The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Esoteric_

Gavlasean, I've noticed that your posts have become a little cynical recently.

Because you said that this is your new and weird attitude to OD, I feel like I won't be causing too much offence (hopefully!) when I say that your posts are bloody hilarious of late. :pac:


Also, every single one of us seem to be having shíte luck on this thing! I just had some guy complaining that 'you don't like date things' so he offered to help me paint my house! :pac: How he came to the conclusion that I don't like 'date things' is beyond me. He cancelled on me twice because he was sick and I had to cancel on him once because I had a chest infection. :pac: Doesn't mean I don't like 'date things.'

I dunno. I'm having more luck offline than I am online. Yet somehow I'm still online. I'm some glutton for punishment. :rolleyes:

miamee

A big group hug for Galvasean, Mr_Spaceman and Tchaikovsky You all sound like great guys from here anyway, those ladies don't know what they are missing out on.

I am taking a bit of a break for the moment as there may be a teeny, tiny development offline but if I wasn't - I'd be finding it as tough going as you to be honest! I just look at it as a bit of frivolous fun that may, possibly, in some universe parallel to this one, lead to finding a partner. If I was expecting to meet the love of my life I'd be sorely disappointed

Esoteric_

miamee wrote: »

A big group hug for Galvasean, Mr_Spaceman and Tchaikovsky You all sound like great guys from here anyway, those ladies don't know what they are missing out on.

I am taking a bit of a break for the moment as there may be a teeny, tiny development offline but if I wasn't - I'd be finding it as tough going as you to be honest! I just look at it as a bit of frivolous fun that may, possibly, in some universe parallel to this one, lead to finding a partner. If I was expecting to meet the love of my life I'd be sorely disappointed

We all seem to be having offline developments rather than online.

If nothing comes from OD for us, at least we've all had a few creepy stalker or psycho men/women stories to laugh about.

Also agreed that the men on this thread are lovely guys and the women who are failing to see that are more than a little bit silly. And all the women on this thread are obviously amazing too.


Also, the guy who said that I don't like 'date things' has offered me a back rub. Talk about an instant mood change!

stargazer 68

OOh everyone seems to be a bit down in the dumps with the OD thing lately

Personally I think you need to take a break every so often as it gets tiring - same people over and over again - and come back refreshed!

But there is light at the end of the tunnel. I was on the OD for over 6 years and had plenty of disasters. Been with my OH 7 months or so now and hes great. Been on hols together a couple of times, met both families including kids (even the ex wife!).

So stick at it folks

Armaghmagic

Yeah I met another lady IRL while out with a mate at the weekend so hopefully something will spark off there. At least I could avoid either lying or facing the embarrassment of explaining how we met, given that its not from OD!

Only problem is I have a POF date lined up for this Thursday.....might just have to take 1 for the team

I feel the same as the above posters; if it wasn't for my offline possibility, I would be getting a bit disheartened with the online scene. Messages have become something of a rarity:rolleyes:

Jimmy Bottlehead

Is it just me, or is POF not letting people sign in at the moment?

Esoteric_

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

Is it just me, or is POF not letting people sign in at the moment?

Just went to check and I logged in as normal just now.

mood

crapmanjoe wrote: »

Really? i sometimes say something along the lines of "you have a nice smile" - wouldnt consider that creepy

But maybe it explains my low reply rate

Creepy might be the wrong word. But what is a girl meant to say? I just makes me feel uncomfortable which is not a good start.

Esoteric_

mood wrote: »

Creepy might be the wrong word. But what is a girl meant to say? I just makes me feel uncomfortable which is not a good start.

I agree in that I feel a little uncomfortable if someone says something flattering about my appearance in their first message. That said, if there's more substance to the message, I'll generally just reply to that part and hope they don't realise I ignored the compliment! :pac:

mood

Galvasean wrote: »

That's quite rough. I still don't get how some people think you should feel a 'spark' for someone after a short coffee date of little over a half an hour (Anyone who thinks they feel one straight away is usually just experiencing lust).
Could be worse I guess. You could be like me and have a tiny penis and be completely unable to get mails replied to, let alone a date off anyone despite having had very little problem in the past.
The girls I message always visit my profile, but then decide not to reply. I can only assume that I am a handsome bugger but my personality stinks! :pac:

@ Tchaikovsky

If you are going for the coffee date option maybe that is the problem. I prefer to go for a drink. I had a few first 'dates' last 5 hours as we got on great. If someone wants to say goodbye after a coffee I would see that as being a very bad sign.

Honey-ec

mood wrote: »

Creepy might be the wrong word. But what is a girl meant to say? I just makes me feel uncomfortable which is not a good start.

"Thanks"?

mood

Honey-ec wrote: »

"Thanks"?

Followed by a awkward silence.

It just make me cringe. I'm not they type of girl who fishes for and thrives on having my ego stroked and I don't want to meet a guy who assumes I am like that.

Honey-ec

mood wrote: »

Followed by a awkward silence.

It just make me cringe. I'm not they type of girl who fishes for and thrives on having my ego stroked and I don't want to meet a guy who assumes I am like that.

I don't see how fishing for an ego-stroke even comes into it? If someone compliments me on something I thank them for it and think "That was nice." It would never even cross my mind to assume that he assumes I was looking to have my ego stroked

mood

Honey-ec wrote: »

I don't see how fishing for an ego-stroke even comes into it? If someone compliments me on something I thank them for it and think "That was nice." It would never even cross my mind to assume that he assumes I was looking to have my ego stroked

I really don't like getting compliments form someone who doesn't know me. I am entitled to have an opinion. The guy asked for advice/opinion and I gave a honest one. That approach is not working for him so maybe he need to rethink it.

riveratom

mood wrote: »

Followed by a awkward silence.

It just make me cringe. I'm not they type of girl who fishes for and thrives on having my ego stroked and I don't want to meet a guy who assumes I am like that.

Ah here now.

I mean, I don't use that approach myself, but look - the poor guy looks at your photo, thinks you look nice and have a great smile, and sends a completely innocuous comment to that effect (presumably sometimes / most of the time within a nice intro mail, etc). And instead of just feeling good about that, you turn it back on him and make it about you, and how the guy is guilty of thinking you are an ego-maniac or something?!

Not having a go mood, but to be honest I think this is the kind of thing that just makes guys go 'why bother, I can't win' and has the likes of Tchaikovsky above just give up the ghost.

mood

riveratom wrote: »

Ah here now.

I mean, I don't use that approach myself, but look - the poor guy looks at your photo, thinks you look nice and have a great smile, and sends a completely innocuous comment to that effect (presumably sometimes / most of the time within a nice intro mail, etc). And instead of just feeling good about that, you turn it back on him and make it about you, and how the guy is guilty of thinking you are an ego-maniac or something?!

Not having a go mood, but to be honest I think this is the kind of thing that just makes guys go 'why bother, I can't win' and has the likes of Tchaikovsky above just give up the ghost.

Maybe other girls like it but I don't and from experience when I did reply to that sort of thing in the past it just lead to more email with comments like 'how are you single', 'why are you single', 'a girl like you would never go for a guy like me'... in other word all bull and no proper conversation despite me trying to turn it into a proper conversation that might lead to a date.

Piliger

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Thanks for the kind words It's so frustrating when you know you could offer someone so much, but they aren't willing to give you that opportunity after only 2 hours together.
You seem to have had it rough lately aswell, so I hope- check that, I'm sure!- that things will start looking up for you soon

Hi Tchaikovsky, I really do sympathise though that's not what you really want right now.

I suggest that you suspend the account and take a break to recharge? Try not to focus blame on the girls you meet or the OD if you possibly can. Sometimes things just don't happen when we want them to.

Come back in a few weeks and give it another go, and fingers crossed for some better luck.

Hang in there.

Tchaikovsky

mood wrote: »

@ Tchaikovsky

If you are going for the coffee date option maybe that is the problem. I prefer to go for a drink. I had a few first 'dates' last 5 hours as we got on great. If someone wants to say goodbye after a coffee I would see that as being a very bad sign.

No, I've only gone for the coffee date option once and then we went for dinner and a walk in the park.. so it turned into a 5 hour date

Honestly, I've never had a bad or awkward date; I'm a very friendly and personable guy, I'm not socially retarded and I'm not an ogre... in fact I had someone recently say that I would be a 9, haha.

It leaves you doubting and questioning yourself when you've done nothing wrong. (I even had a wee cry last night at the futility of it all)

Loath as I am to admit it, but I think it's the job issue.

Tchaikovsky

Piliger wrote: »

Hi Tchaikovsky, I really do sympathise though that's not what you really want right now.

I suggest that you suspend the account and take a break to recharge? Try not to focus blame on the girls you meet or the OD if you possibly can. Sometimes things just don't happen when we want them to.

Come back in a few weeks and give it another go, and fingers crossed for some better luck.

Hang in there.

Cheers man, I appreciate that.

I deleted my account; going to concentrate on other things. The whole 'first date build-up and then nothing' routine was sapping my energy and I'm worth more than that.

mood

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

No, I've only gone for the coffee date option once and then we went for dinner and a walk in the park.. so it turned into a 5 hour date

Honestly, I've never had a bad or awkward date; I'm a very friendly and personable guy, I'm not socially retarded and I'm not an ogre... in fact I had someone recently say that I would be a 9, haha.

It leaves you doubting and questioning yourself when you've done nothing wrong. (I even had a wee cry last night at the futility of it all)

Loath as I am to admit it, but I think it's the job issue.

Just because an internet date doesn't lead to a relationship don't mean there is something wrong with you. The fact that girls have had long dates with you is a good sign I think. Not everyone you meet with want a relationship with you and visa versa and there is a huge amount of luck involved with meeting someone especially with online dating. I think the key is to not pin all your hopes on it and see it as another possible way to meet some or even make a new friend.

I think the coffee with the option for going for dinner/drink if it goes ok is a good approach.

enviro

I seen tagged mentioned by another poster on here... so I said I would give it a shot.

