The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Esoteric_

riveratom wrote: »

Hey Lynda, a month is way too long alright! I would drop some hints on that front. I think with guys, we can be hesitant about appearing 'too eager', or we might be thinking that the accepted wisdom is to wait a good while before asking someone out. Or, it could be that they think it's not that long to be chatting before meeting up, when the other person thinks the opposite!

The last one happened in my case, I was chatting with a girl and hadn't planned to ask her out right away. A friend then prompted me to just ask her on a date and when I did the girl literally said 'I thought you'd never ask!!'

Yeah, I think I'm going to have to do something! Generally, I'm quite shy so I'd talk to the person for a week or so before making date plans (and have been told in this thread in the past that that's a bit long!), but a month is waaay too long, even by my standards, and these guys seem the opposite of shy!

I'm about as subtle as a smack to the face, so I'm not even going to attempt to hint. I'm just going to ask straight out if they want to do something.

Never asked a guy on a date before, so this could be interesting! :pac:

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

If you knew towards the end of a date that you didn't want to see the person again, why send them the exact opposite signal and kiss them?

When someone lunges at you with their lips - you don't always have an option

Mr_Spaceman

Devils' Advocate here.

Memo to any lurking 'let's-chat/text-for-a-month-before-I-might-think-we-can-have-a-date' metrosexual men.

Wrong.

Send a few messages by all means. Ask the girl for a date - and do it quickly, otherwise you'll be consigned to the freak/nerd departure lounge.

The irony is the women you chat to actually want to see you.

They don't want to be pissing around forever and a day on a fecking computer. It's not real life and it's not what anyone wants either.

Esoteric_

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Devils' Advocate here.

Memo to any lurking 'let's-chat/text-for-a-month-before-I-might-think-we-can-have-a-date' metrosexual men.

Wrong.

Send a few messages by all means. Ask the girl for a date - and do it quickly, otherwise you'll be consigned to the freak/nerd departure lounge.

The irony is the women you chat to actually want to see you.

They don't want to be pissing around forever and a day on a fecking computer. It's not real life and it's not what anyone wants either.

Agreed. I don't mind chatting for even 2 weeks before arranging a date. But a month is way too much. I'd be a slow burner with regards to actually getting around to a date, but if even I'm thinking it's too much to wait a month, it's DEFINITELY too much!

njs030

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Agreed. I don't mind chatting for even 2 weeks before arranging a date. But a month is way too much. I'd be a slow burner with regards to actually getting around to a date, but if even I'm thinking it's too much to wait a month, it's DEFINITELY too much!

Also agree!!! There was a couple of men I chatted to for over two months, it just ended up with both sides losing interest and by the time a meeting was suggested it was pointless.
2 weeks is long enough!!

Mr_Spaceman

I don't think you can emphasize enough that attractive ladies have many options.

So if any men on here thinks they're 'playing it cool' the lady you're messaging/texting/doing-anything-but-actually-meet is busy preparing to meet a straight to the point, smoother operator instead.

You've been warned!

Piliger

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Oddly enough the majority of the time the girl has said that she fancies me and we've kissed, but for whatever reason, be it bad timing or whatever, they end it. One of my friends said it recently that maybe they're intimidated by me or they're just a wee bit flaky.

I know young guys seem to have some kind of obsession with 'getting' a kiss .... but I have a rule that I stick to 100%. I NEVER kiss on the lips on a first meeting except in the most exceptional situation and never ever ever parted lips. It may be silly but a first meeting is way too early for that kind of emotional complexity to mess with assessing if this is the the kind of girl I want to date. (I know I mentioned in another post, today, kissing a girl this weekend past during the date but that was closed lipped and only on the edge of the lips .. heheh these differences matter! LOL)

It's so disheartening though. I mean, you be yourself; a good guy, charming, engaging, you treat them right and make them laugh but it's not enough. I say 'good guy' rather than 'nice guy' because the latter suggests being a pushover and jumping when she claps- I have more respect for myself than being that way. And then women come out with the line of "oh, where are all the good men gone!?"; well, maybe they've just been worn down.

I cannot disagree. Women are bloody difficult. They talk about mutual respect but too many of them only want it in one direction only.

And still I keep trying I mean, the most recent girl I met, she's gorgeous, brains to burn, really interesting.. but I'm ready for the spanner to be thrown in the works. A few years ago I would have been so excited to see her again, but all I can see is how this is going to end.

