The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

fibix

andreac wrote: »

Sorry but red flag there. I certainly wouldnt be driving all the way to Limerick from Dublin to meet a guy.
(...) A long distance relationship is hard alone, let alone doing it for a first date.

It's just because Im soooo bored... we've been txting for a week or so, both agreed to meet but because of damn txting we kinda misunderstood each other and as a result we both stopped txting. I thought he wasnt interested and in the same time he thought I met somebody else.

Txted me yesterday after nearly 3 weeks of silence (when I already deleted his number and basically moved on) and this is how I know we got it wrong.
Again he seemed really into me and said he was in Dublin next week, how about we meet up if Im around. Im in Carlow... working quite late every evening and here he is saying he wouldn't have time to go to Carlow and back.

Now, I dont want to sound petty... but he's busy and Im busy... and it rings in my ear the sentence from that movie "He's not that into you" : If a guy wants to meet you he'll always find the way how to do it.

The truth is: I just want to meet him and see what if, kinda like him (both looks and personality-wise, as much as I can tell from week of txting). He's quiet since yesterday when I suggested ditching his work company and meeting me somewhere.

Im seriously willing to txt him saying fine, I'll meet u somewhere in Dublin, will find some time just to end it one way or another but... I dont think he would really give rat's a*se...

Sorry for the essay, just really bored and overthinking way too much:)

P.S. He lives in Cork... so yeah, bit of a distance...

Larianne

More hassle than its worth in my opinion, even if you are bored.

Prick!

notjustsweet wrote: »

Well the games companies pay Facebook to allow them access to the site....not exactly comparable to people using an online dating site to make friends?

Some people use facebook for games only. Some people use pof for chat. That's the point I'm making.

andreac

Doesnt sound like its going to work if you ask me. You dont want to travel, neither does he so neither of you seem that bothered about it if you ask me.

How can you say hes not that into you when you havent even met?

Texting and mailing is no comparison to actually meeting someone face to face. Ive gotten on well with people over texts/mails only to find they were nothing as i thought they would be when we met up. So i wouldnt be thinking too far ahead unless you actually meet.

fibix

andreac wrote: »

You dont want to travel, neither does he so neither of you seem that bothered about it if you ask me.

How can you say hes not that into you when you havent even met?
.

I don't want to travel only because he didn't sound very eager about coming to see me... like looking for the easy way of checking out the girl. I do realise I sound like a 13 year old with my issues but it just pi**es me off.

And what's even more annoying: why the hell is he txting me after 3 weeks just to go silent again???

andreac

The whole thing sounds doomed if you ask me. Id just leave it if i was you. If i was meeting a guy, id hate to think he was meeting me just because he was bored :rolleyes:

fibix

andreac wrote: »

If i was meeting a guy, id hate to think he was meeting me just because he was bored :rolleyes:

Very true... but I'm only digging and over analysing this whole situation because I'm bored. Otherwise I wouldn't give it a second thought.

But yeah, I'll let it lie... thanks

Armaghmagic

fibix wrote: »

And what's even more annoying: why the hell is he txting me after 3 weeks just to go silent again???

That is the million euro question.......have had a few like this during my time on POF. I don't mind people who ignore my messages from the off, i don't mind people who meet me and don't message me after that, but its the people who you are chatting to for ages either before or after a first date and then just vanish.

You begin to annoy yourself asking what YOU did wrong. Some strange people out there

Daveysil15

Armaghmagic wrote: »

That is the million euro question.......have had a few like this during my time on POF. I don't mind people who ignore my messages from the off, i don't mind people who meet me and don't message me after that, but its the people who you are chatting to for ages either before or after a first date and then just vanish.

You begin to annoy yourself asking what YOU did wrong. Some strange people out there

Maybe they just lose interest or begin to message one of the other 200 people who may have contacted them. When I asked one girl out on a date her response was, "Which one are you again?" Sometimes I feel like a small blip on some of these people's radars.

Armaghmagic

Daveysil15 wrote: »

When I asked one girl out on a date her response was, "Which one are you again?" Sometimes I feel like a small blip on some of these people's radars.

Looks like you dodged a bullet with that one!

Prick!

Armaghmagic wrote: »

Looks like you dodged a bullet with that one!

I dislike this response most of the time. Not everyone who isn't interested in you is a bullet dodged.

sharper

Armaghmagic wrote: »

You begin to annoy yourself asking what YOU did wrong. Some strange people out there

My experience has been that once someone suddenly blanks you it's impossible to ever resume a conversation with them, they just ignore anything that comes after.

Someone mentioned elsewhere about other people coming along and I think that's the most likely answer: Someone else caught their fancy and that's where their attention is going. Most people are annoyingly non-confrontational and prefer ignoring you until you go away to "Hey you're nice and all but I like someone else".

Realistically if you'd done something "wrong" as in said the wrong thing or caused offence their interest in you would drive them to clarify it so you'd get a "You can't really mean X can you?" response.

It is hard to deal with though. I think mutual dislike and mutual lack of interest far better than a mismatch, even reading this thread I'm severely disappointed for the people that thought things were going well but then got blanked.

sharper

Prick! wrote: »

I dislike this response most of the time. Not everyone who isn't interested in you is a bullet dodged.

The problem wasn't the lack of interest - it was the callous disregard for his feelings. There are a lot of ways you could ask someone to refresh your memory without making them feel like they're in line for free gruel during a famine.

Prick!

sharper wrote: »

The problem wasn't the lack of interest - it was the callous disregard for his feelings. There are a lot of ways you could ask someone to refresh your memory without making them feel like they're in line for free gruel during a famine.

