The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Daveysil15

How did your last date go Mr Spaceman?

CastorTroy

Saw a profile yesterday for a 32 year old. First line was "I'm a 29 year old woman..."You'd think after 3 years on the site she might change her profile occasionally.

Mr_Spaceman

Daveysil15 wrote: »

How did your last date go Mr Spaceman?

Nice girl, we got on very well. Too well as it happens - she wants to be "friends" :rolleyes: I'm clearly cursed with the 'Mr Nice Guy' gene.

These things happen to us all!

andreac

Well I'm back to eat my words. There's a reason I don't give second chances and should have trusted my instinct. So date planned for tonight. He texts at 5.30 to confirm time, all good. Then half half hour later asks can we do tomorrow instead as he was still in work!! This is,what he did last time too.
So few texts back and forth and I just said does he think I'm a fool. I honestly don't think he's right in the head coz then I get a text at 9.30 asking do I want to meet as he's home now. I just said, too late now and he said, ok take care.
Not right in the head!!

Daveysil15

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Nice girl, we got on very well. Too well as it happens - she wants to be "friends" :rolleyes: I'm clearly cursed with the 'Mr Nice Guy' gene.

These things happen to us all!

Maybe she taught it was Plenty Of Friends.

riveratom

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Jesus. I could have posted the exact same thing. So at least you know you're not the only one.

For me, right now there's just something quietly despairing of going on first dates, getting on pleasantly - even pretty well in cases - but at the end of it all your gut feeling tells you that the woman isn't into you.

This is happening to me a lot - when I can even get dates.

Hey dude, it's so weird that you posted that! It's something that struck me recently too.

Basically, I have gone on quite a few dates over the past few months, and I've had a few of the 'don't think it'll go anywhere' texts myself. However, I've also had to send a couple of them myself, so it's swings and roundabouts - I think you have to remember that too.

Having gone on all these dates, it's fair to say that at this stage I can kinda tell when the spark isn't there. A classic sign to me is that you can't feel any spark, it just feels more like a pleasant chat involving two people who have just met, or almost like an interview of sorts! For me there is a clear difference in vibes between that 'pleasant chat' and when you can both clearly pick up a spark and are all smiles and you know it is leading towards a snog in the very near future. And the ultimate sign is when there is no kissing towards the end, or just a quick peck and 'take care' as you part ways!

I think as well that the fact that you think 'wahey I'm going on a date', then leads to expectations building, and I don't do that anymore. I just treat every date very openly, I don't expect the person to look exactly as they do in their photos (as the 'real' person is usually a lot different, and you have height/weight, body language, the sound of their voice, etc etc to factor in), and when it comes to personality you do have to wait until you meet as well. So I would say - don't build things up whatsoever and just keep expectations very level.

But more than anything, whether the girl is into you (and whether you're 'feeling it' too) just comes down to a huge combo of factors that you couldn't possibly analyse or list out - it either happens or it doesn't, and then it's onto the next person who might come along. So I wouldn't be thinking that being 'too nice', etc is holding you back.

Galvasean

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Why is it that if someone is single for a long time, (usually men) their sexual preference is brought into question? I think that's a very insulting thing to say to anyone.

What bothers me more is the constant insinuations that you must have commitment issues. People assume you have issues so won't get into a relationship with you, so you end up being single a lot which makes people assume you have issues. Savage circle...

andreac wrote: »

Well I'm back to eat my words. There's a reason I don't give second chances and should have trusted my instinct. So date planned for tonight. He texts at 5.30 to confirm time, all good. Then half half hour later asks can we do tomorrow instead as he was still in work!! This is,what he did last time too.
So few texts back and forth and I just said does he think I'm a fool. I honestly don't think he's right in the head coz then I get a text at 9.30 asking do I want to meet as he's home now. I just said, too late now and he said, ok take care.
Not right in the head!!

Sounds like he was stringing you along for some n00kie.

