The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

riveratom

Zhora wrote: »

So I've sent messages to guys but have had none of them replied to. So Riveratom, do you reply to any of these messages from girls? If so why would you respond to some and not others?

Well, I would definitely reply if I fancied her, course. But I do have to say that out of all the messages I get from girls, I would only reply to a very small number as I would only find a very small number attractive. Interestingly though, I've gotten a good few winks from girls I do like, and I would then follow up with a mail to them. In fact, my next date is with a girl who first winked at me and then I mailed her!

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Another example.

I've sent a message to a girl this evening. Reasonably detailed and witty, mentioning shared interests etc. Nothing generic at all - and it would easily stand out among the 'Hi, how are you?' chancers she'll no doubt hear from.

The thing is though - I wouldn't even say she's stunning to look at. Cute, yes, but her interests appealed to me.

She has viewed me already, but I can tell she probably won't bother replying. From what I can see this is the reality for most men.

You know, I'm not going to get wound-up about it, but I send messages like this regularly. Most nights in fact.

And for what?

Fcuk all, mostly. A date once in a while if I'm lucky.

I'm no Brad Pitt, but I scrub up okay I think. The trouble is when people - especially women in OD - have a multitude of options (ie, actually being able to choose who to message/date) then it's an uphill battle for the bulk of men to get past first base.

I think that if a girl is 'cute', she will get lots of messages. As in, if a girl is say a '7' or above, she will get a lot of emails. Especially on a free site like POF. And so then, she will be likely to only respond to the people she is most attracted to physically. So, in your case above, even though you assume the worst, that girl could have easily smiled at your message and gone, 'hmm he looks nice'. But because maybe she had 5 other messages in and around the same time, and maybe she fancies one or two of those guys more, you don't hear from her...

I think it's also luck of the draw to a certain extent though - maybe on another night she could have said 'yeah, I'll reply to this guy'.

Armaghmagic wrote: »

In fairness the only thing you can say for sure is that physical attractiveness plays a huge role in initial messaging.

Not looking for anyone to dust off the violin but Riveratom is obviously a good-looking lad with getting messages every second day or whatever. I've been regularly on POF, tried different profile formats and photos and I think I received 2 messages since February (that's without me sending the first one).

Well...I got three more first-contact messages this morning on POF (although one was that 'flirt option for women' thing!). I do think it plays a huge role, because the physical attraction part is by far the biggest thing you have to go on. Profiles and emails also have a big part to play, but we are all human at the end of the day, and we are wired to find some people more attractive than others.

smallgarden

i love that haven't looked at this thread in weeks and same arguments are still popping up,its funny! men thinking its so hard for them/women thinking its so hard for them, me thinking it takes a bit of effort whether you're male or female!

i message guys first too, i see it as a more proactive approach and if they reply they reply and if not then no worries.i like the flirt button as quick way to show interest but agree messaging someone is probably better. i see it as a cheeky smile across the room, a come hither approach like you would in a bar to gauge interest. it beats the meet me function as you can it after reading a persons profile

Daveysil15

missrandomer wrote: »

sometimes we want to message guys, but we dont always fit into their lists.

Guy's have lists? Jasus... I can't afford to be that fussy. Although I must admit, I never get replies from the really smart ones with the PhD's. Those seem to be the most demanding. I seem to have more luck with the ill-educated promiscuous types.

smallgarden

assume the lists are the you can only contact this person if not smoker, not married, etc thats on bottom of the profile. or if in their profile they say what theyre looking for and you dont fit into that category

Tchaikovsky

smallgarden wrote: »

i like the flirt button as quick way to show interest but agree messaging someone is probably better. i see it as a cheeky smile across the room, a come hither approach like you would in a bar to gauge interest. it beats the meet me function as you can it after reading a persons profile

But I just think you're better off trying to gauge interest by asking the person a question or whatever, rather than a 'wink'.
And why is this a female-only option, I wonder?

smallgarden

im assuming its a female only option as less women initiate first contact with men so its a way of increasing women contacting men first

smallgarden

sffc wrote: »

It's a female only option to encourage women to message men. If proof were ever needed that men message women more than women message men it's this.

i dont think that men message women more was ever under dispute

missrandomer

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

I've received maybe around 30 first messages from girls and by and large, they've all been interesting and 'reply-worthy' because they do they say that I have a refreshingly honest and unique profile.

What does have me flummoxed (sp?) though is the 'flirt option' that girls have.. seriously, why not just send me a message instead!? It really is redundant in all honesty.

I use the "flirt" option, rare occasions. I use if for a few reasons though. 1. would be if i viewed a guy and i thought he was cute and i liked his profile but we wouldnt be compatible for distance reasons or maby age. 2 he made me laugh on his profile (some are very well written), or 3 he is completely out of my league but he had that certain something about him.

