The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

magneticimpulse

Just had a date (if it was a date?) from online but from meetup and not online dating. We seemed to have clicked and chatted a lot when we met at a meetup, exchanged numbers and i decided to ask him out on a date thingy. Went extremely well and it was hilarious, lots of banter over the space of 10 hours. We even went to a meetup event together and it wasnt odd to either of us to do that on a 1st date as we know how the whole online social events things work.

Only problem is that I'm only 2 weeks single and it felt a bit too soon to be getting with someone so quickly...plus there is a 13 year age gap, which considering how well we got on it could be something id forget about. If I had depended on my OD strict age settings, I would never have met him/been open minded to have connected with him via OD. Although in saying that, I need some restrictions on OD as otherwise i would not be able to pick anyone out from the sheer volume of emails.

As for OD, that is going slow. I get lots of emails etc. But it is so difficult to know if there will be any chemistry/spark. I'm mailing Brad pitt look alike back and forward. I know I could go out on dates with majority of guys who email me and have a nice night out...but it prob be just another friendly chat.

All in all, I think online social sites are way above OD at the moment for me. There is no expectations. You go with an open mind about the people going, you do not limit yourself to age/profile photos/your impressions from screen. You get something from it regardless of how the night/day goes. It is more informal and less stressful...and if you click with someone it is obvious you get on with them/there is attraction. There is a reason to chat to people as oppose to randomly going up to a girl/guy in a bar. The event is usually a good way to start chatting. It feels like there is less chances of rejection/feeling down about not getting in a relationship because you go with the intention to do x,y,z event and clicking with someone is a bonus.

HellFireClub

missrandomer wrote: »

An update on the guy who i wanted to message but was scared by his intelligence...

i messaged him... tried to be funny and charming...
viewed my profile....
no reply
knew he was out of my league lol shouldve just went with my gut instinct and not bothered! Roll on my next victim

Whats with talking to someone for a while, great convo...seems to be going well they say they like you etc then nothing all of a sudden!

I'll go to the grave before I understand this Irish mentality when it comes to people thinking that someone is "out of my league". It's ridiculous to ever think that any person is above you in some way, either in terms of their intelligence, their looks, their personality or whatever, and come to the conclusion that the sum total of that analysis is ever that someone is therefore in a different league than you are.

I'm not sitting here as I'm typing this, thinking that I'm all that, but I was brought up to believe that everyone is here on the very same basis that you are, some may be better looking, some may be better at certain tasks than others, but that we all have equal potential to be what we want to be and to operate in whatever league we choose to operate in.

HellFireClub

Well I was chatting to a really nice girl for the last few weeks who was exactly my type, I got the impression she was a bit of a slow burner on this internet dating thingy, kinda like myself. She suggested a last minute trip to town last night for a few drinks, which I couldn't run with as had work early this morning and was in for the night. We were messaging each other last night then and I fell asleep in the middle of replying, so I login in this morning to view another message I got and see that girl above had deleted her profile, I assume 'cos she was pissed off that I hadn't replied, as I had dozed off in the middle of replying to her, although there were loads of times we were messaging over the last few weeks and we'd reply the next morning if one of us fell asleep...

Not sure why people do that, and didn't have her number so there it must die unfortunately. It's amazing how you can build up a bit of respect for someone and then they look like the biggest idiot ever at one click of a button.

Honey-ec

HellFireClub wrote: »

I login in this morning to view another message I got and see that girl above had deleted her profile, I assume 'cos she was pissed off that I hadn't replied, as I had dozed off in the middle of replying to her, although there were loads of times we were messaging over the last few weeks and we'd reply the next morning if one of us fell asleep...

Not sure why people do that, and didn't have her number so there it must die unfortunately. It's amazing how you can build up a bit of respect for someone and then they look like the biggest idiot ever at one click of a button.

You don't know that. There could have been myriad reasons that she deleted her profile, I wouldn't automatically assume she did it because she was so heartbroken that you didn't reply to one message...