Galvasean

Meant to say, got my fist unsolicited mail on POF ina very long time today. Message didn't referencing anything in my profile and asked if I wanted to chat etc. Beggers can't be chooses I thought so checked out her profile. Man, we had absolutely zilch in common. I literally could not (not for lack of trying) find any common ground that I felt i could talk to her about. Can't help but feel it was a generic 'send to everybody' mail.
Oh well, at least I know my inbox isn't broken! :pac:

Daveysil15

Galvasean wrote: »

What bothers me more is the constant insinuations that you must have commitment issues. People assume you have issues so won't get into a relationship with you, so you end up being single a lot which makes people assume you have issues. Savage circle...

That is true, I've noticed that too. People start to think there's something wrong with you, whereas the person who is in regular relationships has something going for them, and is seen as more desirable.

riveratom

Galvasean wrote: »

Meant to say, got my fist unsolicited mail on POF ina very long time today. Message didn't referencing anything in my profile and asked if I wanted to chat etc. Beggers can't be chooses I thought so checked out her profile. Man, we had absolutely zilch in common. I literally could not (not for lack of trying) find any common ground that I felt i could talk to her about. Can't help but feel it was a generic 'send to everybody' mail.
Oh well, at least I know my inbox isn't broken! :pac:

That wouldn't bother me at all if I fancied the girl in question tbh...

Profiles are just that - profiles. Some text in a box! Tells you very little imo, you can only ultimately tell if there will be attraction when you meet the person, never mind via profiles and mails!

cantdecide

Galvasean wrote: »

Meant to say, got my fist unsolicited mail on POF ina very long time today. Message didn't referencing anything in my profile and asked if I wanted to chat etc. Beggers can't be chooses I thought so checked out her profile. Man, we had absolutely zilch in common. I literally could not (not for lack of trying) find any common ground that I felt i could talk to her about. Can't help but feel it was a generic 'send to everybody' mail.
Oh well, at least I know my inbox isn't broken! :pac:

New user?

I've had my suspicions that a few new users taken the site for a spin at the expense of someone they would NEVER EVER consider going on a date with... but is probably not a freak at the same time.

Daveysil15

riveratom wrote: »

That wouldn't bother me at all if I fancied the girl in question tbh...

Profiles are just that - profiles. Some text in a box! Tells you very little imo, you can only ultimately tell if there will be attraction when you meet the person, never mind via profiles and mails!

I couldn't agree more. Most profiles are quite generic anyway, with people listing very similar hobbies and interests as other profiles. You just don't know what a person is like until you meet them.

Galvasean

riveratom wrote: »

That wouldn't bother me at all if I fancied the girl in question tbh...

Profiles are just that - profiles. Some text in a box! Tells you very little imo, you can only ultimately tell if there will be attraction when you meet the person, never mind via profiles and mails!

Er, okay let me be slightly more honest. It wasn't just a case that we had nothing in common... more so a case of 'this person actively wrecks my head and it pains me to read their profile'

Mr_Spaceman

riveratom wrote: »

I think as well that the fact that you think 'wahey I'm going on a date', then leads to expectations building, and I don't do that anymore. I just treat every date very openly, I don't expect the person to look exactly as they do in their photos (as the 'real' person is usually a lot different, and you have height/weight, body language, the sound of their voice, etc etc to factor in), and when it comes to personality you do have to wait until you meet as well. So I would say - don't build things up whatsoever and just keep expectations very level.

That's the thing though - I don't get crazy with nerves or anything before dates (well obviously a bit but not excessively so). I just see them as a way of meeting someone new and as long as the girl is chatty and friendly then no problem really.

If I had a steady string of dates lined up then it wouldn't be so bad as you don't have time to over-analyse the whole bollocks. You can essentially say 'next!' and carry on. It's getting the fecking dates in the first place :pac:

This is where I envy women as far as OD goes due to the number of messages they tend to receive and the subsequent options open for them. Generally speaking, of course.

magneticimpulse

andreac wrote: »

Well I'm back to eat my words. There's a reason I don't give second chances and should have trusted my instinct. So date planned for tonight. He texts at 5.30 to confirm time, all good. Then half half hour later asks can we do tomorrow instead as he was still in work!! This is,what he did last time too.
So few texts back and forth and I just said does he think I'm a fool. I honestly don't think he's right in the head coz then I get a text at 9.30 asking do I want to meet as he's home now. I just said, too late now and he said, ok take care.
Not right in the head!!