I didnt realize that guys saw this as a cop out though, so i guess it is a waste of time. I bet if they did like you back though they would message a girl

missrandomer

smallgarden wrote: »

assume the lists are the you can only contact this person if not smoker, not married, etc thats on bottom of the profile. or if in their profile they say what theyre looking for and you dont fit into that category

By lists i meant that in the guys profile they say things like
"message me if you a cool woman, who likes adventure and jumping out of planes, running while having a chat along the beach and doesnt sit on the couch sipping wine and says she likes nights out with her friends, cause if your that girl then we probably wont click"

I hate this, i cant run while talking and the only way i would jump out of a plane, is if someone physically threw me out of the door kicking and screaming :mad:

Daveysil15

missrandomer wrote: »

By lists i meant that in the guys profile they say things like
"message me if you a cool woman, who likes adventure and jumping out of planes, running while having a chat along the beach and doesnt sit on the couch sipping wine and says she likes nights out with her friends, cause if your that girl then we probably wont click"

I hate this, i cant run while talking and the only way i would jump out of a plane, is if someone physically threw me out of the door kicking and screaming :mad:

I wouldn't bother putting anything like that in my profile. Just because someone doesn't have the same interests as you, that doesn't mean you won't click. Having said that, so many women do write "Enjoy nights out with mates and nights in with a bottle of wine." I'd still message her though if she is attractive.

MizzWolfie

I hope you guys don't mind me sharing this but I've been listening to the Shins and these lyrics struck me:

And if you'd 'a took to me like
A gull takes to the wind.
Well, i'd 'a jumped from my tree
And i'd a danced like the king of the eyesores
And the rest of our lives would 'a fared well.

Ideally 'the spark' would be like that, as natural as a bird flying.

smallgarden

Daveysil15 wrote: »

"Enjoy nights out with mates and nights in with a bottle of wine."

is your issue having this as an interest or that its a given?

Honey-ec

I think the whole "flirt", "wink", "meet me" thing is such a cop-out. Never once used any of them the whole time I was on POF. If I liked a guy, I messaged him, simple as that. Some of them didn't reply. Big swing of a cow's tit. It's the internet. You're not going to fall to pieces if some man you've never met before doesn't reply to your message, ladies.

missrandomer

Honey-ec wrote: »

I think the whole "flirt", "wink", "meet me" thing is such a cop-out. Never once used any of them the whole time I was on POF. If I liked a guy, I messaged him, simple as that. Some of them didn't reply. Big swing of a cow's tit. It's the internet. You're not going to fall to pieces if some man you've never met before doesn't reply to your message, ladies.

Surly girls do message guys, i mean its just silly to sit there and expect them to come to you.

Sometimes you gotta stand out from the crowd and holla at a guy:D

Saying that, i still haven't messaged the one guy that ive been will i, wont i mail him. i just dont know what to say :rolleyes:

Daveysil15

smallgarden wrote: »

is your issue having this as an interest or that its a given?

I don't have an issue with it as such, its just very common on profiles.

Larianne

Honey-ec wrote: »

I think the whole "flirt", "wink", "meet me" thing is such a cop-out. Never once used any of them the whole time I was on POF. If I liked a guy, I messaged him, simple as that. Some of them didn't reply. Big swing of a cow's tit. It's the internet. You're not going to fall to pieces if some man you've never met before doesn't reply to your message, ladies.

Amen to that, sista!

:pac:

missrandomer wrote: »

By lists i meant that in the guys profile they say things like
"message me if you a cool woman, who likes adventure and jumping out of planes, running while having a chat along the beach and doesnt sit on the couch sipping wine and says she likes nights out with her friends, cause if your that girl then we probably wont click"

I hate this, i cant run while talking and the only way i would jump out of a plane, is if someone physically threw me out of the door kicking and screaming :mad:

Well I'd read the above as the guy looking for someone who isn't afraid of trying new things, like the outdoors, is fit and who's life doesn't revolve around going out getting trashed every weekend.

I wouldn't jump out of a plane, but I like trying new things, do a bit of adventure sports. I can't talk while running, just can't but I go to the gym regularly. And I like socialising, of course, but didn't have "Love going out with the girlies" in my profile. I guess, it's how the individual reads the tone of any of the profiles on the site. The only thing that actually annoys me about that paragraph is 'cool' woman. Who decides that, him or you?? :rolleyes:

Prick!

I wish you could have the option to hide people from your search.

It's annoying people showing up in the search who didn't reply back. Would make things easier.

supermommy

Honey-ec wrote: »

I think the whole "flirt", "wink", "meet me" thing is such a cop-out. Never once used any of them the whole time I was on POF. If I liked a guy, I messaged him, simple as that. Some of them didn't reply. Big swing of a cow's tit. It's the internet. You're not going to fall to pieces if some man you've never met before doesn't reply to your message, ladies.

I agree completely. I also laughed my tits off at the bold bit!
I message dudes, some reply, some dont, thats life. Like someone else said, its better to be rejected online than face to face!

My issue seems to constantly liking guys that are way far away!
As far as the ladies being overcome with messages, that doesnt happen for me. I assume its due to where I live, the fact that I am pushing 40 and have kids, or the fact that they cant handle how amazing I am.. Its a lot to behold!
Or I may just be butt ugly!

Either way, I love reading this thread! It helps to know we arent alone!

