The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

HellFireClub

gatecrash wrote: »

I get where you are coming from Hellfire, i really do. It can be EXTREMELY frustrating to be logging on daily or every second day or whatever, and seeing women that you know you could get on with if they only gave you a chance... and still seeing those same women a month later or longer.

I was seeing someone since about this time last year, but we broke up in June. Went back online at the end of August, and was presented with a lot of women that i recognised from this time last year (bit of a freaky memory, in work they call me rainman)... so i messaged a couple of them, but no response. Not much i can do, if someone doesn't want to chat to me in OD world, then i can't help that.

the only suggestion i can make is that if you are finding it that frustrating, then take a break... Those women will probably still be there when you get back, and you can feel better about it, cos you know that at least you were willing to give it a try. If they weren't, then it's their loss.

I get ya. It actually works perfectly for me now, I just work off what comes into my inbox, I generally reply to everyone, some girls on it, I yap with as if they were FB friends or something, we chat about dates lined up, etc, there's a kind of unspoken understanding that we'll probably never meet up. I can't complain about it at all at the mo, but when I was sending out mails, I won't lie, sure folks on here will recall the rants, it drove me fúcking spare.

Piliger

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

The story of my life contained in a message just received...

"I've actually been on a couple of dates with a chap from here and quite like him....so although it is early days and I'm not ready to delete my profile yet, I'm not meeting up with anyone else until I see how it pans out.

But thanks for getting in touch!"

I'd rather be ignored (I'm used to that) than be patronised. I know she means well but fcuk that.

Sorry mate but you are way off base. That is the nicest message I could imagine receiving from someone in that situation. What a thoughtful girl.

sharper

HellFireClub wrote: »

I'm lucky that I seem to get a few first contact mails from girls, nothing major, just a few a day,

You're doing way better than 99% of guys right there.

HellFireClub

ror_74 wrote: »

Is it just the medium though ? Do people at some level write off internet dating as being an inferior way to meet and connect with someone, compared to meeting someone at college, through work or family or friends ..

Well for some of us, our college days are well and truly behind us! I'm 36 and after about 7-8 years in full time 3rd level education, I won't be going back there any time soon! As for family & friends, people are not going out as much as they used to, I personally was never into chatting up girls in bars or clubs anyway and I can't think of why I'd start now, when girls in clubs would probably easily be 10 years younger than me!

For many (myself included), OD is the last chance saloon. That's not a derogatory statement, it literally is that. Pubs & clubs not an option for me, the girls are too young and my mates are all settled down and if they have 100 quid to spend at the end of the week or the month, they'll have better things to do with it in this climate than píss it down the jacks of a pub or a club, and I can say the exact same for myself.

HellFireClub

sharper wrote: »

You're doing way better than 99% of guys right there.

That wouldn't be every day, it might be if I was online but I'm not always online obviously, someone might check out my profile, I'd see that, then check out their profile, then I'd get a mail, that sort of thing... Some times if I get added as someone's fav, I'll put the neck out a bit and send a mail just saying hi and that'll usually work fine, but as for cold calling, not any more I'm afraid lol!

cyrusdvirus

ror_74 wrote: »

Is it just the medium though ? Do people at some level write off internet dating as being an inferior way to meet and connect with someone, compared to meeting someone at college, through work or family or friends ..

Totally!

There is still astigma about meeting someone on line.

If i told my friends that i was on a dating site they'd be fine with it. There'd be friendly slagging, and if there was a slagging match going on, they'd always have that as a trump card, but it wouldn't bother them in the slightest... my sisters and parents would wonder why though. My brother wouldn't give a monkeys!!

HellFireClub

gatecrash wrote: »

Totally!

There is still astigma about meeting someone on line.

If i told my friends that i was on a dating site they'd be fine with it. There'd be friendly slagging, and if there was a slagging match going on, they'd always have that as a trump card, but it wouldn't bother them in the slightest... my sisters and parents would wonder why though. My brother wouldn't give a monkeys!!

