The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Galvasean

I'm a bit skeptical when I see profiles looking for 'friends', particularly when they are searching in very narrow terms, eg: a specific age group (one that does not necessarily encompass their own age) and height (heaven's, I know I can only befriend people over 6'!)

Galvasean

marshbaboon wrote: »

I politely declined, told her it was best to leave it. :rolleyes:

She sounds a bit flakey alright. Maybe leave the ball in her court? If she's interested surely she'll try rearrange herself. It's not fair having you chase her looking for scraps.

riveratom

Semele wrote: »

Unpleasant experience on OKC yesterday!

I'm in the process of moving and quite happily casually seeing a guy I met on there a few weeks ago, so logged in for the first time yesterday to change my settings to just looking for friends. Up pops a profile of a good-looking guy in friend suggestions, so I click on it...and its my ex! A guy who dumped me very painfully and disrespectfully 2 years ago. I had cut him out so completely in order to get over him that I had not heard any news or even seen a photo of him in 2 years, so suddenly being confronted with an array of them was a very nasty shock. My flatmate had to pour me a strong G&T cos it was like being punched in the stomach!

And the real kicker?? He's only getting married, to the girl he left me for. His profile is all full of wedding plans and w*nking on about how love is the best thing in the world...this guy apparently didn't believe in love when I knew him. Ouch!

Had to hide his profile then as the idea of him seeing me on there was worse than me having seen him, weirdly. Have a horrible feeling I'd clicked on his profile ages ago though, not copped on that it was him and left again once I realised he was only after friends, so he prob has spotted me:o

Wow, you should be thanking your lucky stars and feeling pity for the girl he's going to marry, who knows what's ahead of her!!

Who goes onto OKC just before they get married?!?

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

Wow, you should be thanking your lucky stars and feeling pity for the girl he's going to marry, who knows what's ahead of her!!

Who goes onto OKC just before they get married?!?

+1, it could be worse, imagine if you were about to marry him and found him shyteing on about "Love" on a fúcking dating site of all things?!? Consider yourself blessed missus!

marshbaboon

Galvasean wrote: »

She sounds a bit flakey alright. Maybe leave the ball in her court? If she's interested surely she'll try rearrange herself. It's not fair having you chase her looking for scraps.

Even if she's being truthful, she made plans with me & then cancelled them in order to do something else. I don't do chasing, I just interpret it as disinterest or a change of mind.

HellFireClub

marshbaboon wrote: »

Even if she's being truthful, she made plans with me & then cancelled them in order to do something else. I don't do chasing, I just interpret it as disinterest or a change of mind.

Just to give you a similar situation from the other perspective, I was chatting to a girl for the last 2 weeks that I really really wanted to meet, but I had problems with having to work late more or less every evening for the last fortnight (am self employed so don't have a 5-9 job or anything remotely close to it!), so how did it pan out, basically I really wanted to meet this girl but due to making plans and having to cancel them, it just didn't happen.

Point I just want to make is that there can be very genuine reasons why someone can't give you the priority that you may rightly think you deserve. I'm literally KICKING myself that I can't meet this girl, but I have a responsibility towards my business that I can't just walk away from, and it isn't fair on someone else to be making plans for a date and then not being able to stand by those plans, because you have a completely different priority that someone else that other people in a different career or workplace may not always understand...

Galvasean

marshbaboon wrote: »

Even if she's being truthful, she made plans with me & then cancelled them in order to do something else. I don't do chasing, I just interpret it as disinterest or a change of mind.

It could be possible that she did have to meet her brother for something important. You'd never know really. Family issues generally trump dating in my book. I'd be inclined to say something like, "Hey, I'm still interested in meeting up. If you're still up for it let me know a time that suits". That way you can honestly say you've done everything in your power (within reason).

marshbaboon

Galvasean wrote: »

It could be possible that she did have to meet her brother for something important. You'd never know really. Family issues generally trump dating in my book. I'd be inclined to say something like, "Hey, I'm still interested in meeting up. If you're still up for it let me know a time that suits". That way you can honestly say you've done everything in your power (within reason).

Yea maybe, I'm totally fine with someone having something more important to do. I'd be likely to believe it was important if she had mentioned it earlier in the day, rather than waiting for me to message her & saying it when I was about to leave the house. It's just a combination of things that strikes me as someone trying to be nice, rather than genuinely being interested.

She didn't acknowledge my last message either so I don't think she's really bothered either way. Which is totally fine ofc!

If she did really just have something more important to do, then more than likely she'll have the courtesy to message me back, and I'll definitely mention it.

miec

So miec don't conclude that you mustn't be that attractive etc if you're not being inundated by messages. I don't get that many either - I'd say on average it's about one a day!

Aw thanks for that.