Signed up two days ago and have a date lined up for this week and I'm getting on really well with two others. Have exchanged numbers ect...
I was on POF previously for about two years on and off. My verdict of that site is that it did't work for me at all. Messages were rarely replied to and sometimes read and just deleted.

The strategy I used on tagged, and it may help others, is to have at least two photos of your face, add photos with friends after this and definitely not as your main profile picture. Add a bit about yourself, interests, hobbies and the like. Then set the search parameters; location, age, gender and just view profiles... add a friend request to the people you find interesting.

If and when they accept your friend request, you have a perfect opportunity to thank them for accepting and start chatting with them. Simple. I have 12 "friends" on it and about 7 or 8 requests outstanding. All of those that accepted my request replied to my messages. I hit it off with 3.

I must add that I only contacted girls who looked like they were decent and around my own age (28) +/- 5 years, I think that is a reasonable and appropriate gap to start with considering my own age.

I didn't contact girls who were half dressed or posing for the camera in a suggestive manner... I think that saved me some time.

Beware of the overseas spam requests "want to cam" and similar bull.

I have yet to receive a message or a friend request from a girl who I didn't contact first. So be proactive lads (and girls) and good luck.

Regarding the first couple of messages that you send out...
I would put time and effort into constructing a tailored message around the girl's profile and interests. Would not mention personal appearance at all, way too soon for that.
Take an interest in her and when she replies respond intelligently, focusing on what she wrote in her reply. I found that some of the girls replies were short and I had to encourage the conversation along with more content but it paid off after the first 4 or 5 messages, the girls usually got more into the conversation at that point, again be interesting. If she likes x factor on her profile, ask her about that, but don't be hitting her with lots of questions, keep it cool and conversation like. Make your own observations and conclusions, show your personality.

Galvasean

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Gavlasean, I've noticed that your posts have become a little cynical recently.

Because you said that this is your new and weird attitude to OD, I feel like I won't be causing too much offence (hopefully!) when I say that your posts are bloody hilarious of late. :pac:

Well, I was going for overly manic melodrama. Ah well, once they're making people laugh I'm cool with that.

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

It leaves you doubting and questioning yourself when you've done nothing wrong.

Just assume people are crazy and move on. Chances are you did absolutely nothing wrong. There's just lots of people out there who haven't a bull's notion about when they're on to a good thing. I know saying it's 'their loss' is something of a cliché around these parts, but it really is!


Got a reply from that girl I mentioned last night. Alas there shall be no Professor Farnsworth video as I'm not her type apparently. At least she was at pains to let me know she appreciated the effort I put into my opening gambit. While I'm not going to hide my disappointment, it was nice to have one's labor acknowledged for a change.

Mr_Spaceman

mood wrote: »

Just because an internet date doesn't lead to a relationship don't mean there is something wrong with you. The fact that girls have had long dates with you is a good sign I think. Not everyone you meet with want a relationship with you and visa versa and there is a huge amount of luck involved with meeting someone especially with online dating. I think the key is to not pin all your hopes on it and see it as another possible way to meet some or even make a new friend.

I think the coffee with the option for going for dinner/drink if it goes ok is a good approach.

I forgot to mention something along similar lines earlier.

To a large extent I treat OD as a method of simply meeting new people. I can do the PR-style schmoozing if necessary. That way, firstly, you have no expectations, and, secondly, it stops you from getting all over-analytical.

Of course, if I meet a woman who I'm very attracted to, I do my utmost to charm her. The less said about the results of that, the better!

OD, in theory, should be great for me as I can write 'appealing' messages with relative ease, but getting replies is a different matter.

It's also frustrating because I'm not the sort of guy IRL to go around approaching women as they fondle the fruit in the local Sainsbury's. The 6' 4" rugby player bf is usually lurking in the next aisle!

EdenHazard

enviro wrote: »

I seen tagged mentioned by another poster on here... so I said I would give it a shot.

Tagged representin'.

enviro

Speaking of tagged, I came across this in a profile:

Music:dance rave rnb hiphop
Books:books wats tat
Sports:don do it
Interests:goin out nd get locked with d girls
Best Features:u tell me :P


LOL

Esoteric_

EdenHazard wrote: »

Tagged representin'.

Every time I've used tagged, I get non stop comments featuring pornographic gifs.

That site terrifies me.

Mr_Spaceman

enviro wrote: »

Speaking of tagged, I came across this in a profile:

Music:dance rave rnb hiphop
Books:books wats tat
Sports:don do it
Interests:goin out nd get locked with d girls
Best Features:u tell me :P


LOL

I blame the schools.
The sad thing is there are thousands of balloons like this - none of whom should be allowed within a mile of a computer.
*shakes head*

enviro

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Every time I've used tagged, I get non stop comments featuring pornographic gifs.

That site terrifies me.

Really? Well I'm a fella and they are hardly gonna send them to me I suppose but did you try blocking them?, but if you don't like the site in general, hardly any point

enviro

Any other sites you would recommend?

mood

enviro wrote: »

Speaking of tagged, I came across this in a profile:

Music:dance rave rnb hiphop
Books:books wats tat
Sports:don do it
Interests:goin out nd get locked with d girls
Best Features:u tell me :P


LOL

A real lady :rolleyes: