The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

HellFireClub

smallgarden wrote: »

if feeling like that totally wouldnt go on date with other person

It would be easy to see how it "could" happen though, especially if you had agreed to go on it beforehand. Guys would be more vulnerable to doing this than girls I think...

HellFireClub

Honey-ec wrote: »

Today's bugbear - people lying about their ethnicity. What's the point when it's glaringly obvious from your photos that you're not, in fact, Caucasian? Just had a message from a guy who's obviously Asian, but has himself listed as Caucasian. The fact that he's not white doesn't bother me in the least, the fact that he's lied about something very obvious does.

Same thing happened with a guy I went to school with. He's Irish, born and raised but his Dad is Indian and he's very obviously not white. He messaged me on POF moaning about how little success he was having. I had a look at his profile and he had his ethnicity down as Caucasian. I was like, maybe that's putting people off, they're wondering what else you're lying about. He said he was trying to make it clear that he was Irish, but race and nationality are two very different things.

Well I'm Irish and white, but I don't look Irish or white! I'm not black but I'm very dark and have a French appearance about me, seems to be down to some gene somewhere in the family that turns up every now and again that gives me brown eyes and a really sallow complexion. I've been asked a few times where I'm from, even though I have my nationality down as Irish... I didn't think this would ever be a reason for me to be maybe doubted on POF though as to my nationality, given that there is clearly a sort of contradiction between my appearance and what I've started on my profile in terms of nationality...

JennyBurke101

Question.....

After you have your first date from someone you met online, how long do you usually wait to text them? This question is directed to the men folk :P

cantdecide

Honey-ec wrote: »

Today's bugbear - people lying about their ethnicity.

I've seen this too.

On a related note, I was reading a profile on OKC and one of the 'questions' is "how important is it to date someone the same ethicity as you" and I was surprised to see her public answer was 'very'. Is this just open racism??? I would have thought that even if it was meant to denote a preference for Caucasians, why you would restrict yourself to just one race.

cantdecide

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

Question.....

After you have your first date from someone you met online, how long do you usually wait to text them? This question is directed to the men folk :P

I'd send the 'thanks for a wonderful night/ day/ date' message of course. If you were still keen on him after sleeping on it, I'd say why wait longer than a day or so.

mood

cantdecide wrote: »

I'd send the 'thanks for a wonderful night/ day/ date' message of course. If you were still keen on him after sleeping on it, I'd say why wait longer than a day or so.

Even if your not interested in the person?

smallgarden

from female perspective i never know if to text/when,i know guys hate pressure on them but i do feel if they liked you then theyl text you.if dont hear from them then i kind of assume theyre not interested. might text to say got home okay or had nice evening

JennyBurke101

smallgarden wrote: »

from female perspective i never know if to text/when,i know guys hate pressure on them but i do feel if they liked you then theyl text you.if dont hear from them then i kind of assume theyre not interested. might text to say got home okay or had nice evening

That's my problem EXACTLY!!!!! I just assume its best not to text

Galvasean

smallgarden wrote: »

in fairness to her though he was multiple dating so cant really judge her for it

I don't think it's the dating more than one person that is the bugbear (thanks Honey-ec, I haven't used that word in ages!) here, but more so the fact that the girl was broadcasting out that she was with another guy that night. It comes across (in my eyes anyway) as being quite petty and immature. I mean, what good can come of doing that? He's hardly gonna turn around and say,"Gee, that's great news - exactly what i wanted to hear. Hope you wear the face off him!"

Galvasean

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

That's my problem EXACTLY!!!!! I just assume its best not to text

It's actually quite nice when the girl texts you. Strangely enough a lot of men don't actually like having to be the one to make all the moves...

smallgarden

Galvasean wrote: »

It's actually quite nice when the girl texts you. Strangely enough a lot of men don't actually like having to be the one to make all the moves...

if youre not interested do you text? if she doesnt text after the first date do you assume shes not interested?

Galvasean

smallgarden wrote: »

if youre not interested do you text? if she doesnt text after the first date do you assume shes not interested?

