The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

HellFireClub

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I thought dating was supposed to be fun. Listening to some of these stories is turning me off. If its that much of a hassle why bother?

Generally because there isn't anything there really by way of an alternative and as many people have mentioned, when folks get into their 30's, there are not the same opportunities for meeting people, as friends settle down, get married, start families, etc.

njs030

I can completely understand cancelling a date for the reasons stated but I do agree with other posters that cancelling an online date is different to cancelling I real life.
As I previously stated on this thread I've had dates cancelled for reasons ranging from fractured ankles to family stuff, in all of these occasions there was no contact afterwards which would lead me to believe it was a changing mind/better offer scenario.
From the other point of view I've had to cancel 2 dates from illness, the first obviously didn't believe it and the second one drifted away to nothing.
In this situation is it up to the person who cancelled to re-arrange? I would think so myself but sometimes there seems to be an idea that if people are interested they'll ask.....
Personally after so many problems with arranging dates I've given up on od for the time being!!

Piliger

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I thought dating was supposed to be fun. Listening to some of these stories is turning me off. If its that much of a hassle why bother?

Because you are only ready 1% of 1% of 1% of the people actually taking part in OD.

Piliger

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

If someone canceled two dates with an excuse no better than a terrible mood I'd have to like them an awful lot to agree to a third attempt. I've never canceled a date regardless of a lack of enthusiasm. Personally I think I can put mood aside and be civil to someone who wanted to meet me. But you know yourself best.

Indeed. It's about integrity and respect. Simple.

Galvasean

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I thought dating was supposed to be fun. Listening to some of these stories is turning me off. If its that much of a hassle why bother?

Because, once in a blue moon you find somebody special.

missrandomer

Why do people go to the effort of messaging you with the words
"hi"

no pic and in the profile have a copied and paste of the outlines of writing a profile...

What do they think they could possible achieve from that.:rolleyes:

HellFireClub

Piliger wrote: »

Indeed. It's about integrity and respect. Simple.

Well you could argue that one either way. You could argue fairly, as others have done on thread, that it's lacking integrity and showing disrespect to cancel a date because you are in absolutely shít mood all day long, and that you should just put on your best face and try as best as you can to wing it.

You could also make the same argument in good faith, as I have tried to do, which that you are probably saving someone a really awkward date, and in my opinion, there is nothing quite as depressing as having to sit through a painfully difficult date with a stranger, a date that is just not going right at all, by being honest with someone if you are not up for a date. Yes, ideally we would all stick to plans that had been made and we'd all have a great time, but life isn't often ideal and OD is a tricky business at the very best of times.

HellFireClub

Galvasean wrote: »

Because, once in a blue very blue moon you find somebody special.

CastorTroy

missrandomer wrote: »

Why do people go to the effort of messaging you with the words
"hi"

no pic and in the profile have a copied and paste of the outlines of writing a profile...

What do they think they could possible achieve from that.:rolleyes:

Maybe hoping that you like the mysterious types?

Daveysil15

HellFireClub wrote: »

To my mind, it is the ultimate insult on a date to present yourself on a date where you are having drinks or dinner bought for you, yet you are in a p*sser and are shít company.

Just wondering do the guys always pay for the drinks/coffee/meal on a first date? The last date I went on I met a girl for a coffee. When we finished she walked out first leaving me to pay the bill, without even asking or discussing it. Not that I was bothered or anything - it was only a cup of coffee, but is this usually the way it works?

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Just wondering do the guys always pay for the drinks/coffee/meal on a first date? The last date I went on I met a girl for a coffee. When we finished she walked out first leaving me to pay the bill, without even asking or discussing it. Not that I was bothered or anything - it was only a cup of coffee, but is this usually the way it works?

I've always paid my way, or paid more on a first date. One time I didn't, but that was because the guy flat out insisted. He got angry when I tried to buy him a drink after he'd bought me two! :pac:

Edit to say: I think it's quite presumptuous to just assume the other person will pay, regardless of who asked who on the date. I know it's less likely to happen to me, being female, but if a guy just assumed I'd pay, I'd be walking away without a second glance.

miamee

Daveysil15 wrote: »

HellFireClub wrote: »

To my mind, it is the ultimate insult on a date to present yourself on a date where you are having drinks or dinner bought for you, yet you are in a p*sser and are shít company.