HellFireClub

Honey-ec wrote: »

You don't know that. There could have been myriad reasons that she deleted her profile, I wouldn't automatically assume she did it because she was so heartbroken that you didn't reply to one message...

I didn't suggest she was heartbroken, more annoyed maybe. Whatever it was, would it not be proper manners before deleting a profile, to leave a number with someone that you had just asked out on a date, even if due to the very short notice, you couldn't meet up? I made it clear that I was up for a date, just not last night 'cos had an early start in work this morning.

No big loss, just a bit confused as to how someone you've been chatting to regularly for 2 weeks can ask you out in one breath, then delete their profile, even though you've said you'd love to meet, just not last night at the drop of a hat when you're basically ready for bed.

Anyway, no big loss at my end...

EDIT: That's actually a bit of a childish contribution there that you have made I think, claiming that I had a notion in my head that she was so heart broken that I didn't reply, that she deleted her profile. Did I even suggest that???

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

I didn't suggest she was heartbroken, more annoyed maybe. Whatever it was, would it not be proper manners before deleting a profile, to leave a number with someone that you had just asked out on a date, even if due to the very short notice, you couldn't meet up? I made it clear that I was up for a date, just not last night 'cos had an early start in work this morning.

No big loss, just a bit confused as to how someone you've been chatting to regularly for 2 weeks can ask you out in one breath, then delete their profile, even though you've said you'd love to meet, just not last night at the drop of a hat when you're basically ready for bed.

Anyway, no big loss at my end...

EDIT: That's actually a bit of a childish contribution there that you have made I think, claiming that I had a notion in my head that she was so heart broken that I didn't reply, that she deleted her profile. Did I even suggest that???

Even though you suggested that you might meet again, just not at that moment, she might have summoned up a lot of courage to ask you out in the first place. As you said before, you thought she was slow burner. She might have just been embarrassed that you said no (without thinking about the fact you said you'd love to, another time). It was a bit OTT to go and delete her profile without any other means of contacting you (if there was a reason other than you, I mean). People can just be incredibly strange!

hollypink

miamee wrote: »

It was a bit OTT to go and delete her profile without any other means of contacting you (if there was a reason other than you, I mean). People can just be incredibly strange!

I agree, it does sound OTT alright.

I was on a date at the weekend and the guy was telling me about a previous online date where the girl got him to collect her from her house in his car and drop her home. Now he seemed nice enough but is it not a bit unsafe to be letting a complete stranger know where you live and get in a car with them? I dont think I am paranoid about my safety but I'd never even consider doing that.

maguic24

HellFireClub wrote: »

I didn't suggest she was heartbroken, more annoyed maybe. Whatever it was, would it not be proper manners before deleting a profile, to leave a number with someone that you had just asked out on a date, even if due to the very short notice, you couldn't meet up? I made it clear that I was up for a date, just not last night 'cos had an early start in work this morning.

No big loss, just a bit confused as to how someone you've been chatting to regularly for 2 weeks can ask you out in one breath, then delete their profile, even though you've said you'd love to meet, just not last night at the drop of a hat when you're basically ready for bed.

Anyway, no big loss at my end...

EDIT: That's actually a bit of a childish contribution there that you have made I think, claiming that I had a notion in my head that she was so heart broken that I didn't reply, that she deleted her profile. Did I even suggest that???

It seems to me, I am only speculating now!, that she may be just a shy girl. Like what the poster above said, she may have summed up all her courage and you said no. It is a big thing for a girl to do that, in my opinion anyway. I remember when I was teenager, I really liked to different lads at two different times in my life and we used to talk everyday etc, I asked both of them out and I got rejected and they basically stopped talking to me. I took it really badly, and from then on in, I just didn't bother with guys.

I am a bit of an ugly duckling case, because when I was a teenager I was quite heavy with crooked teeth, I lost the weight, got braces, and got better looking. However, I still thought I was ugly as ****. Anyway, three years on, I met this guy, there was a lot banter between us, and I fancied him like mad. I thought he was taking the piss out me, because I was an idiot. I never did anything and I found out a few years later he liked me too. I was absolutely gutted.

