The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Wow, I'm wondering what kind of women you guys are meeting!

I'm used to guys paying in full, because the last 2 guys I was in relationships with insisted on paying for everything. I had to be sneaky to be able to pay for something, like buying things in advance so that they couldn't argue too much.

At the same time, I don't expect it. I figure, okay, two guys wanted to pay for things for the entire relationship, which was really sweet and generous, but I prefer to pay my own way, as do most women I know. That said, my best friend goes nuts if a guy doesn't pay for everything on a date. I find that a really old fashioned and downright rude approach.

Maybe I'm weird. But I'd feel awful if a guy kept paying for things for me! If he earned substantially more than me, I'd accept it once in a while, but not very often!

Lol paying for everything on a first date, yes!

Paying for everything in a relationship, are you having a laugh there?!?

Esoteric_

HellFireClub wrote: »

Lol paying for everything on a first date, yes!

Paying for everything in a relationship, are you having a laugh there?!?

Like I said, it's not something I enjoyed. I don't even like it on a first date.

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Like I said, it's not something I enjoyed. I don't even like it on a first date.

When I was in a long term thingy, I'd pay for one night out and she'd grab the next, (this was when we were out for meals), we never kept tabs on it, I reckon it all balanced out at the end of the day, if it was just drinks, we'd just play it by ear, I'd get a few and she'd get a few, but I'd always make sure she had a drink...

Esoteric_

HellFireClub wrote: »

When I was in a long term thingy, I'd pay for one night out and she'd grab the next, (this was when we were out for meals), we never kept tabs on it, I reckon it all balanced out at the end of the day, if it was just drinks, we'd just play it by ear, I'd get a few and she'd get a few, but I'd always make sure she had a drink...

Definitely the best way to have it. Most people I've gone out with have been like that, which is so much better than one person always paying. With the two guys that insisted on paying all the time, I used to do things like get gig tickets and cinema tickets in advance, buy them stuff like smokes or whatever, something I could pay for in advance to even the score a bit.

Even on a first date, I think a woman should at least OFFER to pay something.

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Definitely the best way to have it. Most people I've gone out with have been like that, which is so much better than one person always paying. With the two guys that insisted on paying all the time, I used to do things like get gig tickets and cinema tickets in advance, buy them stuff like smokes or whatever, something I could pay for in advance to even the score a bit.

Even on a first date, I think a woman should at least OFFER to pay something.

That sounds ideal, I've been blessed in the past with kind partners who always appreciated me making an effort to look after them when I could and even if I paid for a few nights out, it was always recognised and reciprocated in a nice appreciative way, like booking a night out in town or a cheap weekend away or something like that... It was never something I had to keep an eye on, I can't imagine what it's like though for people in a relationship where one person in the relationship is mean/tight, that would do my fúcking head in. I've a mate who is tighter than a ducks arse at Titanic dept and it's just a nightmare getting into anything with him, be it a round, a taxi, etc...

miec

Yeah, it's www.intro.ie, holy Jesus, they give you post date feedback, sometimes ignorance is bliss!

Also just to add that despite the site claiming to over low costs, their fee is €395 for an introductionary subscription. At this rate between depleted pockets and high annoyance levels, the nunnery is looking more and more attractive.

Galvasean

Just my luck, a girl starts messaging me back and now POF has broken down! :pac:

fibix

Galvasean wrote: »

Just my luck, a girl starts messaging me back and now POF has broken down! :pac:

back working now;)

Esoteric_

It didn't break down at all for me. Must be you guys getting so many messages that it's crashing on you :P


I'm noticing a trend in guys messaging me who 'aren't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment.' I double checked my profile and my stuff says what I want it to say, so I don't really understand why so many people are messaging me when their intent is different to mine. And because their opening messages have been witty, interesting, engaging and full of effort, I've been responding before checking their profiles. Now I'm going to have to stop responding :pac:

HellFireClub

miec wrote: »

Also just to add that despite the site claiming to over low costs, their fee is €395 for an introductionary subscription. At this rate between depleted pockets and high annoyance levels, the nunnery is looking more and more attractive.

