The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Northclare

I know that ! but sure leave em off

grames_bond

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Yep, the nice guys usually finish last.

Look on the bright side .... that means assholes are premature!! :pac:

riveratom

Got myself a date tonight, well this evening. Not sure what time just yet though! Hopefully she's nice, based on the several pics and few emails I like what I see anyway

Galvasean

Honey-ec wrote: »

They're perfectly entitled to do it, but I do think they're also setting themselves up for disappointment if they meet someone who then gets the shock of their life because they look nothing like that pic in reality. It's the exact same as using a picture that's donkeys years old, or one where you're a couple of stone lighter/heavier than your current weight.

Most of the girls I have met from OD looked significantly different from their profile pics and rarely in a good way*, ie: older, heavier or just plain not as pretty. Shallow as I am, I cannot help but be disappointed in such scenarios. It's a bad start to a date.

*That said, once a girl did turn up who actually looked significantly better IRL. We ended going out for about 4 months. Funny that.

Honey-ec

I have date 4 with last week's guy tonight. Very much looking forward to it

JennyBurke101

OK I done something kinda sneaky ....can I run it by someone on PM get their opinion???

cantdecide

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

OK I done something kinda sneaky ....can I run it by someone on PM get their opinion???

This can not go well...

miec

Okay a quick question to the men of this forum on women's pics; what is considered a bad picture and what is considered a good picture?

I ask because I believe my pictures may be part of my problem. I have three pictures up, one full face (taken myself) one with friends (but they have been cut out of the picture I don't agree with having pics of other people as I don't think it is fair to have their faces on a dating site) and another on a boat - I am not out drinking or having my bits hanging out, in actual fact they are quite conservative, I don't wear much make up and was told by one guy I should have a pic of me with make up and my hair is how shall we say 'unruly'.

So are men drawn to the sleek glossy pics / professionally done pics or what? That's not me. Honey-sec has already demonstrated that a vast proportion of men go for the bikini shot (again no way) so what is a good pic?

miec

I have also just had a realisation that the men on dating sites with ax-murder expressions probably think their pics are okay in the same way I thought my pics were okay.

I must admit that if a man has a lovely picture yes it draws me in but if there is nothing in his profile I won't message him. The profile is more important in my eyes and I have mailed men without pics.

njs030

JennyBurke101 wrote: »

OK I done something kinda sneaky ....can I run it by someone on PM get their opinion???

Seriously intrigued......

CastorTroy

notjustsweet wrote: »

Seriously intrigued......

Think we all are

miec wrote: »

I have also just had a realisation that the men on dating sites with ax-murder expressions probably think their pics are okay in the same way I thought my pics were okay.

I must admit that if a man has a lovely picture yes it draws me in but if there is nothing in his profile I won't message him. The profile is more important in my eyes and I have mailed men without pics.

*Note to self: Remove pictures of me holding an axe*

A pic that would get my attention would be one where the person just looks natural or if from a night out, when they're not drunk looking.

2 examples I've seen include a girl just sitting on the couch with her dog when someone took a pic of her. No posing or anything. Just natural.
And one from a night out I've seen is just the girl striking a pose that doesn't consist of a bottle being anywhere near her mouth or being squashed among other people.

Of course, I'm no expert. My main pic is of me talking to an unseen person beside me(they exist, not an imaginary friend).

Esoteric_

Galvasean wrote: »

Most of the girls I have met from OD looked significantly different from their profile pics and rarely in a good way*, ie: older, heavier or just plain not as pretty. Shallow as I am, I cannot help but be disappointed in such scenarios. It's a bad start to a date.

*That said, once a girl did turn up who actually looked significantly better IRL. We ended going out for about 4 months. Funny that.

Noticed the same thing tbh. Out of all the guys I met, most of them looked significantly worse. I realised that a face shot doesn't give an accurate indication of how I look, so ended up uploading body shots and things too, don't want to be leading anyone on.

That said, the guy I'm currently dating (about 2 or 3 months now) had a pic of him when he was 19 on his profile. I questioned it, because he's in his mid 20s now and he said he doesn't really take photos. It was a decent pic, but I was worried. First date - damn. He looked so much better. Definitely glad I gave him a chance. Only person I've met to look significantly better IRL. That said, the couple of boardsies I met looked the same, no worse, no better.

