The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

cloud_dancer

mood wrote: »

I explained that I used to send a thanks but no thanks message to a guy i wasn't interested in and it did lead to loads of abuse or begging. One guy kept asking why and I tried explaining etc. I noticed he then started to lie on his profile editing out anything I had said weren't for me. It was all very strange.

Creepy! :eek:

cloud_dancer

smallgarden wrote: »

ive found that can happen too, first date chemistry, 2nd not so much,3rd the decider,ive found when i go on cinema date for 2nd or 3rd it just goes pearshaped

That's crazy! I find the exact same thing! If cinema is the second or third date for some reason...I've no idea why, I usually get turned off the guy. There can be chemistry the first date, even second if we go for dinks but then it just goes flat. In future I'll be leaving cinema dates until I'm well established with a guy.

It's funny how this is happening to several of us. For the record I went to the theatre/drinks after for a first date and it was fine. Lots of chemistry!

mood

I can't help but think that when the 2nd or 3rd date don't go as well as the 1st it possible because our expectations are high. maybe giving it more time would be a good idea.

smallgarden

i think men might get more nervous in a cinema.ive got irritated by people trying to hold hands or put arm around me.id prefer if they just sat there and enjoyed the movie.i suppose cinema gives you plenty of time to overanalyse date if not actually watching the film. does anyone else find an arm around shoulder really uncomfortable.it just hurts my neck and back.i think it works if really snuggled into someone on a couch but otherwise not so much

HellFireClub

smallgarden wrote: »

i think men might get more nervous in a cinema.ive got irritated by people trying to hold hands or put arm around me.id prefer if they just sat there and enjoyed the movie.i suppose cinema gives you plenty of time to overanalyse date if not actually watching the film. does anyone else find an arm around shoulder really uncomfortable.it just hurts my neck and back.i think it works if really snuggled into someone on a couch but otherwise not so much

I used to love it years ago in the Savoy, at the very back row, over at the very very left of the row, there was a double seat for couples, it was the cosiest velvet sofa like double I've ever sat on, will never forget getting all cuddled up in that double seat with my beau at the time, (I was around 19!), but these days with the Star Trek like single seats, absolutely useless for any of that!

cyrusdvirus

cinema used be a staple early doors date for me, and always a comedy... just to get a better idea on her sense of humour.

Now? I haven't had a first date in near 2 years!! Coffee tmrw will break that bad run though!!

Tchaikovsky

Tomorrow's first date is a no-alcohol affair.. eek!! Haha, I'm sure my killer personality will see everything go fine

Tchaikovsky

I probably shouldn't have said 'affair' on this thread :pac:

cloud_dancer

Tchaikovsky wrote: »

Tomorrow's first date is a no-alcohol affair.. eek!! Haha, I'm sure my killer personality will see everything go fine

Hope it goes well for you! What are you doing?

Tchaikovsky

Thank you! I have no idea yet; maybe something to eat, go for a walk?
Any suggestions??

Esoteric_

Good luck on your dates, guys and girls.

Frankly, I'm still happy being firmly off POF. I give it a week. :pac:

Tchaikovsky

I'm off it a week and a half; I take it one day at a time and the methadone takes the edge off

Daveysil15

smallgarden wrote: »

i suspect yous are all mailing the same women, possibly the type of women hellfires mentioned above. do yous just go for people youre really attracted to?

I only message women I'm attracted to yes - that doesn't mean she has to look like a model, but she has to be decent looking at least. I don't think there's any point in contacting someone that you don't find attractive.

mood wrote: »

As a women I would very rarely fancy a man based on looks alone and possible have not since I was a teenager. They has to be a connection for want of a better word. Personality is more important for me. I have often meet men who I was not attracted to at first but once it was clear we got on that all changed and I did fancied them. For most men is it more clear cut and based on looks, at least at first.

This is what I don't understand. Yes personality is important, but you can't judge that over the internet. All you have initially is looks. This is why, (for me at least) I usually only contact girls I'm attracted to as I won't know what her personality is like until I meet her, and personality alone is not enough. There needs to be some sort of physical attraction.

smallgarden

i stated really attractive rather than attractive.it depends what percentage of people you find attractive.the less you find attractive the lower your potential success rate.i think women have greater scope when contacting people in relation to attractiveness so have more success.do you contact people who you think i dont think shes majorly attractive but could be alright?

in the most crudest, simplest way ask yourself the question,would you?

Prick!

Talking to a beautiful girl atm, she seems nice. Not sure what she's looking for tbh, possibly only to pass some time, maybe not. Anyways she's seen my pic and is still very friendly so some hope

Daveysil15

smallgarden wrote: »

i stated really attractive rather than attractive.it depends what percentage of people you find attractive.the less you find attractive the lower your potential success rate.i think women have greater scope when contacting people in relation to attractiveness so have more success.do you contact people who you think i dont think shes majorly attractive but could be alright?

in the most crudest, simplest way ask yourself the question,would you?

Yeah like I said, she doesn't need to be a model. There's not that many really hot girls in OD anyway, so most of the time I'd be contacting average looking to attractive women. But I'd never mesage a girl I thought was unattractive on the whim that she might have a nice personality.

I go for looks first as that's all I can judge on initially. If it turns out she has a nice personality and other good traits then that's a bonus.

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Yeah like I said, she doesn't need to be a model. There's not that many really hot girls in OD anyway, so most of the time I'd be contacting average looking to attractive women. But I'd never mesage a girl I thought was unattractive on the whim that she might have a nice personality.