Jesus H Christ, how are they getting that kind of money off people in a recession?!?

fibix

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'm noticing a trend in guys messaging me who 'aren't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment.'

Chancing their arms Id say. I've noticed it makes no difference what they say. Been chatting to this guy over the weekend. Says in his profile "looking for a relationship". He couldn't be more far from it and laughing when I pointed that out to him.

Esoteric_

fibix wrote: »

Chancing their arms Id say. I've noticed it makes no difference what they say. Been chatting to this guy over the weekend. Says in his profile "looking for a relationship". He couldn't be more far from it and laughing when I pointed that out to him.

I just don't understand why they'd go to so much effort to send me such nice mails if all they want is their bit! Do you really try to get to know a girl if all you want is to sleep with her? :pac:

Daveysil15

miec wrote: »

Also just to add that despite the site claiming to over low costs, their fee is €395 for an introductionary subscription. At this rate between depleted pockets and high annoyance levels, the nunnery is looking more and more attractive.

Ahh but then I'd have no money left for my date. If I'm gonna fork out 395 euro I'd be expecting the woman to pay her half of the meal at least. That's bloody extortion.

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

What a load of rubbish. You don't go on a date to put on a brave face and have someone sitting in your company when it's patently obvious that you are in sh*t form due to having a bad day or few days. That is selfish to my mind, having someone getting a negative vibe off you and wanting to leave early, because you are not making good conversation as you normally would. There is no crime or injustice in giving someone plenty of notice that you can't meet them that evening because you're just not up to it.

Might be good to be open to other viewpoints, rather than branding them 'a load of rubbish' mate. Everyone has bad days but they muddle through and put on a brave face for whatever situation they have planned, be it a date or meeting with friends or going to a meeting or training with a club or whatever. And you know what? Sometimes you find that going and doing it and powering through puts you in a different mood. Try it sometime.

HellFireClub wrote: »

As for, "I can't meet her now 'cos she deleted her profile after you cancelled on her", seriously, that's a ridiculous perspective to have. I have no control over what people do with their own profiles, if she wants to form an opinion on the whole site based on a date that didn't happen with me, that I was really looking forward to the previous day, well then I don't think that's a wise or a smart thing to do. Internet dating has loads of flaws associated with it and one of those flaws is that you are trying to build up a relationship with a person you have never actually met. People having/wanting to cancel a date with plenty of notice, it's part of what you take on when you get into this way of meeting people, I've had dates cancelled on me recently with loads of notice, if you can't handle it, well then maybe stick to the old tried & trusted method of offline dating.

'Seriously, what a ridiculous perspective to have' - really? I think you're taking it a bit seriously there, I was talking in a theoretical sense moreso, but the point still stands. How you treat others influences the overall dynamic on OD, that's obvious.

HellFireClub wrote: »

If someone wasn't up for a date with me, I'd much much rather that they cancel and free me up to do something else with my time, rather than having to painfully work/sit through a difficult date. Finding chemistry with someone is difficult enough with 2 people in the right positive mood for it. Some people I met in the past, I'd much rather they cancelled when they clearly were not into it at all, rather than wasting my time and my money on forking out for drinks, dinner, etc.

See above. But nobody wants to be cancelled on, I don't know how you can think that's a good option in any shape or form.

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

See above. But nobody wants to be cancelled on, I don't know how you can think that's a good option in any shape or form.

Nobody wants to be on a date that is going nowhere either, that really should have been cancelled. Obviously you are so wonderful, that you don't have bad days and all your dates are textbook first dates that lead to marvelous long term relationships, which is why you're still on a dating site, so how about you stick to doing what you think works for you, and I'll stick to doing what I know works for me?

gilmour

HellFireClub wrote: »

Nobody wants to be on a date that is going nowhere either, that really should have been cancelled. Obviously you are so wonderful, that you don't have bad days and all your dates are textbook first dates that lead to marvelous long term relationships, which is why you're still on a dating site, so how about you stick to doing what you think works for you, and I'll stick to doing what I know works for me?

