The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Mental Mickey

wobblyknees wrote: »

In other news, girl who blocked me suddenly is now talking to me again. Women are complicated!

No, they're just hormonal.

Esoteric_

I'm not even going to dignify the post above mine with a diatribe about how wrong the poster is. :rolleyes:


Anyway. I have a date this evening. Seeing friends after, so it'll only be an hour or so long. Guy seems nice, funny, friendly and attractive. Just not feeling anything, though! But I suppose it's better to meet up than just forget about it, as it could be different IRL.

Mental Mickey

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'm not even going to dignify the post above mine with a diatribe about how wrong the poster is. :rolleyes:


Anyway. I have a date this evening. Seeing friends after, so it'll only be an hour or so long. Guy seems nice, funny, friendly and attractive. Just not feeling anything, though! But I suppose it's better to meet up than just forget about it, as it could be different IRL.

I was joking!!!! Jaysus.

Note to self: must emphasise sarcasm in future posts!!!

Esoteric_

Mental Mickey wrote: »

I was joking!!!! Jaysus.

Note to self: must emphasise sarcasm in future posts!!!

You really should! Sarcasm doesn't read well through text, and in fairness, we've had a lot of woman-bashing on the thread in the past.

Anyone got any dates this weekend?

andreac

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Anyone got any dates this weekend?

Supposed to have a coffee date with a guy who messaged me on Okcupid. We chatted ages ago but a date never materialised, cant remember why.
So all looking good for saturday and he seems very genuine so fingers crossed!!

Mental Mickey

LyndaMcL wrote: »

You really should! Sarcasm doesn't read well through text, and in fairness, we've had a lot of woman-bashing on the thread in the past.
Anyone got any dates this weekend?

I couldn't edit my post. Some of the features on the site are misbehaving on me??

missrandomer

Ive been on two dates the past two evenings, yay me and although i havent knocked my shyness on the head just yet i made a massive effort!

Both were lovely and charming, and one was pretty funny which i love. However no spark what so ever, do i expect too much i wonder or is that maby due to my shyness i hold back.

I dont know wether to meet up again now or just stop it before it goes any further, one is very keen and wants to check his roster for next few weeks (scared much ) or am i should wait and see how it goes.

Is it too much to ask for the butterfly effect lol
Any advise my fellow lurve hunters

Esoteric_

andreac wrote: »

Supposed to have a coffee date with a guy who messaged me on Okcupid. We chatted ages ago but a date never materialised, cant remember why.
So all looking good for saturday and he seems very genuine so fingers crossed!!

Fingers crossed for you! I hope it goes well!

Esoteric_

missrandomer wrote: »

Ive been on two dates the past two evenings, yay me and although i havent knocked my shyness on the head just yet i made a massive effort!

Both were lovely and charming, and one was pretty funny which i love. However no spark what so ever, do i expect too much i wonder or is that maby due to my shyness i hold back.

I dont know wether to meet up again now or just stop it before it goes any further, one is very keen and wants to check his roster for next few weeks (scared much ) or am i should wait and see how it goes.

Is it too much to ask for the butterfly effect lol
Any advise my fellow lurve hunters

Like you, I'm very shy when it comes to dating. Once I've gotten used to somebody, I'm the complete opposite, thankfully.

What I generally do is give it a second date, because nerves can affect a first date and make it awkward.

That said, there have been instances where I felt chemistry on the first date, which worked out very well. I do think that one date is a little too short a time to determine if there's a spark. Give it one more and then leave it if you still don't feel anything.

missrandomer

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Like you, I'm very shy when it comes to dating. Once I've gotten used to somebody, I'm the complete opposite, thankfully.

What I generally do is give it a second date, because nerves can affect a first date and make it awkward.

That said, there have been instances where I felt chemistry on the first date, which worked out very well. I do think that one date is a little too short a time to determine if there's a spark. Give it one more and then leave it if you still don't feel anything.

Thanks LyndaMcL I just wasnt sure, im normally pretty easy going, but whats throwing me a little is one of them seems alot more keener than i had antipated to be honest and i just dont want to lead him on, but then how can i make a judgement based on a few hours, (normally its me who makes wrong impression so i dont know why im being hard on this one:rolleyes:)

What is chemistry anyway.... its so hard to find it, and explain it!

Esoteric_

missrandomer wrote: »

Thanks LyndaMcL I just wasnt sure, im normally pretty easy going, but whats throwing me a little is one of them seems alot more keener than i had antipated to be honest and i just dont want to lead him on, but then how can i make a judgement based on a few hours, (normally its me who makes wrong impression so i dont know why im being hard on this one:rolleyes:)

What is chemistry anyway.... its so hard to find it, and explain it!

Sorry, I did skim some of your post in my flu-befuddled state.

Just read there about the guy who is already talking about his rota over the next few weeks. I wouldn't personally go on the second date with him. It's not that I think he could be a stalker type of guy (although he could be!), but if someone seems that keen and you're pretty sure you're going to reject them, it'd be better ending it sooner rather than later, to prevent the hurt.

wobblyknees

missrandomer wrote: »

Thanks LyndaMcL I just wasnt sure, im normally pretty easy going, but whats throwing me a little is one of them seems alot more keener than i had antipated to be honest and i just dont want to lead him on, but then how can i make a judgement based on a few hours, (normally its me who makes wrong impression so i dont know why im being hard on this one:rolleyes:)

What is chemistry anyway.... its so hard to find it, and explain it!

