The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

cloud_dancer

riveratom wrote: »

I was chatting away to a girl who lives a bit of a distance (not too far, but a couple of short trips away) from where I live, and who was fairly clear about me coming to her, rather than any suggestion of meeting half way. It seemed like she just didn't want to entertain the idea of this, that it had to be like that. Hmmmmm....

High maintenance alert!!!!

miamee

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Probably because I mentioned the fact that I have a disability in my profile...?

I think Piliger probably meant because you said you have no idea what to say in even a first message. Have you sent any? I wouldn't delete the profile just yet, take a break from it, think about what you want to have in the profile and maybe make some changes to it/add some new stuff

cloud_dancer

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Probably because I mentioned the fact that I have a disability in my profile...?

I don't think Pilager was referencing anything to do with your disability. More the lack of confidence and conversation when contacting women.

Mr_Spaceman

The story of my life contained in a message just received...

"I've actually been on a couple of dates with a chap from here and quite like him....so although it is early days and I'm not ready to delete my profile yet, I'm not meeting up with anyone else until I see how it pans out.

But thanks for getting in touch!"

I'd rather be ignored (I'm used to that) than be patronised. I know she means well but fcuk that.

riveratom

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

The story of my life contained in a message just received...

"I've actually been on a couple of dates with a chap from here and quite like him....so although it is early days and I'm not ready to delete my profile yet, I'm not meeting up with anyone else until I see how it pans out.

But thanks for getting in touch!"

I'd rather be ignored (I'm used to that) than be patronised. I know she means well but fcuk that.

How is that patronising man?

If I got that, I'd be saying 'well thank you for being honest and straightforward about it'.

cloud_dancer

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

The story of my life contained in a message just received...

"I've actually been on a couple of dates with a chap from here and quite like him....so although it is early days and I'm not ready to delete my profile yet, I'm not meeting up with anyone else until I see how it pans out.

But thanks for getting in touch!"

I'd rather be ignored (I'm used to that) than be patronised. I know she means well but fcuk that.

It's more than likely the truth and she didn't want you to feel like you were being ignored cause she doesn't fancy you.

smallgarden

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

The story of my life contained in a message just received...

"I've actually been on a couple of dates with a chap from here and quite like him....so although it is early days and I'm not ready to delete my profile yet, I'm not meeting up with anyone else until I see how it pans out.

But thanks for getting in touch!"

I'd rather be ignored (I'm used to that) than be patronised. I know she means well but fcuk that.

i like het honesty,if it doesnt turn out well she may message you back in next week or so.depends if you prefer to be ignored or get honest response.id prefer to be ignored than told i think youre hideous but in this scenario think honest response above is a fair response

sharper

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I'd rather be ignored (I'm used to that) than be patronised. I know she means well but fcuk that.

Seemed like a perfectly nice response to me. Obviously anything other than success is disappointing but she did put a bit of effort in to be honest and not make you think you did something wrong or she wasn't interested.

Mr_Spaceman

riveratom wrote: »

How is that patronising man?

If I got that, I'd be saying 'well thank you for being honest and straightforward about it'.

It's the OD equivalent of a job interview rejection letter.

Maybe it's me but I'd rather be ignored than be someones' afterthought or second prize.

miamee

I think the point here is that Mr_Spaceman doesn't believe the story about some other chap from the site and thinks she has made this up instead of just ignoring him/saying she is not interested. Or am I way off the mark?

smallgarden

miamee wrote: »

I think the point here is that Mr_Spaceman doesn't believe the story about some other chap from the site and thinks she has made this up instead of just ignoring him/saying she is not interested. Or am I way off the mark?

i dont see why anyone would bother writing message like that for evryone theyre not interested in, yeah you might say that after going on few dates with someone but not replying to just a message

HellFireClub

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

The story of my life contained in a message just received...

"I've actually been on a couple of dates with a chap from here and quite like him....so although it is early days and I'm not ready to delete my profile yet, I'm not meeting up with anyone else until I see how it pans out.

But thanks for getting in touch!"

I'd rather be ignored (I'm used to that) than be patronised. I know she means well but fcuk that.

I actually think that that is the nicest possible way of putting things, whether it's the truth or whether she maybe is not interested. I sent out a mail like that once, to a girl who suggested we meet up after I had been chatting to her the previous week, (and I genuinely was pursuing a second date with a girl I'd met on the site but this happened after I had been chatting to the first girl), and I got wished well in what I was at with a suggestion to get in touch if nothing became of it. As it happened of course, nothing did become of it!