Ammsy500

Just recently got back into the online dating after a little break from it. I must say I send my fair share of messages to guys and yep sometimes I get no reply back or other times I get a one line answer back no kind of conversation basically. To be honest thinking back I don't think I've ever been on a date with any guy I've initiated conversation with online. Dunno if it's me whose more interested in them.

Have been chatting to a guy for about a month now and it's actually becoming a bit annoying now, think he wants to be my penpal! We have agreed to go for a drink whenever we are both free to which I told him what days suit me best as my week is mostly the same with work. He told me the next few weeks for him are busy so he's not sure when he's free. So I suggested why don't we meet up for a coffee it takes all of an hour, best not to drag it out. Got the 'ooh no Irish people dating with no drink'...hmm yep I do prefer a drink myself for these occasions but don't mind doing the sober date too. I'm well able to chat without drink Think I have scared him off! Have now written on my profile that I'm not looking for an email friend. Not into waiting forever to meet somebody not into chit chatting on emails for too long. Think I'm only the second person for him to go on a date with off it so guessing he's still a bit nervous about it.

Mr_Spaceman

From what some Boardsies are saying, I'm beginning to think Irish girls are far more pro-active in terms of sending messages.

In London, it seems ladies are far too formal and buttoned up. In my hapless experience anyway. Sending messages initially to guys just isn't done here

supermommy

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

From what some Boardsies are saying, I'm beginning to think Irish girls are far more pro-active in terms of sending messages.
(

I send messages, but I'm not Irish!! Well I kinda am, but no.

Esoteric_

I seem to have developed a new name on POF. Three people have called me 'beer girl' as a result of having two pints in my hands on my profile pic. :pac:

Mr_Spaceman

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Just recently got back into the online dating after a little break from it. I must say I send my fair share of messages to guys and yep sometimes I get no reply back or other times I get a one line answer back no kind of conversation basically. To be honest thinking back I don't think I've ever been on a date with any guy I've initiated conversation with online. Dunno if it's me whose more interested in them.

Have been chatting to a guy for about a month now and it's actually becoming a bit annoying now, think he wants to be my penpal! We have agreed to go for a drink whenever we are both free to which I told him what days suit me best as my week is mostly the same with work. He told me the next few weeks for him are busy so he's not sure when he's free. So I suggested why don't we meet up for a coffee it takes all of an hour, best not to drag it out. Got the 'ooh no Irish people dating with no drink'...hmm yep I do prefer a drink myself for these occasions but don't mind doing the sober date too. I'm well able to chat without drink Think I have scared him off! Have now written on my profile that I'm not looking for an email friend. Not into waiting forever to meet somebody not into chit chatting on emails for too long. Think I'm only the second person for him to go on a date with off it so guessing he's still a bit nervous about it.

Can I be frank here?

I would say you're dealing with a time waster. Even the shy types can get it together for a coffee quickly.

What's the point of dragging this out? If you do get this guy to meet after a load of unnecessary arm-wrestling, you might not get on as well as expected and you'll be left feeling fecked off at all that time and energy wasted chatting online with a supposedly grown adult with social behaviourial issues.

Sorry if I'm being harsh here. But he sounds like a 'girly-man' to me.

Ammsy500

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Can I be frank here?

I would say you're dealing with a time waster. Even the shy types can get it together for a coffee quickly.

What's the point of dragging this out? If you do get this guy to meet after a load of unnecessary arm-wrestling, you might not get on as well as expected and you'll be left feeling fecked off at all that time and energy wasted chatting online with a supposedly grown adult with social behaviourial issues.

Sorry if I'm being harsh here. But he sounds like a 'girly-man' to me.

Ha ha I'm just hearing Girly man in an Arnold Swartzeneger voice yep think he's pretty much a waste of time. It's not to bad though were only really sending a couple of messages back and forth most days so wouldn't really bother me if he suddenly disappeared. Just said to him if he wants to meet up than let me know when he's free (as in no point texting till than) my way of saying get a move on mate or don't bother.... Actually hoping he does disappear now how annoying would he be if we met and hit it off! :O

Daveysil15

A girl on POF gave me her number yesterday. When I rang her today she told me to fu*k off! Charming.

hollypink

Daveysil15 wrote: »

A girl on POF gave me her number yesterday. When I rang her today she told me to fu*k off! Charming.

:eek: You can't be serious?

Daveysil15

hollypink wrote: »

:eek: You can't be serious?

She sounded a bit hungover. Maybe I should have waited until tomorrow. Feck, I hope I haven't ruined my chances now, because she's fair hot!!!

G-Money

Got two numbers from POF, both leads have gone cold.

Hopefully 3rd time will be the charm, whenever that will be!

AnnyHallsal

Daveysil15 wrote: »

She sounded a bit hungover. Maybe I should have waited until tomorrow. Feck, I hope I haven't ruined my chances now, because she's fair hot!!!

There's no excuse for that kind of behaviour, even if she's Mila Kunis!

G-Money

Daveysil15 wrote: »

She sounded a bit hungover. Maybe I should have waited until tomorrow. Feck, I hope I haven't ruined my chances now, because she's fair hot!!!

You need to think of it the other way, she has blown her chances with you!