I took rejection really badly, I can see where the girl who you were talking to is coming. Like if I asked you on a date and you said no, and we were talking and then you didn't reply, I would be absolutely pissed. I probably would cut contact. Well maybe not now, but I would be a bit annoyed, I would think it was because you found someone else and weren't interested in me anymore.

Not defending her actions by the way, it was quite rude. I also be very annoyed and frustrated if I were you too! I hope that helps. Sorry for the essay.

HellFireClub

maguic24 wrote: »

It seems to me, I am only speculating now!, that she may be just a shy girl. Like what the poster above said, she may have summed up all her courage and you said no. It is a big thing for a girl to do that, in my opinion anyway. I remember when I was teenager, I really liked to different lads at two different times in my life and we used to talk everyday etc, I asked both of them out and I got rejected and they basically stopped talking to me. I took it really badly, and from then on in, I just didn't bother with guys.

I am a bit of an ugly duckling case, because when I was a teenager I was quite heavy with crooked teeth, I lost the weight, got braces, and got better looking. However, I still thought I was ugly as ****. Anyway, three years on, I met this guy, there was a lot banter between us, and I fancied him like mad. I thought he was taking the piss out me, because I was an idiot. I never did anything and I found out a few years later he liked me too. I was absolutely gutted.

I took rejection really badly, I can see where the girl who you were talking to is coming. Like if I asked you on a date and you said no, and we were talking and then you didn't reply, I would be absolutely pissed. I probably would cut contact. Well maybe not now, but I would be a bit annoyed, I would think it was because you found someone else and weren't interested in me anymore.

Not defending her actions by the way, it was quite rude. I also be very annoyed and frustrated if I were you too! I hope that helps. Sorry for the essay.

Ah she sounded a bit flaky anyway at times, deleting the profile just confirms it, although physically & in terms of her general personality, she would be the type that I'd go for, especially physically.

It's the indifferent behaviour like this that seems to half annoy me at times when it comes to OD, sometimes it takes time to organise a date, sometimes it takes more than 1 attempt to get two people on a date, with OD, it seems people have this highly impatient side to their persona that seems to emerge a lot, where you have one chance & once chance only or else you can fuk off with yourself. It really is throwing your toys out of the pram & who wins, nobody!

Tchaikovsky

What I find tricky with the whole thing is post-first date. Ok, so you plucked up the courage to ask this person out, said person says yes, you go on a date, there's no awkward silences, you have a lot in common and you really are more attracted to them than you were from their photos.

The next move has always been hard for me- maybe it's just from previous bad experiences and I've become quite cynical re. romance, but it's hard to gauge how you should play it- when should you ask them out again? Are they even into you after meeting you? If they aren't, you'll feel like you've made a fool of yourself for thinking otherwise.

Although I've come to take rejection with a pinch of salt at this stage, it still hurts and the more it continues, the more cynical and negative you become about people.

I think it might be because of the 'sweetshop' mentality of OD that the other person might be holding off for someone better that they aren't willing to go with things and see how they progress.

There seems to be this illusion of 'you have to have sparks and fireworks immediately or it's not worth it!', when in the real world, it usually takes time to develop these things.

A few years ago I met up with a string of girls (one after the other, not simultaneously) who I'd go out with on 3 dates and then after the third date I'd get 'I'm just not feeling it' or 'I'm just out of a relationship and I'm not really ready to date yet' or 'I just got back with my ex'.

It was so strange- maybe girls have this third date rule where it's sh*t or get off the pot, whereas I was happy to go with the flow.

Anyway, it really makes you doubt things

Dolly Daydreams

HellFireClub wrote: »

Ah she sounded a bit flaky anyway at times, deleting the profile just confirms it, although physically & in terms of her general personality, she would be the type that I'd go for, especially physically.

