The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

miamee

Galvasean wrote: »

If I may... Weeks? What took you so long?

notjustsweet wrote: »

I'm interested in this too?? Had written off the men I'd spoken to for that long....was there a reason for it, if you don't mind me asking?

I don't see anything wrong with being in contact with someone for a couple of weeks before meeting up? I am always suspicious of men who want to meet up right away tbh.

Galvasean

I dunno. There's only so much you can learn about a person from mailing them back n' forth. I mean if you meet up after messaging for weeks on end and then you don't gel it just strikes me as a massive waste of time.

Pembily

riveratom wrote: »

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Fair enough, I understand that, but we're talking supposedly grown adults here, which is quite sad.

'Supposedly' is your key word there

Got a message on Sunday night from a girl whose sole photo was of her at a festival or concert or something, taking a drink from a can of beer which covered most of her face. Her message was nice enough, but do yourself a favour and get a proper pic up!!

The whole picture issue is just painful, annoying and subjective. I think I look the same in all my photos but got a few people to check out my profile and they made suggestions on what pictures I should chose.

Some girls think putting up a bad picture is a good idea :rolleyes: it makes no sense to me, you should always put your best foot forward.

The NI accent is lovely... Love it and the Cork accent. I think saying an accent is a no-no is a very weird reason to not date someone.

Armaghmagic

Galvasean wrote: »

If I may... Weeks? What took you so long?

notjustsweet wrote: »

I'm interested in this too?? Had written off the men I'd spoken to for that long....was there a reason for it, if you don't mind me asking?

miamee wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with being in contact with someone for a couple of weeks before meeting up? I am always suspicious of men who want to meet up right away tbh.

I guess we were both busy with work/holiday commitments. I asked her out after about 5/6 days of chatting but she was up and down the road home visiting a relative and then I was away for a few days and currently she is in London. But what I liked is that she didn't wait for me to ask her again; she acknowledged that I already asked her and so yesterday she asked me for a date on Saturday.

What I am really smitten by is that she remembered little things about me (meaning she probably isn't chatting to a load of lads).....like she asked "do you fancy grabbing a coffee/hot chocolate?" as I told her that I don't drink tea or coffee and hot chocolate is my preferred hot beverage.

Sad I know :rolleyes:

Armaghmagic

Galvasean wrote: »

I dunno. There's only so much you can learn about a person from mailing them back n' forth. I mean if you meet up after messaging for weeks on end and then you don't gel it just strikes me as a massive waste of time.

In fairness I have to agree with you there, if we don't get on then I will confess it would strike me as a waste of time and effort. But we just couldn't find a time that suited both of us and out of the last few weeks there was probably a full week we didn't send a single message so it hasn't been exhaustive texting.

But sure, we shall cross that bridge if we come to it (hopefully not)

CastorTroy

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Thanks, and I believe the ad you are thinking of is:

"Fairhill......its a big shopping centre in Ballymena, hey!"

Will have to record her saying that......an interesting conversation starter

Yeah that's the ad. May want to be careful in asking her to say the line. Could end up getting the same reaction Ted got from Richard Wilson when saying "I don't believe it"

Armaghmagic

No no, as Dougal said "She would love that, I bet no one has ever done that to her before"

Honey-ec

miamee wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with being in contact with someone for a couple of weeks before meeting up? I am always suspicious of men who want to meet up right away tbh.

It's offputting when men ask you out in the first message or something, but if I was chatting to someone for more than around 5 to 7 days and there was no mention of meeting up, I'd assume they were a time-waster, tbh.

Now, if you've already agreed to meet and circumstances just mean it has to be pushed out a bit, that's different. But there's no way I'd chat to someone for a couple of weeks with no mention of a date forthcoming from either party. A few days is plenty of time to decide whether or not you'd like to go out with someone.

njs030

I agree totally with honey-ec, as seems to have happened in the balleymena girl situation the intention was there but circumstances prevented it.
Chatting for ages with no discussion of meeting will turn into a friends situation....and as I said yesterday it's the reason I bored of it!

cantdecide

Obviously, there are some things people won't joke about like a sick relative for example but there are circumstances and excuses. For me, I can hack not being top of someone's list bit I won't keep asking for weeks. It can be hard to know when you're flogging a dead horse. Again, it's all a rich tapestry.

Holy crap, OD is hard:D

CastorTroy

That's why I was putting off messaging anyone. Went from being busy every weekend to having a chest infection. So decided I would wait until I knew I had weekends free before sending any messages.