Just wondering do the guys always pay for the drinks/coffee/meal on a first date? The last date I went on I met a girl for a coffee. When we finished she walked out first leaving me to pay the bill, without even asking or discussing it. Not that I was bothered or anything - it was only a cup of coffee, but is this usually the way it works?

God no, I would either pay myself for us both or pay for my own. If the guy offered to pay then that's ok too. If it was drinks, I'd take turns, dinner go halves.
Basically, I try to pay my own way where possible

Daveysil15

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Edit to say: I think it's quite presumptuous to just assume the other person will pay, regardless of who asked who on the date. I know it's less likely to happen to me, being female, but if a guy just assumed I'd pay, I'd be walking away without a second glance.

Hmm, but it would be ok for a woman to assume that the man would pay? Should I have walked out? Although I've never been on a date with a woman who offered to pay her own way, and its not like I was going to ask her to pay and seem like a tight arse.

njs030

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Hmm, but it would be ok for a woman to assume that the man would pay? Should I have walked out? Although I've never been on a date with a woman who offered to pay her own way, and its not like I was going to ask her to pay and seem like a tight arse.

Really never? I would always offer to pay as would most of my friends, I think to expect a man to pay is just rude!
You wouldn't ask her to pay but it's ok that she walked away and expected you to? Imagine if you did the same.....

hollypink

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Just wondering do the guys always pay for the drinks/coffee/meal on a first date? The last date I went on I met a girl for a coffee. When we finished she walked out first leaving me to pay the bill, without even asking or discussing it. Not that I was bothered or anything - it was only a cup of coffee, but is this usually the way it works?

From other threads on boards about who pays on the first date, it seems like some girls expect the man to pay because he asked her out. I disagree with that myself and always offer to pay (or go halves if it's something a bit more expensive like dinner) but I've found that unless we go for drinks (where you pay round by round instead of the whole bill at once so you get a chance to pay for a round), the guy has always insisted on paying. It's pretty rude to just assume your date will pay, even if it is just a cup of coffee.

I went on a third date yesterday and bought the tickets online in advance because he had paid for everything on the last 2 dates and I knew he'd try to pay yesterday as well, which sure enough he did so it was good to be able to produce the tickets.

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Although I've never been on a date with a woman who offered to pay her own way

Never? Wow, I'm a bit shocked by that.

Daveysil15

Well I've never been beyond the first date with anyone I met from OD so maybe they would have paid their way in the second date, maybe not. I don't know. Certainly the man shouldn't be paying for everything all the time.

Piliger

Galvasean wrote: »

Because, once in a blue moon you find somebody special.

It's not just that.I have met quite a few ladies in the two periods of my PD experience and all in all they have been nice decent ladies who are perfectly good company and I have rarely considered the hour or so i have spent with them to be a waste of time.

If you come into OD with the wrong attitude and the wrong kinds of naive or conceited expectation - then you will be disappointed and probably leave embittered about it all.

I don't. Do I have disappointing experience ? yes I do ... but no more than ordinary life throws at us every day. That's what living is about, tackling challenges and over coming them and getting on and moving on and continuing on and revelling in the fact that we are healthy enough to do it and not stuck in a bed in a hospital or dead.

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Hmm, but it would be ok for a woman to assume that the man would pay? Should I have walked out? Although I've never been on a date with a woman who offered to pay her own way, and its not like I was going to ask her to pay and seem like a tight arse.

Sorry, I wasn't clear enough. When I say man, I'm saying that because I'm female. I don't think it's right for anyone, male or female, to just assume somebody else will pay the bill.

Esoteric_

DAveysil, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that those women were not very decent women. I mean... who just assumes someone else will pay? That's so rude!

Piliger

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Hmm, but it would be ok for a woman to assume that the man would pay? Should I have walked out? Although I've never been on a date with a woman who offered to pay her own way, and its not like I was going to ask her to pay and seem like a tight arse.

I myself believe in sharing the cost.

However I have met ca 15 women, in total, on OD over a period of ca 3 years (two 6 month periods) and never has one offered to pay.

Daveysil15

LyndaMcL wrote: »

DAveysil, I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say that those women were not very decent women. I mean... who just assumes someone else will pay? That's so rude!

They seemed decent enough and I still keep in touch with one of them on FB. Maybe some women are just used to having the man pay for everything. But like I said, it was only one date and maybe they would have offered to pay their way if it progressed into a second date.