It's the indifferent behaviour like this that seems to half annoy me at times when it comes to OD, sometimes it takes time to organise a date, sometimes it takes more than 1 attempt to get two people on a date, with OD, it seems people have this highly impatient side to their persona that seems to emerge a lot, where you have one chance & once chance only or else you can fuk off with yourself. It really is throwing your toys out of the pram & who wins, nobody!

Maybe she did send you a message with her number and didn't realise it wouldn't send if she deleted her account?

Galvasean

Dolly Daydreams wrote: »

Maybe she did send you a message with her number and didn't realise it wouldn't send if she deleted her account?

Does that happen? Just checked my inbox and clicked into a mail from a deleted account* (I scare them off so I does!). You can still read the mail but it says their account is deleted so you can't click into it.
*Actually, that's the only one to reply to me since I returned from my short OD break out of 33 people mailed. So I guess that means that I have a little over 3% chance of getting a reply when I send a mail. DAYYYYUMMMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:pac:

edit: Oh well, 'tiz better than my OKC record... 0/8

maguic24

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

What I find tricky with the whole thing is post-first date. Ok, so you plucked up the courage to ask this person out, said person says yes, you go on a date, there's no awkward silences, you have a lot in common and you really are more attracted to them than you were from their photos.

The next move has always been hard for me- maybe it's just from previous bad experiences and I've become quite cynical re. romance, but it's hard to gauge how you should play it- when should you ask them out again? Are they even into you after meeting you? If they aren't, you'll feel like you've made a fool of yourself for thinking otherwise.

Although I've come to take rejection with a pinch of salt at this stage, it still hurts and the more it continues, the more cynical and negative you become about people.

I think it might be because of the 'sweetshop' mentality of OD that the other person might be holding off for someone better that they aren't willing to go with things and see how they progress.

There seems to be this illusion of 'you have to have sparks and fireworks immediately or it's not worth it!', when in the real world, it usually takes time to develop these things.

A few years ago I met up with a string of girls (one after the other, not simultaneously) who I'd go out with on 3 dates and then after the third date I'd get 'I'm just not feeling it' or 'I'm just out of a relationship and I'm not really ready to date yet' or 'I just got back with my ex'.

It was so strange- maybe girls have this third date rule where it's sh*t or get off the pot, whereas I was happy to go with the flow.

Anyway, it really makes you doubt things

I don't really understand that 'sweetshop' mentality thing at all. I have always just gone with the flow. It's really bizarre, how are you supposed to really know someone after 3 dates? And even if it didn't work out, I think I'd still like to be friends with the person, unless they really were a complete asshole.

Piliger

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

What I find tricky with the whole thing is post-first date. Ok, so you plucked up the courage to ask this person out, said person says yes, you go on a date, there's no awkward silences, you have a lot in common and you really are more attracted to them than you were from their photos.

The next move has always been hard for me- maybe it's just from previous bad experiences and I've become quite cynical re. romance, but it's hard to gauge how you should play it- when should you ask them out again? Are they even into you after meeting you? If they aren't, you'll feel like you've made a fool of yourself for thinking otherwise.

I used to follow the etiquette that I was told - say nothing and follow up with texts or chat online, when I was on OD about 3 years ago. It was ghastly. I have now given that crap up completely. After about 45 minutes or an hour I make up my mind and just say it ... straight out. 'Unfortunately I just don't see any chemistry between us ..." or " You may or may not feel the sam, but I would really like to see you again". It's not easy ! I'm 50 and it's still hard but imho it's the best way of going about it.

Although I've come to take rejection with a pinch of salt at this stage, it still hurts and the more it continues, the more cynical and negative you become about people.

Oh it will never stop hurting. But why cynical ? It's not their fault they don't fancy you. It's not your fault either. It's just the vagaries of human nature.

I think it might be because of the 'sweetshop' mentality of OD that the other person might be holding off for someone better that they aren't willing to go with things and see how they progress.

There seems to be this illusion of 'you have to have sparks and fireworks immediately or it's not worth it!', when in the real world, it usually takes time to develop these things.

