The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

riveratom

Daveysil15 wrote: »

There seems to be a lot of shooting going on. There are bullets been dodged everywhere.

I do think that OD attracts a fair share of strange fish, that's why you've got to play it nice and breezy and take it all with a fair pinch of salt!

Armaghmagic

The lady from Ballymena I was planning to meet last week (who called it off) has now called this weekends date off.

I know she has given me plenty of notice but this was only after I sent her a message last night (after 4 days of no contact). Usually I would give up on it but I actually think she is genuine in her reasons but maybe I'm blinded by being in too close.

The same sort of thing happened before and the result was the woman in question felt no spark and you guys quite rightly pointed out, she wasn't into me from the get go.

Is it a case that if she was in any way interested that she would have found time in 4 days to contact me? And if so how do I approach her about it? Or do I just let it fizzle out?

andreac

Personally Armagh, two cancelled dates would be a huge no no for me and i certainly wouldnt persue it.

If and only if you want to give the benefit then i would leave the ball in her court and let her contact you, and you will soon know how she really feels.
If she is genuine she will do all she can to make it up to you and arrange another date, but in my opinion it doesnt look good, sorry.

Ive given the benefit of the doubt before, more than once, and it has never ended good.

hollypink

I met someone recently from POF; my first thought on meeting was "nice but we're much too different for it to go anywhere". But despite that, I enjoyed the date and we went on a second one which I also enjoyed. He seems very keen so I don't want to be unfair. Do you think it's ok to keep seeing someone if you have doubts like that? We haven't gotten as far as a kiss yet (he's a bit shy I think) so I can't really gauge the chemistry but I think there is something there.

stargazer 68

hollypink wrote: »

Do you think it's ok to keep seeing someone if you have doubts like that? We haven't gotten as far as a kiss yet (he's a bit shy I think) so I can't really gauge the chemistry but I think there is something there.

Yes!! Believe me I would have said no some time ago but 7 months into my relationship I would say give it a bit of time to get to know him a bit better. Im so glad I didn't go with my first instinct!

andreac

Oh dear, just been mailing a guy, which i asked for some more photos, as the one has on his profile, has sunglasses and a hat so couldnt really see what he looks like, so he sends me two photos and he looks nothing like the one on his profile!! How do i let him down gently as im not attracted to him in any way...

Honey-ec

andreac wrote: »

Oh dear, just been mailing a guy, which i asked for some more photos, as the one has on his profile, has sunglasses and a hat so couldnt really see what he looks like, so he sends me two photos and he looks nothing like the one on his profile!! How do i let him down gently as im not attracted to him in any way...

Unfortunately, there is no nice way to let him down. You either tell him the truth or make up an excuse to cut contact (which will more than likely be blindingly transparent anyway), or you just stop replying. None of these are exactly pleasant prospects for the guy.

This is exactly why I used to skip over profiles if the only pic was of the guy wearing sunnies and/or a hat. Got caught out big time when I actually met someone (who was wearing both in his pic) and he was not at all attractive.

I've mentioned it several times in this thread - everyone looks good in sunglasses/a baseball cap. If that's their only pic, move on.

LegacyUser

I had a date with a lady over the weekend,we had been talking on pof for a few weeks before we met up,,i thought it went very well,we both kissed numerous times,held hands,could feel the attraction from both..
the next day i got a text saying i had a great time last night but i couldnt feel the spark i wanted..
What is this spark?

cantdecide

andreac wrote: »

Oh dear, just been mailing a guy, which i asked for some more photos, as the one has on his profile, has sunglasses and a hat so couldnt really see what he looks like, so he sends me two photos and he looks nothing like the one on his profile!! How do i let him down gently as im not attracted to him in any way...

If you haven't had much correspondence, I would let it go. Part of me would be cynical and think that a guy wearing a hat and sunglasses in his profile pic probably knows what he's doing. I'd suspect this won't be the first or the last time he will have been cut off after forwarding pics.

