The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

foxinsox

Dermo73 wrote: »

:eek: That's what happens when you set the bar so high

I know you are only messing..

But I think it is fair to say, we all know what we like, what attracts us to someone and what doesn't.

I probably am very fussy, but that just means I have a fair idea what I am looking for (might not exist) and I defnitely know what I am not looking for.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that I am quite happy being single, and much happier being single than being with someone who is totally not my type.

I just couldn't go there.

If any of that makes sense, I honestly don't have the patience for it.

blacklilly

Dermo73 wrote: »

blacklilly wrote: »

So I'm back on od but ok Cupid this time round, I'll never say never again! Seems to be a popular site so fingers crossed

Good luck with it. Are there many active users on it now? Last time I tried it there wasn't many people on it.

Thanks, yeah there seems to be lots of active users on it, I didn't think there'd be so many so I was pleasantly surprised

Tchaikovsky

Piliger wrote: »

Hi - you may be right and this girl may be a messer and you are right to keep moving. However I would caution people hereabouts about this issue.

It is a mistake, imhe, to project our emotions on to new people we just meet.

Life is complicated and hard. We can think a week is a long time, especially when we are focussing on OD, but that other person may be going through all kinds of drama themselves or in their family or friends and a week may actually fly by without them realising. Also some people, especially some ladies (maybe also guys I don't know) have a policy of being cool at the start and not giving away how they feel. They sometimes develop this as a strategy after being hurt or are just cool kinds of people.

All I am trying to say is it is a mistake to be too judgemental about how others react.

End of lecture

I respect your opinion, man and thanks for the lecture
But you've got to admit that there's a difference here between 'cool' and 'rude'. If someone was playing it cool, wouldn't they say something like 'cheers, yeah it's going grand' rather than nothing? I know, I've been in that situation but if I'm into someone, I make sure to leave a wee bit of a hint that I'm into them. This girl has just made me delete her number and move on..

Tchaikovsky

Dermo73 wrote: »

You could be right but it's kind of irrelevant. If she texts back at some stage then the option is still there to meet again. In the meantime it's no harm to try lining up some other dates. The worst thing is to over analyse it. That way lies madness

That's the line of thinking/action I'm taking at the moment.
I still wouldn't say no if she does get in contact and give her a chance with a second date.
I've been in this situation so often that it's water off a duck's back at this stage :pac:

Dermo73

foxinsox wrote: »

I know you are only messing..

But I think it is fair to say, we all know what we like, what attracts us to someone and what doesn't.

I probably am very fussy, but that just means I have a fair idea what I am looking for (might not exist) and I defnitely know what I am not looking for.

So I guess what I am trying to say is that I am quite happy being single, and much happier being single than being with someone who is totally not my type.

I just couldn't go there.

If any of that makes sense, I honestly don't have the patience for it.

You're definitely better off being single and happy than wasting time reading rubbish like that. And it isn't necessarily a case of being fussy. It's about being right. No point trying to force something that isn't going to make you happy in the end.

Galvasean

HellFireClub wrote: »

Do you not think the biggest flattener is a lack of a response, as if someone is looking at your profile going, "nah not good enough for me I'm afraid!"...???

Indeed. Until very recently I was in the "No reply is better than a polite 'thanks but no thanks'" camp BUT after having about 30 messages in a row unreplied to (complete with obligatory profile view) I got the impression that they were reading the message, thinking it stood out enough to maybe warrant a reply, glancing at the ol' profile, then deciding I wasn't worthy of a one for whatever reason and moving on.
You don't mind it so long as it isn't too frequent, but by the Gods, 30?!!? That's a pretty stern blow to the aul self-esteem.
That's why when I did get a reply "thanks but no thanks" response about a week ago it actually improved my mood quite a bit. It was nice to have my effort acknowledged for a change.

gatecrash wrote: »

It can be EXTREMELY frustrating to be logging on daily or every second day or whatever, and seeing women that you know you could get on with if they only gave you a chance... and still seeing those same women a month later or longer.

................................

Those women will probably still be there when you get back, and you can feel better about it, cos you know that at least you were willing to give it a try. If they weren't, then it's their loss.

I've been taking a 'week on-week off' approach to online dating the last while and every time I come back after a week off I'm confronted by the same faces I mailed long ago. It makes you wonder, do they bother replying to ANY messages or is it just some kind of weird "How many mails can I get this week?" game they play (unless by some bizarre coincidence they all magically happen to be seeing someone and log out of OD while I'm away of course).
Suffice to say, I logged in today for the first time in a week and it was the some old story again. POF seriously needs to ad the ability to hide profiles you've already messaged (ages ago). It sure would save me having to trawl around for the best part of an hour just to find a couple of profiles that I like and haven't mailed yet. Think I may need to take a longer break next time to get rid of some of the 'perpetuals'.

foxinsox wrote: »

I am going to buy myself at least 4 cats and wait for a nice guy to knock on my front door.