I agree with you to some extent. But I believe I have to engage with each individual person as an individual. If someone is clearly playing your sweetshop game and not engaging ... being 'aloof' of sorts ... than let them go. You are better off without them. How would they be as a partner of girlfriend anyway :rolleyes:

A few years ago I met up with a string of girls (one after the other, not simultaneously) who I'd go out with on 3 dates and then after the third date I'd get 'I'm just not feeling it' or 'I'm just out of a relationship and I'm not really ready to date yet' or 'I just got back with my ex'.

It was so strange- maybe girls have this third date rule where it's sh*t or get off the pot, whereas I was happy to go with the flow.

What you say here is confusing because you say firstly that it is THEY who come out with the not feeling lines .. but then say they want YOU to sh1t or get off the pot.

Some people won;t meet anyone for dates and FAR too cautious. But some are also the opposite. They seem to be willing to meet up and then go on a 2nd date as some kind of hobby..... both are idiotic.

I would never go on a 2nd meeting if I did not feel something special. Life is too short.

Anyway, it really makes you doubt things :(cc

Life is like that. I sympathise ... but no one ever said it was going to be easy :rolleyes:

Piliger

Went on two dates on the weekend ..... jeeeez I'll never understand women. Spent two very nice hours with one. Ir was very conversational and no sparks, but I would have liked to have met her again - and parted. I had told her I needed to meet up with a family member for reasons I won't go in to here( which was true, actually). All went well and left her to her taxi.

Second one spent 4 hours with, until midnight. Wonderful time, a few kisses in mid conversation.... stunning girl ... but walked off quite suddenly from outside pub. I wanted to walk her the 5 minute walk to her place because it is not safe in the city at midnight ... but no.

Next day ... first lady send me lengthy text accusing me of lying about having to meet my son and of making it all up. Jeeez. I sent a short 'goodbye' type message. WHo needs that!
Second lady takes all day to reply and uses the word 'pleasant' (in my view one of the ickiest words in the english language), though agrees to meet up again........

Jeez it never ever gets any easier lads.

HellFireClub

Piliger wrote: »

Went on two dates on the weekend ..... jeeeez I'll never understand women. Spent two very nice hours with one. Ir was very conversational and no sparks, but I would have liked to have met her again - and parted. I had told her I needed to meet up with a family member for reasons I won't go in to here( which was true, actually). All went well and left her to her taxi.

Second one spent 4 hours with, until midnight. Wonderful time, a few kisses in mid conversation.... stunning girl ... but walked off quite suddenly from outside pub. I wanted to walk her the 5 minute walk to her place because it is not safe in the city at midnight ... but no.

Next day ... first lady send me lengthy text accusing me of lying about having to meet my son and of making it all up. Jeeez. I sent a short 'goodbye' type message. WHo needs that!
Second lady takes all day to reply and uses the word 'pleasant' (in my view one of the ickiest words in the english language), though agrees to meet up again........

Jeez it never ever gets any easier lads.

I got the exact same rubbish last week after I went on a date with one girl who I actually had a grand date with, but no chemistry at the end. I really struggle with first date kisses, etc, so I just chalked it up to two people who enjoyed each others company, but that we were probably not the next Posh & Becks. I tried to explain this the next day and I got more or less abused for it and accused of messing her around and not knowing what I wanted from a date.

You just can't win with this stuff a lot of the time, my view on this these days is that if you don't kiss at the end of the date (and my dates generally end up like this, and by "date", I mean a proper few hours together, not just a 10 minute coffee together), then there is no point in a second date as there is obviously an absence of chemistry.

Anyway, due to what I'll call an offline development, I think and I hope my days with this OD bullshít will soon be coming to an end!

Tchaikovsky

Piliger wrote: »

Oh it will never stop hurting. But why cynical ? It's not their fault they don't fancy you. It's not your fault either. It's just the vagaries of human nature.

Oddly enough the majority of the time the girl has said that she fancies me and we've kissed, but for whatever reason, be it bad timing or whatever, they end it. One of my friends said it recently that maybe they're intimidated by me or they're just a wee bit flaky.