I can only say this to you Tchaikovsky - I know how you feel and I too need a break on a regular basis, but we can NEVER give up and we must never let our irritation interfere with individual encounters with a girl we go out with on a 1st, 2nd or whatever date...... Otherwise we will become our own self fulfilling prophecy. Each girl MUST be approached fresh. Why ? because it's all worth it for the time when we find a gem; when we find someone who holds us, kisses us and gives us the loving we need in our lives. That may sound a bit wussy to some ... but that's the truth.

Piliger

HellFireClub wrote: »

I've often had the very same conversation with myself, and I've come to the conclusion that there due to what you've pointed out, that OD is in fact a defective method of meeting your Missus Right.

Why do I still use it then I hear ya ask?!? Well it's a bit like believing in Santa Claus, isn't it?!? You really really want to believe the fairytale, but deep down, you know it's all just a crock of shít!

It's like what Churchill said about Democracy, lads ..."democracy is the worst form of government except all the others that have been tried."

OD is deeply flawed, as is the nightclub/pub scene and every other scene But being flawed does not make it useless. It just means we have to work with it and get the best out of it, knowing it's flaws.

Mr_Spaceman

....and isn't it all fecking hard work, eh?

Nothing good from OD ever seems to come easy. A bit like most things in life, really.

Piliger

mood wrote: »

How is her using the word 'pleasant' relevant?

I just HATE that word ......... it is so so wishy washy ... whenever anyone says something was 'pleasant' ... it's like saying it was like luke warm beer........ but maybe that's just my 'thing'

mood

Piliger wrote: »

I just HATE that word ......... it is so so wishy washy ... whenever anyone says something was 'pleasant' ... it's like saying it was like luke warm beer........ but maybe that's just my 'thing'

Dismissing a woman for simply using a word you don't like is over the top in my opinion.

Piliger

mood wrote: »

Dismissing a woman for simply using a word you don't like is over the top in my opinion.

I didn't dismiss her ... I just lamented her response ........

mood

Piliger wrote: »

I didn't dismiss her ... I just lamented her response ........

You kissed her and she agreed to another date. Surely that is positive!

sam34

Piliger wrote: »

Women are bloody difficult. They talk about mutual respect but too many of them only want it in one direction only.

let's leave out the generalisations please

Piliger

sam34 wrote: »

let's leave out the generalisations please

I agree. Apols.

HellFireClub

mood wrote: »

It happens a lot :rolleyes: or at least it has happened me a lot over the years (real life and on line dates). I don't understand it!

Oh, I've even had guys make detailed plans for next time we go out only for it to never happen!

I'd never EVER make a move to kiss a girl unless I was as certain as I could be, that there was huge chemistry there! Basically she'd have to initiate it! I don't know how just's go for it without fear of the head being turned the other way!

MizzWolfie

hollypink wrote: »

I was on a date at the weekend and the guy was telling me about a previous online date where the girl got him to collect her from her house in his car and drop her home. Now he seemed nice enough but is it not a bit unsafe to be letting a complete stranger know where you live and get in a car with them? I dont think I am paranoid about my safety but I'd never even consider doing that.

I am wondering if I am this girl. I went on a second date on Wednesday, said I'd meet the guy at the cinema. He said he'd be driving, only lives ten minutes from me, and it would be no trouble at all to pick me up. Because we'd gotten on so well on the first date I thought feck it, grand so. I wonder if it's the same guy. Does his name start with L? :pac:

hollypink

MizzWolfie wrote: »

I am wondering if I am this girl. I went on a second date on Wednesday, said I'd meet the guy at the cinema. He said he'd be driving, only lives ten minutes from me, and it would be no trouble at all to pick me up. Because we'd gotten on so well on the first date I thought feck it, grand so. I wonder if it's the same guy. Does his name start with L? :pac:

No definitely not you It was a first date, not a second one. That's why I was surprised; they had never met before.

Mr_Spaceman

HellFireClub wrote: »

I'd never EVER make a move to kiss a girl unless I was as certain as I could be, that there was huge chemistry there! Basically she'd have to initiate it! I don't know how just's go for it without fear of the head being turned the other way!

Unfortunately, if you wait for the girl to initiate a kiss, you'll be waiting a while, probably. Men are still expected to 'lead' these things. Although alcohol can assist these wee dilemmas on occasion!

I would never contemplate or expect a 'kiss scenario' on a first date via OD. I don't expect women tend to either - except if you're both feeling very lucky.

MizzWolfie

hollypink wrote: »

No definitely not you It was a first date, not a second one. That's why I was surprised; they had never met before.

Yeah, that's crazy!

HellFireClub

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Unfortunately, if you wait for the girl to initiate a kiss, you'll be waiting a while, probably. Men are still expected to 'lead' these things. Although alcohol can assist these wee dilemmas on occasion!