Meauldsegosha

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Have my first date tonight since joining PoF and my stomach is in a knot. I'm a 40yo woman who has been on dates before so why do I feel so nervous. Is it gut instinct telling me its not going to work?

Well the nerves were gone by the time I met him : )

The date went well, loads to chat about, no awkward silences. We were last to leave the pub. And have arranged to meet again on Saturday.

cloud_dancer

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

Well the nerves were gone by the time I met him : )

The date went well, loads to chat about, no awkward silences. We were last to leave the pub. And have arranged to meet again on Saturday.

Delighted for you! It's nice to have some happy stories

cloud_dancer

Galvasean wrote: »

That's why when I did get a reply "thanks but no thanks" response about a week ago it actually improved my mood quite a bit. It was nice to have my effort acknowledged for a change.

You seem like an intelligent guy with healthy self esteem levels so you took the “thanks but no thanks” response as an acknowledgement of your efforts and moved on. No harm done. When you get someone with low self esteem or someone with a chip on their shoulder, they’ll do the opposite. I have found in the past that sending a “thanks but no thanks” is an invitation for abuse or questions asking me to explain myself. Not just in OD...in real life too. It’s not pleasant for anyone. I go with the whole "ignore" route now to save myself the grief.

cloud_dancer

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Anyone who puts that in their profile is usually harbouring some sort of resentment. Only difference is it would very sexist for a man to put anything like that in his profile. Someone with that sort of attitude is not going to be in the right frame of mind for dating, especially if she thinks the majority of the men on the site are freaks.

Lots of guys have sometime similar on their profiles. "Any genuine girls out there" "Any nice girls out there" "No weirdos please" "Where are all the nice girls" "Any decent women left"....

I’d never respond to a profile with any of these statements. Screams issues!!! :eek:

Dermo73

cloud_dancer wrote: »

You seem like an intelligent guy with healthy self esteem levels so you took the “thanks but no thanks” response as an acknowledgement of your efforts and moved on. No harm done. When you get someone with low self esteem or someone with a chip on their shoulder, they’ll do the opposite. I have found in the past that sending a “thanks but no thanks” is an invitation for abuse or questions asking me to explain myself. Not just in OD...in real life too. It’s not pleasant for anyone. I go with the whole "ignore" route now to save myself the grief.

I'm with you on this one. If somebody gets the message in the sense that it was intended it can seem like a genuine gesture and is worthwhile. But often as not it isn't received that well and ultimately causes more grief.

Mental Mickey

foxinsox wrote: »

"sammon of knowledge"

"hi sexy, what are you into?"

"hi im shy my number is 08 *********" (blank profile)

"young hard lad lukin for sumone" (he's 45)

"u hav a lot in ur prfil, we hav lot in comon" (blank profile)

All of the above fluffed out with strange characters to make up my 100 characters required for first mail ... lol


a n d

"I'm out!"

I am going to buy myself at least 4 cats and wait for a nice guy to knock on my front door.

Best of luck to ye all!

Onwards and upwards..



EDIT: Please don't let me in here ever again, if I mention signing up again, please quote this post to me and give me a kick in the ass!

i feckin HATE cats.

Dermo73

I'm currently scheduled for date 4 at the weekend with a girl that I met on OD. We're getting on well, lots of chatting, snogging and fun so far. It all seems good except there seems to be something missing - chemistry or a spark or something. Now I'm wondering if she's not in the same boat. I logged back into OD last night for the first time in a couple of weeks just to see what was going on and she was logged in too. Is that a sign? How long can you date somebody casually before you expect to move on to another level, or just move on.

AnnyHallsal

Dermo73 wrote: »

I'm currently scheduled for date 4 at the weekend with a girl that I met on OD. We're getting on well, lots of chatting, snogging and fun so far. It all seems good except there seems to be something missing - chemistry or a spark or something. Now I'm wondering if she's not in the same boat. I logged back into OD last night for the first time in a couple of weeks just to see what was going on and she was logged in too. Is that a sign? How long can you date somebody casually before you expect to move on to another level, or just move on.

It's definitely not a sign, anyway! After three dates, if the spark was still missing I'd cut it loose.

Dermo73

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

It's definitely not a sign, anyway! After three dates, if the spark was still missing I'd cut it loose.