More or less, I generally don't text when I'm not interested. I would assume that is the case when girls don't text after. If nobody texts we're on the same page.
I'd say it's good rule of thumb to text when interested, rather than waiting for the other person to. I mean, imagine if both parties were interested and just waited about for the other person to be the first to text and as a result nothing came of it. What a waste that would be.

smallgarden

have you ever waited to hear from girl and as she didnt text you didnt text her? i still think if guys interested hes going to text.i know onus shouldnt be on the guy to text

Hardonraging

smallgarden wrote: »

have you ever waited to hear from girl and as she didnt text you didnt text her? i still think if guys interested hes going to text.i know onus shouldnt be on the guy to text

If the guy's genuinely interested he'll make an effort ...

cantdecide

mood wrote: »

Even if your not interested in the person?

No.

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

That's my problem EXACTLY!!!!! I just assume its best not to text

smallgarden wrote: »

if youre not interested do you text? if she doesnt text after the first date do you assume shes not interested?

smallgarden wrote: »

have you ever waited to hear from girl and as she didnt text you didnt text her? i still think if guys interested hes going to text.i know onus shouldnt be on the guy to text

This:

Hardonraging wrote: »

If the guy's genuinely interested he'll make an effort ...

If you're really interested in someone you've been out with, male or female, wouldn't it be better to take the bull by the horns and find out if it's mutual? Life's short...

Galvasean

smallgarden wrote: »

have you ever waited to hear from girl and as she didnt text you didnt text her?

Nope. As per my previous post, if I'm interested I'll send a text at some point. No point thinking, "Oh she didn't text me, ergo she must not be interested" when she might be thinking the same of me. That would just be counterproductive.
If you want to see them again text them (that goes for girls and boys). The worst thing that can happen is they don't reply or tell you that they don't want to meet up again*. A bit of initiative goes a long way in these scenarios.


*Actually the worst thing that can happen is she can text you back saying she had a great time and can't wait to meet up again, then spends the next week and a half giving out excuses as to why she cannot meet up right now, but definitely wants to do so soon, then disappears off the radar for a few days until (when confronted) she admits that she has found someone else that she likes better.
Not that I'm bitter though. *ahem*


edit: as cantdecide says, life's too short to play "will she/won't he" games. It's not Battleship you're playing.

JennyBurke101

See this guy text me straight after the date and said he hoped to see me soon...I said I would love to see him again and he should text me when he is free to meet up, he was like of course i will, will keep you posted ...that was Friday and bar him commenting on a facebook status on Saturday I havent heard from him...so I dunno what to be thinking

Hardonraging

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

See this guy text me straight after the date and said he hoped to see me soon...I said I would love to see him again and he should text me when he is free to meet up, he was like of course i will, will keep you posted ...that was Friday and bar him commenting on a facebook status on Saturday I havent heard from him...so I dunno what to be thinking

Sit and wait !! when the guy's free he'll give you a nod, it's only Tuesday ...

njs030

If your chatting to someone for a while and they then mention they've met a few people and have a date lined up, yet never metioned meeting yourself other than a vague it'd be nice to meet up sometime, would ye think that's a nice way of saying not interested? Time to cut the chat off and move on or see what happens?

Larianne

notjustsweet wrote: »

If your chatting to someone for a while and they then mention they've met a few people and have a date lined up, yet never metioned meeting yourself other than a vague it'd be nice to meet up sometime, would ye think that's a nice way of saying not interested? Time to cut the chat off and move on or see what happens?

Oh god, yeah I wouldn't be wasting my time with that.

miec

That's the impression I get anyway. Some of the attractive girls told me they get anything up to 100 messages a day.

Wow I must be really ugly, I get between 1-5 mails a week if I am lucky but I am not on POF every day, don't want kids but do want a relationship, over 40 and live in Co. Kildare (I hope its these factors and not just my off putting face)

miec

Also talking of the whole photo thing, I am not photogenic at all and have been told a few times that I look much prettier in the flesh than my pics. I have noticed this myself, a few guys I have met in the past were much better looking in real life. The opposite has happened too where the man in question looks great in the picture but looks very plain / not attractive in real life (their pics have been genuine, it is just that the camera loves them). Has anyone else observed this?

riveratom

miec wrote: »

Also talking of the whole photo thing, I am not photogenic at all and have been told a few times that I look much prettier in the flesh than my pics. I have noticed this myself, a few guys I have met in the past were much better looking in real life. The opposite has happened too where the man in question looks great in the picture but looks very plain / not attractive in real life (their pics have been genuine, it is just that the camera loves them). Has anyone else observed this?