Piliger wrote: »

I agree with you to some extent. But I believe I have to engage with each individual person as an individual. If someone is clearly playing your sweetshop game and not engaging ... being 'aloof' of sorts ... than let them go. You are better off without them. How would they be as a partner of girlfriend anyway :rolleyes:

It's so disheartening though. I mean, you be yourself; a good guy, charming, engaging, you treat them right and make them laugh but it's not enough. I say 'good guy' rather than 'nice guy' because the latter suggests being a pushover and jumping when she claps- I have more respect for myself than being that way. And then women come out with the line of "oh, where are all the good men gone!?"; well, maybe they've just been worn down.

Piliger wrote: »

What you say here is confusing because you say firstly that it is THEY who come out with the not feeling lines .. but then say they want YOU to sh1t or get off the pot.

Maybe I used a confusing analogy, but I was trying to say that the girl feels that she has to make the decision whether to keep dating after the third date.

Piliger wrote: »

Life is like that. I sympathise ... but no one ever said it was going to be easy :rolleyes:

And still I keep trying I mean, the most recent girl I met, she's gorgeous, brains to burn, really interesting.. but I'm ready for the spanner to be thrown in the works. A few years ago I would have been so excited to see her again, but all I can see is how this is going to end.

Tchaikovsky

Piliger wrote: »

Second lady takes all day to reply and uses the word 'pleasant' (in my view one of the ickiest words in the english language), though agrees to meet up again........

Jeez it never ever gets any easier lads.

Oh to meet a straight-forward girl


Good luck with the second lady though; maybe she's a bit cautious at the moment and doesn't want to use words like 'incredible' and 'awesome'

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

I got the exact same rubbish last week after I went on a date with one girl who I actually had a grand date with, but no chemistry at the end. I really struggle with first date kisses, etc, so I just chalked it up to two people who enjoyed each others company, but that we were probably not the next Posh & Becks. I tried to explain this the next day and I got more or less abused for it and accused of messing her around and not knowing what I wanted from a date.

You just can't win with this stuff a lot of the time, my view on this these days is that if you don't kiss at the end of the date (and my dates generally end up like this, and by "date", I mean a proper few hours together, not just a 10 minute coffee together), then there is no point in a second date as there is obviously an absence of chemistry.

Anyway, due to what I'll call an offline development, I think and I hope my days with this OD bullshít will soon be coming to an end!

I wouldn't necessarily agree with no kiss = no second date. But no kiss after 2-3 dates would be the end of it for me alright.

By the way - exciting news about your offline development, sounds promising

Mr_Spaceman

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

What I find tricky with the whole thing is post-first date. Ok, so you plucked up the courage to ask this person out, said person says yes, you go on a date, there's no awkward silences, you have a lot in common and you really are more attracted to them than you were from their photos.

The next move has always been hard for me- maybe it's just from previous bad experiences and I've become quite cynical re. romance, but it's hard to gauge how you should play it- when should you ask them out again? Are they even into you after meeting you? If they aren't, you'll feel like you've made a fool of yourself for thinking otherwise.

Although I've come to take rejection with a pinch of salt at this stage, it still hurts and the more it continues, the more cynical and negative you become about people.

I think it might be because of the 'sweetshop' mentality of OD that the other person might be holding off for someone better that they aren't willing to go with things and see how they progress.

There seems to be this illusion of 'you have to have sparks and fireworks immediately or it's not worth it!', when in the real world, it usually takes time to develop these things.

A few years ago I met up with a string of girls (one after the other, not simultaneously) who I'd go out with on 3 dates and then after the third date I'd get 'I'm just not feeling it' or 'I'm just out of a relationship and I'm not really ready to date yet' or 'I just got back with my ex'.

It was so strange- maybe girls have this third date rule where it's sh*t or get off the pot, whereas I was happy to go with the flow.

Anyway, it really makes you doubt things

People just have ridiculously high expectations these days in OD.