I would never contemplate or expect a 'kiss scenario' on a first date via OD. I don't expect women tend to either - except if you're both feeling very lucky.

Well I don't drink so I suppose it's no surprise that I'm having probs there lol!

riveratom

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Unfortunately, if you wait for the girl to initiate a kiss, you'll be waiting a while, probably. Men are still expected to 'lead' these things. Although alcohol can assist these wee dilemmas on occasion!

I would never contemplate or expect a 'kiss scenario' on a first date via OD. I don't expect women tend to either - except if you're both feeling very lucky.

Ah I'd rule nothing out! Went on a first date during the summer there, it was a warm Friday night in Dublin, few drinks and a few hours later we were snogging like there was no tomorrow!

mood

riveratom wrote: »

Ah I'd rule nothing out! Went on a first date during the summer there, it was a warm Friday night in Dublin, few drinks and a few hours later we were snogging like there was no tomorrow!

If a date is going very well and you like each other why not! However, I had one 'date' that was going very badly and I ended it early and he tried to kiss me!!!

riveratom

mood wrote: »

If a date is going very well and you like each other why not! However, I had one 'date' that was going very badly and I ended it early and he tried to kiss me!!!

Yikes....guess he really just wanted a snog?!

Yeah, that was the one girl I had chemistry with this year. Great when it happens, it's all smiles and kissin'!

Mr_Spaceman

I've just clicked on another profile... the girl in question has one pic. Wearing sunglasses.

I know this has been covered before, but FFS, why bother? You could be anyone.

It's a pity as she seems to have similar interests to me and quite switched on.

mood

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I've just clicked on another profile... the girl in question has one pic. Wearing sunglasses.

I know this has been covered before, but FFS, why bother? You could be anyone.

It's a pity as she seems to have similar interests to me and quite switched on.

Would it be rude in such a situation, particularly if the person with the poor quality photo contacts you first, to ask if they have another photo? I never have but have no replied to some men because I honestly couldn't tell if I could possible fancy them or not! I gave one guy the benefit of the doubt and he looked older than his age in real life and I didn't fancy him at all. Terrible date and a waste of time.

Esoteric_

mood wrote: »

Would it be rude in such a situation, particularly if the person with the poor quality photo contacts you first, to ask if they have another photo? I never have but have no replied to some men because I honestly couldn't tell if I could possible fancy them or not! I gave one guy the benefit of the doubt and he looked older than his age in real life and I didn't fancy him at all. Terrible date and a waste of time.

I don't think it would be rude, although the odd person may find it offensive. I really think that if someone ONLY has sunglasses pics on their profile, they're probably a little insecure about their looks or something.

At the end of the day, while online dating, it's essential to see what somebody looks like, because with OD, you're judging on personality but also looks. I'd definitely ask, and have done before.

cyrusdvirus

Minor (& well covered) rant!!

Why oh why oh WHY do attractive women feel they don't need to fill out their profiles and adopt Galva's snapping turtle approach.

seriously?? Its a pain in the arse.

AND It'll stop you getting 20000 messages, cos lads might know what you like, as opposed to just taking a chance that you will write back!

Esoteric_

gatecrash wrote: »

Minor (& well covered) rant!!

Why oh why oh WHY do attractive women feel they don't need to fill out their profiles and adopt Galva's snapping turtle approach.

seriously?? Its a pain in the arse.

AND It'll stop you getting 20000 messages, cos lads might know what you like, as opposed to just taking a chance that you will write back!

Yeah, it's a pain in the backside when people don't fill out their profiles.

That said, I don't think that filling out their profile will stop the inundation of messages, because plenty of men will just say 'Hi, how are you?' regardless of what's written or not written on a profile.


Also, received three messages from somebody with no profile picture. They weren't even interesting, just calling me beautiful or stunning, the sort of thing you ignore (even if it's flattering). Today, he messaged me again, with a picture, saying 'i have to say this ur beautiful and id love to get into ur knickers.'

Do guys REALLY think that this approach works?!

mood

gatecrash wrote: »

Minor (& well covered) rant!!

Why oh why oh WHY do attractive women feel they don't need to fill out their profiles and adopt Galva's snapping turtle approach.

seriously?? Its a pain in the arse.

AND It'll stop you getting 20000 messages, cos lads might know what you like, as opposed to just taking a chance that you will write back!

I assume it's because they think they don't have to bother making any effort to attract men with anything other than their looks. In my experience a lot of guy don't read profiles anyway so maybe they are right :rolleyes: