The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Mr_Spaceman

Daveysil15 wrote: »

My female friend in work has just started online dating. I told her about POF and helped her set up her profile yesterday. God… what an eye opener! But even with say the 20% of guys who do make an effort, that’s still a lot of options compared to a guy who might get a few messages a week.

Ain't that the truth.

OD is so skewed in favour of women it's quite unreal.

However, us gallant men who do actually make an effort with a bit of wit and originality to our replies will carry on!

riveratom

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Ain't that the truth.

OD is so skewed in favour of women it's quite unreal.

However, us gallant men who do actually make an effort with a bit of wit and originality to our replies will carry on!

It is, but women are like buses too, I just move on to the next if no replies forthcoming, and there are always new bites sure

Daveysil15

missrandomer wrote: »

ok my rant for today is.....

Why do same person keep messaging you with same message over and over and over and ok you get the picture

messages are so copy and paste "hi how are you, im bla bla your hot" and along that line...

one new message... open.... "you again"

Its so anoying

Some people believe persistence is key. Others believe that sending pictures of their genitalia will win them over. It's a strange world.

py2006

Ok, so whats the convension here:

Exchanged a few messages with a gal on a dating site. She sent me her number last night.

Now I hate games and all that bull**** but am I supposed to wait a couple days before texting her or should I just text her when I want to lol

miamee

py2006 wrote: »

Ok, so whats the convension here:

Exchanged a few messages with a gal on a dating site. She sent me her number last night.

Now I hate games and all that bull**** but am I supposed to wait a couple days before texting her or should I just text her when I want to lol

She didn't send her number so you could hang on to it for a few days! Text her even just to say 'hi it's py2006, now you have my number too' or something like that.

sffc

Thats an easy one !
Text her back "Thanks for your num :-) heres mine " or something along those lines . Hope too long hasn't elapsed as its kinda rude to have her number but for her not to have yours . Also the ball is in her court to text you !

KTRIC

Have a coffee date this evening, I'm very nervous

sffc

miamee wrote: »

She didn't send her number so you could hang on to it for a few days! Text her even just to say 'hi it's py2006, now you have my number too' or something like that.

Great minds think alike !!!!

py2006

Yea, I will text her shortly. I feel 16.. :eek:

miamee

KTRIC wrote: »

Have a coffee date this evening, I'm very nervous

Well try not to think about it too much today, making it seem more of a big deal than it is. Give it half an hour at least. 30 minutes of your life is not so bad, right? You can do 30 minutes. If it's going well, you stay, if it's not, you say you have somewhere you need to be.

I presume you like the sound of this person anyway? It could be lovely!

py2006

Actually, how do you end a first date in 30 mins without seeming like you are trying to get away?

sffc

py2006 wrote: »

Yea, I will text her shortly. I feel 16.. :eek:

As Judge Judy says - "You need to concentrate Sir ... its gets harder from here ! "
Seriously its a very good sign that she gave you her number . It shows you have achieved a level of trust . In general etiquette says you should text alternatively ( I'd never send more than two texts without reply ) and also its a good idea to always text first and ask before calling . Next step is to meet up :-))) Don't leave it too long ..would say max a week from now unless one of you is really busy . Best of luck !

sffc

py2006 wrote: »

Actually, how do you end a first date in 30 mins without seemingly like you are trying to get away?

A trick is to set the alarm on your phone . Make sure it sounds like a typical text or ringtone . You can guess the rest .
Unless the person is really really rude or has lied dramatically in their profile they deserve AT LEAST 30 minutes of your time . They made an effort - respect that ...and yourself . Hope you have exchanged photos ?

miamee

py2006 wrote: »

Actually, how do you end a first date in 30 mins without seemingly like you are trying to get away?

Basically if I am unsure about a date - as in, I wouldn't always do this - when making arrangements, tell them you are meeting friends later on but you're not sure what time yet. Then after you have met them you can either tell them oh meeting them in an hour OR not meeting them til much later, depending on how it is going. If it continues to go well - feck the friends, lol.

Most of the time I would actually have arranged to meet friends, they know the story so wouldn't mind if I did or didn't show up so long as I let them know.

py2006

sffc wrote: »

A trick is to set the alarm on your phone . Make sure it sounds like a typical text or ringtone . You can guess the rest .
Unless the person is really really rude or has lied dramatically in their profile they deserve AT LEAST 30 minutes of your time . They made an effort - respect that ...and yourself . Hope you have exchanged photos ?

Ah yes of course. I presume it would last longer than 30 mins anyway. I just thought that if it was a scenario where you literally couldn't give more than 30mins of your time.

Jimmy Bottlehead

Have to say, I'd love if POF gave you the option to hide a profile once you check it out and it doesn't appeal to you.... hate the amount of times I've clicked onto the same profiles with promising pics

sffc

py2006 wrote: »

Ah yes of course. I presume it would last longer than 30 mins anyway. I just thought that if it was a scenario where you literally couldn't give more than 30mins of your time.

Sorry - we may have misunderstood your point . Yea the "Coffee Date " is a kind of "date light" I suppose where the rules are far less formal . Thing to remember is she might want to get away too ! Play it by ear I suppose..if shes putting on her coat and looking at her watch its time to pack up !
I'll stick my neck out and say a "Coffee Date" shouldn't be less than 30 mins but 90 mins is absolute max with 45-60 average . Fair ?

py2006

sffc wrote: »

Sorry - we may have misunderstood your point . Yea the "Coffee Date " is a kind of "date light" I suppose where the rules are far less formal . Thing to remember is she might want to get away too ! Play it by ear I suppose..if shes putting on her coat and looking at her watch its time to pack up !
I'll stick my neck out and say a "Coffee Date" shouldn't be less than 30 mins but 90 mins is absolute max with 45-60 average . Fair ?

Yep. I'd go for an hour maybe. Coffee doesn't give dutch courage though lol. She isn't a drinker so a nice bar is out.

Piliger

py2006 wrote: »

Actually, how do you end a first date in 30 mins without seeming like you are trying to get away?

Why do you want to pretend ? the truth is you DO want t get away

Just be honest. People (mature people) respect honesty and abhor pretence.

Just sit back and say that quite honestly you don't see things developing between you and rather than sit and chat and pretend that it might, you prefer to be honest and wish them the best of luck with their search and safe travel home. Stand up with a smile and leave.

Now you won't have to follow up with any silly, time consuming and false messages.

HellFireClub

Piliger wrote: »

Why do you want to pretend ? the truth is you DO want t get away

Just be honest. People (mature people) respect honesty and abhor pretence.

Just sit back and say that quite honestly you don't see things developing between you and rather than sit and chat and pretend that it might, you prefer to be honest and wish them the best of luck with their search and safe travel home. Stand up with a smile and leave.

Now you won't have to follow up with any silly, time consuming and false messages.

Just don't make the absolutely stupid mistake I made recently, and agree to pick a date up at her house if going for a drink. After 30 minutes of talking to her, I didn't want to spend another minute in her company, me being me, I just said I didn't see the point in us dragging it out any further, but she asked me would I drop her back home again, (I felt under obligation to at this stage as I had picked her up). Needless to say, the atmosphere in the car for those few minutes back to her house was nothing less than poisonous, as she had obviously decided to act like a little 4 year old about it.

Esoteric_

HellFireClub wrote: »

Just don't make the absolutely stupid mistake I made recently, and agree to pick a date up at her house if going for a drink. After 30 minutes of talking to her, I didn't want to spend another minute in her company, me being me, I just said I didn't see the point in us dragging it out any further, but she asked me would I drop her back home again, (I felt under obligation to at this stage as I had picked her up). Needless to say, the atmosphere in the car for those few minutes back to her house was nothing less than poisonous, as she had obviously decided to act like a little 4 year old about it.

I would have expected that you'd give her a lift home, if you were picking her up too, in fairness. Extremely awkward though, I'd imagine!

py2006

Piliger wrote: »

Why do you want to pretend ? the truth is you DO want t get away

Ehhh, I don't!

sffc

HellFireClub wrote: »

Just don't make the absolutely stupid mistake I made recently, and agree to pick a date up at her house if going for a drink. After 30 minutes of talking to her, I didn't want to spend another minute in her company, me being me, I just said I didn't see the point in us dragging it out any further, but she asked me would I drop her back home again, (I felt under obligation to at this stage as I had picked her up). Needless to say, the atmosphere in the car for those few minutes back to her house was nothing less than poisonous, as she had obviously decided to act like a little 4 year old about it.

There must have been SOME level of trust/bond that she let you pick her up from her house - its generally regarded as a no-no by women .(As another poster said it was only decent to bring her back .) Why did you not want to spend another moment in her company ? What was it ? Appearance, attitude what ?
I ask this because it might be a pointer for other OD users . Sometimes you can meet too soon or ignore things on profiles which mean there will be a clash .

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I would have expected that you'd give her a lift home, if you were picking her up too, in fairness. Extremely awkward though, I'd imagine!

Yeah, t'was was a really stupid call on my part to not meet her at a neutral venue so to speak, so if the date went crap, I wouldn't have been under an obligation to see her home. I've only had 2 absolutely sh*t/disastrous dates in 3 years of trying OD on and off and this one was one of them, sure anyways, certainly not a mistake I'll be making again!

The Master

sffc wrote: »

A trick is to set the alarm on your phone . Make sure it sounds like a typical text or ringtone . You can guess the rest .

There's also the date story/ urban legend..

