The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

CastorTroy

Quick question: If someone sends you a first contact message, what would be the timeline for replying? Like what was the longest you waited to reply to someone(maybe due to no time or just trying someone else first)

Piliger

Galvasean wrote: »

I know the phrase is overused but bullet dodged. If she's that big into her drama now I can only imagine ahet she'd be like in a relationship! :eek:



Is it jut me being a big cynic or are there an AWFUL lot of sickly people on OD? Every couple of days someone on here gets a date postponed/canceled... I myself have had quite a few due to 'sickness'. Personally I think 'sickness' is often used as a kop out excuse for cold feet/diminishing interest/found somebody 'better' etc.
Either that or sick people have more free time to spend on OD?

Ehhh ... press pause for a moment

Remember a couple of elementary things. Firstly, the overwhelmingly vast majority of OD users in Dublin or Ireland don't visit or post to Boards. Secondly, people who have good encounters are rarely likely to report it, that's human nature. Thirdly, we only get one side of the story - people generally don't own up to their own idiocy or rudeness or stupidity when reporting other people's apparent rudeness. And I myself am just as unreliable in that regard as anyone so I'm not pointing fingers.

So assessing the state of OD by posts here is, in my view, inadvisable, except to far as to draw some basic lessons and examples of how 'some' situations play out.

Piliger

CastorTroy wrote: »

Quick question: If someone sends you a first contact message, what would be the timeline for replying? Like what was the longest you waited to reply to someone(maybe due to no time or just trying someone else first)

Straight when receiving the message. Why wait ? How long does it take to type a couple of nice sentences ? Why would you delay responding just because you are meeting someone else ? ....... just questions

Piliger

riveratom wrote: »

That is a fair point. I've never seen any male dating profiles on POF or anywhere else really (naturally enough), so I have no insight into that really.

I do see a *lot* of profiles where the girl is looking for a 'genuine' guy. In fact, I would say that nearly every second profile I see has that in the headline or in the profile itself. Which leads me to believe that women meet a lot of the wrong kind of guys, both online and IRL. Which makes it even harder for the guys who are genuine.

This is the problem we guys have. And we don't experience any of the pure sh1te that women have to suffer - abuse, cock photos etc.

I myself do get enormously turned off when I see these statements in women's profiles. "honest men", "genuine guy", "liars", and all the rest. I usually close the profile whenever I see anything like that at all. It's just so insulting ... irrespective of their bad experiences.

Galvasean

Piliger wrote: »

This is the problem we guys have. And we don't experience any of the pure sh1te that women have to suffer - abuse, cock photos etc.

I myself do get enormously turned off when I see these statements in women's profiles. "honest men", "genuine guy", "liars", and all the rest. I usually close the profile whenever I see anything like that at all. It's just so insulting ... irrespective of their bad experiences.

I'd agree with you there. To me it screams of 'issues'.

CastorTroy

Piliger wrote: »

Straight when receiving the message. Why wait ? How long does it take to type a couple of nice sentences ? Why would you delay responding just because you are meeting someone else ? ....... just questions

Optimism that ones I haven't received replies may still reply yet. :P

Nah, was just curious since I do have a couple messages in my inbox and was wondering what kind of reaction I would get if I replied 2 weeks after I got them.

cantdecide

Galvasean wrote: »

I'd agree with you there. To me it screams of 'issues'.

I always wonder how many people are only just out of some kind of relationship when they try OD. Wouldn't that be a cool feature;
xXoXxLaurasauratronxXoXx is out of her last relationship for: 3 weeks and 2 days.

I think there's a lot of people who haven't dealt with things who are just considering some kind of rebound thing or to use a someone genuine to purge those old feelings...

Galvasean

cantdecide wrote: »

xXoXxLaurasauratronxXoXx

Funny that you used 'saura' instead of 'saurus', as saura denotes female while saurus denotes male. So for all those girls out there with 'saurus' in your names, you're doing it wrong! :pac:

Daveysil15

I've seen it all now. I just came across a woman's profile where she had her face pixelated in her photos, as in completely blurred out. It was like something you'd see in those police videos. Bizarre!

Larianne

Piliger wrote: »

This is the problem we guys have. And we don't experience any of the pure sh1te that women have to suffer - abuse, cock photos etc.