Ohh photos are a very weird one. I see women who look a fair bit different going from one pic to the next, never mind photos versus real life!

In fact, I got a wink from one girl earlier on Match, in one pic she looks really pretty, whereas in the other two she looks a fair bit different. You just know that you could really only find out by meeting her - which is why I sent her a quick mail in response

I think the 'you're much prettier / better looking in real life' thing also comes down to seeing the whole package, so to speak, when we do meet someone. A photo is just like a snapshot of someone and may be a fair bit off the real picture (puns intended).

Honey-ec

Some people are photogenic. Some aren't. I wouldn't think it's the revelation of the century.

Hardonraging

Honey-ec wrote: »

Some people are photogenic. Some aren't. I wouldn't think it's the revelation of the century.

Seems i'm not that photogenic .. at least i've been told i look better in real life .. i'm sure there a filter in photoshop that will fix that however ..

Herrick

Galvasean wrote: »

*Actually the worst thing that can happen is she can text you back saying she had a great time and can't wait to meet up again, then spends the next week and a half giving out excuses as to why she cannot meet up right now, but definitely wants to do so soon, then disappears off the radar for a few days until (when confronted) she admits that she has found someone else that she likes better.
Not that I'm bitter though. *ahem*

Yep experienced this myself a couple of times. You' d wonder why they wouldn't just tell you outright and say they don't actually want to meet again or aren't that into you. Never really had them admit to meeting someone else, just lots of excuses why they can't meet, but definitely want to. They even keep initiating texts and that too so your really confused as to whether you should give them the benefit of the doubt or what. But eventually you never hear back from them.

The only thing I can think off is they want to use you as a back up in case it doesn't work out with the latest flavor or simply they have no intention of actually getting with you, but your handy company to chat to, keep them occupied and keep the ego flying high until someone they actually want comes along.

Although once you realize what their like at least you can be glad you no longer have to waste time on person like that.

riveratom

Honey-ec wrote: »

Some people are photogenic. Some aren't. I wouldn't think it's the revelation of the century.

It's not just about being photogenic though, although that's part of it - it's also about putting up photos that might be 2-3 years old, or ones where your hair colour is totally different, etc!

Honey-ec

riveratom wrote: »

It's not just about being photogenic though, although that's part of it - it's also about putting up photos that might be 2-3 years old

That's annoying alright. I got a message from a guy the other day and according to the timestamp on his profiler, it was taken in 2007 :rolleyes:

riveratom

Herrick wrote: »

Yep experienced this myself a couple of times. You' d wonder why they wouldn't just tell you outright and say they don't actually want to meet again or aren't that into you. Never really had them admit to meeting someone else, just lots of excuses why they can't meet, but definitely want to. They even keep initiating texts and that too so your really confused as to whether you should give them the benefit of the doubt or what. But eventually you never hear back from them.

The only thing I can think off is they want to use you as a back up in case it doesn't work out with the latest flavor or simply they have no intention of actually getting with you, but your handy company to chat to, keep them occupied and keep the ego flying high until someone they actually want comes along.

Although once you realize what their like at least you can be glad you no longer have to waste time on person like that.

Had a girl like that before - cancelled dates, big pauses between texts, sometimes replied, sometimes didn't, kept me waiting one evening for her to text after we agreed to meet, 'oh got busy in work and it's a bit late now', etc.

I think it was the third time she cancelled on me or went back on plans that I called her on it. Rang her up directly and she hung up. Texted and got some strange texts back. It was at that point that I stopped replying and cut off contact!

Honey-ec

riveratom wrote: »

Rang her up directly and she hung up.

What is it with people who won't actually speak on the phone at all? It's so childish. I was texting a guy before, we were getting on great. Rang him one evening, he didn't answer, but texted me back immediately going "Oh I don't "do" the phone, lol."

That was the end of him. I'm not a big phone-talker myself but there's something inherently wrong with an adult who's incapable of conducting a short conversation with another adult.