Guy and Girl on a date
Date is going really badly neither party wants to be there.
Girls goes to toilet and calls her mate and asks her to ring her in 5 minutes and tell her that her grandmother is dead.
Girl goes back to the table and her friend rings.
She explains to the guy she'll have to leave as her grandmother has just died.
Guy breathes a sigh of relief and says "Thank God"
"If your grandmother hadn't died mine was due to in 5 minutes time"

Esoteric_

I've had to cancel two dates. :eek:


One guy seemed really nice, exchanging long messages, chatty, interesting and funny. As soon as I agree to a date, it changed a bit! I wasn't online for about 14 hours, and when I came back, I was going through all my messages and replying to the ones I hadn't replied to. While going through these messages, I basically get a message from him, demanding that I reply to him. Considering I had left it two days between replying at times when I was busy, and he had been cool with it, I was surprised. I told him that I'd been offline and was getting through my messages and had every intention of replying to him in the next few minutes. Queue him getting annoyed that I'd reply to other messages, not just him. Alarm bells! :eek:

Second guy announces to me after agreeing to a date that he has no friends and basically no life outside of computer games, no soial life, nothing. More alarm bells! :eek:

I'm actually starting to just find this funny. Two dates cancelled before we'd even swapped numbers, lol. Maybe I'm being a bit cautious, but I'd rather cancel than go if I feel uncomfortable. Sucks, but oh well!

sffc

The Master wrote: »

There's also the date story/ urban legend..

Guy and Girl on a date
Date is going really badly neither party wants to be there.
Girls goes to toilet and calls her mate and asks her to ring her in 5 minutes and tell her that her grandmother is dead.
Girl goes back to the table and her friend rings.
She explains to the guy she'll have to leave as her grandmother has just died.
Guy breathes a sigh of relief and says "Thank God"
"If your grandmother hadn't died mine was due to in 5 minutes time"

There is a moral to that story/joke - and that's that a bad date for you is usually a bad date for the other party .
Personally I wouldn't meet someone I hadnt spoken to on the phone for at least five minutes . You get a unique good idea of whether you will get on from such a chat . Amazing how an accent/speech mannerism can be a turn on/off too .

HellFireClub

sffc wrote: »

There must have been SOME level of trust/bond that she let you pick her up from her house - its generally regarded as a no-no by women .(As another poster said it was only decent to bring her back .) Why did you not want to spend another moment in her company ? What was it ? Appearance, attitude what ?
I ask this because it might be a pointer for other OD users . Sometimes you can meet too soon or ignore things on profiles which mean there will be a clash .

Well, we had been chatting for weeks and on FB and chatting through that and seemed to get on grand, but I had never actually spoken to her until the night of the date. First thing that put me off her, was when I met her at her front door, she looked me up and down, paused for a second or two, and then seemed to decide for herself that she would go on a date with me. The last time I felt like that was when I was in the army and was standing in my no: 1 dress uniform on the square getting inspected for a parade!

Then I found myself getting this really cold and cynical vibe off her as we drove to the pub we had agreed to to for a drink, I can't explain it any other way than just getting this absolutely horrible cynical smarmy type of vibe off her.

We struggled with conversation for 30 minutes and I just said that we were clearly struggling to find chemistry and that although it wasn't anybody's fault, we were probably better just leaving it at one drink. Then the negative smarmy vibe I was getting off her increased ten-fold, I actually thought I was going to get a punch in the face or what was left of her drink thrown over me for what I had just said. What seemed to bother her then was that I had gotten in before her on the matter of us being completely incompatible, there clearly was no chemistry between us, there was the opposite of chemistry between us I felt, but I felt that she was then chewing herself apart in her head as she felt that she had been almost robbed prematurely of the opportunity to blow me right out of the pond on that front, when I just said it straight out to her after 30 minutes.

So there ya go, note to self, "meet somewhere completely neutral next time!"...

Maguined

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I've had to cancel two dates. :eek:


One guy seemed really nice, exchanging long messages, chatty, interesting and funny. As soon as I agree to a date, it changed a bit! I wasn't online for about 14 hours, and when I came back, I was going through all my messages and replying to the ones I hadn't replied to. While going through these messages, I basically get a message from him, demanding that I reply to him. Considering I had left it two days between replying at times when I was busy, and he had been cool with it, I was surprised. I told him that I'd been offline and was getting through my messages and had every intention of replying to him in the next few minutes. Queue him getting annoyed that I'd reply to other messages, not just him. Alarm bells! :eek:

Second guy announces to me after agreeing to a date that he has no friends and basically no life outside of computer games, no soial life, nothing. More alarm bells! :eek:

I'm actually starting to just find this funny. Two dates cancelled before we'd even swapped numbers, lol. Maybe I'm being a bit cautious, but I'd rather cancel than go if I feel uncomfortable. Sucks, but oh well!

I would also cancel if I experienced the same to be honest. The first guy sounds like a control freak and the second a recluse. Neither of which I would like to date!

Esoteric_

Maguined wrote: »

I would also cancel if I experienced the same to be honest. The first guy sounds like a control freak and the second a recluse. Neither of which I would like to date!

Yeah, that's what went through my head. And they seemed so normal! :pac:

Let's hope the guy I haven't cancelled on isn't a freak, I would appreciate one successful date out of the three! There must be something about me that attracts all the weirdos. :pac:

Also got a message a few minutes ago saying 'You look so sweet and innocent in your pics. You're really cute, but I bet you're a tramp really, all the innocent looking ones are.' :pac:

If nothing else, I am getting a lot of entertainment from re-joining POF!