Esoteric_

CastorTroy wrote: »

Think we all are


*Note to self: Remove pictures of me holding an axe*

A pic that would get my attention would be one where the person just looks natural or if from a night out, when they're not drunk looking.

2 examples I've seen include a girl just sitting on the couch with her dog when someone took a pic of her. No posing or anything. Just natural.
And one from a night out I've seen is just the girl striking a pose that doesn't consist of a bottle being anywhere near her mouth or being squashed among other people.

Of course, I'm no expert. My main pic is of me talking to an unseen person beside me(they exist, not an imaginary friend).

For a few weeks, I switched my main pic to a pic of me with a Bulmers sticker on my forhead, and messy hair. I wasn't taking it seriously at that stage, yet somehow got about 50% more mails than when I had a normal, un-posed, sober pic up. :pac:

Honey-ec

miec wrote: »

Honey-sec has already demonstrated that a vast proportion of men go for the bikini shot (again no way) so what is a good pic?

In fairness, my main pic for the majority of my time on the site has been me in a Leinster jersey with a big cheesy grin on my face, or me on a night out, but just standing there smiling, no drink in hand.

I think smiling is a big, big thing. I've had loads of compliments on my smile. Someone looking genuinely happy is much more flattering than that stupid duck-face women are notorious for doing, the male equivalent of which seems to be a borderline angry expression.

CastorTroy

Honey-ec wrote: »

In fairness, my main pic for the majority of my time on the site has been me in a Leinster jersey with a big cheesy grin on my face, or me on a night out, but just standing there smiling, no drink in hand.

I think smiling is a big, big thing. I've had loads of compliments on my smile. Someone looking genuinely happy is much more flattering than that stupid duck-face women are notorious for doing, the male equivalent of which seems to be a borderline angry expression.

Ah yeah, I figured the smile goes without saying. 2 of my favourite features are the smile and the eyes. Though the number of ones I see who look angry or just really serious is crazy. How many guys like their women to not have a sense of humour?

How serious would you prefer a profile to be? I tried to keep mine with a mixture between facts and a bit jokey.

Northclare

The best thing to do is steer clear of people with resentful expressions on their pics,a smile is only inches in diameter,but it goes a long way......

Daveysil15

Piliger wrote: »

Jeeez... I asked my son to take one of me ... people need to get a perspective on this.

Yes but what were you doing in the pic? Where you just standing against a wall or doing something interesting? This is what we were referring to earlier about the boring pics. There isn't always someone there to take a photo of you when you're doing something interesting.

miec wrote: »

Okay a quick question to the men of this forum on women's pics; what is considered a bad picture and what is considered a good picture?

miec wrote: »

I must admit that if a man has a lovely picture yes it draws me in but if there is nothing in his profile I won't message him. The profile is more important in my eyes and I have mailed men without pics.

A good picture is a picture of an attractive woman. Regardless of what sort of photo it is, if a woman is good looking she will get more messages. I think men are the opposite to women in that they would be more drawn to a picture of a hot woman than an interesting profile description. Having said that, I don't like it when a woman uploads nothing but group photos, or only one photo of her face. I think the main thing is to have a bit of variety in your photos.

Piliger

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Yes but what were you doing in the pic? Where you just standing against a wall or doing something interesting? This is what we were referring to earlier about the boring pics. There isn't always someone there to take a photo of you when you're doing something interesting.

I never complained about boring photos at all I have nothing against them whatsoever.
I really have NO interest in action photos or party photos or photos on holidays .... I simply want to see what the person looks like. End of.
We took normal straight forward photos of me with walls or trees in the background where you could actually see me, with a smile. I think this is the perfect type of photo. Three is more than enough.

A good picture is a picture of an attractive woman. Regardless of what sort of photo it is, if a woman is good looking she will get more messages. I think men are the opposite to women in that they would be more drawn to a picture of a hot woman than an interesting profile description.