This goes back to the whole pic debate. Personally, I know I'm no Adonis and I think selecting pics that disguise my weaker features will just waste time to both concerned.

kiddums

Honey-ec wrote: »

Unfortunately, there is no nice way to let him down. You either tell him the truth or make up an excuse to cut contact (which will more than likely be blindingly transparent anyway), or you just stop replying. None of these are exactly pleasant prospects for the guy.

This is exactly why I used to skip over profiles if the only pic was of the guy wearing sunnies and/or a hat. Got caught out big time when I actually met someone (who was wearing both in his pic) and he was not at all attractive.

I've mentioned it several times in this thread - everyone looks good in sunglasses/a baseball cap. If that's their only pic, move on.

I've only 2 pictures and I'm wearing a hat in one. No sunglasses though.
I'm not a fan of getting my picture taken, in fact I hate it.

Galvasean

Colours wrote: »

As to the question why did I hang around him after getting wind of these not particularly endearing qualities in him, the answer is simply that I was and still am attracted to him and I would like if he were to try to get back in touch with me and see if we could work out those little bumps on the road but it seems that he's not going to do that so it's best if I write him off and get him out of my mind as soon I can.

Please, for your own sake, do not find yourself a horrible man and try to change him into something good when there are plenty of genuinely nice people out there who are the finished article.
What you described were not 'little bumps'. They were character flaws on an almost sociopathic level. Believe me (from experience) in that no amount of good looks are a counterbalance for such control freak behaviour.

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

Chazz Michael Michaels

I signed up to that OkCupid site. I haven't managed to hook one yet after a few weeks, which is weird because I do fine with women in the "real world". I don't get it. I guess it's hard to get your personality across online or something.

cantdecide

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

I signed up to that OkCupid site. I haven't managed to hook one yet after a few weeks, which is weird because I do fine with women in the "real world". I don't get it. I guess it's hard to get your personality across online or something.

Is this your first foray into OD? Maybe you should ask some of the womenfolk here to check your profile out and make a couple of suggestions?

Crann na Beatha

This post has been deleted.

Colours

Thanks for all the comments in response to my previous post.

cantdecide wrote: »

@Colours; do you think his behaviour would have got better or worse as time went on?

You should only let this guy back into your life if you fancy a bit of drama because that's all that you will get if you continue with this guy.

No I really don't get any kick whatsoever from this sort of drama. I mean the guy is interesting and engaging in other ways. He's well travelled and intelligent as well and fanciable to me anyway as I already mentioned. (I should say that what's fanciable to me may not match up with the "normal" women's hearthob in that I kinda like them a bit on the nerdy side I'm sure Freud would have a name for women like me!)

When we fancy someone a lot I think initially we disregard all the red flags and bad manners that they might display but eventually they can't be ignored any longer and that's when it's make or break. Maybe the issues I outlined were more than just bumps on the road but I think they could have been tackled if I were firmer and put my foot down and challenged things that came out of his mouth as soon as he said them as opposed to letting them stew and dredging them up again at a later stage.

I met a guy I'd messaged briefly on POF this evening after work. As soon as we got into the bar he asked me what I was having which made a pleasant change from the date before! We just had the one drink and when we got outside we both departed in different directions. I quite liked him but not sure what he thought of me. I didn't really read any body language either way coming from him and the conversation was a bit stilted, sticking mainly to work and travel. So don't think I'll be hearing from him again but it was a nice ice breaker nevertheless.

Chazz Michael Michaels

cantdecide wrote: »

Is this your first foray into OD? Maybe you should ask some of the womenfolk here to check your profile out and make a couple of suggestions?

I would be open to that. If someone wants to PM?

Chazz Michael Michaels

I think I have already filtered out all the girls I didn't fancy and messaged ll the girls I did.

Any other good sites out there?

Maguined

Gone back for more punishment on OKC.

Not sure about my profile though, if any ladies would be willing to have a look and give me their brutally honest opinions I would appreciate it.