Well that response would make it appear they weren't conversing for very long and hadn't talked in a while. Probably wasn't showing a massive interest in her other messages.

Galvasean

sharper wrote: »

The problem wasn't the lack of interest - it was the callous disregard for his feelings. There are a lot of ways you could ask someone to refresh your memory without making them feel like they're in line for free gruel during a famine.

I would tend to agree. Said response came across as needlessly belittling.

AnnyHallsal

"Which one are you again?" Ridiculously rude!

Prick!

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

"Which one are you again?" Ridiculously rude!

It's rude alright. But the person messaging her now knows she's rude so he'd probably not mail again.

But, someone might mail back again and hit it off and they're perfect for each other, that's not a bullet dodged then.

Some people are compatible, some aren't. But saying someone is a dodged bullet just because they aren't compatible is wrong.

AnnyHallsal

Prick! wrote: »

It's rude alright. But the person messaging her now knows she's rude so he'd probably not mail again.

But, someone might mail back again and hit it off and they're perfect for each other, that's not a bullet dodged then.

Some people are compatible, some aren't. But saying someone is a dodged bullet just because they aren't compatible is wrong.

Knowing someone was capable of such rudeness would turn me right off them. But I suppose you're right, others may not care.

sharper

Prick! wrote: »

Some people are compatible, some aren't. But saying someone is a dodged bullet just because they aren't compatible is wrong.

If you take the view there's no standard by which you can hold people to then sure everything people do is just a form of incompatibility and if she'd responded with "seeya loser p.s. I posted your intimate secrets on facebook" it would just mean they're incompatible.

If she'd responded with "Hey I can't find your last mail and I'm really bad with names - what's yours again?" then most people would say she'd acted reasonably and it wasn't her fault particularly if she just wasn't that into him. These things happen.

For me "bullet dodged" in this situation means I can quite easily believe she got a small thrill out of treating him that way. She has all the power and he has nothing she wants, ergo she took a bit of time to abuse him for a bit of enjoyment. Even if none of that is true she's so emotionally clueless or careless to be untrustworthy.

I'm pretty sure all of us dipping our toes into online dating have to learn to cope with lack of interest. Some people cope badly, become bitter and angry and go off the deep end when someone isn't enthusiastic about them. I don't think that's the case here though. I posted my own example earlier of where someone wasn't just "not interested" but went right out of their way to make sure I knew I had offended them by thinking I was good enough to contact them.

Mr_Spaceman

Right so, after a few messages and arranging to meet for a coffee at the weekend, I asked - not unreasonably - for the girls' number.

The reply?
"My number's a guarded secret... and certainly while you're not sharing yours! Are you an unpunctual type? I'll bring a book just in case."

For fck sake!

Going on gut instinct, I'm starting to get negative vibes on this.

Thoughts?

Larianne

Sound like she's had a few dodgy dates in the past!

I woudn't say she's the only lady not to give out her number before a date.

Prick!

You sure she's not joking? She's agreed to meet so unless she's not going to meet up I presume she wouldn't want to be an idiot?

Mr_Spaceman

Well if I needed to contact her for some reason, eg, travel difficulties on the day, am I supposed to send smoke signals?

I guess I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. However, given it takes over an hour for each of us to meet somewhere equidistant in London I can't say I'm jumping thorough hoops here.

Hope I'm wrong though...

Larianne

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Well if I needed to contact her for some reason, eg, travel difficulties on the day, am I supposed to send smoke signals?

I think you should reply with that question!

miamee

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Armaghmagic wrote: »

That is the million euro question.......have had a few like this during my time on POF. I don't mind people who ignore my messages from the off, i don't mind people who meet me and don't message me after that, but its the people who you are chatting to for ages either before or after a first date and then just vanish.

You begin to annoy yourself asking what YOU did wrong. Some strange people out there

Maybe they just lose interest or begin to message one of the other 200 people who may have contacted them. When I asked one girl out on a date her response was, "Which one are you again?" Sometimes I feel like a small blip on some of these people's radars.

How rude!

sharper

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Thoughts?

Maybe she's had problems with people harassing her via phone in the past. Her response seemed quite witty though and she did suggest she'd simply wait and read a book if you were late.

Most people have internet access on their phones these days though so you could agree to message her on the site if you're going to be late/delayed.

stargazer 68

sharper wrote: »

Maybe she's had problems with people harassing her via phone in the past. Her response seemed quite witty though and she did suggest she'd simply wait and read a book if you were late.

Most people have internet access on their phones these days though so you could agree to message her on the site if you're going to be late/delayed.

I never gave out my number unless we had arranged a date and then I always did in case of change of plan etc. However I know people who never gave their number until after the first date/meet. Just saved awkward texts and calls later if it didnt go well I guess.

Honey-ec

Swapping numbers before meeting is an absolute must for me, tbh. I always leave the person's full name and number at home when I'm meeting someone for the first time.

I just don't understand why you'd be willing to meet someone, but then be precious about your phone number.

Honey-ec

Dovies wrote: »

I know people who never gave their number until after the first date/meet. Just saved awkward texts and calls later if it didnt go well I guess.

If someone refused to give me their number before a date, I'd be refusing to meet them, tbh. It would ring major alarm bells for me.

riveratom

Honey-ec wrote: »

If someone refused to give me their number before a date, I'd be refusing to meet them, tbh. It would ring major alarm bells for me.

I think you might be overstating it a tad. I've met up with people before without having their numbers, although nearly all of the women have just given me their numbers before the first date. But I wouldn't think anything of it really, every second person has a smartphone and if it's going to go further then numbers will be exchanged anyway!