Thanks AnnyHallsal, that's what I was thinking too. I'm committed to the date this weekend and I'm sure it'll be fun so I'll go along. Unless we're struck by a lightning bolt during the evening I'll have to end it there.

cyrusdvirus

The "do i want a PFO/You seem like a nice guy, but not my type mail vs read, check profile, decide not for me and not respond" debate gets done to death regularly enough here.

Funnily enough, Me and Galva were on opposite sides of the debate when i first started posting on this thread Way back on the original OD thread. he was in the better to not get a mail camp and i was in the i prefer a thanks but no thanks mail.

I changed sides, and am now firmly in the no mail, no problem camp!

MizzWolfie

I have a day off. Hungover from Coppers (:rolleyes:) so I'm browsing "anywhere" profiles on Ok Cupid, in search of the most perfect match for my own amusement. So far I've fallen in love once

miamee

MizzWolfie wrote: »

I have a day off. Hungover from Coppers (:rolleyes:) so I'm browsing "anywhere" profiles on Ok Cupid, in search of the most perfect match for my own amusement. So far I've fallen in love once

A slippery slope, I opened up to "anywhere" a while back and discovered lots of amazing matches...thousands of miles away! Teasing to say the least! But nice to know they are out there, lol.

As a matter of interest, on OKC where they give you the % match - would you disregard someone with a very low % match with you? I know it's not an exact science but if it is low, it does put me off. I still read the profile but usually OKC is not miles off.

smallgarden

miamee wrote: »

A slippery slope, I opened up to "anywhere" a while back and discovered lots of amazing matches...thousands of miles away! Teasing to say the least! But nice to know they are out there, lol.

As a matter of interest, on OKC where they give you the % match - would you disregard someone with a very low % match with you? I know it's not an exact science but if it is low, it does put me off. I still read the profile but usually OKC is not miles off.

i wouldnt rule out someone with low match but alot of their questions are based on persons values so if they differ greatly then not likely to get on, different from not having similar interests.sometimes looking at their answers might help, i had guy email me once arguing against my answer from one of the questions

HellFireClub

Well I've finally decided to hang up my OD boots and retire undefeated from the business! I'm doing it in pursuit of an offline development that has an awful lot of history to it, but to my mind, is definitely worth one last try, and I'm conveniently setting aside the views I have in my head regarding OD and it being an absolute and utter waste of time for both parties, both men and women, (sure I would say that now, wouldn't I?!?!?).

I do think however, and I can only state my views as a male user of the site, that the vast majority of women who are on the site in their 30's, are in their 30's and single for a reason, and that is that they have been simply too fussy over the years. I don't extend that commentary to those my own age on this thread who say that they are looking for a relationship, I fully accept that they are, I'm not trying to walk away with the ball, but nobody has been able to explain to any degree, what the story is with so many women in their 30's who simply do not want to reply to mails, and as I said yesterday, it isn't just me, it's guys in general who are having this problem.

I happen to have a few aunties in my family who have been guilty of the same approach to men, for years when I was young and before I was born, they spurned the advances of men who were by all accounts respectable, handsome and reliable men, some of them were actually quite successful in their own right, and now they are all in their 60's and single and bitter and life has passed them by while they all sat around like fools for the likes of Brad Pitt or George Clooney to walk by and sweep them off their feet.

So there ya go, I'm sure I'll be seen as controversial but sure I have to be honest about how I've found the whole thing at the same time, and I'm not trying to poke female posters in the eye here, as I've said, the posters I've seen on here seem to be genuine decent folks looking for a partner, so best of luck to all with it.

AnnyHallsal

miamee wrote: »

As a matter of interest, on OKC where they give you the % match - would you disregard someone with a very low % match with you? I know it's not an exact science but if it is low, it does put me off. I still read the profile but usually OKC is not miles off.

I never pay attention to this - almost all men seem to be 40% enemies. Must have been in a funny mood when I answered the questions!

AnnyHallsal

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well I've finally decided to hang up my OD boots and retire undefeated from the business! I'm doing it in pursuit of an offline development that has an awful lot of history to it, but to my mind, is definitely worth one last try, and I'm conveniently setting aside the views I have in my head regarding OD and it being an absolute and utter waste of time for both parties, both men and women, (sure I would say that now, wouldn't I?!?!?).

I do think however, and I can only state my views as a male user of the site, that the vast majority of women who are on the site in their 30's, are in their 30's and single for a reason, and that is that they have been simply too fussy over the years. I don't extend that commentary to those my own age on this thread who say that they are looking for a relationship, I fully accept that they are, I'm not trying to walk away with the ball, but nobody has been able to explain to any degree, what the story is with so many women in their 30's who simply do not want to reply to mails, and as I said yesterday, it isn't just me, it's guys in general who are having this problem.