CastorTroy

Daveysil15 wrote: »

They seemed decent enough and I still keep in touch with one of them on FB. Maybe some women are just used to having the man pay for everything. But like I said, it was only one date and maybe they would have offered to pay their way if it progressed into a second date.

If at lunch with female friend and was the same with my ex, I usually offer to pay, but they never allow it.
You should've walked out after her and then when you were confronted about it by the one in the café, just say you thought she paid.

On a sidenote, just amusing seeing the conversation between Pinky and The Brain

HellFireClub

Piliger wrote: »

I myself believe in sharing the cost.

However I have met ca 15 women, in total, on OD over a period of ca 3 years (two 6 month periods) and never has one offered to pay.

Same here, I generally don't mind paying on a first date, if it's dinner, it's a bit of a bit of a hit, you can pencil in 100 Euro for it minimum, but I don't do it very often so I don't mind it. Same for a few drinks and you'll generally get a few bought back for you I find.

Galvasean

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Although I've never been on a date with a woman who offered to pay her own way, and its not like I was going to ask her to pay and seem like a tight arse.

Piliger wrote: »

However I have met ca 15 women, in total, on OD over a period of ca 3 years (two 6 month periods) and never has one offered to pay.

Wowie! That strikes me as odd. I usually try to pay in full for a first date if I'm the one that instigated it, but girls almost never accept it and always try to pay their fair share.
May I ask what age group you guys fall under? I'm mid 20s, so maybe it's an age thing with older girls being more 'old fashioned' in approach?

Daveysil15

Galvasean wrote: »

Wowie! That strikes me as odd. I usually try to pay in full for a first date if I'm the one that instigated it, but girls almost never accept it and always try to pay their fair share.
May I ask what age group you guys fall under? I'm mid 20s, so maybe it's an age thing with older girls being more 'old fashioned' in approach?

Well I'm in my late 20's and have dated women in their mid 20's - early 30's and none of them offered to pay. Then again I haven't exactly been on loads of dates or anything.

HellFireClub

The paying thing is a bit of a tricky one I think...

As a guy, if you go for a few drinks, dinner of coffees and you were to try to discuss the payment arrangements beforehand or even afterwards, you'd no doubt be finding yourself dropped straight into the "miserable básturd" box...

Esoteric_

Wow, I'm wondering what kind of women you guys are meeting!

I'm used to guys paying in full, because the last 2 guys I was in relationships with insisted on paying for everything. I had to be sneaky to be able to pay for something, like buying things in advance so that they couldn't argue too much.

At the same time, I don't expect it. I figure, okay, two guys wanted to pay for things for the entire relationship, which was really sweet and generous, but I prefer to pay my own way, as do most women I know. That said, my best friend goes nuts if a guy doesn't pay for everything on a date. I find that a really old fashioned and downright rude approach.

Maybe I'm weird. But I'd feel awful if a guy kept paying for things for me! If he earned substantially more than me, I'd accept it once in a while, but not very often!

Daveysil15

HellFireClub wrote: »

The paying thing is a bit of a tricky one I think...

As a guy, if you go for a few drinks, dinner of coffees and you were to try to discuss the payment arrangements beforehand or even afterwards, you'd no doubt be finding yourself dropped straight into the "miserable básturd" box...

Exactly, which is why I never bothered to say anything. If i went to pay and then she offered to pay half, that would be fine - I wouldn't object. Otherwise I'd just assume that I'd pay. Although its probably a bit tricky for the women too as they wouldn't want to think that he was entiltled to something in return. I buy you a meal, then you put out sort of thing.

cantdecide

The last couple of dates I was on I tell them I'd like to pay since I instigated it and they usual say we go halves. My sister says she would feel she would be pressured for a second date if a guy paid in full and splitting the bill is the best way of keeping it amicable.

Esoteric_

HellFireClub wrote: »

The paying thing is a bit of a tricky one I think...

As a guy, if you go for a few drinks, dinner of coffees and you were to try to discuss the payment arrangements beforehand or even afterwards, you'd no doubt be finding yourself dropped straight into the "miserable básturd" box...

When it comes to drinks, I'd expect that a woman should generally get the second or third round in. That's what I do, or even the first round. Coffee, same deal (any coffee date I was on involved at least 2 each, so I'd get either the first or the second ones). Dinner is a bit trickier, because, as you said, you don't want to come across as cheap. I'd offer to pay half generally, but if the woman doesn't, you're pretty much stuck.