The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Honey-ec

riveratom wrote: »

I think you might be overstating it a tad. I've met up with people before without having their numbers, although nearly all of the women have just given me their numbers before the first date. But I wouldn't think anything of it really, every second person has a smartphone and if it's going to go further then numbers will be exchanged anyway!

Maybe that's the difference between being a chick and a bloke. I just wouldn't meet a complete stranger without at least having their name and number to leave at home.

riveratom

Honey-ec wrote: »

Maybe that's the difference between being a chick and a bloke. I just wouldn't meet a complete stranger without at least having their name and number to leave at home.

But if you are meeting someone in a cafe or a bar for a couple of hours, and surrounded by other people, do you not think you're fairly ok without resorting to that?

I would have thought that it would be riskier giving out your number to someone than not giving it out - with the latter, if it's not going anywhere after the first date then the guy doesn't have any of your contact details, whereas with the former he has your phone number!

Honey-ec

riveratom wrote: »

But if you are meeting someone in a cafe or a bar for a couple of hours, and surrounded by other people, do you not think you're fairly ok without resorting to that?

It's just common sense, imo.

riveratom wrote: »

I would have thought that it would be riskier giving out your number to someone than not giving it out - with the latter, if it's not going anywhere after the first date then the guy doesn't have any of your contact details, whereas with the former he has your phone number!

I don't really see any risk inherent in giving someone my number, tbh.

HellFireClub

Well I'm back straight to the drawing board after a brilliant first date but second date was as far as it was to go unfortunately... Dunno if I could be bothered having another run at it at the moment, might give a paid site a bit of a go next week...

sharper

Honey-ec wrote: »

Maybe that's the difference between being a chick and a bloke. I just wouldn't meet a complete stranger without at least having their name and number to leave at home.

I would have thought the opposite - the safer option would be to not have given out your number.

If someone is being nefarious they'll have given you a fake name and a number linked to a pay as you go SIM they can throw away.

I don't think it's a big deal. Being in the "bloke" category I'm not too worried about my safety when it comes to these things but I do try to be understanding of people that are worried.

riveratom

Honey-ec wrote: »

It's just common sense, imo.



I don't really see any risk inherent in giving someone my number, tbh.

The risk is that someone has your contact details and can call / text you whenever they want, whereas not giving it out straight away means they can't.

Not that I think there is much risk, just that there is a clear difference.

Armaghmagic

Prick! wrote: »

I dislike this response most of the time. Not everyone who isn't interested in you is a bullet dodged.

I agree but the girl in question did not say she wasn't interested, she asked "Which one are you again?". I stand by my "bullet dodged" statement in this case! That was just plain rude and hurtful.

HellFireClub

Here's one for a Friday... Do you, or have you ever, judged someone in relation to OD, in terms of a first or second date, on how a first or subsequent kiss went???

Larianne

HellFireClub wrote: »

Here's one for a Friday... Do you, or have you ever, judged someone in relation to OD, in terms of a first or second date, on how a first or subsequent kiss went???

Yes. Twice.

With one I thought it would get better on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th date. It didn't.

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

Yes. Twice.

With one I thought it would get better on the 2nd, 3rd and 4th date. It didn't.

I haven't pursued my last OD past a 2nd date 'cos I just got a gut feeling, based on a kiss, that she wasn't really into me much, although as for conversation and stuff to talk about, there was no problem whatsoever there & we seemed to get on fine & she genuinely seemed to want to meet me again and I wanted to meet her.

I've been told by a close friend that I really should have given this more time, but I just think if it's not there, it's just not there, when it comes to this whole area... I didn't really see this coming, as conversation was going so well and we didn't run into the usual awkwardness or obvious lack of chemistry that would usually point to the end of the road for two people who were going on dates together...

andreac

HellFireClub wrote: »

Here's one for a Friday... Do you, or have you ever, judged someone in relation to OD, in terms of a first or second date, on how a first or subsequent kiss went???

Yes, i think i have. Kissing is a make or break for me, might sound mad, but i just couldnt be with someone who cant kiss or is a bad kisser

Mr_Spaceman

Larianne wrote: »

Sound like she's had a few dodgy dates in the past!

I woudn't say she's the only lady not to give out her number before a date.

Well she now has my number and as it's only coffee I'll go and meet her and be my usual charming self

Hopefully her reply hints more at a dry wit rather than someone who's hard work and a bit paranoid.

But yeah, perhaps she's had problems with the number thing in the past.

HellFireClub

andreac wrote: »

Yes, i think i have. Kissing is a make or break for me, might sound mad, but i just couldnt be with someone who cant kiss or is a bad kisser

It wasn't even a "bad kisser" thing, I just got this gut feeling that she wasn't really into either kissing, or maybe, more accurately, that she wasn't really into kissing me.

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only person who would use this kind of reasoning, I felt stupid saying it, when the expectation was there that we were motoring along just fine into 3rd and subsequent date territory. I just think you know when you are kissing someone, whether they are into you on a physical level, or not, as the case can often be.

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

Here's one for a Friday... Do you, or have you ever, judged someone in relation to OD, in terms of a first or second date, on how a first or subsequent kiss went???