I myself do get enormously turned off when I see these statements in women's profiles. "honest men", "genuine guy", "liars", and all the rest. I usually close the profile whenever I see anything like that at all. It's just so insulting ... irrespective of their bad experiences.

You get those statements on guys profiles too.

I have never messaged a guy who has 'genuine' or any of those adjectives mentioned in his profile. Total turnoff

Daveysil15

What's wrong with saying you're looking for a genuine person? It's better than making sexist remarks about an entire gender.

riveratom

Well, this is all convincing me that I'm making a good call in calling a halt to all this online malarkey really.

I mean, had a girl there, multiple mails back and forth (like a dozen), keen to meet up, we arranged to meet up when she got back from hols, then radio silence since then. WTF?

After a while you just say what's the point tbh!!

Daveysil15

riveratom wrote: »

Well, this is all convincing me that I'm making a good call in calling a halt to all this online malarkey really.

I mean, had a girl there, multiple mails back and forth (like a dozen), keen to meet up, we arranged to meet up when she got back from hols, then radio silence since then. WTF?

After a while you just say what's the point tbh!!

I hate when that happens. Someone seems very keen and then they just disappear. I think they either get cold feet or a better offer.

miamee

CastorTroy wrote: »

Quick question: If someone sends you a first contact message, what would be the timeline for replying? Like what was the longest you waited to reply to someone(maybe due to no time or just trying someone else first)

If I actually like the sound of them and they have put effort into their message (more than 2 or 3 lines long), I will wait til I have time to out the same effort into a reply but would try to do it within a couple of days max.

CastorTroy

Daveysil15 wrote: »

What's wrong with saying you're looking for a genuine person? It's better than making sexist remarks about an entire gender.

What does genuine even mean? That you're not a robot? Or just that you're not gonna mess them around?
I guess guys see women say it so they say they are genuine since it seems to be what the women are looking for. Or they're just taking ideas from other profiles.

Sorry, but another wee question for POF: There's someone who shows up in that row above any profile you're looking at. But she doesn't appear in my search results, even though she matches the criteria. Why would this be? Hidden profile but site doesn't realise when displaying that row? Strange thing is she appears there pretty often.

miamee

Galvasean wrote: »

Take America for example, there it's seen as perfectly a-okay to ask someone for a coffee date if you bump into them at the supermarket or pretty much anywhere else for that matter. We're just not used to it here in Ireland. Such an advance is for the most part seen as unusual, even weird and likely to be rebutted as people simply don't 'get it' and suspicion arises.

Recently this happened to me, guy stopped me in the street, asked for my number and called me a few days later. As it happened, one date was enough. He was suggesting holidays together on date one :O I had said we might meet up the following Saturday...this led to up to 10 or 11 missed calls on Friday, each one followed by a message asking what time we could meet up.
Everyone I told thought I was "crazy" or "mad" in their words for giving him my number. My best (male) friend said it must have been cos I had my boobs out (I was very dressed up on my way to meet friends and did have a somewhat low cut dress on), another male friend told me I should have known he was a bit mad when he stopped me in the street. The point being, no one sees it as normal behaviour to ask a stranger for their number here. I just wanted to think I was special

And no, he was not Irish.

Daveysil15

CastorTroy wrote: »

What does genuine even mean? That you're not a robot? Or just that you're not gonna mess them around?
I guess guys see women say it so they say they are genuine since it seems to be what the women are looking for. Or they're just taking ideas from other profiles.

Sorry, but another wee question for POF: There's someone who shows up in that row above any profile you're looking at. But she doesn't appear in my search results, even though she matches the criteria. Why would this be? Hidden profile but site doesn't realise when displaying that row? Strange thing is she appears there pretty often.

Well I would rather a woman said in her profile that she was looking for a genuine guy, or nice guy instead of saying, "Any decent fellas?" That's much more off putting.

Are you sure she's not one of those Russian girls from the ads?

miamee

wobblyknees wrote: »

I think in this case the simple explanation works. We'd only met up yesterday for the first time and I think I was trying to ignore the signs that she was a bit eager due to her nerves. No harm done either way. Whats meant to be will be.

