The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

stargazer 68

Armaghmagic wrote: »

How long is the distance? I'm over 100km from the girl I was dating on Sunday and wouldn't see this as a major obstacle. Even though we are both busy, she doesn't drive, and she isn't Irish!

My OH lives about 200km from me - its a bit annoying at times as we can't just pop out for a drink or whatever but it can work.

miamee

I stopped seeing someone because he moved to England and now I have someone on OKC in Wyoming wanting to know if distance is a problem for me? Em a little bit, yes! But to the rest of you, anything that is driveable or accessible by public transport is ok I reckon, once you're both willing to make the effort.

Somewhat off-topic but I saw a show at the Fringe Festival last night called Singlehood, mostly about being single, looking for that special someone, online dating, staying single, etc. Any of you in Dublin might like to see it, on til Saturday. Review here. I enjoyed it, possibly even first date material

wobblyknees

wobblyknees wrote: »

Ok so an update from me. I met someone for a coffee last Friday and within 24 hours I had been told that they really like me and wanted to meet up again to very suddenly being told on Saturday afternoon that they were chatting to someone else. I took this as looking for a bit of a reaction and just said ok, best of luck. Anyway, fast forward to Sunday and I get a hello. To cut a long story short, she asked if she had messed things up and went on to explain that she pushes people away who she really likes. I explained my own position, very laid back, didnt judge her, but I asked her what she would have thought if things had been the other way around. She said she wouldn't have been very happy. So, on the face of it I should probably be putting this one down to experience but although she seems a little crazy, she isn't stupid and seems a bit quirky. I should also add she isn't Irish so this kind of adds to the confusion. Anyway, its been suggested here that the "message" can get lost by text/messaging so I suggested we meet again, so we are.

Am I being nice and understanding for someone who may have been a little nervous? Or am I ignoring obvious warning signs and should I really be parking this one?

And are all women a little crazy and neurotic?

wobblyknees wrote: »

Yes, I think I'll see how it goes tomorrow over coffee and make a decision then.

Another update. So we didn't even make it to coffee today! Yesterday I was being told of all the nice places she wanted to take me. This morning I was being asked if I was really interested based on the things I had said (I hadn't actually said that much), if I needed more time to figure out what I was looking for in love etc... I responded along the lines of if I wasnt interested in meeting her I wouldnt have suggested it. I also explained that I wasn't in any rush, that we had only just met and that in my opinion it takes time to get to know someone. I said I was also a little cautious. I then get another message or two (I didnt have time to reply in work) until I get another abrupt goodbye message along the lines of I'm probably not really interested. Then I get another message to say no hard feelings and I am being blocked! I think the reality is she was looking for a lot more than I was a lot quicker than me and for whatever reason expected me to be in touch a lot more even though we'd only met once. In my defence, I could have probably taken this further very quickly but I didnt. I think I was right to be cautious. I hope she finds what she is looking for but it is probably fair to say I wasn't 'it'.

I think it is also fair to say I definitely gave her the benefit of the doubt but now this is very much one for experience!

Jimmy Bottlehead

Got an email this morning from OkCupid, and am curious whether it's something they send to all users at some point...

Hey XXX,

We just detected that you're now among the most attractive people on OkCupid.

We learned this from clicks to your profile and reactions to you in Quickmatch and Quiver. Did you get a new haircut or something?
Well, it's working!

To celebrate, we've adjusted your OkCupid experience:

You'll see more attractive people in your match results.

This won't affect your match percentages, which are still based purely on your answers and desired match's answers. But we'll recommend more attractive people to you. You'll also appear more often to other attractive people.

So at the risk of alienating the brotherhood, is this legit?

Ankhyu

Armaghmagic wrote: »

How long is the distance? I'm over 100km from the girl I was dating on Sunday and wouldn't see this as a major obstacle. Even though we are both busy, she doesn't drive, and she isn't Irish!

About 230km so things will take a bit of organising beforehand.

Dovies wrote: »

My OH lives about 200km from me - its a bit annoying at times as we can't just pop out for a drink or whatever but it can work.

That's promising, how long have you been with your OH with that distance?

stargazer 68

Ankhyu wrote: »

That's promising, how long have you been with your OH with that distance?

Been together 7 months and met him online!!

miamee

Have a potential date on Thursday evening

Wobblyknees- that's a shame but probably for the best all things considered!

andreac

Wobblyknees, def a bullet dodged if you ask me. Sounds like a header and because she didnt get the reaction from you initially, she asnt interested then. Had you literally only met her once??

wobblyknees

andreac wrote: »

Wobblyknees, def a bullet dodged if you ask me. Sounds like a header and because she didnt get the reaction from you initially, she asnt interested then. Had you literally only met her once??