Yes. Bad kiss is a total killer in terms of any relationship that might have developed, it completely puts me off. Depending on how bad, I might go out with him another time to be sure but it's usually the beginning of the end.

njs030

HellFireClub wrote: »

It wasn't even a "bad kisser" thing, I just got this gut feeling that she wasn't really into either kissing, or maybe, more accurately, that she wasn't really into kissing me.

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only person who would use this kind of reasoning, I felt stupid saying it, when the expectation was there that we were motoring along just fine into 3rd and subsequent date territory. I just think you know when you are kissing someone, whether they are into you on a physical level, or not, as the case can often be.

I may be in the minority here but sometimes nerves etc can affect a first kiss, sometimes it takes more than one to fit properly I think.
The first time I kissed my ex it was awful!! But after a few more we got in sync and ended up as one of the best kissers ever!
Soo if there seems to be chemistry and you get on well I'd say be cautious of throwing it away on one bad kiss....though if it was more than a couple and still didn't click then maybe it is time to move on. Hope that helps a bit!

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

It wasn't even a "bad kisser" thing, I just got this gut feeling that she wasn't really into either kissing, or maybe, more accurately, that she wasn't really into kissing me.

I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only person who would use this kind of reasoning, I felt stupid saying it, when the expectation was there that we were motoring along just fine into 3rd and subsequent date territory. I just think you know when you are kissing someone, whether they are into you on a physical level, or not, as the case can often be.

Some people might be uncomfortable with kissing in public (if that was where it happened) so it may have been a bit lacklustre if that was the case. Would it be worth asking her what she thought of the kiss/felt?

HellFireClub

miamee wrote: »

Yes. Bad kiss is a total killer in terms of any relationship that might have developed, it completely puts me off. Depending on how bad, I might go out with him another time to be sure but it's usually the beginning of the end.

But it wasn't even a bad kiss, it was just that she didn't seem to be into it at all, and rightly or wrongly, every minute we'd spent together over the course of two dates, ended up being judged on a 30 second kiss. I kinda want to meet someone who wants to kiss me, (and me her obviously), to the point where it doesn't get left to the last 30 seconds of an evening/night out together...

I dunno, maybe I'm turning into a woman with these kinda views...

Larianne

HellFireClub wrote: »

But it wasn't even a bad kiss, it was just that she didn't seem to be into it at all, and rightly or wrongly, every minute we'd spent together over the course of two dates, ended up being judged on a 30 second kiss. I kinda want to meet someone who wants to kiss me, (and me her obviously), to the point where it doesn't get left to the last 30 seconds of an evening/night out together...

I dunno, maybe I'm turning into a woman with these kinda views...

But you've only been on two dates. She may have been a bit reserved in that case? OR waiting on you to kiss her during the date?

I don't see how questioning how a person kisses you as a womanly view. Sure don't we all want a decent snog at the end of the night?

Hardonraging

HellFireClub wrote: »

I haven't pursued my last OD past a 2nd date 'cos I just got a gut feeling, based on a kiss, that she wasn't really into me much, although as for conversation and stuff to talk about, there was no problem whatsoever there & we seemed to get on fine & she genuinely seemed to want to meet me again and I wanted to meet her.

I've been told by a close friend that I really should have given this more time, but I just think if it's not there, it's just not there, when it comes to this whole area... I didn't really see this coming, as conversation was going so well and we didn't run into the usual awkwardness or obvious lack of chemistry that would usually point to the end of the road for two people who were going on dates together...

A good kiss can really connect you to the other person .. a bad kiss.. well it just means you may not be compatible ..

Honey-ec

sharper wrote: »

I would have thought the opposite - the safer option would be to not have given out your number.

In fairness, by the time I'm agreeing to a date with someone I'll have made a judgment call on whether they're likely to be a weirdo or not. If I thought they were likely to turn into a weirdo I wouldn't be meeting them in the first place. I've never had any issues from giving someone my number, thankfully.

sharper wrote: »

If someone is being nefarious they'll have given you a fake name and a number linked to a pay as you go SIM they can throw away.

If someone is prepared to go to those lengths, there's not a whole lot you can do about it in advance, in fairness. But how is that any different to assuming someone you can only contact through POF is on the level too?

It's just a thing for me, clearly it isn't for other people. If someone refuses to give me their number I'll assume it's because they've something to hide (wife or girlfriend would be my guess). Horses for courses, obviously, but it's my prerogative to want a number in advance. If someone said to me "Oh, I'm not giving it to you til after we meet in case you're a weirdo", I'd be asking why they wanted to meet me in the first place.

HellFireClub

Larianne wrote: »

But you've only been on two dates. She may have been a bit reserved in that case? OR waiting on you to kiss her during the date?

I don't see how questioning how a person kisses you as a womanly view. Sure don't we all want a decent snog at the end of the night?

Yeah I think you have hit the nail on the head there, I probably need someone a bit less reserved, I can be a bit shy myself when it comes to first kisses, so I think I need someone who can meet me half way on the subject, and that usually requires a lot of chemistry I think.

I was being tongue in cheek there suggesting I was turning into a women lol!