I get it from my mates if I'm out for a pint & checking the iPhone, "ah there he is trying to sneak off with his fúckin' virtual friends again!"...

Ole Rodrigo

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well for some of us, our college days are well and truly behind us! For many (myself included), OD is the last chance saloon. That's not a derogatory statement, it literally is that. .

Yeah for me as well, I didn' t mean it in a derogatory way at all, I do it myself. It just seems that for the amount of people using online dating, there doesn't seem to be as many success stories. You would think there would be more, because in a way, it is an efficient means of looking for a partner with all of the search facilities available. But it's more the case that lot of people just browsing and meeting up but not really going anywhere. I wondered was the reason for this that people would privately feel they would rather not have to use it, and does this dampen their enthusiasm...

cyrusdvirus

ror_74 wrote: »

Yeah for me as well, I didn' t mean it in a derogatory way at all, I do it myself. It just seems that for the amount of people using online dating, there doesn't seem to be as many success stories. You would think there would be more, because in a way, it is an efficient means of looking for a partner with all of the search facilities available. But it's more the case that lot of people just browsing and meeting up but not really going anywhere. I wondered was the reason for this that people would privately feel they would rather not have to use it, and does this dampen their enthusiasm...

I wouldn't consider myself as HAVING to use online dating at all. All it's doing is exposing me to a wider circle of people that i might be interested in, or might be interested in me.

I kinda get where you are coming from though... All my friends are married or in long term relationships, and the idea of going out on 'the pull' just doesn't hold their interest anymore, whereas me, the singleton of the group, is going to have a harder time meeting someone new if when i'm out it's either with wives and girlfriends in tow, or it's a lads night out having a few beers watching whatever match/tiddlywinks championship is on telly!! So in that respect it does look as if i 'have to'. Doesn't dampen my enthusiasm though. You get out of it what you put into it.

Tchaikovsky

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Just a quick question for you guys; I met up with a girl from POF last week and it went pretty well. I mean, we chatted for about 5 hours in the pub, no awkward silences or anything, lots of things in common, and then she invited me back to her's for another drink. We kissed and I ended up sleeping in her bed (clothed), but there was no sex.

She told me she thought I was hot (ok, when we were drunk) and when I texted her afterwards asking whether she'd like to hang out again she said 'absolutely!'.

I tried to arrange something on Tuesday for the weekend but never got a reply. What do you think I should do from here? I don't want to bug her if she's busy or whatever, but she did seem fairly into me.
I just get the feeling that maybe she's out of my league because her place was amazing and she drives a great car and has a cool job.

So it turned out that hot girl doesn't have any manners.

I really am beginning to lose faith in the human race.

HellFireClub

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

So it turned out that hot girl doesn't have any manners.

I really am beginning to lose faith in the human race.

Well when your key criteria for trying to work out whether she is credible or not, is looking at the car she drives & the job she has, you're kind of on the road to a hiding I think there with that sort of an approach to an analysis of someone.

Tchaikovsky

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well when your key criteria for trying to work out whether she is credible or not, is looking at the car she drives & the job she has, you're kind of on the road to a hiding I think there with that sort of an approach to an analysis of someone.

They weren't and aren't my key criteria at all; I'm not materialistic in the slightest. I just felt a bit intimidated because she had those things.

I just thought that I'd be into her because we had a laugh together and I was quite attracted to her.

EdenHazard

feel so bad when i get a message from some girl who seems bang on but Im just not attracted to. I try to be polite but I feel bad that the convo is gonna go nowhere. I do try to be nice though and will give any person a random hey every so often

cloud_dancer

EdenHazard wrote: »

feel so bad when i get a message from some girl who seems bang on but Im just not attracted to. I try to be polite but I feel bad that the convo is gonna go nowhere. I do try to be nice though and will give any person a random hey every so often

It's tough! If you reply to every message you get then you'll have people that get their hopes up. You feel terrible bad then if they do suggest meeting up and you have to let them down. If you don't reply then you are being a p***k. You can't win!

cloud_dancer

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Just a quick question for you guys; I met up with a girl from POF last week and it went pretty well. I mean, we chatted for about 5 hours in the pub, no awkward silences or anything, lots of things in common, and then she invited me back to her's for another drink. We kissed and I ended up sleeping in her bed (clothed), but there was no sex.

She told me she thought I was hot (ok, when we were drunk) and when I texted her afterwards asking whether she'd like to hang out again she said 'absolutely!'.

I tried to arrange something on Tuesday for the weekend but never got a reply. What do you think I should do from here? I don't want to bug her if she's busy or whatever, but she did seem fairly into me.
I just get the feeling that maybe she's out of my league because her place was amazing and she drives a great car and has a cool job.

So it turned out that hot girl doesn't have any manners.

I really am beginning to lose faith in the human race.

She sounds like a right flake. Doesn't know what she wants!

Piliger

gatecrash wrote: »

Totally!

There is still astigma about meeting someone on line.

If i told my friends that i was on a dating site they'd be fine with it. There'd be friendly slagging, and if there was a slagging match going on, they'd always have that as a trump card, but it wouldn't bother them in the slightest... my sisters and parents would wonder why though. My brother wouldn't give a monkeys!!

I don't believe there is a sigma at all. Maybe a cause of a bit of humour but that is different. Some people don't understand it and therefore look down on it ... but generally speaking I think not.

Piliger

ror_74 wrote: »

Yeah for me as well, I didn' t mean it in a derogatory way at all, I do it myself. It just seems that for the amount of people using online dating, there doesn't seem to be as many success stories. You would think there would be more, because in a way, it is an efficient means of looking for a partner with all of the search facilities available. But it's more the case that lot of people just browsing and meeting up but not really going anywhere. I wondered was the reason for this that people would privately feel they would rather not have to use it, and does this dampen their enthusiasm...

I don't agree. Read some of the surveys online and a huge number of people getting married are meeting for the first time on OD.

Imho also please remember that the people who succeed online tend not to bother coming back and tell everyone. They are too busy being happy It is the ones that are still searching who spend the most time discussing it and analysing it.

Piliger

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

I just thought that I'd be into her because we had a laugh together and I was quite attracted to her.

I don't mean to come across all judgemental ... but why would you sleep with her (sex or no sex) if you are only 'quite attracted to her' .....

Ole Rodrigo

Piliger wrote: »

It is the ones that are still searching who spend the most time discussing it and analysing it.

Good point

Daveysil15

HellFireClub wrote: »

Then what is really annoying is that when you read their profile, plastered across the top of it is usually, "ARE THERE NO DECENT MEN LEFT?!?!?!?!?

Anyone who puts that in their profile is usually harbouring some sort of resentment. Only difference is it would very sexist for a man to put anything like that in his profile. Someone with that sort of attitude is not going to be in the right frame of mind for dating, especially if she thinks the majority of the men on the site are freaks.

sharper wrote: »

Go to your email account and check your spam folder.

Not very satisfying is it?

I agree most women will have it easier in the sense of being able to get attention but whether that translates into a better experience or more success really all depends on a lot. A girl that enjoys dating and going out and so on will probably do great, a girl that's looking for a strong connection will probably find it as hard as anyone.

Connecting with people is just really hard.

I'd imagine its even harder if you're getting practically no messages or replies though.

Dermo73

Piliger wrote: »

I don't believe there is a sigma at all. Maybe a cause of a bit of humour but that is different. Some people don't understand it and therefore look down on it ... but generally speaking I think not.

I'd agree. I've never had a negative reaction but maybe that's cos I make it sound good and I don't act embarrassed about it. My mates enjoy the updates. Especially the bad ones:D
Then again they're mostly married and probably enjoy living vicariously through my stories

Tchaikovsky

Piliger wrote: »

I don't mean to come across all judgemental ... but why would you sleep with her (sex or no sex) if you are only 'quite attracted to her' .....

Worded wrong, sorry.. I did think she was gorgeous and I was really looking forward to meeting her again!

Tchaikovsky

She did text back the last time, saying that she'd be out of action for a while due to work and study, so fair enough. But after sending her a message a week ago to see how she was getting on, she still hasn't replied- even a simple 'not interested' would do me so I know where I stand. It takes a couple of seconds to send a message and it's just downright rude.
I'm a big boy and I can handle the rejection

Anyway, have a date with another girl on Saturday

Dermo73

That's the best response to no messages. Move on. I've noticed that people who aren't interested simply stop responding. I originally thought it was because they were rude but after ODing for a while I'm not so sure. I don't think anybody feels better because they get a "thanks but no thanks" message. I've sent some and it made me feel bad and I'm fairly sure the recipient didn't feel any better for receiving it. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

Piliger

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

She did text back the last time, saying that she'd be out of action for a while due to work and study, so fair enough. But after sending her a message a week ago to see how she was getting on, she still hasn't replied- even a simple 'not interested' would do me so I know where I stand. It takes a couple of seconds to send a message and it's just downright rude.
I'm a big boy and I can handle the rejection

Anyway, have a date with another girl on Saturday

Hi - you may be right and this girl may be a messer and you are right to keep moving. However I would caution people hereabouts about this issue.

It is a mistake, imhe, to project our emotions on to new people we just meet.

Life is complicated and hard. We can think a week is a long time, especially when we are focussing on OD, but that other person may be going through all kinds of drama themselves or in their family or friends and a week may actually fly by without them realising. Also some people, especially some ladies (maybe also guys I don't know) have a policy of being cool at the start and not giving away how they feel. They sometimes develop this as a strategy after being hurt or are just cool kinds of people.

All I am trying to say is it is a mistake to be too judgemental about how others react.

End of lecture

Dermo73

You could be right but it's kind of irrelevant. If she texts back at some stage then the option is still there to meet again. In the meantime it's no harm to try lining up some other dates. The worst thing is to over analyse it. That way lies madness

blacklilly

So I'm back on od but ok Cupid this time round, I'll never say never again! Seems to be a popular site so fingers crossed

Dermo73

blacklilly wrote: »

So I'm back on od but ok Cupid this time round, I'll never say never again! Seems to be a popular site so fingers crossed

Good luck with it. Are there many active users on it now? Last time I tried it there wasn't many people on it.

foxinsox

"sammon of knowledge"

"hi sexy, what are you into?"

"hi im shy my number is 08 *********" (blank profile)

"young hard lad lukin for sumone" (he's 45)

"u hav a lot in ur prfil, we hav lot in comon" (blank profile)

All of the above fluffed out with strange characters to make up my 100 characters required for first mail ... lol


a n d

"I'm out!"

I am going to buy myself at least 4 cats and wait for a nice guy to knock on my front door.

Best of luck to ye all!

Onwards and upwards..



EDIT: Please don't let me in here ever again, if I mention signing up again, please quote this post to me and give me a kick in the ass!

Dermo73

foxinsox wrote: »

"sammon of knowledge"

"hi sexy, what are you into?"

"hi im shy my number is 08 *********" (blank profile)

"young hard lad lukin for sumone" (he's 45)

"u hav a lot in ur prfil, we hav lot in comon" (blank profile)

All of the above fluffed out with strange characters to make up my 100 characters required for first mail ... lol


a n d

"I'm out!"

I am going to buy myself at least 4 cats and wait for a nice guy to knock on my front door.

Best of luck to ye all!

Onwards and upwards..

:eek: That's what happens when you set the bar so high