All the same - and this has been said before - if you're a half-decent looking girl, you'll have no shortage of options. Lots of scope for regular dates with men who make all the running just like it's always been. Except these days it's often online and not in a dance hall.

Essentially, therefore, you have one short, sharp chance to shine - and if you don't, the majority of women won't let things 'slow burn' because she'll have others to meet anytime soon.

How many other couples have we all known, who, in real life, only got together after a while of hanging out, being friends etc, and eventually things fell into place due to discovering hidden depths and what not about one another?

This is where OD differs in my view - particularly if you're a man. You tend, generally, to get one shot and that's it.

Them's the breaks, unfortunately.

HellFireClub

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

People just have ridiculously high expectations these days in OD.

All the same - and this has been said before - if you're a half-decent looking girl, you'll have no shortage of options. Lots of scope for regular dates with men who make all the running just like it's always been. Except these days it's often online and not in a dance hall.

Essentially, therefore, you have one short, sharp chance to shine - and if you don't, the majority of women won't let things 'slow burn' because she'll have others to meet anytime soon.

How many other couples have we all known, who, in real life, only got together after a while of hanging out, being friends etc, and eventually things fell into place due to discovering hidden depths and what not about one another?

This is where OD differs in my view - particularly if you're a man. You tend, generally, to get one shot and that's it.

Them's the breaks, unfortunately.

I've often had the very same conversation with myself, and I've come to the conclusion that there due to what you've pointed out, that OD is in fact a defective method of meeting your Missus Right.

Why do I still use it then I hear ya ask?!? Well it's a bit like believing in Santa Claus, isn't it?!? You really really want to believe the fairytale, but deep down, you know it's all just a crock of shít!

missrandomer

miamee wrote: »

I wouldn't necessarily agree with no kiss = no second date. But no kiss after 2-3 dates would be the end of it for me alright.

By the way - exciting news about your offline development, sounds promising

And also just to note, that even if there is a kiss at the end of the night it dosent automatically mean a second date is on the cards either so this cannot be a way of telling if it was a success either.

HellFireClub

missrandomer wrote: »

And also just to note, that even if there is a kiss at the end of the night it dosent automatically mean a second date is on the cards either so this cannot be a way of telling if it was a success either.

If you knew towards the end of a date that you didn't want to see the person again, why send them the exact opposite signal and kiss them?

mood

Piliger wrote: »

Went on two dates on the weekend ..... jeeeez I'll never understand women. Spent two very nice hours with one. Ir was very conversational and no sparks, but I would have liked to have met her again - and parted. I had told her I needed to meet up with a family member for reasons I won't go in to here( which was true, actually). All went well and left her to her taxi.

Second one spent 4 hours with, until midnight. Wonderful time, a few kisses in mid conversation.... stunning girl ... but walked off quite suddenly from outside pub. I wanted to walk her the 5 minute walk to her place because it is not safe in the city at midnight ... but no.

Next day ... first lady send me lengthy text accusing me of lying about having to meet my son and of making it all up. Jeeez. I sent a short 'goodbye' type message. WHo needs that!
Second lady takes all day to reply and uses the word 'pleasant' (in my view one of the ickiest words in the english language), though agrees to meet up again........

Jeez it never ever gets any easier lads.

Woman one was irrational to send such a text. Bullet dodged there.

Woman two might not have wanted you to walk her home incase you thought you would be going in for 'coffee'. It may have took her all day to reply to text as she may have been busy with friends/family. You can't expect someone to reply immediately. How is her using the word 'pleasant' relevant?

Esoteric_

The only 'first' dates I have kissed on involved alcohol, so that loosened the inhibitions a bit!

But a kiss definitely does not indicate a second date! With the guy I was seeing for a few months before re-joining POF, he kissed me on the first date and everything went well for a while.