Larianne

Honey-ec wrote: »

If someone said to me "Oh, I'm not giving it to you til after we meet in case you're a weirdo", I'd be asking why they wanted to meet me in the first place.

Same as. If I haven't come across decent enough in my mails for the other person not wanting to give me their number, well then what is the point of meeting up?!

Then again, I haven't met any weirdos or had problems with phonecalls or texts after dates. Maybe if I had, I'd have a different attitude about it all.

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

But it wasn't even a bad kiss, it was just that she didn't seem to be into it at all, and rightly or wrongly, every minute we'd spent together over the course of two dates, ended up being judged on a 30 second kiss. I kinda want to meet someone who wants to kiss me, (and me her obviously), to the point where it doesn't get left to the last 30 seconds of an evening/night out together...

I dunno, maybe I'm turning into a woman with these kinda views...

Seems like you might have been a bit rash man...weren't you saying only several pages back that people make judgments on whether there is a spark or not too soon? Seems like that's exactly what you've done here!

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

Seems like you might have been a bit rash man...weren't you saying only several pages back that people make judgments on whether there is a spark or not too soon? Seems like that's exactly what you've done here!

I think what I was talking about previously was in relation to users setting up what I would call petty requirements on their profile about guys who can contact them and those who cannot or should not (being under a certain height, over a certain age, etc, etc).

This isn't the same thing, this is a girl I've spent two evenings with, I think you are allowed to form an opinion on chemistry there at that stage... If you have a gut feeling on something, in my humble experience anyway, where you ignore it or just set it aside, usually 100% of the time, you'll end up regretting that you did.

Prick!

Why would ye kiss if neither of ye weren't into each other???

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

I think what I was talking about previously was in relation to users setting up what I would call petty requirements on their profile about guys who can contact them and those who cannot or should not (being under a certain height, over a certain age, etc, etc).

This isn't the same thing, this is a girl I've spent two evenings with, I think you are allowed to form an opinion on chemistry there at that stage... If you have a gut feeling on something, in my humble experience anyway, where you ignore it or just set it aside, usually 100% of the time, you'll end up regretting that you did.

Ah right yeah true. For me, the bottom line is physical attraction. I could fancy someone, or I could really fancy them, it doesn't really matter as long as it's there. After that, it's really just about that spark and their personality.

This means I'm never usually the one to call a halt to things, if I fancy them and I think there's something there I'll keep dating.

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

Ah right yeah true. For me, the bottom line is physical attraction. I could fancy someone, or I could really fancy them, it doesn't really matter as long as it's there. After that, it's really just about that spark and their personality.

This means I'm never usually the one to call a halt to things, if I fancy them and I think there's something there I'll keep dating.

One thing I worry about when it comes to OD, is somehow becoming the best of some girls bad lot when it comes to what she might have going on in her OD life. I don't go on many dates, and when I do, I think I generally make a good effort, do the dinner date thing, and treat a date as best as I can.

After a first date or a second, I think I can usually tick the [Normal], [funny], [can hold a conversation], [probably alright looking], [knows how to treat a girl], boxes.

But a small bit of me worries that a girl would just run with more dates with me, because I've ticked those basic boxes. That's why I think serious chemistry needs to be there on or around, or at least by the end of, a 2nd date, (because a first date is just a nervous event & you can't judge chemistry really on a first date unless it's there in bucketfuls), but that's my logic anyway on the whole thing, be it for right or for wrong.

Piliger

Honey-ec wrote: »

If someone refused to give me their number before a date, I'd be refusing to meet them, tbh. It would ring major alarm bells for me.

Kidding me. Why would I give my private number to someone who I have never met and could be a complete nutter or a crazy stalker !!

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

But a small bit of me worries that a girl would just run with more dates with me, because I've ticked those basic boxes. That's why I think serious chemistry needs to be there on or around, or at least by the end of, a 2nd date, (because a first date is just a nervous event & you can't judge chemistry really on a first date unless it's there in bucketfuls), but that's my logic anyway on the whole thing, be it for right or for wrong.

Is that why you called it off after the second date with this most recent girl?

I wouldn't think it is something to be concerned about, because most people will want chemistry. I'm sure there might be some who would continue with things maybe because they are bored or getting desperate or whatever, but I'm sure that would become obvious pretty quickly.

I do agree re the point on chemistry though, if it's not there then you know it's not. I remember a first date I had with a girl back in June. We had met at an event and somewhat hit it off (we were chatting most of the night, then a bit of dancing where there was definite mutual attraction). Then at the end of the night, I suggested going out sometime and she agreed straight away.

It was about a week later when we met, and when I first saw her again as she came into the bar, I just thought 'hmm'. It was like she was different to how I remembered her! And then the date itself was almost like a job interview!

It's funny alright the old chemistry, either it's there or it's not! And boy is it good when it is...!

Honey-ec

Piliger wrote: »

Kidding me. Why would I give my private number to someone who I have never met and could be a complete nutter or a crazy stalker !!

Why would you meet someone you suspect might be a complete nutter or crazy stalker?

Why would a woman meet someone who refuses to give her his phone number?

I'm seeing a definite male/female split on this one.