Every few weeks i decide to have a look at this thread and i dont know if its just by chance or what but you always seem to be having a rant about everyone and everything in the online dating world without actually taking a step back and looking at your own attitude. Theres a very valid reason why you're single and its evident (to me) why, and if you dont change it you'll still be rattling and raving away in this thread in a years time.

The better option for you would be to take a break not only from online dating but dating in general.

Galvasean

Sent out 13 mails since returning to POF. Can't go to bed now. That's an unlucky number! Need to find me a Bilbo Baggins type to make it a nice even and lucky 14...

njs030

Huh went back to pof, sent 5 mails no reply.
Got 5 new ones with no pics, asked for pics, not interested.

Fed up of od again.

Esoteric_

We don't seem to be having much luck, lads 'n' ladies!

So, anyone got any midweek dates lined up?

I'm getting along really well with someone at the moment, exchanging long, funny, interesting messages for the past 5 days. He seems a bit shy, apparently because of being basically stalked by someone from POF who he gave his number to. Think I'll throw mine at him and see what happens, he realises by now that I'm not the stalkey type!

miamee

notjustsweet wrote: »

Huh went back to pof, sent 5 mails no reply.
Got 5 new ones with no pics, asked for pics, not interested.

Fed up of od again.

5? What are you, some kind of quitter? Just kidding, sometimes you're just not ready to come back, Breaks are usually a good idea rather than deleting everything and having to start from scratch when you inevitably come back to try again.

LyndaMcL wrote: »

We don't seem to be having much luck, lads 'n' ladies!

So, anyone got any midweek dates lined up?

I'm getting along really well with someone at the moment, exchanging long, funny, interesting messages for the past 5 days. He seems a bit shy, apparently because of being basically stalked by someone from POF who he gave his number to. Think I'll throw mine at him and see what happens, he realises by now that I'm not the stalkey type!

My life is a date-free zone at the moment but your guy sounds interesting, good luck. Maybe you'll have a mid-week date yourself

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

Nobody wants to be on a date that is going nowhere either, that really should have been cancelled. Obviously you are so wonderful, that you don't have bad days and all your dates are textbook first dates that lead to marvelous long term relationships, which is why you're still on a dating site, so how about you stick to doing what you think works for you,

Nice response to someone just giving you a bit of advice. I fully expected this reply though, and to say, like the above poster, that it's no surprise that you're single.

HellFireClub wrote: »

and I'll stick to doing what I know works for me?

Sure does seem like it works for you alright.

kiddums

I'm really thinking about packing in the OD.
I only seem to attract middle aged, married women in RL.:rolleyes:
And just plain old weirdos in OD.

miamee

kiddums wrote: »

I'm really thinking about packing in the OD.
I only seem to attract middle aged, married women in RL.:rolleyes:
And just plain old weirdos in OD.

Maybe it's time to overhaul your profile? Get a friend to take a look or someone here to see why you are attracting the 'weirdos'? I know I am guilty of typing it out and then forgetting about it when really I should be updating it every couple of weeks to keep it fresh (in an ideal world when I had nothing better to do like:))

kiddums

miamee wrote: »

Maybe it's time to overhaul your profile? Get a friend to take a look or someone here to see why you are attracting the 'weirdos'? I know I am guilty of typing it out and then forgetting about it when really I should be updating it every couple of weeks to keep it fresh (in an ideal world when I had nothing better to do like:))

Yea, I got someone to look at it, and they gave me some pointers. Everytime I sit down to make the changes the site goes down for one reason or another before I save. I'll hopefully get it sorted later today.
I'll change it and just leave it up. I get an email everytime I get a message so I'll just wait and see if I get any.

riveratom

Seems pretty quiet on the dates front for everyone at the min! Could it be the return to college / work has everyone tied up with other stuff?

Mailed a girl I really like the look of last night, then noticed she's in Galway, doh! Didn't expect a reply but then saw she had emailed like several minutes later. Nice! So we'll see if this goes anywhere....maybe we could meet half-way

hollypink

Someone earlier in the thread was asking if certain usernames would put you off; I got an 'x wants to meet you' email this morning and the user's name had the word 'horny' in it. Now that does put me off. But I suppose at least it's clear what he is looking for!