Armaghmagic

CastorTroy wrote: »

That's why I was putting off messaging anyone. Went from being busy every weekend to having a chest infection. So decided I would wait until I knew I had weekends free before sending any messages.

On the other hand, you have the sympathy vote already in the bag and a good excuse to boot.....something along the lines of:

"I would love to meet up with you but I have a chest infection" (If things are not going well)

"Fancy meeting up on Saturday? I have a bit of a lingering chest infection but im sure I will be fine" (If she is the real deal - also shows you are a hard nut)

miamee

My favourite 'just not that into you' excuse:

I'm already messaging one girl and if I talk to more than one person at a time I get muddled.

Eh. right so...bullet dodged, lol.

miamee

Honey-ec wrote: »

It's offputting when men ask you out in the first message or something, but if I was chatting to someone for more than around 5 to 7 days and there was no mention of meeting up, I'd assume they were a time-waster, tbh.

Now, if you've already agreed to meet and circumstances just mean it has to be pushed out a bit, that's different. But there's no way I'd chat to someone for a couple of weeks with no mention of a date forthcoming from either party. A few days is plenty of time to decide whether or not you'd like to go out with someone.

I suppose you are right, I'm a bit rusty at the whole thing to be honest and want to be fairly sure I am going to get on with someone before I meet them. I just don't have the time or patience for a bad date. Which probably explains one reason why I'm single

Piliger

miamee wrote: »

I don't see anything wrong with being in contact with someone for a couple of weeks before meeting up? I am always suspicious of men who want to meet up right away tbh.

Wow. I would never waste more than a few days before looking to meet up. It is such a waste of everyone's time because email tells you nothing about a person. 2 minutes in their company is the real deal.

Piliger

miamee wrote: »

I suppose you are right, I'm a bit rusty at the whole thing to be honest and want to be fairly sure I am going to get on with someone before I meet them. I just don't have the time or patience for a bad date. Which probably explains one reason why I'm single

Yup :rolleyes:

miamee

Piliger wrote: »

Wow. I would never waste more than a few days before looking to meet up. It is such a waste of everyone's time because email tells you nothing about a person. 2 minutes in their company is the real deal.

I don't think of getting to know someone a "waste", that is what I feel comfortable with. Having said that it depends on the frequency of mails/texts as well. I have met up with one person after a few days contact just because we seemed to hit it off right away. things fizzled out fairly quickly after that.

On the other hand I have spent time getting to know others and have built something a bit more long lasting. I do whatever feels comfortable to me depending on who the person is.

Maybe you're right, if I'm not interested in meeting them after a few days, then maybe I'm not interested in meeting them full stop!

Daveysil15

So how long should a man wait before asking the girl out for a date? A couple of girls I asked out on POF said they didn't know me well enough yet. This was after a week of messaging back and forth. I mean you can only ask a girl so many questions - plus if you know everything about the person before you meet them, then you'll have nothing to talk about on the date.

openup

Yeah, I've just been asked out by 2 guys I don't feel like I know that well. One is a definite no because, well, he's just kinda creepy in general but the other one I'm not sure about. I feel like I could like him but it's so hard to tell online, I've always kinda felt like online people don't really exist if you know what I mean.

Piliger

miamee wrote: »

I don't think of getting to know someone a "waste", that is what I feel comfortable with. Having said that it depends on the frequency of mails/texts as well. I have met up with one person after a few days contact just because we seemed to hit it off right away. things fizzled out fairly quickly after that.

On the other hand I have spent time getting to know others and have built something a bit more long lasting. I do whatever feels comfortable to me depending on who the person is.

Maybe you're right, if I'm not interested in meeting them after a few days, then maybe I'm not interested in meeting them full stop!

It's not that your view is not completely logical. It's just that, imho, it doesn't work

When I started of on OD, I did what you do. But I soon found that I would get to know something if a person over a few weeks and like them ... but when we met it counted for nothing because there was no chemistry. It didn't matter a jot what happened by messaging.

I now read a profile and see the photos ... exchange one or two messages just to establish that they have manners and can write a pleasant message ... and then ask them for coffee. After all a coffee is just an hour out of our lives. I think personally that too many people make a mountain out of meeting.

CastorTroy

Here's a wee question for you, out of curiosity. If meeting for the first time for coffee/lunch, how do you greet each other or say bye. I mean do you just say hi/bye, shake hands, hug, peck on cheek?

Daveysil15

CastorTroy wrote: »

Here's a wee question for you, out of curiosity. If meeting for the first time for coffee/lunch, how do you greet each other or say bye. I mean do you just say hi/bye, shake hands, hug, peck on cheek?

I asked that question already. Apparently if there's chemistry you can move in for the shift. Just don't ask them can you shift them because that's weird.

MizzWolfie

Is it ok not to log in for a few days even if you have messages you haven't replied to? There are one or two people I think I might be interested but I find if I log in I get sucked in for hours and the whole evening is gone.

OD is hard ... It's hard when no one interests you. It's hard deciding whether it's rude or not to reply to generic one liners. It's hard when you respond because someone seems nice and then have to turn them down because there's no attraction. It's hard when one you do like isn't fussed. It's hard when they have completely different intentions.

Honestly, who'd bother :P

Daveysil15

MizzWolfie wrote: »

Is it ok not to log in for a few days even if you have messages you haven't replied to? There are one or two people I think I might be interested but I find if I log in I get sucked in for hours and the whole evening is gone.

OD is hard ... It's hard when no one interests you. It's hard deciding whether it's rude or not to reply to generic one liners. It's hard when you respond because someone seems nice and then have to turn them down because there's no attraction. It's hard when one you do like isn't fussed. It's hard when they have completely different intentions.

Honestly, who'd bother :P

It's hard when women never reply to my messages. It's hard... ohh wait - that's all I have.

Galvasean

Piliger wrote: »

After all a coffee is just an hour out of our lives. I think personally that too many people make a mountain out of meeting.

Nail on head. I think a lot of people seem to think that a first date = a boyfriend/girlfriend scenario.

CastorTroy wrote: »

Here's a wee question for you, out of curiosity. If meeting for the first time for coffee/lunch, how do you greet each other or say bye. I mean do you just say hi/bye, shake hands, hug, peck on cheek?

Last couple of dates I've been on I've been greeted with a hug and said goodbye to with in the same way. I think it's a bit weird considering nothing came from either of them. I guess some people just use hugging as a means of saying hello and goodbye in the most casual of terms. Personally, I'm the opposite. I generally reserve huggings for cherished companions (that, or I'm REALLY drunk). I find it very awkward when someone I barely know hugs me.

Daveysil15 wrote: »

It's hard when women never reply to my messages. It's hard... ohh wait - that's all I have.

Huh huh huh.... :pac:

missrandomer

I went on my first OD date last night. Was proper nervous, as im a bit shy and this guy took my fancy as they say
He turned out to be the perfect gentleman, charming, funny. I wasnt expecting it really.

Seemed to go really well i thought, even had a little snog

I skipped my way home with delight as finally someone i actually like.
But now im feeling a bit sad, as since last night i havent heard much from him :(
(somehow i managed to mess it up and i didnt even know)

RAGIN!!
Thats my winge over! Think i just had to vent there

Larianne

Early days missR. Hopefully you'll get a text/call/mail from the date dude shortly.

riveratom

missrandomer wrote: »

I went on my first OD date last night. Was proper nervous, as im a bit shy and this guy took my fancy as they say
He turned out to be the perfect gentleman, charming, funny. I wasnt expecting it really.

Seemed to go really well i thought, even had a little snog

I skipped my way home with delight as finally someone i actually like.
But now im feeling a bit sad, as since last night i havent heard much from him :(
(somehow i managed to mess it up and i didnt even know)

RAGIN!!
Thats my winge over! Think i just had to vent there

Sure it's been barely 24 hours?!

missrandomer

riveratom wrote: »

Sure it's been barely 24 hours?!

ah i know, but we had been txting alot. So was kinda expecting to have heard from him today as i would usually have. So its not really looking good i dont think

shinny

MizzWolfie wrote: »

Is it ok not to log in for a few days even if you have messages you haven't replied to? There are one or two people I think I might be interested but I find if I log in I get sucked in for hours and the whole evening is gone.

OD is hard ... It's hard when no one interests you. It's hard deciding whether it's rude or not to reply to generic one liners. It's hard when you respond because someone seems nice and then have to turn them down because there's no attraction. It's hard when one you do like isn't fussed. It's hard when they have completely different intentions.

Honestly, who'd bother :P

I'm beginning to think that maybe it's just not for me. I've been quite taken aback at how aggressive some guys are on there.