I think I look terrible in photos, which will work to my advantage tbh. Pretty sure I won't disappoint IRL if I look much better than the pic. Also it's good to weed out the shallow girls

That is true and it does kind of work in my favour as the guy who I meet in real life often look delighted / relieved, it's gas watching it in their face so that is the good side of not being photogenic.

one way to know which photo to choose photo is to take a few and put them on the website "Hot or Not" in which people give scores to your photo out of 10. Then pick the one that scores highest? I think I was the first person to get a negative mark

That is a really good idea but I am not sure if I could do that. Truth is every time a camera comes near me I freeze and I have no good side etc. I do look passable in pictures but never wow or anything. If I ever work up the nerve I will try.

Re: the poster who mentioned about pics with others or children / pets I have to agree. I'm a single parent and I would never post a picture up of my child, I don't even talk about him that much until I have met the person. I must admit I find it off putting people including pics of others.

Daveysil15

Honey-ec wrote: »

What is it with people who won't actually speak on the phone at all? It's so childish. I was texting a guy before, we were getting on great. Rang him one evening, he didn't answer, but texted me back immediately going "Oh I don't "do" the phone, lol."

Maybe he had an unsexy voice, like that guy from the old Meteor ad, "Hello its me, the guy from the bar... no honestly it is."

Piliger wrote: »

I live in south central Dublin and I don't need a car to live here - so I never message anyone outside Dublin. LDR's are a b€#¢h.

I'm in Kildare and usually only message women in Dublin, simply because there's feck all women from Kildare on POF. After messaging every woman in my county and getting no replies, I had to search other counties. The Dublin girls seem to be a bit more responsive.

Piliger

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I'm in Kildare and usually only message women in Dublin, simply because there's feck all women from Kildare on POF. After messaging every woman in my county and getting no replies, I had to search other counties. The Dublin girls seem to be a bit more responsive.

Funny old world. After 8 weeks on POF all I seem to get now is recommendations from outside Dublin. I get almost no messages from Dublin women and they almost never reply to me... :rolleyes:

Piliger

marshbaboon wrote: »

Yea maybe, I'm totally fine with someone having something more important to do. I'd be likely to believe it was important if she had mentioned it earlier in the day, rather than waiting for me to message her & saying it when I was about to leave the house.

THAT ...... is the key point !

Piliger

HellFireClub wrote: »

I'm literally KICKING myself that I can't meet this girl, but I have a responsibility towards my business that I can't just walk away from, and it isn't fair on someone else to be making plans for a date and then not being able to stand by those plans, because you have a completely different priority that someone else that other people in a different career or workplace may not always understand...

As you say ... it's a matter of priorities. You have made your choice, and it is a choice. There are always ways round things in my experience, if you want something bad enough. That may sound harsh but it's true.

HellFireClub

Piliger wrote: »

As you say ... it's a matter of priorities. You have made your choice, and it is a choice. There are always ways round things in my experience, if you want something bad enough. That may sound harsh but it's true.

It's anything but a choice I'm afraid. Unlike someone in a PAYE job, what I pay myself is completely down to my business staying open & trading sucessfully on a day to day basis, which is my responsibility, and unlike someone in a PAYE job, if I can't manage for whatever reason to accomplish that, and my business fails, there is no possibility of me getting €188 a week to survive on.

So what do I do? Do I forget about internet dating, or dating in general, for as long as I'm self employed? Or do I try to put my best foot forward, even if that means that due to the nature of the job that I do, I might not be able to follow through on plans that were made, because I don't know from day to day, how much spare time I might have on any particular evening???

Larianne

HellFireClub wrote: »

So what do I do? Do I forget about internet dating, or dating in general, for as long as I'm self employed? Or do I try to put my best foot forward, even if that means that due to the nature of the job that I do, I might not be able to follow through on plans that were made, because I don't know from day to day, how much spare time I might have on any particular evening???

Did you explain this to the girl in question? She might be understanding about it. But also, not having a regular schedule may turn some people off.

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

Did you explain this to the girl in question? She might be understanding about it. But also, not having a regular schedule may turn some people off.

Yip, and she couldn't have been more understanding about it, but work issues at my end kept getting in the way of dates we had organised, I'm livid about it now 'cos was dying to meet this girl, anyway, no point in me being thick with myself just 'cos I have to work harder than normal lately. Just have to chalk it up to experience...

Larianne

HellFireClub wrote: »

Yip, and she couldn't have been more understanding about it, but work issues at my end kept getting in the way of dates we had organised, I'm livid about it now 'cos was dying to meet this girl, anyway, no point in me being thick with myself just 'cos I have to work harder than normal lately. Just have to chalk it up to experience...

Well then, what's stopping you contacting her in the future when you've more time??

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

Well then, what's stopping you contacting her in the future when you've more time??

Nothing really, only that she'll probably be seeing someone else, just have to chalk it up to experience.

feylya

Changed my location to San Francisco. Suddenly, I get 20+ 95% or higher matches, messages, high ratings. I'm in the wrong country

marshbaboon

feylya wrote: »

Changed my location to San Francisco. Suddenly, I get 20+ 95% or higher matches, messages, high ratings. I'm in the wrong country

Bit of a commute though...