Another guy, though. Yikes! Kissed me several times, told me he couldn't wait to see me again, etc. Never heard from him again! After a few days, I sent him a message to ask how his college exams were going and if he'd had a good night when we'd met up (we'd both been out with friends after). Got a curt reply that he was busy studying and would talk to me later. Never heard a thing after. :pac:


I always wonder why you'd kiss on a date if you had no intention of seeing them again. It's not something I'd personally do. I'd hug anyone I had a date with, but I wouldn't kiss someone if I had no intention of seeing them again.



Things are going weirdly for me with OD at the moment. The couple of dates I went on, I wasn't feeling it, or they were feeling a bit too much! :pac:

However, there are 3 guys I've been talking to for ages, over a month each! I'm kind of wondering are they just looking for a bloody penpal?! Guess I'll have to stop being shy and ask if they want to go get a coffee or something.

missrandomer

HellFireClub wrote: »

If you knew towards the end of a date that you didn't want to see the person again, why send them the exact opposite signal and kiss them?

I know this is what i think too, i wouldve assumed that the date went well and wouldve been confident to maby have a second date in the pipeline, but then it dosent happen, you dont hear from them or you do and its kinda like pulling teeth trying to get convo out of them!

You would wonder why they bothered to ask for a kiss or kiss for so long in the first place

mood

HellFireClub wrote: »

If you knew towards the end of a date that you didn't want to see the person again, why send them the exact opposite signal and kiss them?

It happens a lot :rolleyes: or at least it has happened me a lot over the years (real life and on line dates). I don't understand it!

Oh, I've even had guys make detailed plans for next time we go out only for it to never happen!

mood

LyndaMcL wrote: »

The only 'first' dates I have kissed on involved alcohol, so that loosened the inhibitions a bit!

But a kiss definitely does not indicate a second date! With the guy I was seeing for a few months before re-joining POF, he kissed me on the first date and everything went well for a while.

Another guy, though. Yikes! Kissed me several times, told me he couldn't wait to see me again, etc. Never heard from him again! After a few days, I sent him a message to ask how his college exams were going and if he'd had a good night when we'd met up (we'd both been out with friends after). Got a curt reply that he was busy studying and would talk to me later. Never heard a thing after. :pac:


I always wonder why you'd kiss on a date if you had no intention of seeing them again. It's not something I'd personally do. I'd hug anyone I had a date with, but I wouldn't kiss someone if I had no intention of seeing them again.



Things are going weirdly for me with OD at the moment. The couple of dates I went on, I wasn't feeling it, or they were feeling a bit too much! :pac:

However, there are 3 guys I've been talking to for ages, over a month each! I'm kind of wondering are they just looking for a bloody penpal?! Guess I'll have to stop being shy and ask if they want to go get a coffee or something.

I assume guys who do this are hoping for a one night stand! Why bother otherwise!

riveratom

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

How many other couples have we all known, who, in real life, only got together after a while of hanging out, being friends etc, and eventually things fell into place due to discovering hidden depths and what not about one another?

This is where OD differs in my view - particularly if you're a man. You tend, generally, to get one shot and that's it.

Them's the breaks, unfortunately.

I think this really nails it tbh. I don't really think it's a 'only one chance if you're a guy' thing though, more just that it shows that the way so many people meet is just through chance encounters, or where they see each other for a while and get to know each other by virtue of just being around each other, and it goes from there. I think that's a really nice way to meet someone, just really natural.

Anyway, should have two dates on this week. Have one tomorrow night, and the possibly one later in the week as well.

riveratom

LyndaMcL wrote: »

However, there are 3 guys I've been talking to for ages, over a month each! I'm kind of wondering are they just looking for a bloody penpal?! Guess I'll have to stop being shy and ask if they want to go get a coffee or something.

Hey Lynda, a month is way too long alright! I would drop some hints on that front. I think with guys, we can be hesitant about appearing 'too eager', or we might be thinking that the accepted wisdom is to wait a good while before asking someone out. Or, it could be that they think it's not that long to be chatting before meeting up, when the other person thinks the opposite!

The last one happened in my case, I was chatting with a girl and hadn't planned to ask her out right away. A friend then prompted me to just ask her on a date and when I did the girl literally said 'I thought you'd never ask!!'