Those willing can PM me.

Oh OD just when I thought I was out... you pull me back in.

Ankhyu

The guy I've been seeing for the past while (dates are very spaced out due to distance), have had 5 dates so far, with another one hopefully this weekend. I really like him, but we haven't had "the chat" or anything and I'm not quite sure where I stand with him, he seems quite hard to read. We're both still on OKC, but I hadn't been logging in really, and I wasn't sure if he was still on it or not. I logged in and just noticed there that he has recently changed his picture which leads me to believe he's still active on it.
I know I have to try and initiate some sort of conversation about where it's going. But I'm so terrible at these things. HALP!

Chazz Michael Michaels

Ok, finally got responses from two girls thanks to the suggestions made by Ankhyu.

Thanks.

Maguined

Ankhyu wrote: »

The guy I've been seeing for the past while (dates are very spaced out due to distance), have had 5 dates so far, with another one hopefully this weekend. I really like him, but we haven't had "the chat" or anything and I'm not quite sure where I stand with him, he seems quite hard to read. We're both still on OKC, but I hadn't been logging in really, and I wasn't sure if he was still on it or not. I logged in and just noticed there that he has recently changed his picture which leads me to believe he's still active on it.
I know I have to try and initiate some sort of conversation about where it's going. But I'm so terrible at these things. HALP!

The only thing you can do is sit him down and be honest. Tricks or games or subtle ways don't work in my opinion, they still only leave you with a vague notion when you really want clarity. On the next date you should just simply tell him you really like him and ask him how he feels about the two of you becoming exclusive.

If he wants to then happy days, if he says he is not sure or ready for that then you will have to decide for yourself if you are willing to keep going if he is multidating or not. Not knowing and guessing is normally worse than the truth in these situations imho.

andreac

Is match.com a paid site? Is there anything you can send/do without having to pay? I signed up but not too sure what i can do or not do,lol.

Sweet Jones

I'm still finding my feet in OD and if anyone more seasoned could give me advice on my profile I'd be appreciative. (anyone have time for me to PM them?)
So far I've been getting a steady stream of messages, but never from the girls I am interested in and I'm finding it tricky to get a reply from the girls that I am interested in...
Brutal honest welcomed!

Esoteric_

So, I re-joined just a few minutes ago. Only POF at the moment.

My very first message after the standard welcome message nearly made me fall off of the couch from laughing, although I'm sure it's a cut and paste.

'After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.
Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always have a special place in my heart.

your ex-hubby,

XXXXXX

ps. You can keep the house in Hawaii but, I am going to need half our money according to our prenup. '


Sweet Jones, if you want me to take a look at your profile, PM me a link and I'll be honest.

Honey-ec

LyndaMcL wrote: »

So, I re-joined just a few minutes ago. Only POF at the moment.

My very first message after the standard welcome message nearly made me fall off of the couch from laughing, although I'm sure it's a cut and paste.

'After a rigorously brief overview of your profile, I wanted to let you know I have already married and divorced you in my mind.
Thanks for all the wonderful imaginary memories... you will always have a special place in my heart.

your ex-hubby,

XXXXXX

ps. You can keep the house in Hawaii but, I am going to need half our money according to our prenup.

Yeah, I got that last week. Made me smile too.

Esoteric_

Honey-ec wrote: »

Yeah, I got that last week. Made me smile too.

I just asked him how do we split the child, since the pre-nup says half of everything. Sever lenghtways or horizontally.

No reply. :pac::pac::pac:

Chazz Michael Michaels

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I just asked him how do we split the child, since the pre-nup says half of everything. Sever lenghtways or horizontally.

No reply. :pac::pac::pac:

Diagonally?

Esoteric_

Chazz Michael Michaels wrote: »

Diagonally?

Someone thinks outside the box!

Galvasean

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I just asked him how do we split the child, since the pre-nup says half of everything. Sever lenghtways or horizontally.

No reply. :pac::pac::pac:

King Solomon would be proud.