Could see it coming earlier...live and learn and don't waste your time with these sort of guys. There are plenty of normal ones out there believe me.

magneticimpulse

Daveysil15 wrote: »

That is true, I've noticed that too. People start to think there's something wrong with you, whereas the person who is in regular relationships has something going for them, and is seen as more desirable.

I said it because I had a very close guy friend who I was friends with for 12 years and I never saw him dating any women... Then one day he told me he was gay...sometimes it is not so obvious/you don't want to make assumptions....if a person is discrete about their sexuality it is hard for me to tell what they are into.....Especially with so many metro sexual men in skinny jeans it can be difficult to tell. It is not meant to be insulting in any way...it is only about 10% of the time I ask myself that question.

Sometimes the single guys I met via online dating are just happy to go on being single, have a few dates with women from online dating...sometimes they need a woman to tell them "you are settling down". I have dated all sorts of guys...if you are too pushy they run away, if you are not pushy enough like a mother and tell them what to do...they run away because you should have been more pushy!! Can't seem to win.

I was also just making the point because it doesn't really matter if you are out of a relationship (long or short) or been single for a while...it is still hard finding someone you really click with.

riveratom wrote: »

Hey dude, it's so weird that you posted that! It's something that struck me recently too.

Basically, I have gone on quite a few dates over the past few months, and I've had a few of the 'don't think it'll go anywhere' texts myself. However, I've also had to send a couple of them myself, so it's swings and roundabouts - I think you have to remember that too.

Having gone on all these dates, it's fair to say that at this stage I can kinda tell when the spark isn't there. A classic sign to me is that you can't feel any spark, it just feels more like a pleasant chat involving two people who have just met, or almost like an interview of sorts! For me there is a clear difference in vibes between that 'pleasant chat' and when you can both clearly pick up a spark and are all smiles and you know it is leading towards a snog in the very near future. And the ultimate sign is when there is no kissing towards the end, or just a quick peck and 'take care' as you part ways!

I think as well that the fact that you think 'wahey I'm going on a date', then leads to expectations building, and I don't do that anymore. I just treat every date very openly, I don't expect the person to look exactly as they do in their photos (as the 'real' person is usually a lot different, and you have height/weight, body language, the sound of their voice, etc etc to factor in), and when it comes to personality you do have to wait until you meet as well. So I would say - don't build things up whatsoever and just keep expectations very level.

But more than anything, whether the girl is into you (and whether you're 'feeling it' too) just comes down to a huge combo of factors that you couldn't possibly analyse or list out - it either happens or it doesn't, and then it's onto the next person who might come along. So I wouldn't be thinking that being 'too nice', etc is holding you back.

As a girl I feel the same...it is so difficult to tell by a 1st date if you like someone...if it is a complete stranger etc. Plus if that person is doing online dating they prob have been on lots of dates before/have a few dates lined up/paid a years subscription...so you dont want to commit to anything on the 1st date...

It is also a catch 22 situation...I try to see if the guy fancies me before I play my cards on the table...by the 4th date of no kissing/peck I thought, ah here where is this going? So I made the move...then I'm seen as not letting the guy "chase" me. You just can't win as a girl...you don't make any move...there is no spark...you do make a move you are seen as being too easy...too many rules for my liking. How about just getting to know the person more and not base it all on the 1st date??

I still think Lust might exist on a 1st date...but it takes a while for love etc to grow. Why is nobody having any sparks from Online Dating? Are we all just too independent these days? Do we all have high expectations?

HellFireClub

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Why is nobody having any sparks from Online Dating? Are we all just too independent these days? Do we all have high expectations?

I suppose it really is the last chance saloon if you think about it and I'm saying that as a guy in his mid 30's who will admit that he is standing in said saloon!

There is absolutely nothing romantic about OD, the only way I have been able to make a date romantic, is to put a bit of effort into it on a first date and try a dinner date or something which is (1) costly and (2) high risk in the event that you clash with the other person. I think if we are all honest and do even a basic critical analysis on the subject, OD is an awkward, unromantic, difficult, and downright desperate way to try to meet a partner.

But... Is there a better alternative in your 30's when your circle of friends have all settled down and are well into starting families??? I'd have to say, "nope"...

wobblyknees

In other news, girl who blocked me suddenly is now talking to me again. Women are complicated!

cyrusdvirus

HellFireClub wrote: »

I suppose it really is the last chance saloon if you think about it and I'm saying that as a guy in his mid 30's who will admit that he is standing in said saloon!

There is absolutely nothing romantic about OD, the only way I have been able to make a date romantic, is to put a bit of effort into it on a first date and try a dinner date or something which is (1) costly and (2) high risk in the event that you clash with the other person. I think if we are all honest and do even a basic critical analysis on the subject, OD is an awkward, unromantic, difficult, and downright desperate way to try to meet a partner.

But... Is there a better alternative in your 30's when your circle of friends have all settled down and are well into starting families??? I'd have to say, "nope"...

Unfortunately HellFire, you n me are in pretty much the same boat.

I'm no Brad Pitt, but I'm no Chunk from the Goonies either, keep my self in decent enough shape in terms of fitness.

I have a decent job, and have a nice 4 bed house in a mature estate.

I may not be the greatest catch in the world, but i certainly wouldn't regard myself as something you throw back for being too small....

And yet, here i am, still swimming in the sea of singles....:o

andreac

magneticimpulse wrote: »

Could see it coming earlier...live and learn and don't waste your time with these sort of guys. There are plenty of normal ones out there believe me.

Yeah i know , more fool me.

Judging by the texts i was getting from him after i told him not to be making a fool of me etc etc, the guy obviously isnt right in the head, weirdo!!

HellFireClub

andreac wrote: »

Yeah i know , more fool me.

Judging by the texts i was getting from him after i told him not to be making a fool of me etc etc, the guy obviously isnt right in the head, weirdo!!

Are you calling him a weirdo because he claimed that he was still in work when meant to be getting ready for a date with or is there more to it than that?

I've personally had to cancel dates because of my job and I'd hate to think it would be the cause of me getting thrown in with the weirdo's...

I'm not having a pop at you but I don't get the logic that has people saying that they don't do second chances when it comes to this kind of stuff, particularly at the moment when you have people trying to keep businesses open & hold onto their jobs. One thing I've certainly noticed, is that there are a large contingency of teachers and other such folks working in the last of the cushy numbers, on POF, that don't seem to understand people who have to prioritise their work for survival reasons.

andreac

HellFireClub wrote: »

Are you calling him a weirdo because he claimed that he was still in work when meant to be getting ready for a date with or is there more to it than that?

I've personally had to cancel dates because of my job and I'd hate to think it would be the cause of me getting thrown in with the weirdo's...

I'm not having a pop at you but I don't get the logic that has people saying that they don't do second chances when it comes to this kind of stuff, particularly at the moment when you have people trying to keep businesses open & hold onto their jobs. One thing I've certainly noticed, is that there are a large contingency of teachers and other such folks working in the last of the cushy numbers, on POF, that don't seem to understand people who have to prioritise their work for survival reasons.

No, im calling him a weirdo because of the messages he was sending me after i told him i wasnt meeting him now as hes messed me around etc.

Just regarding the cancelling. I get a text at 5.30 asking to confirm time, he was looking forward to it etc etc, then 30mins later he changes his mind and says he cant meet, sorry but theres def something fishy going on there.

Its nothing to do with the work at all, as i dont believe for one moment its to do with his work, as thats what i got the last time too. Should have trusted my gut instinct.
My guess is that hes either married or with someone.

AnnyHallsal

HellFireClub wrote: »

I'm not having a pop at you but I don't get the logic that has people saying that they don't do second chances when it comes to this kind of stuff, particularly at the moment when you have people trying to keep businesses open & hold onto their jobs. One thing I've certainly noticed, is that there are a large contingency of teachers and other such folks working in the last of the cushy numbers, on POF, that don't seem to understand people who have to prioritise their work for survival reasons.

I work in the private sector but I've seen you post this before and I think it's really condescending. A lot of us have demanding jobs, very busy lives and still manage to keep our commitments.

Max Power1

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

I work in the private sector but I've seen you post this before and I think it's really condescending. A lot of us have demanding jobs, very busy lives and still manage to keep our commitments.

I dont see how its condescending tbh

I work in the private sector, and I would also have a type of job that is referred to by Hellfireclub as "cushy"... meaning I work Monday-Thursday and the hours are set and thats it. Hence id never have to reschedule (barring unforeseen circumsntances) due to work.

Its fair to say that a lot of public servants also have this luxury

How is that condescending? Truth yes, but condescending??

HellFireClub

andreac wrote: »

No, im calling him a weirdo because of the messages he was sending me after i told him i wasnt meeting him now as hes messed me around etc.

Just regarding the cancelling. I get a text at 5.30 asking to confirm time, he was looking forward to it etc etc, then 30mins later he changes his mind and says he cant meet, sorry but theres def something fishy going on there.

Its nothing to do with the work at all, as i dont believe for one moment its to do with his work, as thats what i got the last time too. Should have trusted my gut instinct.
My guess is that hes either married or with someone.

Well of he's being an arsehole with messages then fair enough but as for 2 x cancelled dates = he's married, I doubt it, sure by that logic, I'm married! He's probably just working as he said he was, or else could be nervous of meeting you & bottled it on the night.

HellFireClub

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

I work in the private sector but I've seen you post this before and I think it's really condescending. A lot of us have demanding jobs, very busy lives and still manage to keep our commitments.

This really isn't the thread for that particular discussion, but in the context of the subject at hand, I went out my front door to work yesterday at 7:00AM to work & left my warehouse at 12:30 this morning, that's nearly an 18 hour day and that's fairly representative of the hours I do to keep my business open at the mo.

Then I get home & get a mail in my POF inbox from a teacher who is bragging on her profile about having the whole summer off on full pay next year to traipse around the back arse of India.

Now seriously, who would you think has more time on their hands for Internet dating?!?

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well of he's being an arsehole with messages then fair enough but as for 2 x cancelled dates = he's married, I doubt it, sure by that logic, I'm married! He's probably just working as he said he was, or else could be nervous of meeting you & bottled it on the night.

You are married to your job

(Just kidding, I have great respect for anyone who has to work that hard and/or runs their own business. Very tough at the best of times.)

wobblyknees

HellFireClub wrote: »

This really isn't the thread for that particular discussion, but in the context of the subject at hand, I went out my front door to work yesterday at 7:00AM to work & left my warehouse at 12:30 this morning, that's nearly an 18 hour day and that's fairly representative of the hours I do to keep my business open at the mo.

Then I get home & get a mail in my POF inbox from a teacher who is bragging on her profile about having the whole summer off on full pay next year to traipse around the back arse of India.

Now seriously, who would you think has more time on their hands for Internet dating?!?

Do you not think it is a little unfair to judge someone else though? I mean after all, you made your choice to have your own business and the person you are referring to made her choice to become a teacher. Why is this a problem? Thats life.

andreac

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well of he's being an arsehole with messages then fair enough but as for 2 x cancelled dates = he's married, I doubt it, sure by that logic, I'm married! He's probably just working as he said he was, or else could be nervous of meeting you & bottled it on the night.

It wasnt just two, it was several. As he cancelled several times the last time we were chatting and i gave him the benefit of the doubt.
We've met before, twice, so he knows me. Trust me, hes not the nervous type.

HellFireClub

andreac wrote: »

It wasnt just two, it was several. As he cancelled several times the last time we were chatting and i gave him the benefit of the doubt.
We've met before, twice, so he knows me. Trust me, hes not the nervous type.

Apologies, I though this was a first date situation...