Yes, only met once, and the first time she made it very clear she liked me during and after and then seemed to change her mind or at least tried to give me the impression she changed her mind. Im sure shes a nice person in general but it was definitely too much drama for me in such a short space of time.

andreac

Yeah def too much drama so soon. Sure you dont even know someone after one meet up.

I had a guy who was all full on before we had even met, texting and mailing, asking why i hadnt replied to him etc etc, so i didnt meet up with him as it was a total turn off and far too full on so soon.

Trust your instinct is what i say.

seachto7

wobblyknees wrote: »

Ok so an update from me. I met someone for a coffee last Friday and within 24 hours I had been told that they really like me and wanted to meet up again to very suddenly being told on Saturday afternoon that they were chatting to someone else.

Alarm bell. Red Card. There are too many people out there who are slightly messed in the head. It's not worth wasting your time with them, as it'll be worse down the line, and your gut feeling will tell you "told you so".
I am done with POF for about the 5th time! There are/were a few potentials, but all are living far away. I have come across a fair share of loopers on it. One who was mailing me, then chatting to me, then sent me her number and asked me to text her next time I was online, then blocked me!! FFS!!!
I am sure many thought I was odd too, and that's ok....

wobblyknees

Yes, definitely a +1 to all of the above. In the end, I did try and no harm has been done. As I say, if you never try, you'll never know.

I have another coffee organised for this week so onwards and upwards!

That_Guy

Well the lass I met from POF and I broke up yesterday. Neither of us are in a particularly good place right now and it'd be difficult to maintain a relationship containing so much baggage on both ends.

Just need a bit of time to clear my head and get comfortable with me again.

As crap as it is, we broke up on good terms and who knows, maybe in a few months time when we're clear of major issues we could give it another go. Definitely won't be rushing into anything as I need to take of me for a while but there are genuinely nice people on POF/OKC. It's worth wading through all the timewasters to get to that one person you make a connection with.

It's a pity it ended the way it did but if it didn't end now, we'd end up resenting each other down the line.

Galvasean

miamee wrote: »

Somewhat off-topic but I saw a show at the Fringe Festival last night called Singlehood, mostly about being single, looking for that special someone, online dating, staying single, etc. Any of you in Dublin might like to see it, on til Saturday. Review here. I enjoyed it, possibly even first date material

No mother-sodding way! Not after they opened up a bunch of accounts on OD sites purely to promote the play. As far as I'm concerned they're part of the problem. Screw them (and not in a good way)! :mad:

miamee

Galvasean wrote: »

No mother-sodding way! Not after they opened up a bunch of accounts on OD sites purely to promote the play. As far as I'm concerned they're part of the problem. Screw them (and not in a good way)! :mad:

No way?! Ok, I did not know about that, that is really bad form

Galvasean

In other news. Asked a girl I've been messaging on a date. Recieve mail in inbox. POF event invite.

missmoleman

Hi Guys,

Just looking for suggestions of paid dating websites, in particular the most popular ones in Ireland in terms of numbers?

http://www.anotherfriend.com Looks pretty popular, any other ones I should consider?

Am helping a friend who's had limited success on POF, so thought I'd might be worth trying a couple of paid for options also, in that there may be more serious daters there.

Thanks!

miec

The paid sites are very expensive,is the OD experience with match better than POF on the account of it been paid membership?

Here is my experience and run down of the various paid and non-paying sites:

Anotherfriend - expensive for what it is, has gone down in my estimation, very slow and problematic servers, crap search facility, and I suspect that Galvesean is right as I recently tried AF and got those weird generic e-mails. It is also very old fashioned looking and they have done nothing over the years to improve the look and functionality of it, nor do they remove old users so it appears there are more members than there are. They should use the term Active members in the past 2 months would be a fairer indication. (Recurring credit card charges so make sure you cancel it when unsubscribing).

Maybefriends - bought out by Anotherfriend, see above for same experience.

Plenty of fish (POF) - free with some paid aspects (never used paid parts of site so can't comment), a potted experience. Mine as an older woman is not positive and this thread abounds with POF experiences. Pretty good search facility, crap matchings of profiles (don't even bother - I have no idea what they base it on).

OKCupid (OKC) - free with some paid aspects I believe, my experience is that if you live in Dublin and in the 20-35 age category it is a good site but in my area and age there is hardly any one so pickings were very slim. Nicer people and less time wasters than POF. The search facility is clunky and they keep suggesting very old and out of date new matches.