All's fair in love & war me auld flower!

Mr_Spaceman

I hear what everyone is saying, but the point I'm making is that, personally, I'd rather be ignored. In the OD minefield, honesty isn't always the best policy.

I'm not interested in hearing about 'some other guy' while being let down gently. It's extra head-wrecking, ego-flattening bollocks I can do without.

HellFireClub

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

I hear what everyone is saying, but the point I'm making is that, personally, I'd rather be ignored. In the OD minefield, honesty isn't always the best policy.

I'm not interested in hearing about 'some other guy' while being let down gently. It's extra head-wrecking, ego-flattening bollocks I can do without.

Do you not think the biggest flattener is a lack of a response, as if someone is looking at your profile going, "nah not good enough for me I'm afraid!"...???

Mr_Spaceman

HellFireClub wrote: »

Do you not think the biggest flattener is a lack of a response, as if someone is looking at your profile going, "nah not good enough for me I'm afraid!"...???

Perhaps.

However it is a condition which most men who enter OD are used to. I certainly am anyway.

Mental Mickey

cloud_dancer wrote: »

I don't think Pilager was referencing anything to do with your disability. More the lack of confidence and conversation when contacting women.

Thanks. Apologies to Pilager:). I think the lack of confidence is down to my disability??? I haven't had one message on it.

I don't want someone to date me out of pity, either. F**k that. Don't want a sympathy date.

smallgarden

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Perhaps.

However it is a condition which most men who enter OD are used to. I certainly am anyway.

most women too,getting bit sick of mens poor me attitude on this thread thinking women are terrible,both sexes are on par when it comes to od

HellFireClub

smallgarden wrote: »

most women too,getting bit sick of mens poor me attitude on this thread thinking women are terrible,both sexes are on par when it comes to od

Couldn't disagree more. The site is a very different experience for men than it is for women. I personally would love to be able to log into POF and see 10-20 messages an evening sitting there waiting for my attention! I get one or two, but I stopped sending out messages ages ago simply because you're wasting your time, you won't get replies, and I'm not a bad looking bloke or boring, and my profile reflects that.

There is no excuse really for women, even the women on the site who might not be striking looking, but they still get dozens of mails a week, ok some of them are from married plebs out chasing no strings, but I genuinely can't see how so many women can be apparently single, for so long??? I see the same faces on the site for the last number of years, don't tell me that despite getting hundreds and hundreds of messages in all their time on the site, that at least one of the senders couldn't have been highly suitable dating material!

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

Couldn't disagree more. The site is a very different experience for men than it is for women. I personally would love to be able to log into POF and see 10-20 messages an evening sitting there waiting for my attention! I get one or two, but I stopped sending out messages ages ago simply because you're wasting your time, you won't get replies, and I'm not a bad looking bloke or boring, and my profile reflects that.

There is no excuse really for women, even the women on the site who might not be striking looking, but they still get dozens of mails a week, ok some of them are from married plebs out chasing no strings, but I genuinely can't see how so many women can be apparently single, for so long??? I see the same faces on the site for the last number of years, don't tell me that despite getting hundreds and hundreds of messages in all their time on the site, that at least one of the senders couldn't have been highly suitable dating material!

So would I! :rolleyes:

HellFireClub

miamee wrote: »

So would I! :rolleyes:

Well I can't understand that, apparently a girl with not even as much as a pic up gets dozens of mails a day.

miamee

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well I can't understand that, apparently a girl with not even as much as a pic up gets dozens of mails a day.

Not true in all cases. I have pics up, they are not terrible (if I do say so myself :P) and I do not get 10-20 mails a week, never mind a day. In fact the last message I got was *checks POF inbox* 9th October and before that it was 30 Sep. Nothing in between. I haven't logged in much in that time so maybe when you are online you get more messages but still, I hate this misconception that if you are female you therefore have the pick of the bunch and thousands to choose from. Not true at all, not in my case anyway.

Meauldsegosha

HellFireClub wrote: »

miamee wrote: »

So would I! :rolleyes:

Well I can't understand that, apparently a girl with not even as much as a pic up gets dozens of mails a day.

I haven't got a new message since since Monday and that was a "Hiya sexy" message. Maybe I get less messages is because of my age.

hollypink

miamee wrote: »

So would I! :rolleyes:

So would I! I got one message in the last couple of days and it was from an "art poser" who was either offering to be a toyboy or pose nude for money (the message was so badly written, I couldn't tell). And I don't think I've got a face like the back of a bus or anything. I do have some mail restrictions but nothing very extreme, no age restrictions or anything like that. I think it is partly age related; being a woman in your late thirties doesn't seem to be a big attraction apparently!

miamee

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

I haven't got a new message since since Monday and that was a "Hiya sexy" message. Maybe I get less messages is because of my age.

hollypink wrote: »

So would I! I got one message in the last couple of days and it was from an "art poser" who was either offering to be a toyboy or pose nude for money (the message was so badly written, I couldn't tell). And I don't think I've got a face like the back of a bus or anything. I do have some mail restrictions but nothing very extreme, no age restrictions or anything like that. I think it is partly age related; being a woman in your late thirties doesn't seem to be a big attraction it seems!

Maybe we are on to something here - also in my thirties

smallgarden

the massive response to fake profile with no pics could be that it appears in new users,i sometimes check that to see if new guys join. the illusion that women getting 100s of messages is exactly that. again i think it goes back to simple maths that i suspect the majority of men are all emailing the same small percentage of people.if youre not one of those select people you dont get the same amount of messages

sharper

HellFireClub wrote: »

I personally would love to be able to log into POF and see 10-20 messages an evening sitting there waiting for my attention!

Go to your email account and check your spam folder.

Not very satisfying is it?

I agree most women will have it easier in the sense of being able to get attention but whether that translates into a better experience or more success really all depends on a lot. A girl that enjoys dating and going out and so on will probably do great, a girl that's looking for a strong connection will probably find it as hard as anyone.

Connecting with people is just really hard.

smallgarden

sharper wrote: »

Go to your email account and check your spam folder.

Not very satisfying is it?d.

that sums up quality over quantity perfectly.is it better to get no mail or no mail that interests you for whatever reason

cyrusdvirus

HellFireClub wrote: »

Couldn't disagree more. The site is a very different experience for men than it is for women. I personally would love to be able to log into POF and see 10-20 messages an evening sitting there waiting for my attention! I get one or two, but I stopped sending out messages ages ago simply because you're wasting your time, you won't get replies, and I'm not a bad looking bloke or boring, and my profile reflects that.

There is no excuse really for women, even the women on the site who might not be striking looking, but they still get dozens of mails a week, ok some of them are from married plebs out chasing no strings, but I genuinely can't see how so many women can be apparently single, for so long??? I see the same faces on the site for the last number of years, don't tell me that despite getting hundreds and hundreds of messages in all their time on the site, that at least one of the senders couldn't have been highly suitable dating material!

I get where you are coming from Hellfire, i really do. It can be EXTREMELY frustrating to be logging on daily or every second day or whatever, and seeing women that you know you could get on with if they only gave you a chance... and still seeing those same women a month later or longer.

I was seeing someone since about this time last year, but we broke up in June. Went back online at the end of August, and was presented with a lot of women that i recognised from this time last year (bit of a freaky memory, in work they call me rainman)... so i messaged a couple of them, but no response. Not much i can do, if someone doesn't want to chat to me in OD world, then i can't help that.

the only suggestion i can make is that if you are finding it that frustrating, then take a break... Those women will probably still be there when you get back, and you can feel better about it, cos you know that at least you were willing to give it a try. If they weren't, then it's their loss.

HellFireClub

I'm lucky that I seem to get a few first contact mails from girls, nothing major, just a few a day, probably down to be having a somewhat funny, substantive and engaging profile than anything else, other than that, I wouldn't bother with the site at all, it would be a complete waste of time I think.

I personally found mailing girls on the site to be a bit soul destroying, I'm an attractive enough looking guy, I've hobbies and interests that I think are unique and portray me as I am, which I think is an interesting person with specific talents in certain fields. But notwithstanding all of that, any time I mail a girl, I am nearly certain to not get a reply. Then what is really annoying is that when you read their profile, plastered across the top of it is usually, "ARE THERE NO DECENT MEN LEFT?!?!?!?!?"... It would be completely beneath me as a person to mail them again and suggest that if they want to meet a decent guy, that they should try replying to a decent guy who mails them, but what's the point in appearing combative and dejected?

My solution has been to not bother sending out first contact mails at all, and just work off what comes in, I'm yapping to a really sound & gorgeous girl at the mo who I hope to be meeting up with soon, so it isn't all bad and thankfully, notwithstanding the policy I now have towards POF, there is more than enough to work with for the moment...

Ole Rodrigo

Is it just the medium though ? Do people at some level write off internet dating as being an inferior way to meet and connect with someone, compared to meeting someone at college, through work or family or friends ..