I really do not agree with your claim that men look for a 'hot' woman. They look for an attractive woman ... or someone who is attractive to them, that is. If men come across a really hot looking women, the actual truth is that many will leap at the opportunity to send a message, but others will be quite intimidated and not message at all.

Having said that, I don't like it when a woman uploads nothing but group photos, or only one photo of her face. I think the main thing is to have a bit of variety in your photos.

I find it bizarre when I regularly encounter photos of faces that have expressions of pure dreariness, depressed faces, startled faces etc. Just a nice normal smile should be the absolute MINIMUM.

And I know I may get slated here ... but these awful photos with awful expressions almost always seem to accompany profiles of what I might classify as 'plain' looking women. I am dumbstruck why people would not want to at least present themselves in the best light possible (proverbially speaking of course)

cantdecide

Angry man pics: I read an OD study somewhere that said men get a substantially better reaction from 'serious' type photos. I was surprised about this but I took no notice.

Crazy sexy women: Personally, I would skip most of these profiles. I'd always go straight for the profiles that tell you something about what's in the individuals mind rather than their liver but maybe on my own here.

LyndaMcL wrote: »

For a few weeks, I switched my main pic to a pic of me with a Bulmers sticker on my forhead, and messy hair. I wasn't taking it seriously at that stage, yet somehow got about 50% more mails than when I had a normal, un-posed, sober pic up. :pac:

What about the quality of the messages? I can't explain the phenomenon or speak for everyone here and not to be harsh but you could look like Mila Kunis and I'd skip this profile. I don't wish to offend but I think drinkie profiles just make the women concerned seem 'easier'.

Daveysil15

Piliger wrote: »

I really have NO interest in action photos or party photos or photos on holidays .... I simply want to see what the person looks like. End of.
We took normal straight forward photos of me with walls or trees in the background where you could actually see me, with a smile. I think this is the perfect type of photo. Three is more than enough.

I really do not agree with your claim that men look for a 'hot' woman. They look for an attractive woman ... or someone who is attractive to them, that is. If men come across a really hot looking women, the actual truth is that many will leap at the opportunity to send a message, but others will be quite intimidated and not message at all.

I'm the same. I would rather see a nice photo of a woman against a tree or whatever so I can see her properly, rather than her standing in the corner of a group photo. What I'm saying is that a lot of people might find that uninteresting or boring. I have 3 photos of me on my own and 3 of me doing stuff outdoors with other people. As I said, I think its nice to have a bit of variety. Some people will upload 5 or 6 portraits which all look the same.

I'm not saying that men look for a 'hot' woman as such, just that a picture of an attractive woman would be more likely to attract the men's attention, compared to a good profile description. If she has both then that's even better. From what I've read women seem to place more emphasis on the profile rather than the photos. Whereas a lot of men see a photo of a woman in a bikini and probably don't even bother to read the profile.

Mr_Spaceman

miec wrote: »

Okay a quick question to the men of this forum on women's pics; what is considered a bad picture and what is considered a good picture?

I ask because I believe my pictures may be part of my problem. I have three pictures up, one full face (taken myself) one with friends (but they have been cut out of the picture I don't agree with having pics of other people as I don't think it is fair to have their faces on a dating site) and another on a boat - I am not out drinking or having my bits hanging out, in actual fact they are quite conservative, I don't wear much make up and was told by one guy I should have a pic of me with make up and my hair is how shall we say 'unruly'.

So are men drawn to the sleek glossy pics / professionally done pics or what? That's not me. Honey-sec has already demonstrated that a vast proportion of men go for the bikini shot (again no way) so what is a good pic?

I must be in the minority, but your kind of photos would be much more appealing to me. What draws me in is an interesting, intelligent, witty profile as much as a nice photo(s).

Really polished professionally done pics suggest the person is extremely vain and/or a high maintenence princess IMHO. Those types and the 'bikini shots' I studiously avoid.

I'm a realist. Nobody is perfect so what's the point in pretending?

Mr_Spaceman

Northclare wrote: »

The best thing to do is steer clear of people with resentful expressions on their pics,a smile is only inches in diameter,but it goes a long way......