My third date on Saturday didn't go so well; I'm not sure how long more to give it. A different guy from POF who, on paper at least, is more suited to me has suggested meeting up but I feel a little wierd about arranging a date with him when things aren't resolved with the first guy. It's not a problem I've had before!

stargazer 68

hollypink wrote: »

My third date on Saturday didn't go so well; I'm not sure how long more to give it. A different guy from POF who, on paper at least, is more suited to me has suggested meeting up but I feel a little wierd about arranging a date with him when things aren't resolved with the first guy. It's not a problem I've had before!

Hmm after three dates things kind of are resolved if you aren't feeling it Holly. I would go out with him but thats just me! :P

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

Nice response to someone just giving you a bit of advice. I fully expected this reply though, and to say, like the above poster, that it's no surprise that you're single.

If you go back and read the thread, especially the bit where I said, "based on feedback received on thread, I'll go back and contact her and see if I can fix this bit of injustice", you'll see that I'm very open to taking advice, I'm not into being castigated as a sap though when I was operating on the basis of what I thought was the right thing to do, and I've clearly defended the logic I was operating under, which I still stand by 100%. As for why I'm single, I don't think that's what we are here to discuss.

riveratom wrote: »

Sure does seem like it works for you alright.

Not going on a date that I know will be a disaster because I'm not anywhere near in the right mood that you need to be in for a proper successful date, does actually work for me, as opposed to trying to stupidly & recklessly "drive through" a date for the purposes of ticking some kind of stupid box in my head, after having had a horrible day and knowing that I'm just trying to wade my way through a date that I don't want to be on, which doesn't work for me.

Also, I've certainly no shortage of dates to go on, if anything, it's finding the time to go on dates is where the problem is for me, and finding the headspace for dates when I'm stressed off my t*ts with working in a highly pressurised situation and actually getting a bit jaded of going on first dates, when I just want to meet someone I get on really well with and settle down and be done & dusted with this first date "getting to know you" shít for once and for all, so snigger away there to your hearts content, because I'm certainly not complaining one bit about how it's working for me, in terms of actually having dates to go on & meeting new people through OD.

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

If you go back and read the thread, especially the bit where I said, "based on feedback received on thread, I'll go back and contact her and see if I can fix this bit of injustice", you'll see that I'm very open to taking advice, I'm not into being castigated as a sap though when I was operating on the basis of what I thought was the right thing to do, and I've clearly defended the logic I was operating under, which I still stand by 100%. As for why I'm single, I don't think that's what we are here to discuss.



Not going on a date that I know will be a disaster because I'm not anywhere near in the right mood that you need to be in for a proper successful date, does actually work for me, as opposed to trying to stupidly & recklessly "drive through" a date for the purposes of ticking some kind of stupid box in my head, after having had a horrible day and knowing that I'm just trying to wade my way through a date that I don't want to be on, which doesn't work for me.

Also, I've certainly no shortage of dates to go on, if anything, it's finding the time to go on dates is where the problem is for me, and finding the headspace for dates when I'm stressed off my t*ts with working in a highly pressurised situation and actually getting a bit jaded of going on first dates, when I just want to meet someone I get on really well with and settle down and be done & dusted with this first date "getting to know you" shít for once and for all, so snigger away there to your hearts content, because I'm certainly not complaining one bit about how it's working for me, in terms of actually having dates to go on & meeting new people through OD.

Again - it goes back to attitude and perception. You can even see it here where you think you're being castigated and that I'm 'sniggering away', even though anyone else can see it's just some helpful advice that you are free to think about or disregard.

You genuinely seem to think that you're the only one who gets stressed or busy - have you ever thought about why people who get just as stressed as you still find the time to go on dates?

So if your situation is not unique (which it obviously isn't), then all that's left is how you choose to react to it. Simple as that.

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

Again - it goes back to attitude and perception.

I agree, however this thread topic isn't about my attitude & perception, it's about online dating.