Match.com - I paid for three months, got one date, a lot of no replies, no seedy mails at least but for me a waste of money, it is expensive with a crap search facility and crap matching system. (Recurring credit card charges so make sure you cancel it when unsubscribing)

E-harmony - avoid like the plague, woefully dear, no matches here in Ireland and very difficult to extract from (recurring credit card charges and when I used it you had to fax a cancellation letter, absurd for a web based company)

I think that is it. My experience of OD was much more positive in the past whereas lately it has been very disappointing but it is really nice to hear the success stories and maybe in time I will try again but not POF, I just can't stomach that site anymore.

miamee

So...been chatting on and off over a couple of weeks to someone on POF. Fairly short messages (as in we still know feck all about each other) and we never seemed to be online at the same time, hence the length of time. He asked me out this week and we just arranged to do something on Thursday. As soon as I said yes, he mailed me back to ask was I looking for sex...
I said no, are you? And he said no but I don't mind either. I don't get a bad, run-away-now feeling from him but what do you reckon? Chancing his arm? Just being very direct?

He has his profession listed as model and the pic is a very good-looking guy so naturally I'm expecting someone short and ugly to turn up and yell "Surprise!"

Jimmy Bottlehead

miamee wrote: »

So...been chatting on and off over a couple of weeks to someone on POF. Fairly short messages (as in we still know feck all about each other) and we never seemed to be online at the same time, hence the length of time. He asked me out this week and we just arranged to do something on Thursday. As soon as I said yes, he mailed me back to ask was I looking for sex...
I said no, are you? And he said no but I don't mind either. I don't get a bad, run-away-now feeling from him but what do you reckon? Chancing his arm? Just being very direct?

He has his profession listed as model and the pic is a very good-looking guy so naturally I'm expecting someone short and ugly to turn up and yell "Surprise!"

He's being honest - if it happens, happy days. If not, he's happy to just meet and chat. I'd say go for it

Honey-ec

miamee wrote: »

So...been chatting on and off over a couple of weeks to someone on POF. Fairly short messages (as in we still know feck all about each other) and we never seemed to be online at the same time, hence the length of time. He asked me out this week and we just arranged to do something on Thursday. As soon as I said yes, he mailed me back to ask was I looking for sex...
I said no, are you? And he said no but I don't mind either. I don't get a bad, run-away-now feeling from him but what do you reckon? Chancing his arm? Just being very direct?

He has his profession listed as model and the pic is a very good-looking guy so naturally I'm expecting someone short and ugly to turn up and yell "Surprise!"

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

He's being honest - if it happens, happy days. If not, he's happy to just meet and chat. I'd say go for it

I have to disagree. Based on my own experience, anyone who mentions sex before the first date is looking for that and feck all else. This goes double for extremely good-looking men. But, as I said, that's based only on my own experience; you may have lucked out and come across one of the few honest men on POF.

miamee

Honey-ec wrote: »

I have to disagree. Based on my own experience, anyone who mentions sex before the first date is looking for that and feck all else. This goes double for extremely good-looking men. But, as I said, that's based only on my own experience; you may have lucked out and come across one of the few honest men on POF.

Possibly not but ye were all giving out to me for chatting to people for too long so now I am pretty much saying yes to anyone who doesn't ring any major alarm bells
If nothing else, it'll be (another) funny story and a night out. I already have my "out" ready so I can only meet him for an hour or so.

andreac

Why would he even ask you that Miamee?? To be honest, its a def red flag for me and im not sure if id go ahead and meet someone who mentioned it.

If you were looking for it surely you would have said it on your profile, so if you havent then why would he ask?

Honey-ec

miamee wrote: »

Possibly not but ye were all giving out to me for chatting to people for too long so now I am pretty much saying yes to anyone who doesn't ring any major alarm bells
If nothing else, it'll be (another) funny story and a night out. I already have my "out" ready so I can only meet him for an hour or so.

Ah I'd still definitely go and meet him, but all I'm saying is don't be surprised if you get the "So, how are you fixed?" offer at the end of the night :cool:

Liam McPoyle

Sorry to hear bout the breakup TG,hope yer doin ok mate,we must catch up for some ale soon,chin up.

andreac

Last minute date arranged for tonight!! Will let you know how it goes.

Piliger

Honey-ec wrote: »

I have to disagree. Based on my own experience, anyone who mentions sex before the first date is looking for that and feck all else. This goes double for extremely good-looking men. But, as I said, that's based only on my own experience; you may have lucked out and come across one of the few honest men on POF.