.... and a smile is a curve that sets a lot of things straight

Esoteric_

cantdecide wrote: »

What about the quality of the messages? I can't explain the phenomenon or speak for everyone here and not to be harsh but you could look like Mila Kunis and I'd skip this profile. I don't wish to offend but I think drinkie profiles just make the women concerned seem 'easier'.

No offence taken, I did it because I was bored and was kind of in a 'take the píss out of OD' mood.

To be honest, I got more decent quality messages, believe it or not. I found that quite odd because, like you, I'd avoid 'drinkie' profiles myself.

The majority of the guys who messaged me had read my profile, apparently because they found my picture funny and assumed from that that I'd have an interesting profile (I did, in fairness, I put a good bit of effort into my profile), and they made good conversation.

Still had the expected 'ur gawjus babez, let's go get a drink' messages too, but a higher ratio of good quality messages, which was quite strange.

The guy I'm currently seeing actually asked me out based on a picture of me drunkenly singing (no, I'm not always drunk!), and things seem to be going well there. For some reason, drink pictures seem to work wonders for me. Maybe I look more attractive while drunk?

Daveysil15

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Really polished professionally done pics suggest the person is extremely vain and/or a high maintenence princess IMHO.

I don't agree with that. Unless they're overly photoshopped, a few professional photos shows she's putting in a bit of effort. There's noting wrong with looking your best. It's better than the girls who put up those stupid mirror shots which not only shows off their physical features, but also the make and model of their digital camera. That is what I would call vain.

Galvasean

Honey-ec wrote: »

the male equivalent of which seems to be a borderline angry expression.

What we think we look like in those photos:


What we actually look like:


Re: professional shots. I'm not a fan really. They tend to be a bit misleading. Nobody ever turns up to a date looking as good as they do in a photograph that was framed, composed and lighted by a team of experts.

Piliger

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I don't agree with that. Unless they're overly photoshopped, a few professional photos shows she's putting in a bit of effort. There's noting wrong with looking your best. It's better than the girls who put up those stupid mirror shots which not only shows off their physical features, but also the make and model of their digital camera. That is what I would call vain.

I agree. When I go to meet a lady for a first date, or in fact any date, I expect that she has made an effort to look nice, dress nice and brush her hair ...not put a photo of her standing on a rock at the local sailing club, in a life vest and lycra shorts, soaking wet and with her hair flying all over her face in a storm...... and a silly grin.

In her photo she is introducing herself to me as a prospective date, and someone who makes an effort is saying that she cares about how she looks for the man in her life.

That may seem, on the surface, to be rather serious and stuffy - but this is a dating site and the stakes are important. I'm not looking for someone to tag along on a hill walk through a mucky glen ... I'm looking for someone to spend quite a lot of time with in the coming months and years and maybe more. And I think most people here are doing more or less the same.

HellFireClub

Muggins here has a seriously hot date tonight, little fingy's crossed lol!

EDIT: And if this doesn't turn out to be 2nd date material, I'm taking a raincheck on internet dates for a few weeks!

Galvasean

Hmm, the last 6 or so girls I messaged on POF have viewed my profile. No replies though.
"What's the matter, too articulate for ya!?!?!?" :mad::pac:

riveratom

Lads, how long do you normally wait before texting, post-first date? Date went well last night, I think anyway, was gonna send a casual text this eve just saying, but don't wanna appear too eager. Would usually wait a day anyway, but at same time don't feel there should be any rules around this sort of thing either.

Armaghmagic

riveratom wrote: »

Lads, how long do you normally wait before texting, post-first date? Date went well last night, I think anyway, was gonna send a casual text this eve just saying, but don't wanna appear too eager. Would usually wait a day anyway, but at same time don't feel there should be any rules around this sort of thing either.

I don't think leaving it a full 24 hours is too extreme at all, perfect timing actually. If she was driving/getting a lift home its usually good to ask them to give you a call/text when they arrive just so you know they got home safe (for future reference). Shows you care and also gets the post date chat going!

On a personal note, I have not been on a date in a couple of weeks and feeling lonely at this stage......anyone out dating this weekend? Good luck to anyone that is!