she has her she couldn't meet during the day, but could next week. Also when I said meeting with friends when we don't know each was awkward, she said hence we can meet during the week so.

But I do get you about rearranging with her friend, thanks

I don't have any experience with the situation myself but maybe the plans she made with her friend were awkward to change. She probably made the plans since she didn't have her daughter and her friend could be in the same boat, having the night free.
But I think where she really made the mistake was not postponing to another day from the start, rather than saying she may be late.

mood

CastorTroy wrote: »

I don't have any experience with the situation myself but maybe the plans she made with her friend were awkward to change. She probably made the plans since she didn't have her daughter and her friend could be in the same boat, having the night free.
But I think where she really made the mistake was not postponing to another day from the start, rather than saying she may be late.

From my own person experience I have given guy who did things like this the benefit of the doubt in the past. It never went anywhere as I obviously was not a priority for them. If someone is not putting in a proper effort at the start it say a lot I think. Actions speak louder than words!!!

ladylost

Herrick only you know this girl and know how interested you are in meeting her. If you think she is worth meeting then give her a second chance. However if you would be upset if she did the same again don't put yourself in that situation.

riveratom

Sounds very childish man, I'd move on and find someone more mature perhaps. If someone asked me on a date with their best friend I'd say 'ehhhm you're grand'.

Your call though.

smallgarden

if she hasnt been on date in years maybe she just got nervous, i sometimes get nervous about first dates esp when online dating and psyche myself out,she could be messing you about or being genuine, a second chance shouldnt be too much effort if youre willing.

Daveysil15

With regards to the multiple dating thing; I went on a date last weekend with a girl, (first date in 8 months) from POF. We got on great, I really liked her. We were supposed to be meeting up again this weeked. She texted me during the week saying she has met someone else from the site and is going to see him again instead of me. She said I was nice but there was no spark, even though we both seemed to have a good time.

I think people should have the decency to space their dates out a bit. If you have 2 dates in one week and then you pick one person over the other, its not ecactly fair on the other person, especially if they were really into you and probably won't be able to get another date for a long time. Not everyone has the luxury of having multiple people to choose from.

YumCha

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I think people should have the decency to space their dates out a bit. If you have 2 dates in one week and then you pick one person over the other, its not ecactly fair on the other person, especially if they were really into you and probably won't be able to get another date for a long time. Not everyone has the luxury of having multiple people to choose from.

I don't think it's about being 'fair' - online dating really is a numbers game. It's a bit different for me now because I don't want a relationship at the moment, but when I was serious about it I was trying to go on a lot of first dates because 1) it was so hit and (mostly) miss, and 2) timing is everything - i knew that guys I were chatting to were probably chatting to other girls and hence, at risk of being 'snapped up' if I put them on the long finger. Obviously from this thread people have different opinions about the multi-dating thing, but there's just different approaches to getting a 'result'.

Also she said to you that she didn't feel a spark - not that she 'chose' someone over you which is a different thing altogether. If it was me I'd prefer to know someone wasn't interested as soon as possible.

On a different note - for the girls on Pof - has anyone seen the guy whose profile photo is him sitting on the loo? :eek:

singlesnights

YumCha wrote: »

On a different note - for the girls on Pof - has anyone seen the guy whose profile photo is him sitting on the loo? :eek:

Say what you like about the guy, but at least he gives a shit!

Daveysil15

YumCha wrote: »

I don't think it's about being 'fair' - online dating really is a numbers game.

Yeah with the numbers in favour of the women it seems. I think on POF its a ratio of 5:1 in favour of the women if I'm not mistaken.

Of course people should be able to see whoever they want, but telling someone you're going to meet them at the weekend and then canceling because you found someone better is pretty harsh. I think some people treat online dating like clothes shopping. Line up a few outfits, try them on, pick out the best one. After a while if they're not happy with their purchase they can bring it back and get a different one.

cantdecide

What's your view here? I just don't wish to wrong someone...

Chick starts messaging me and I'm replying. Everything's all nice and light but then silence until...

cantdecide wrote: »

I just got a first contact message from a girl.... I had a conversation with THREE WEEKS AGO!!! I clearly made a lasting impression :rolleyes:

The new message just mentioned 'looking for new friends'.

A day later, she replied to the original conversation with 'oh sorry for the delay' and answered a question I'd asked weeks before. I really don't know what here buzz is. I presume she was getting on with the OD experience elsewhere and maybe other things didn't work out and now she's bored and working down her favourites list again.

It is online dating and my instinct is to just say to hell with this but at the same time, part of me is wondering if I'm not being fair by ignoring her now???

Herrick

cantdecide wrote: »

What's your view here? I just don't wish to wrong someone...

Chick starts messaging me and I'm replying. Everything's all nice and light but then silence until...



The new message just mentioned 'looking for new friends'.

A day later, she replied to the original conversation with 'oh sorry for the delay' and answered a question I'd asked weeks before. I really don't know what here buzz is. I presume she was getting on with the OD experience elsewhere and maybe other things didn't work out and now she's bored and working down her favourites list again.

It is online dating and my instinct is to just say to hell with this but at the same time, part of me is wondering if I'm not being fair by ignoring her now???

It's a tough one to call. I had an experience like this a while back. Got talking to a girl exchanged a few messages. Then quiet for a few days even though she'd been online. Two days later got a reply, I replied, it was another two days. So as far as I was concerned she hadn't much interest. I decided to label her as someone to PM for the craic at that stage but after a few days she was messaging me 24/7 (my diff attitude maybe?) and giving me her number and wanting to meet. We didn't cause I got bored of her, but every now and again she messages me trying to spark up a convo

Anyway I suppose what I'm trying to get at is, people don't really know each other at all on these sites, just a few words and pics really. So I guess its easy to overlook someone you could be made for.

Obviously you are going to think that their head was turned away from you originally and their only back now cause it didn't work out.

So if someone comes back to you I guess you could give it a shot chatting again as maybe it might go well, you could meet up and end up having great chemistry. There's been a lot of people on here saying how they weren't that bothered about someone, went on a date and were blown away.

Of course though its a valid view to consider them ignorant for coming back after so long, but I'd know some that would consider OD and messaging a bit of craic and would go chatting again. Although a 2nd chance is all they'd give.

I guess it's down to the individual whether they will give it another bash or let them off and ignore them.

I wouldn't say your being unfair at all, you have a valid reason for not bothering to respond. However if you'd like to chat to her again it would be upto you.

smallgarden

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Yeah with the numbers in favour of the women it seems. I think on POF its a ratio of 5:1 in favour of the women if I'm not mistaken.

Of course people should be able to see whoever they want, but telling someone you're going to meet them at the weekend and then canceling because you found someone better is pretty harsh. I think some people treat online dating like clothes shopping. Line up a few outfits, try them on, pick out the best one. After a while if they're not happy with their purchase they can bring it back and get a different one.

i dont think thats harsh.finding one person more attractive on both physical and personality level is just being honest.id prefer someone to be honest than string me along.im not sure if your ratio is right either.have you tried searching men to see the results? i do agree that dating is bit like clothes shopping,if someones not right for you then try find someone that is right for you rather than trying to fit into outfit just for the sake of it.

riveratom

It's not harsh but you'd think in fairness she would have just said there was no spark, etc. Why she felt compelled to mention the other guy I don't know!!

smallgarden

riveratom wrote: »

It's not harsh but you'd think in fairness she would have just said there was no spark, etc. Why she felt compelled to mention the other guy I don't know!!

i doubt she felt compelled to mention it,i doubt it was vindictive,people say they respect honesty but really thy just want the truth sugar coated,she should have just said its not you its me

riveratom

smallgarden wrote: »

i doubt she felt compelled to mention it,i doubt it was vindictive,people say they respect honesty but really thy just want the truth sugar coated,she should have just said its not you its me

I don't mean it was vindictive, just that it was kinda unnecessary to throw it in.

Granted she probably didn't even think of it that way, she probably just wanted to be completely honest.

newbee22

My day today should be entitled ' when online dating goes wrong'. i give up!!!

Armaghmagic

Date last night went very well, went to the cinema instantly holding hands, went for a drink and then I left her home and after a multitude of smooches I headed off on the 80km journey home.

Seeing her again on Tuesday and literally can't wait, multiple dates may be coming to an end. She is definitely worth the slightly long trip and any expense entailed.

On the multiple dating as YumCha stated earlier, its all about getting the 'result' ASAP. For me I see a woman who I like on POF and get chatting and then another one comes along and im hooked on them too. I don't particularly want to get caught in a trap (just for you Elvis) of going on a few dates with a few women and then having to choose but its the best way of making the best decision possible and hey, lets face it......its fun.

Also the 2 women I had dates with had openly said they have no problem with someone they are dating being on loads of dates.

Anyone have any dates yesterday/any today?

Armaghmagic

newbee22 wrote: »

My day today should be entitled ' when online dating goes wrong'. i give up!!!

Go on......spill!!

Daveysil15

smallgarden wrote: »

i do agree that dating is bit like clothes shopping,if someones not right for you then try find someone that is right for you rather than trying to fit into outfit just for the sake of it.

Yes but try one outfit at a time, or even one a week for gods sake. And online dating is not like clothes shopping for everyone. For a lot of people its more like a lottery.

Northclare

Multiple dating isn't for me.
I think if you're physically attractive it's much easier to get into multiple dating etc.
I tried the few dates a week my head was wrecked lol I was all confused and didn't know who what where etc,I suppose being a laid back kinda guy doesn't help me with multiple dating,but if I was well organized and could think as sharp and as quick as an air traffic controller I'd handle it ok.

Multiple dating is alright for those who can handle it but I cant.

LegacyUser

I've dabbled in online dating in the past. My friend thinks I should sigh up again. I would only I'm unemployed with not much money for going out.I also think my unemployment status will out men off. Do you think I'm right to wait until I get a job before rejoining?

riveratom

Northclare wrote: »

Multiple dating isn't for me.
I think if you're physically attractive it's much easier to get into multiple dating etc.
I tried the few dates a week my head was wrecked lol I was all confused and didn't know who what where etc,I suppose being a laid back kinda guy doesn't help me with multiple dating,but if I was well organized and could think as sharp and as quick as an air traffic controller I'd handle it ok.

Multiple dating is alright for those who can handle it but I cant.

I think doing it could lead to some shaky decisions as well, like if you have to decide who you want to continue things with within a tight timeframe (provided s/he feels the same way of course), you could easily go with the wrong one!

I like the idea of spacing out dates and focusing on one girl at the one time.

Panthro

The idea of multiple dating wouldn't appeal to me in the slightest to be honest. I can't get my head round the idea of meeting up with someone a few times, having a few "firsts" such as kissing etc, only to go off a few days later and possibly do the same thing all over again but with someone else, in my mind it would take away from the 1st date and the "buzz" I'd have gotten from it completely.
I'd feel pretty hallow about myself personally, I'm glad I'm a useless multi-tasker!

cantdecide

brokegirl wrote: »

I've dabbled in online dating in the past. My friend thinks I should sigh up again. I would only I'm unemployed with not much money for going out.I also think my unemployment status will out men off. Do you think I'm right to wait until I get a job before rejoining?

Sign of the times. Won't be a problem. I'm sure it wouldn't put anyone off. It's a great opportunity to think of more creative and quirky dates that don't involve going out. I love daytime dates, personally.

Northclare

brokegirl wrote: »

I've dabbled in online dating in the past. My friend thinks I should sigh up again. I would only I'm unemployed with not much money for going out.I also think my unemployment status will out men off. Do you think I'm right to wait until I get a job before rejoining?

Well my motto is it's better to be with a poor good woman than a rich bad one.
If you meet a good man he wont care if your poor financially, go for it....