I happen to have a few aunties in my family who have been guilty of the same approach to men, for years when I was young and before I was born, they spurned the advances of men who were by all accounts respectable, handsome and reliable men, some of them were actually quite successful in their own right, and now they are all in their 60's and single and bitter and life has passed them by while they all sat around like fools for the likes of Brad Pitt or George Clooney to walk by and sweep them off their feet.

So there ya go, I'm sure I'll be seen as controversial but sure I have to be honest about how I've found the whole thing at the same time, and I'm not trying to poke female posters in the eye here, as I've said, the posters I've seen on here seem to be genuine decent folks looking for a partner, so best of luck to all with it.

I'm 30. Not going to jump down your throat for this, though I do think it's a little harsh. Personally, I've only been single for two months so I can afford to be fussy for a little while. I've gone on dates with all sorts so I'm not holding out for a 'movie star.' Dating is all but impossible without some kind of attraction though. You just can't fake it.

Best of luck with your offline endeavour!

smallgarden

i would love to see the guys profiles on this page, see who theyre messaging and what theyre messaging and then ill agree with the poor me attitude people have. i suspect yous are all mailing the same women, possibly the type of women hellfires mentioned above. do yous just go for people youre really attracted to? ill reply to anyone i would give 5-6 out of ten. i think yous might have higher standards than that which is where youre going wrong. i know you have to be attracted to the person but it goes back to the schoolyard where all the boys in your class all fancied the hottest girl in the class, you cant all get her so there are going to be alot of dissapointed guys in that class

HellFireClub

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

I'm 30. Not going to jump down your throat for this, though I do think it's a little harsh. Personally, I've only been single for two months so I can afford to be fussy for a little while. I've gone on dates with all sorts so I'm not holding out for a 'movie star.' Dating is all but possible without some kind of attraction though. You just can't fake it.

Best of luck with your offline endeavour!

To be honest, I think if you were in a long term relationship and are only single two months, you're wasting a guys time with a date, especially if you are meeting a guy who is looking for a relationship or a partner for a possible relationship, it's hard to see how someone coming out of a long term relationship could be emotionally available after just 2 months.

AnnyHallsal

HellFireClub wrote: »

To be honest, I think if you were in a long term relationship and are only single two months, you're wasting a guys time with a date, especially if you are meeting a guy who is looking for a relationship or a partner for a possible relationship, it's hard to see how someone coming out of a long term relationship could be emotionally available after just 2 months.

Well, you're wrong.

HellFireClub

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Well, you're wrong.

Am clearly not in a position to comment, but if I was chatting to a girl on POF and she said she was only single 2 months, there would be no question of a date, no point to it, it's only a waste of everyone's time.

AnnyHallsal

HellFireClub wrote: »

Am clearly not in a position to comment, but if I was chatting to a girl on POF and she said she was only single 2 months, there would be no question of a date, no point to it, it's only a waste of everyone's time.

So, not everyone feels the same as you. I know I have no regrets about the ending of my relationship. I know I'm ready to date.

HellFireClub

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

So, not everyone feels the same as you. I know I have no regrets about the ending of my relationship. I know I'm ready to date.

Well maybe you are, but I wouldn't be taking a chance on it if I was chatting to a girl on POF and she said she was only single 2 months, having said that, I can see the logic of trying to put yourself back in the market so to speak and I've done it myself when I first became single, I would have relished a date and the distraction from the gloom I was going through at the time, but as for having been ready for a relationship, that's a different thing altogether. Look I'm not having a pop at you, everyone on OD has their own history, emotional baggage, life path, ups, downs, wins, losses, university of life lessons learned and in the bag, etc...

AnnyHallsal

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well maybe you are, but I wouldn't be taking a chance on it if I was chatting to a girl on POF and she said she was only single 2 months, having said that, I can see the logic of trying to put yourself back in the market so to speak and I've done it myself when I first became single, I would have relished a date and the distraction from the gloom I was going through at the time, but as for having been ready for a relationship, that's a different thing altogether. Look I'm not having a pop at you, everyone on OD has their own history, emotional baggage, life path, ups, downs, wins, losses, university of life lessons learned and in the bag, etc...

I don't intend to get into it but there is no gloom, I'm over it. I've been through really difficult break-ups where I would agree that I was not in a fit state to date but this is different. Anyway, the vast majority of men who contact me claim to be looking to "date and nothing serious." Personally I've selected "looking for a relationship", as I am.

HellFireClub

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

I don't intend to get into it but there is no gloom, I'm over it. I've been through really difficult break-ups where I would agree that I was not in a fit state to date but this is different. Anyway, the vast majority of men who contact me claim to be looking to "date and nothing serious." Personally I've selected "looking for a relationship", as I am.

We'll agree to disagree so.