Mutual physical attraction and a willingness of both parties to say they are attracted to the other at the same time.

HellFireClub

missrandomer wrote: »

What is chemistry anyway.... its so hard to find it, and explain it!

I think that would probably require a separate thread!

missrandomer

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Sorry, I did skim some of your post in my flu-befuddled state.

Just read there about the guy who is already talking about his rota over the next few weeks. I wouldn't personally go on the second date with him. It's not that I think he could be a stalker type of guy (although he could be!), but if someone seems that keen and you're pretty sure you're going to reject them, it'd be better ending it sooner rather than later, to prevent the hurt.

Im confused thats all i know
This guy isnt a stalker, i am pretty sure of that, he's really nice and sweet, i just think he is a little bit more smitten than me maby.

I just know that he is thinking "Boom" long term, and im just thinking as far as my next txt message! (i am looking for long term or at least thats my aim)

There is nothing wrong with this guy, this is why im a little confused, as on paper he is perfect, yet there is nothing there, no chemistry,
I supose my question is.....
Is chemistry a deal breaker or not? Dose a relationship need it, or am i fooling myself and its a imature romantic idea i have that may never materialise for me anyway

Piliger

HellFireClub wrote: »

I don't get the logic that has people saying that they don't do second chances when it comes to this kind of stuff, particularly at the moment when you have people trying to keep businesses open & hold onto their jobs. One thing I've certainly noticed, is that there are a large contingency of teachers and other such folks working in the last of the cushy numbers, on POF, that don't seem to understand people who have to prioritise their work for survival reasons.

I have to agree 100%. I have a couple of work-friends who have extremely pain in the ass and capricious bosses. They get asked to change their hours at the last minute and to work late at the drop of a hat. People need to realise that other people are not always in the same easily-predicted situation as them.

missrandomer

wobblyknees wrote: »

Mutual physical attraction and a willingness of both parties to say they are attracted to the other at the same time.

I Kinda thought it was deeper than that. Is it not that feeling between 2 people that you cant quiet describe but you know there's just that "something".

Chemistry is completly physical thing, i completly thought of it differently no wonder im confused lol :rolleyes:

sharper

wobblyknees wrote: »

Mutual physical attraction and a willingness of both parties to say they are attracted to the other at the same time.

Maybe it's just my odd brain being odd again but I've found chemistry to be utterly undefinable and I had not personally experienced it I probably wouldn't have believed that it existed. I'm quite fond of analysing and logically deconstructing absolutely everything but for some reason there's an undefinable quality to my interaction with some people and I've found nothing which predicts whether that quality will be present or not.

"on the same wavelength" is the closest I can think of.

mood

Galvasean wrote: »

Hmm, I'm actually beginning to wonder if the fact that I put an effort into writing out my profile in detail is in fact a hindrance to me. I go into detail about my interests, what (I think) makes me unique etc. to the point where the profile is significantly longer than 99% of the profiles I have read* (granted they are female's profiles so I'm not sure what is standard for guys). Since the vast majority of girls I mail go on to view my profile, but don't send a message back I can't help but wonder if they pop in and think, "Blergh, I'm not reading all that!"


* It's no thesis mind you, but the vast majority of profiles I visit consist of no more than a few sentences, usually offering little in the way of discernible difference to most other other profiles.

Maybe they assume you are too into your hobbies to have time for a relationship or won't talk about or do anything else.

HellFireClub

Is "chemistry" not more about both parties being prepared to let down their guard sufficiently, where there is a strong mutual attraction, than the mutual attraction in itself being the chemistry???

mood

andreac wrote: »

No, im calling him a weirdo because of the messages he was sending me after i told him i wasnt meeting him now as hes messed me around etc.

Just regarding the cancelling. I get a text at 5.30 asking to confirm time, he was looking forward to it etc etc, then 30mins later he changes his mind and says he cant meet, sorry but theres def something fishy going on there.

Its nothing to do with the work at all, as i dont believe for one moment its to do with his work, as thats what i got the last time too. Should have trusted my gut instinct.
My guess is that hes either married or with someone.

Have you honestly never had to work late unexpectedly? I have on a number of occasions and it was always last minute. You can't expect someone to refuse to do that especially now a days.

missrandomer

HellFireClub wrote: »

Is "chemistry" not more about both parties being prepared to let down their guard sufficiently, where there is a strong mutual attraction, than the mutual attraction in itself being the chemistry???

By that, do you means its phyical mutual attraction

wobblyknees

missrandomer wrote: »

I Kinda thought it was deeper than that. Is it not that feeling between 2 people that you cant quiet describe but you know there's just that "something".