Any girl who asks me if I am looking for sex - I run a mile from, as fast as possible. She is clearly in a very bad place for dating.

Esoteric_

That_Guy wrote: »

Well the lass I met from POF and I broke up yesterday. Neither of us are in a particularly good place right now and it'd be difficult to maintain a relationship containing so much baggage on both ends.

Just need a bit of time to clear my head and get comfortable with me again.

As crap as it is, we broke up on good terms and who knows, maybe in a few months time when we're clear of major issues we could give it another go. Definitely won't be rushing into anything as I need to take of me for a while but there are genuinely nice people on POF/OKC. It's worth wading through all the timewasters to get to that one person you make a connection with.

It's a pity it ended the way it did but if it didn't end now, we'd end up resenting each other down the line.

Ah mate, I'm really sorry to hear that. Take good care of yourself. And I hope whatever issues are going on for both of you get resolved soon. Chin up.

starlit

missmoleman wrote: »

Hi Guys,

Just looking for suggestions of paid dating websites, in particular the most popular ones in Ireland in terms of numbers?

http://www.anotherfriend.com Looks pretty popular, any other ones I should consider?

Am helping a friend who's had limited success on POF, so thought I'd might be worth trying a couple of paid for options also, in that there may be more serious daters there.

Thanks!

To be honest I think paid OD websites should be avoided, you still get the same benefit as you would on a none paid OD website. It doesn't matter what one you on there are likely to be a mix of people interested and not so much.
The one's Miec have mentioned be the best ones to go for before going on a paid OD website. I have tried a few of them. Have you tried parship? Certain amount of it is free though you'd have to pay to avail of more features on the site and to view a pics I think.

I think OKcupid is grand there aren't as many on it compared to POF, POF or maybefriends now anotherfriend be the best ones to go for. Haven't tried e-harmony. I've tried match.com and a gaa one.

That_Guy wrote: »

Well the lass I met from POF and I broke up yesterday. Neither of us are in a particularly good place right now and it'd be difficult to maintain a relationship containing so much baggage on both ends.

Just need a bit of time to clear my head and get comfortable with me again.

As crap as it is, we broke up on good terms and who knows, maybe in a few months time when we're clear of major issues we could give it another go. Definitely won't be rushing into anything as I need to take of me for a while but there are genuinely nice people on POF/OKC. It's worth wading through all the timewasters to get to that one person you make a connection with.

It's a pity it ended the way it did but if it didn't end now, we'd end up resenting each other down the line.

Sorry to hear that. Take care of you before rushing into anything and just enjoy yourself. Maybe a few months down the line when both your issues have been sorted out maybe start afresh who knows.

Its great that ye have such a great connection. Weeding out the time wasters take up a lot of time but meeting someone from POF that you have a connection is like a once in a blue moon kind of thing but not saying that you don't get that with anyone and everyone you meet but when you do meet that person you have that personal connection with its very special and worth cherishing if its there. There is only a certain number of people you can have a connection with.

I suppose some things happen for a reason is what I always say and if it wasn't going to end well best to cut free and part on good terms.

Keep the chin up, keep busy and do your own thing, time is now to do what you want in life and spend time with people you want to spend time with.

I know it be hard for a while but time will heal and be kind to yourself. Take care.

Larianne

miamee wrote: »

So...been chatting on and off over a couple of weeks to someone on POF. Fairly short messages (as in we still know feck all about each other) and we never seemed to be online at the same time, hence the length of time. He asked me out this week and we just arranged to do something on Thursday. As soon as I said yes, he mailed me back to ask was I looking for sex...
I said no, are you? And he said no but I don't mind either. I don't get a bad, run-away-now feeling from him but what do you reckon? Chancing his arm? Just being very direct?

He has his profession listed as model and the pic is a very good-looking guy so naturally I'm expecting someone short and ugly to turn up and yell "Surprise!"

Hmmmm....

So you don't know much about him, messages are quite short, you agreed to meet up, his reply to that was "looking for sex?" And he has his profession as model..?? All sounds a bit, er, fishy to me!

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

He's being honest - if it happens, happy days. If not, he's happy to just meet and chat. I'd say go for it

Being honest?? Sure don't we all want a bit of sex? Why would you ask that question unless anticipating sex on the first date. I'd be put off meeting up.

Honey-ec wrote: »

I have to disagree. Based on my own experience, anyone who mentions sex before the first date is looking for that and feck all else. This goes double for extremely good-looking men. But, as I said, that's based only on my own experience; you may have lucked out and come across one of the few honest men on POF.

Totally agree with this.