That's a shame but sounds like she was very eager to slot you into the boyfriend position there without getting to know you really well? I find sometimes men will do that too; when I probe a little bit, I find that they have very few friends and little or no hobbies and are looking for a gf to be the new hobby and fill their spare time. Nothing scares me off faster tbh!

Larianne

Daveysil15 wrote: »

What's wrong with saying you're looking for a genuine person? It's better than making sexist remarks about an entire gender.

Isn't everyone looking for that though?

I don't describe myself as an honest, genuine person because I'd hope the person who goes to message me takes me as being that from the get go.

I have been seeing a guy the past few weeks but think we've got our wires crossed a bit so will see if that can be sorted out. Lesson learnt: Call each other - texting is bad!! :cool:

Anyways, I feel like I take over this thread sometimes, so I'll give it a rest for a while. Good luck with the dates peoples.

CastorTroy

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Well I would rather a woman said in her profile that she was looking for a genuine guy, or nice guy instead of saying, "Any decent fellas?" That's much more off putting.

Are you sure she's not one of those Russian girls from the ads?

Yeah I'm sure. One of her pics has her wearing a Donegal jersey, and has her as from Donegal. So unless those sites are going all out these days, then she's from around here.

Though those ads do tell me there are a lot of hot available Chinese women in my area.

Daveysil15

miamee wrote: »

And no, he was not Irish.

Dirty foreign fecker. :pac:

Daveysil15

CastorTroy wrote: »

Though those ads do tell me there are a lot of hot available Chinese women in my area.

Ahh you're not too bad so. I'm getting ads for sexy arab women in my area. All their faces are covered up. :rolleyes:

miamee

Daveysil15 wrote: »

miamee wrote: »

And no, he was not Irish.

Dirty foreign fecker. :pac:

All I meant was an Irish man would never stop a woman in the street to ask her was she single and ask for her number, lol.

Esoteric_

miamee wrote: »

All I meant was an Irish man would never stop a woman in the street to ask her was she single and ask for her number, lol.

My longest relationship started by an Irish guy doing that! :pac:

miec

Well during the 4-6 week period I was on POF I got nothing but cock messages or I am into older women messages and this evening a guy offering his sexual services for a fee. I e-mailed several men that had nice profiles and were interesting but radio silence. I am done with POF I really cannot tolerate the incivility, rudeness etc and I had very clearly stated that I was looking for a relationship. I realise that it is very unlikely that I will meet anyone as I can't bear the night scene either as I am too old for all that ****. I will say that years back I had brilliant experiences with online dating, it really was the thing for me but not anymore.

riveratom

miec wrote: »

Well during the 4-6 week period I was on POF I got nothing but cock messages or I am into older women messages and this evening a guy offering his sexual services for a fee. I e-mailed several men that had nice profiles and were interesting but radio silence. I am done with POF I really cannot tolerate the incivility, rudeness etc and I had very clearly stated that I was looking for a relationship. I realise that it is very unlikely that I will meet anyone as I can't bear the night scene either as I am too old for all that ****. I will say that years back I had brilliant experiences with online dating, it really was the thing for me but not anymore.

I feel an OD-thread OD boycott coming on......;)

cantdecide

After going back to OKC yesterday I'm amazed how many profiles are still left blank after nearly 3 weeks off. Yet they still check the site daily. I mean who would contact people with virtually no details up??? Is it just extreme voyeurism?

miamee

cantdecide wrote: »

After going back to OKC yesterday I'm amazed how many profiles are still left blank after nearly 3 weeks off. Yet they still check the site daily. I mean who would contact people with virtually no details up??? Is it just extreme voyeurism?

I think some people are so concerned with finding potential matches and reading other people's profiles that they forget about updating their own. I have gone backto read my own a few times and thought wtf did I write that bit for, etc. Not the same as leaving it totally blank though!

CazMarch

Long time lurker, but first post! Men on POF - Please put a picture in your profile. Exchanged a few messages with someone tonight and then he attached his picture. Not my type at all and sent back what I thought was a polite message, and was told to P**s off. Can't do right for doing wrong - you ignore the picture, you're wrong, send a polite message - you get slagged! I give up. Should point out I'm 50 and about to give up!!

andreac

That's why I insist on a photo from the word go, cuts out that awkwardness after,a few messages.