Northclare

feylya wrote: »

Changed my location to San Francisco. Suddenly, I get 20+ 95% or higher matches, messages, high ratings. I'm in the wrong country

Yeah I was told I'd be quite popular State side too,bigger population and more variety etc

feylya

marshbaboon wrote: »

Bit of a commute though...

Except when you're there for a few weeks

Northclare wrote: »

Yeah I was told I'd be quite popular State side too,bigger population and more variety etc

Definitely. Another reason to get out of Ireland

Galvasean

HellFireClub wrote: »

Yip, and she couldn't have been more understanding about it, but work issues at my end kept getting in the way of dates we had organised, I'm livid about it now 'cos was dying to meet this girl, anyway, no point in me being thick with myself just 'cos I have to work harder than normal lately. Just have to chalk it up to experience...

feel for you man. I'm in a similar boat. Some months I literally have no weekends. Other months I have too much free time. Such is the way with business these days. you gotta take it when it's good because it might dry up later. It's a pain in the hole in terms of daying, but uyou gotta pay those bills first and foremost.

Northclare

feylya wrote: »

marshbaboon wrote: »

Bit of a commute though...

Except when you're there for a few weeks

Northclare wrote: »

Yeah I was told I'd be quite popular State side too,bigger population and more variety etc

Definitely. Another reason to get out of Ireland

Go to California if your around 5"9 average looking charming,bit of a loveable rogue,reasonably sober when out your going to be a big hit.

They can sense an arrogant dick who fills em with Celtic Tiger ballyhoo,just be yourself and you'll meet a nice lady.

And they're not into drunk guys it's a turn off for Cali women.

Status don't matter if they like you,they like you

CastorTroy

Northclare wrote: »

Go to California if your around 5"9 average looking charming,bit of a loveable rogue,reasonably sober when out your going to be a big hit.

They can sense an arrogant dick who fills em with Celtic Tiger ballyhoo,just be yourself and you'll meet a nice lady.

And they're not into drunk guys it's a turn off for Cali women.

Status don't matter if they like you,they like you

I'm 5'10" and sober all the time. Can't say about the rest of the criteria though so looks like I'll stay put.

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

feel for you man. I'm in a similar boat. Some months I literally have no weekends. Other months I have too much free time. Such is the way with business these days. you gotta take it when it's good because it might dry up later. It's a pain in the hole in terms of dating, but you gotta pay those bills first and foremost.

It's hard to know what to do, I got a bit of a polite telling off, as in, "well you shouldn't agree to go on a date unless you are 100% sure you can turn up for it"... Well nothing in my life at the moment is 100% certain, and certainly no more so than in relation to work, so the advice, if followed, would be that I shouldn't act on my gut feeling in relation to her being exactly the type of girl I'd go for, and just let an opportunity to meet someone I really like, just pass straight by me...

And that's the sum of it really when you boil it down to the bare bones, the argument that is being extended is, "don't dare be romantic, don't have the audacity to believe that even though you don't have a clear schedule in relation to your working hours, that you may meet someone who will make the bit of effort that it will take to meet up, worthwhile"...

mood

I had two guys cancel internet dates with me. They didn't try to reschedule. So from personal experience I would assume a guy who cancels is either messing me about and/or not interested. You can't blame a person for not giving you the benefit of the doubt if they have had the same experience as me.

HellFireClub

mood wrote: »

I had two guys cancel internet dates with me. They didn't try to reschedule. So from personal experience I would assume a guy who cancels is either messing me about and/or not interested. You can't blame a person for not giving you the benefit of the doubt if they have had the same experience as me.

Well I was given the benefit of the doubt, I can't say for a moment that I wasn't, not just once but twice, I'm just highly píssed off that I did my best but I still couldn't get to meet this girl, all completely down to circumstances at my own end with work.

mood

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well I was given the benefit of the doubt, I can't say for a moment that I wasn't, not just once but twice, I'm just highly píssed off that I did my best but I still couldn't get to meet this girl, all completely down to circumstances at my own end with work.

I know you are pissed off and genuinely wanted to meet her but look at it from her perspective... It probably looks like you are messing her about or are already in a relationship. Could you just arrange date for time you definitely won't be working? For example Fri/Sat nights? It might prevent this happening again.

HellFireClub

mood wrote: »

I know you are pissed off and genuinely wanted to meet her but look at it from her perspective... It probably looks like you are messing her about or are already in a relationship. Could you just arrange date for time you definitely won't be working? For example Fri/Sat nights? It might prevent this happening again.

Sure I can see it fully from her perspective, she knows I'm not messing her around 'cos I went out of my way to explain it to her and she accepts that I'm genuine although she feels that I'm not really able, (as distinct from willing), to do the dating thing properly at the moment. I wouldn't ask her to reserve any more time for a date with me, we tried to arrange it, it didn't work, I shouldn't even be bothered about it, only I had such a good gut feeling about it...

Anyways, next date... :rolleyes: (I'm throwing eyes up at myself there!)