The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Mental Mickey

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Are most men on PoF just interested in casual hook ups or ONS? 95% of the messages I get are for that reason. I only joined last week but its very annoying already.

I'm one of the 5% then. Drop me a pm!

CastorTroy

Remind me: What's the point of women having "Wants to Date but nothing serious" in their profile? Seems like a waste of time if you're going out with someone and they don't want to get serious.

cloud_dancer

The online dating treads have given me many a giggle and some really good advice over the past few months

I set up a profile on POF about a month ago, got talking to a few nice guys and I seem to have good convo's going with three or four of them. One guy in particular sounds perfect for me; similar interests, same field of study, good looking, chatty, polite and lives in my area. We've been messaging about a week and now he's asked me out for drinks next weekend

Now, my issue is that the other guys have also asked me would I like to go for a coffee some time. For one reason or another I couldn't plan dates with any of them last week. A couple of them I think I’d get on well with but there is no huge attraction looks wise for me. I'd still give them a chance as I wasn't initially attracted to my last BF and that changed as I got to know him. One has asked me to go for coffee during the week. Do you think I should organise the other dates for after the weekend drinks with the guy I like? So if we get on and plan date two I can politely let the other guys know I've met someone. Or, do you think I should go ahead and plan the coffee dates for during the week anyway in case this falls through or we don’t get on in person?

Btw I'd def a one man woman so I wouldn't be used to juggling several guys at the one time! :eek:

cloud_dancer

CastorTroy wrote: »

Remind me: What's the point of women having "Wants to Date but nothing serious" in their profile? Seems like a waste of time if you're going out with someone and they don't want to get serious.

I think in some cases they are afraid to come off as being desperate for a relationship. "Wants to date is but nothing serious" is playing it safe.

Meauldsegosha

cloud_dancer wrote: »

Hello, first time poster and long time lurker on the online dating threads

You can set your email preferences to block anybody from emailing you who has messaged another member looking for an intimate encounter. My first day I was getting loads of these type messages even before I added a pic. Now they are rare. There are other settings you can change too so you cut out a lot of people you wouldn’t be interested in. Also set a minimum amount of characters for the first message to cut out the “Hi, how are you?” chancers. It saves wading through lots of BS emails.

Thanks for the tip I'll change the settings later when I'm home. A good few of the messages I've had are from men who have looking for a relationship in their profile so I chat to and within a couple of messages they're telling me all the things they want to do to me. It's a waste of their time and my time.

njs030

CastorTroy wrote: »

Remind me: What's the point of women having "Wants to Date but nothing serious" in their profile? Seems like a waste of time if you're going out with someone and they don't want to get serious.

Because there's no option for dating and see how it goes.

Mr_Spaceman

mood wrote: »

I've experience that as well and they were totally unsuitable for me for very obvious reasons. One man was 30+ years older. Another was so drunk he couldn't stand. One was a total sexist. One was already in a relationship. I could go on but won't. I can't believe friends would rather see me with one of these rather than be single :mad:

I'd be having a quiet word with those friends of yours. To think these are the kind of eejits you'd actually want to spend time with, never mind a relationship.

What a joke.

mood

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I'd be having a quiet word with those friends of yours. To think these are the kind of eejits you'd actually want to spend time with, never mind a relationship.

What a joke.

I had at the time and let them know how insulted I was. I doesn't happen often but it shouldn't happen at all!

cloud_dancer

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Thanks for the tip I'll change the settings later when I'm home. A good few of the messages I've had are from men who have looking for a relationship in their profile so I chat to and within a couple of messages they're telling me all the things they want to do to me. It's a waste of their time and my time.

That's annoying :mad: I don't know why people can't just be honest ablout what they are looking for.

Mr_Spaceman

I was looking on POF just now at the profiles of some obviously good-looking ladies.

Interesting profiles and they seem to have their act together, as well as being that dying breed of person who can actually construct a sentence in English.

The problem is I can't be really arsed messaging these kinds of girls much anymore.

Why?

Because if you're not a stereotypical hunk you're never going to get a reply from someone who is going to be inundated with messages.

Even many of the ladies on here confirm they're getting loaded with more messages than they know what to do with.

I don't know if there's an answer to this at all but even getting a rare reply these days feels like a fcuking achievement.

miamee

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I was looking on POF just now at the profiles of some obviously good-looking ladies.

Interesting profiles and they seem to have their act together, as well as being that dying breed of person who can actually construct a sentence in English.

The problem is I can't be really arsed messaging these kinds of girls much anymore.

Why?

Because if you're not a sterrotypical hunk you're never going to get a reply from someone who is going to be inundated with messages.

Even many of the ladies on here confirm they're getting loaded with more messages than they know what to do with.

I don't know if there's an answer to this at all but even getting a rare reply these days feels like a fcuking achievement.

It sounds like you need to take a break for a little while and forget about the whole sorry lot of it. I know it can be very disheartening when you put in loads of effort for little or no return, you feel like you are wasting your time and whether it is worth it at all.
Stop looking at profiles if you have no interest in sending out messages, that in itself is a waste of your time. Log out for a few days and hopefully you will feel differently or sufficiently ready to take it all on again soon

Esoteric_

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I was looking on POF just now at the profiles of some obviously good-looking ladies.

Interesting profiles and they seem to have their act together, as well as being that dying breed of person who can actually construct a sentence in English.

The problem is I can't be really arsed messaging these kinds of girls much anymore.

Why?

Because if you're not a sterrotypical hunk you're never going to get a reply from someone who is going to be inundated with messages.

Even many of the ladies on here confirm they're getting loaded with more messages than they know what to do with.

I don't know if there's an answer to this at all but even getting a rare reply these days feels like a fcuking achievement.

I dunno mate, it sounds as though you're getting a little down about it all, so if that's the case, maybe take a few weeks off?

I'd be one of the ladies saying that they're inundated (I'm not saying that to be cocky, because 90% of them are rubbish messages), but I do tend to reply to any good message, regardless of what the guy looks like. I figure that you never really know what somebody looks like til you see them in person. I'm pretty sure I'm more attractive in pictures than IRL!

I suppose it's easier for me to sift through the crap and find time to reply to every good message though, because in my age bracket (I'm 23), most of the lads use text speak, so I only reply to the ones using proper English, which isn't many! I would imagine that in a slightly older age bracket (you're early 40s if I remember), the women who are inundated with messages are also inundated with well written messages because people after 30 tend to use decent English more often than not, so have a hell of a lot more choice.


On an unrelated note - my eclectic music tastes seem to be garnering a lot of interest. Every single decent message I get also commends me on my music taste. :pac:

Mr_Spaceman

I have absolutely no interest in extreme sports, pumping iron and sports cars. But this kind of stuff appears to be the thing for a lot of so-called alpha males on OD.

Maybe I should try a sunglass-posing stretch over a fancy car while exposing my six-pack :rolleyes:

It would appear I'm at a disadvantage here - and if this is what supposedly attracts women on sites then the game's over for me.

miamee

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I have absolutely no interest in extreme sports, pumping iron and sports cars. But these things appear to be the thing for a lot of blokes on OD.

Maybe I should try a sunglass-posing stretch over a fancy car while exposing my six-pack :rolleyes:

It would appear I'm at a disadvantage here - and if this is what supposedly attracts women on sites then the game's over for me.

Not everyone is that predictable...lots of women (myself included) would run a mile from a profile like that. The sports car on it's own would be fine but otherwise - no thanks.
Anyway, have stopped using OD for the moment so I possibly shouldn't even be commenting here!

Esoteric_

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I have absolutely no interest in extreme sports, pumping iron and sports cars. But this kind of stuff appears to be the thing for a lot of so-called alpha males on OD.

Maybe I should try a sunglass-posing stretch over a fancy car while exposing my six-pack :rolleyes:

It would appear I'm at a disadvantage here - and if this is what supposedly attracts women on sites then the game's over for me.

Like miamee, I'd run from a profile like that. If someone's profile is all about extreme sports, cars and bodybuilding, I'd assume they're like the lads on Jersey Shore and just interested in GTL (Gym, Tan, Laundry) rather than having any interesting hobbies.

I don't think that that's what attracts women at all, but all women are different. If you have a particular 'type' when it comes to women, it might be that that 'type' is attracted to that and you should mix up your 'type' a bit?
I tend to attract slightly geeky guys because I'm a bit geeky myself, so I don't get too many sports nuts messaging me thankfully. :pac:

Meauldsegosha

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I have absolutely no interest in extreme sports, pumping iron and sports cars. But this kind of stuff appears to be the thing for a lot of so-called alpha males on OD.

Maybe I should try a sunglass-posing stretch over a fancy car while exposing my six-pack :rolleyes:

It would appear I'm at a disadvantage here - and if this is what supposedly attracts women on sites then the game's over for me.

I agree with the other posters that kind if profile wouldn't appeal to me at all. I'd be more interested in someone who I could chat with and those so-called alpha males (I don't think they are btw) would interest me.

Mr_Spaceman

I think it's obvious that the ladies contributing to this thread are far more interesting and articulate than the dullards I normally see on POF!

I have indie music tastes and like football and travelling. Kinda hard to find someone on the same page, really, never mind someone cute and intelligent enough to reply to my Wildean messages!

Daveysil15

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I have absolutely no interest in extreme sports, pumping iron and sports cars. But this kind of stuff appears to be the thing for a lot of so-called alpha males on OD.

Maybe I should try a sunglass-posing stretch over a fancy car while exposing my six-pack :rolleyes:

It would appear I'm at a disadvantage here - and if this is what supposedly attracts women on sites then the game's over for me.

I have an interest in all those things and it has not really helped me so I don't think that's what's holding you back. Mind you I don't have any photos of me topless stretching over my car or anything like that. I just have photos of myself doing outdoor sporty stuff.

I doubt if those alpha male types do well in OD tbh. My female friend gets lots of messages on POF from guys with topless photos of themselves posing in front of a mirror. Cringe! Or the boy racer with the Honda Integra Type R. 'Vroom Vroom, Yeah Baby.' Maybe young immature teenage girls like that sort of thing, but I doubt if most girls are impressed by that - Well I hope not anyway.

mood

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I think it's obvious that the ladies contributing to this thread are far more interesting and articulate than the dullards I normally see on POF!

I have indie music tastes and like football and travelling. Kinda hard to find someone on the same page, really, never mind someone cute and intelligent enough to reply to my Wildean messages!

Most people like traveling so that's not really and issue IMO. Wanting to find a woman who likes football might be make it harder but is it really necessary for a relationship? IMO it's not. Even the same taste in music is not necessary for a good relationship.

Esoteric_

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I think it's obvious that the ladies contributing to this thread are far more interesting and articulate than the dullards I normally see on POF!

I have indie music tastes and like football and travelling. Kinda hard to find someone on the same page, really, never mind someone cute and intelligent enough to reply to my Wildean messages!

Just like I think the men here are (for the most part) more interesting and intelligent than the people I've spoken to on POF. It'd be so much easier if we all just fancied each other, we could do a boardsie date night. :pac:

Hmm. I've seen plenty of guys who like those sorts of things, and it hasn't turned me off replying to them, even though I'm a rugby, heavy metal and archery kinda girl. :pac: What about giving a chance to someone who you wouldn't normally be attracted to? You could be pleasantly surprised!

cloud_dancer

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I have absolutely no interest in extreme sports, pumping iron and sports cars. But this kind of stuff appears to be the thing for a lot of so-called alpha males on OD.

Maybe I should try a sunglass-posing stretch over a fancy car while exposing my six-pack :rolleyes:

It would appear I'm at a disadvantage here - and if this is what supposedly attracts women on sites then the game's over for me.

Personally speaking, that type of guy wouldn't be for me at all. Profiles stating they "want a girl who seeks adventure" or "I live life on the edge" wouldn’t interest me.

Some guys make out that they are out bungee jumping and skydiving every weekend when in reality they’ve probably done it once while travelling.

Daveysil15

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I'm a rugby, heavy metal and archery kinda girl. :pac:

Hmm, that narrows it down a bit.

<<< Begins searching.

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Hmm, that narrows it down a bit.

<<< Begins searching.

:pac:

sharper

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I have absolutely no interest in extreme sports, pumping iron and sports cars. But this kind of stuff appears to be the thing for a lot of so-called alpha males on OD.

What guys are doing doesn't necessarily mean it's what attracts women. Look at the number of guys sending naked pictures and sexual rants at unsuspecting women, hardly a recipe for success.

One of my profile pictures is me reading a book. That's 90% of women lost right away but that's fine, I prefer to talk to women attracted to someone like me!

sharper

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I have indie music tastes and like football and travelling. Kinda hard to find someone on the same page, really, never mind someone cute and intelligent enough to reply to my Wildean messages!

Coming at this from a nerd perspective, it seems like everyone is into indie music, sports and travelling.

mood

sharper wrote: »

What guys are doing doesn't necessarily mean it's what attracts women. Look at the number of guys sending naked pictures and sexual rants at unsuspecting women, hardly a recipe for success.

One of my profile pictures is me reading a book. That's 90% of women lost right away but that's fine, I prefer to talk to women attracted to someone like me!

Why would that loose 90% of women?

Mr_Spaceman

sharper wrote: »

Coming at this from a nerd perspective, it seems like everyone is into indie music, sports and travelling.

I can assure you if they were then I would be out dating and not posting on here.

Also, I live in London where, in theory, you have the biggest jam pot of dating potential. Yet, the same problems and roadblocks exist as in Ireland - arguably more, in fact.

In my view, you need to have at least a couple of shared interests at the beginning to even get off the ground.

For instance, I note profiles of many physically attractive women, but when I click onto their details they either say next to nothing (which suggests they might be hard work) or their list of interests doesn't correspond with mine whatsover.

I don't care how 'hot' a woman is - if she's into a heap of stuff which doesn't chime with me I'm not going to waste my time or hers. What's the point?

sharper

mood wrote: »

Why would that loose 90% of women?

Just another made up number but I could have said "90% of people" since people don't like books and then you have the people that like "books" (Dan Brown and Twilight).

Generally though the last thing you want to be is an introvert and a nerd if you're dating women.

njs030

sharper wrote: »

Just another made up number but I could have said "90% of people" since people don't like books and then you have the people that like "books" (Dan Brown and Twilight).

Generally though the last thing you want to be is an introvert and a nerd if you're dating women.

I love reading and would be delighted to chat to someone who has that in common!! Just because you haven't met someone with the same interest doesn't mean they're not out there....

AnnyHallsal

sharper wrote: »

Just another made up number but I could have said "90% of people" since people don't like books and then you have the people that like "books" (Dan Brown and Twilight).

Generally though the last thing you want to be is an introvert and a nerd if you're dating women.

Well it depends. I find shyness endearing, though admittedly they have to be able to have a conversation. And a Michael Cera/David Mitchell type 'nerd' ... send them my way please.