The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Galvasean

Sounds like he was all set until he got a 'better offer'. Seems to happen a lot in OD. People can be very eager to meet up / keep dating until they find someone else they like more.
The fact that he was still using the dating sites indicates that he wasn't just having trouble with 'the ex'.

andreac

Galvasean wrote: »

Sounds like he was all set until he got a 'better offer'. Seems to happen a lot in OD. People can be very eager to meet up / keep dating until they find someone else they like more.
The fact that he was still using the dating sites indicates that he wasn't just having trouble with 'the ex'.

Yeah exactly, but id actually prefer if someone was honest with me even if its not nice to hear rather than being fobbed off with stupid excuses.

Piliger

miamee wrote: »

Another truth is that some people are incredibly shy, hence using OD in the first place. Some people need a little coaxing and some people, as you said, are time wasters.

I think, after using OD several times, that a lot of people are basically very emotionally cowardly. They know it's just a coffee but they cannot deal with the whole 'event' thing where they will judge and be judged and then rejected or not. They make a huge thing out of it instead of just treating it like someone you bump in to and have a coffee with.

Daveysil15

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

If they are telling you that "they don't know you well enough yet" after a week of pinging emails then that suggests to me they are:
(a) timewasters and (b) hard work.

If grown adults can't grab a cup of tea or whatever for a casual date after a week of contact then they're not worth the energy.

The truth of the matter is - in my opinion of course - a lot of folk are not emotionally equipped and immature for OD.

Personally speaking, I'd move on.

I get the impression a lot of people are just dipping their toes in OD. The, "Ahh sure I'll give it a bash," attitude. Many use it as a glorified chat room.

Piliger

andreac wrote: »

Let down again by a potential date :mad: Was suppsoed to be meeting tomorrow night. All going well the last few days, spoke to me on the phone before the weekend. We were even texting when i was down at Electric Picnic and he was saying he was looking forward to thursday to make a good impression etc.

So fast forward to yesterday and i text him and didnt hear back. So i mailed him as i saw him online and just said what was the story for tomorrow night to which is got this back:

Hey how you doing? I'm ok, listen i'm sorry i've got alot going on at the mo with the ex and i thought i was ready to meet someone else but i'm really not.. I didn't want to lead you on by meeting you and getting involved i hope this makes sense.

Eh, newsflash, you already did lead me on by saying you wanted to meet up with me, wtf is wrong with people?? :mad:

I know you're pissed about this but I sympathise strongly with him and think that he did the right thing in the end. **** happens in people's lives and they think they can move on but at the last moment it just becomes too much. He didn't really lead you on ... a few days messaging is not something to get all that het up about.

Why should he delete his account ? I disagree completely. But I do think he should stop messaging ladies until he gets himself sorted.

LegacyUser

Hi all, just thought I'd give my experience with online dating...

So been chatting to a few guys, I got loads of messages even though I had hidden photos (most copied and pasted and sent out in huge numbers I'd say)...

One guy says he is married after two messages and actually 40, not 29, a good few went straight into what are you wearing now type conversations. One guy I tried to give him a chance because he seemd to be trying hard, like mentioning stuff on the profile, but then if I didn't reply straight away he'd bombard me with messages...

One nice funny guy, who just isn't my type, looks or personality (besides the making me laugh) and the reason I said I'd try OD is because I always end up with people I have nothing in common with, so I just told him straight out. He was nice about it.

Then I was chatting to two nice guys...both of whom stopped replying when I sent a photo...I came into OD with no hangups about my looks! I'm confident about my attractiveness and I lack confidence in finding someone I have stuff in common with...so I am now leaving OD with only bad experiences (bar one) and a new found insecurity...not fun for me, I hope you have better luck.

Larianne

Piliger wrote: »

I think, after using OD several times, that a lot of people are basically very emotionally cowardly. They know it's just a coffee but they cannot deal with the whole 'event' thing where they will judge and be judged and then rejected or not. They make a huge thing out of it instead of just treating it like someone you bump in to and have a coffee with.

It can be a big thing for people the first time they go on a date, with someone from t'internet.

But yeah, I think a lot of people use it as a chatroom rather than for actually meeting up and going on dates.

marshbaboon

Going to try out POF... I might even see some of you boardies on there. To be honest I'm still not specifically looking. I'd just like to get chatting to people. Who knows though, maybe I'll stumble across an emotionally stable girl.

As expected no response from the other girl. She actually didn't block me. She completely deleted her profile. Dunno why you'd put the moves on someone, seem really interested in seeing them again at the end of the night, and then completely ignore them.

I'm guessing she has a boyfriend or is married & they found out. Wouldn't be the first time it's happened. Anyway, no more talking about it. I'm finished with the situation.

mood

marshbaboon wrote: »

Going to try out POF... I might even see some of you boardies on there. To be honest I'm still not specifically looking. I'd just like to get chatting to people. Who knows though, maybe I'll stumble across an emotionally stable girl.

As expected no response from the other girl. She actually didn't block me. She completely deleted her profile. Dunno why you'd put the moves on someone, seem really interested in seeing them again at the end of the night, and then completely ignore them.

I'm guessing she has a boyfriend or is married & they found out. Wouldn't be the first time it's happened. Anyway, no more talking about it. I'm finished with the situation.

Are you going to be honest and tell girl you just want to 'chat' and most likely won't ever meet them?

Piliger

POF Question:

I tried to message a girl just now but was told I was blocked. I don't fit any of the criteria at the end of her profile that could explain it, and I just checked and I have never messaged her before ... what could be the reason for being blocked ?

njs030

Piliger wrote: »

POF Question:

I tried to message a girl just now but was told I was blocked. I don't fit any of the criteria at the end of her profile that could explain it, and I just checked and I have never messaged her before ... what could be the reason for being blocked ?

Did it say this user has blocked you? Or if not what reason did it give?

Larianne

Piliger wrote: »

POF Question:

I tried to message a girl just now but was told I was blocked. I don't fit any of the criteria at the end of her profile that could explain it, and I just checked and I have never messaged her before ... what could be the reason for being blocked ?

I've had that happen me before. Ya kinda go

I guess it could be age range, if you're a smoker etc??

marshbaboon

mood wrote: »

Are you going to be honest and tell girl you just want to 'chat' and most likely won't ever meet them?

Yes. As I have been doing already. It is still a dating site after all. I'm completely honest & open about everything, including all information about myself. Also if anyone was willing to make the effort to meet me, and I liked them, I'd meet them.

It's a good way to get talking to people. Wanting sex isn't the only reason I'll talk to a girl. I think that idea's a bit insulting tbh.

Piliger

notjustsweet wrote: »

Did it say this user has blocked you? Or if not what reason did it give?

Larianne wrote: »

I've had that happen me before. Ya kinda go

I guess it could be age range, if you're a smoker etc??

It said this user has blocked you.

No there is a list of criteria and I don't break any of them.... age, smoking, etc etc etc. very weird.

Mr_Spaceman

Well, so I'm after sending about four emails to ladies on POF.

I tend not to hold my breath for replies - but, thankfully, one of them has replied and wants to meet up shortly.

We have a mutual disdain for ongoing email ping-pong, so in the famous words of Galvasean, she'll shortly 'get coffee and like it'!

Larianne

Piliger wrote: »

It said this user has blocked you.

No there is a list of criteria and I don't break any of them.... age, smoking, etc etc etc. very weird.

Couldn't tell you so! Interesting. You positive you didn't mail before?? Because I don't know how you can block someone without them contacting you first. Maybe its possible.

I went to mail someone before and it said I'm not what the user was looking for. :cool:

njs030

Piliger wrote: »

It said this user has blocked you.

No there is a list of criteria and I don't break any of them.... age, smoking, etc etc etc. very weird.

Very strange! Any chance you mailed her previously and forgot? Pof delete mails after 20 or so days so if it was before that it wouldn't show in your conversation history.
Have a look in the contact history at the bottom of your inbox and see what the first contact date was (if you haven't already) I'm sure it says in the FAQ section people can't block others before contact is made.

Honey-ec

marshbaboon wrote: »

Yes. As I have been doing already. It is still a dating site after all. I'm completely honest & open about everything, including all information about myself. Also if anyone was willing to make the effort to meet me, and I liked them, I'd meet them.

It's a good way to get talking to people. Wanting sex isn't the only reason I'll talk to a girl. I think that idea's a bit insulting tbh.

Re. the bits in bold. Yes, it's a dating site. Not a chat site. I'm sorry, but I'm with Galva's dictatorial tendencies here: if you want to chat, go to a chat room. And who said wanting sex is the only reason to be on a dating site??? People join them to - shock, horror! - date.

marshbaboon

The primary goal of a date essentially being?

I'm absolutely terrible at explaining. I'm explaining myself poorly here. I do want to meet people. I do want to date, but I'm not forcing anything I think is the best way to put it.

Primarily I want to get chatting to girls, this is an easy way to do it. If I meet someone I like, I will make the effort to go out with them somewhere.

I think the best thing to do is just ignore what I was trying to say :pac:

Larianne

marshbaboon wrote: »

The primary goal of a date essentially being?

I'm absolutely terrible at explaining. I'm explaining myself poorly here. I do want to meet people. I do want to date, but I'm not forcing anything I think is the best way to put it.

Primarily I want to get chatting to girls, this is an easy way to do it. If I meet someone I like, I will make the effort to go out with them somewhere.

I think the best thing to do is just ignore what I was trying to say :pac:

Basically, you're looking to date but just gonna chat and see how it goes. If you get a few dates out of it great, if not, whatever!

marshbaboon

Larianne wrote: »

Basically, you're looking to date but just gonna chat and see how it goes. If you get a few dates out of it great, if not, whatever!

Pretty much! I'm not specifically looking, or too bothered either way, but if there was a mutual like of course I'd go for it. Sometimes it's just nice to get talking to someone, but there really isn't anywhere for it to go. I just see it as another potential opportunity to meet people.

It's hardly going to be an issue being a guy anyway. I hardly think I'm so charming or good looking that I'll have queues of girls wanting to meet me... and I'll have to disappoint them all...

Also I didn't even think chatrooms existed anymore...

Galvasean

Honey-ec wrote: »

I'm with Galva's dictatorial tendencies here:

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

in the famous words of Galvasean, she'll shortly 'get coffee and like it'!

HAIL GAVASEAN!!!

(0:25 in)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8TJi72YAU9Q

Re: pre-emptive blocking. It's happened to me a couple of times of POF. I think perhaps some people just block profiles that they aren't interested en masse to prevent clutter?

cantdecide

Online Dating Experiences wrote: »

...Then I was chatting to two nice guys...both of whom stopped replying when I sent a photo...I came into OD with no hangups about my looks!...so I am now leaving OD with only bad experiences (bar one) and a new found insecurity...

This sounds a lot like my first experience of OD a couple of years ago. I had been very heavy and I had losing a lot of weight and getting my energy back and feeling quite good about myself and life.

I thought it was time to try something new and felt that I was ready to experience it, whatever it would bring. I had a pitiful experience and it really knocked the hell out of my confidence and set me back. I did take it on the chin and learned. Nowadays I use it but used my previous experience in my approach. I would encourage you to not write the experience off entirely. I'm glad I can still consider it a viable option.

On a specific note, I would also put it to you that it's very possible that you, like me, might be just fine in the flesh but not the most photogenic. Most of the debate on this thread centres on difficulties with photos from the senders and receivers point of view.

cantdecide

I once messaged someone on POF and she replied with a question and when I responded.... 'the user has blocked you'.

You just feel kind of dirty...

Piliger

Online Dating Experiences wrote: »

Then I was chatting to two nice guys...both of whom stopped replying when I sent a photo...I came into OD with no hangups about my looks! I'm confident about my attractiveness and I lack confidence in finding someone I have stuff in common with...so I am now leaving OD with only bad experiences (bar one) and a new found insecurity...not fun for me, I hope you have better luck.

I am sorry but that is just silly

A couple of guys, when they saw your photo, felt that they didn't 'fancy' you .. and you call that a bad experience ? They didn't say you were ugly! ... or look like the back of a bus ! They probably felt you were attractive but ....... they just didn't 'fancy' you !

How on earth is that a bad experience ? unless you feel you are 'so' attractive men are bound to want you :rolleyes:

EdenHazard

I keep getting girls I find proper attractive(foreign looking, dark looks etc.) seems good they're into me but I don't know how to develop a convo with girls I don't know. I'm one of those people that you have to know me to 'get' my humour and stuff

Piliger

EdenHazard wrote: »

I keep getting girls I find proper attractive(foreign looking, dark looks etc.) seems good they're into me but I don't know how to develop a convo with girls I don't know. I'm one of those people that you have to know me to 'get' my humour and stuff

In that case, just be gently amusing in two or three messages, with good manners and show them you read their profile and pick one or two things in their profile to ask about ...... and ask them for coffee as soon as you can.

My 2c

EdenHazard

Yeah was talking to this girl, lethal looking, she's going same College as me in September, I was like to her 'I'm gonna delete my account but here's my number give me a text or whatever', then she wrote back being like might see u around college followed by a 'lol' Owwwwwwch, hurt a lot haha. Thought it was going well with her as well she seemed proper into me. Prob came on too strong.

Honey-ec

EdenHazard wrote: »

Yeah was talking to this girl, lethal looking, she's going same College as me in September, I was like to her 'I'm gonna delete my account but here's my number give me a text or whatever'.

Ah yes, the old "I'm deleting my account" chestnut. That one is completely transparent as an attempt to move things along, I'm afraid. You tried to call her bluff and she called yours. Them's the breaks!

riveratom

EdenHazard wrote: »

Yeah was talking to this girl, lethal looking, she's going same College as me in September, I was like to her 'I'm gonna delete my account but here's my number give me a text or whatever', then she wrote back being like might see u around college followed by a 'lol' Owwwwwwch, hurt a lot haha. Thought it was going well with her as well she seemed proper into me. Prob came on too strong.

Honey-ec wrote: »

Ah yes, the old "I'm deleting my account" chestnut. That one is completely transparent as an attempt to move things along, I'm afraid. You tried to call her bluff and she called yours. Them's the breaks!

I think you'll learn from this one dude! Giving your number over like that is a bit strong, you'd be better off just suggesting a coffee or a drink sometime, nice and breezy and open. It's a lot easier to say 'sure ok' to that than it is to exchanging your phone number with a virtual stranger!