Chemistry is completly physical thing, i completly thought of it differently no wonder im confused lol :rolleyes:

Yes, that something is called physical attraction!

sharper wrote: »

Maybe it's just my odd brain being odd again but I've found chemistry to be utterly undefinable and I had not personally experienced it I probably wouldn't have believed that it existed. I'm quite fond of analysing and logically deconstructing absolutely everything but for some reason there's an undefinable quality to my interaction with some people and I've found nothing which predicts whether that quality will be present or not.

"on the same wavelength" is the closest I can think of.

I agree, both people being attracted to each other and being comfortable with that fact whilst in that persons company ergo "on the same wavelength".



In all seriousness, I do think when people talk about chemistry they actually mean being physically attracted to someone. Because lets face it, all anyone is really doing is deciding if they want to do the no pants dance further down the line. Did I say in all seriousness?

I will say that I think the first step is probably that there has to be a physical attraction, the 'chemistry' bit comes into play after this exists when two people find it easy to talk to one another and it goes from there.

I may be completely wrong on all of the above. I am a man after all.

wobblyknees

HellFireClub wrote: »

Is "chemistry" not more about both parties being prepared to let down their guard sufficiently, where there is a strong mutual attraction, than the mutual attraction in itself being the chemistry???

Thats what I said!

andreac

mood wrote: »

Have you honestly never had to work late unexpectedly? I have on a number of occasions and it was always last minute. You can't expect someone to refuse to do that especially now a days.

Once or twice i can forgive, but this was more than once, a lot more. Its nothing to do with work. Its how ive been let down several times with this excuse and i dont buy or believe it.
How can someone text you to confirm a time, and be all into it, then 30mins later say they cant make it now?? Things dont change that drastically in that short space of time. He would have known by the first text if he could meet or not. Its bull**** if you ask me. As i said, it wasnt one occasion, it was a lot, and same excuse everytime.

miamee

missrandomer wrote: »

Im confused thats all i know
This guy isnt a stalker, i am pretty sure of that, he's really nice and sweet, i just think he is a little bit more smitten than me maby.

I just know that he is thinking "Boom" long term, and im just thinking as far as my next txt message! (i am looking for long term or at least thats my aim)

There is nothing wrong with this guy, this is why im a little confused, as on paper he is perfect, yet there is nothing there, no chemistry,
I supose my question is.....
Is chemistry a deal breaker or not? Dose a relationship need it, or am i fooling myself and its a imature romantic idea i have that may never materialise for me anyway

Unless you are expecting love at first sight, I'd at least go for a second date. He sounds lovely and you have nothing negative to say about him except that he really likes you This surely means he has great taste, right?

missrandomer

sffc wrote: »

Depends on your age ..or more precisely your nature - are you the butterfly sort ??? ....and if so was that recently ???

In my own case my it took a few dates before I really fell for my gf . Yes she was pretty , yes we got on but to be honest I thought SHE wasn't that bothered (She was ! ) so I held back a little . Anyway it has all worked out well but did I hear music when I first saw her? ...eh no ! do I care ? not a chance . My feelings are still growing every time I see her and thats whats important five months on . Even in the last few weeks we have really started to uncover each others sense of humour and end up laughing uncontrolably at times .
If a guy seems to tick the boxes stick with him and see what happens . Will a month out of your life kill you ?? IT TAKES TIME . The danger with OD particularly for ladies (I'll get killed for this !) is too many options . If after a month or 4-5 dates you don't care if you see him again - okay ,end it ...with honesty and tact of course .

Thanks sffc, im a little confused (im actualy alot confused today by the looks of it) Your questions on my nature or my what sort and was it recently?? im not sure what your question is, im in my early 30's and i dont think its imature to want some sort of excitment when your first meet up with someone.

Although you make some good points, and i think i was a bit to quick to jump ship. Your point on the ladies having more options.... i dont agree with this atall, i dont go on amount of options, but i am an old romantic and its this old romance i guess is what im after, i cant speak for other woman on OD but i think the comment of other options work for both men and woman.

mood

andreac wrote: »

Once or twice i can forgive, but this was more than once, a lot more. Its nothing to do with work. Its how ive been let down several times with this excuse and i dont buy or believe it.
How can someone text you to confirm a time, and be all into it, then 30mins later say they cant make it now?? Things dont change that drastically in that short space of time. He would have known by the first text if he could meet or not. Its bull**** if you ask me. As i said, it wasnt one occasion, it was a lot, and same excuse everytime.

Yes thing can and do change drastically in 30 minutes. I've been there. But if it keep happening me with a guy I would get fed up as well.

The_Gatsby

has anyone got any advice on what to write as a first message to somebody? I just joined POF and am struggling to find a way to write something to a random person that i've never met without sounding weird! I wouldn't do it in real life, so it's pretty hard to do it on this POF thing! Any advice?

Mr_Spaceman

Speaking of the definition of 'chemistry' I reckon this particular lady on POF has it sussed - and I quote:

"Go out for a quite drink and see if there any chemical there."

Feck sake!

Max Power1

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Speaking of the definition of 'chemistry' I reckon this particular lady on POF has it sussed - and I quote:

"Go out for a quite drink and see if there any chemical there."

Feck sake!

Ethanol lol?

Oh and also... pet peeve "QUIET" not QUITE