I go for looks first as that's all I can judge on initially. If it turns out she has a nice personality and other good traits then that's a bonus.

What if someone who isn't your type messages you, but seems to have a great personality? Any exceptions? That's directed at everyone, by the way!

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

What if someone who isn't your type messages you, but seems to have a great personality? Any exceptions? That's directed at everyone, by the way!

Well I'm done with it now, pursuing an offline thing that I think warrants hanging up my OD boots for once and for all, THANK FÚP!!! Having tried the OD though, I couldn't be more convinced that it simply doesn't work, for a few reasons, it's great for killing boredom, great for a bit of banter, great for yapping, but once it moves into "hey I'll tell you what, let's meet up for a date!", territory, I found it extremely extremely stressful, I cancelled more dates than I went on, not because I was nervous or didn't like the girl I had been yapping to, I just couldn't have been fúcking arsed going on a date 90% of the time, after being busy with work and basically came to see meeting a total stranger as nothing other than a big massive inconvenience in my day/evening. At the time I'd have agreed to a date, it seemed like a good idea, but the closer it came to meeting, the more I'd have started regretting with every last bit of me, ever agreeing to go on a date.

This is why I don't think OD works, why I think it is just a fatally flawed method of meeting someone special. If you met someone face to face randomly in the offline/real world, and there was a spark or mutual attraction going on, you can do something about that, there is an attraction there to motivate you to pursue it, or not, or to think about pursuing it, if it's strong enough, you might find yourself having no choice but to pursue it.

With OD however, you have to go to the bother of getting ready, clearing your evening/night, making this big stupid fúcking effort, to meet someone who on the balance of probabilities, will have you wishing after an hour or two that you were back at home sitting on your sofa watching the Discovery Channel! 99% of these dates, in my experience, are just extremely boring encounters where you are rehashing the exact same shíte about yourself for a few hours and hearing the same regurgitated shíte from your date about their life. Any date I've been on, I've ALWAYS detected this little barely disguised veneer of suspicion about whether I am as how I've represented myself on my profile, (as in am I really single, have I really got no kids?), that just adds further weirdness into the conversation and fuels the boredom and the regret about having agreed to go on a date to begin with.

Sorry lads and ladies, it's just a loada shíte shíte shíte (EDIT: In my humble view)!

smallgarden

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well I'm done with it now, pursuing an offline thing that I think warrants hanging up my OD boots for once and for all, THANK FÚP!!! Having tried the OD though, I couldn't be more convinced that it simply doesn't work, for a few reasons, it's great for killing boredom, great for a bit of banter, great for yapping, but once it moves into "hey I'll tell you what, let's meet up for a date", I found it extremely extremely stressful, I cancelled more dates than I went on, not because I was nervous or didn't like the girl I had been yapping to, I just couldn't have been fúcking arsed going on a date 90% of the time, after being busy with work and basically came to see meeting a total stranger as nothing other than a big massive inconvenience in my day/evening. At the time I'd have agreed to a date, it seemed like a good idea, but the closer it came to meeting, the more I'd have started regretting with every last bit of me, ever agreeing to go on a date.

This is why I don't think OD works, why I think it is just a fatally flawed method of meeting someone special. If you met someone face to face randomly in the offline/real world, and there was a spark or mutual attraction going on, you can do something about that, there is an attraction there to motivate you to pursue it, or not, or to think about pursuing it, if it's strong enough, you might find yourself having no choice but to pursue it.

With OD however, you have to go to the bother of getting ready, clearing your evening/night, making this big stupid fúcking effort, to meet someone who on the balance of probabilities, will have you wishing after an hour or two that you were back at home sitting on your sofa watching the Discovery Channel! 99% of these dates, in my experience, are just extremely boring encounters where you are rehashing the exact same shíte about yourself for a few hours and hearing the same regurgitated shíte from your date about their life. Any date I've been on, I've ALWAYS detected this little barely disguised veneer of suspicion about whether I am as how I've represented myself on my profile, (as in am I really single, have I really got no kids?), that just adds further weirdness into the conversation and fuels the boredom and the regret about having agreed to go on a date to begin with.

Sorry lads and ladies, it's just a loada shíte shíte shíte!

out of all that im sitting here wondering how one pronounces ****e with fada!

cyrusdvirus

LyndaMcL wrote: »

What if someone who isn't your type messages you, but seems to have a great personality? Any exceptions? That's directed at everyone, by the way!

I had that. Even had a relationship with her. We both gave it a go. But it didn't work out.

Esoteric_

HellFireClub wrote: »

Well I'm done with it now, pursuing an offline thing that I think warrants hanging up my OD boots for once and for all, THANK FÚP!!! Having tried the OD though, I couldn't be more convinced that it simply doesn't work, for a few reasons, it's great for killing boredom, great for a bit of banter, great for yapping, but once it moves into "hey I'll tell you what, let's meet up for a date!", territory, I found it extremely extremely stressful, I cancelled more dates than I went on, not because I was nervous or didn't like the girl I had been yapping to, I just couldn't have been fúcking arsed going on a date 90% of the time, after being busy with work and basically came to see meeting a total stranger as nothing other than a big massive inconvenience in my day/evening. At the time I'd have agreed to a date, it seemed like a good idea, but the closer it came to meeting, the more I'd have started regretting with every last bit of me, ever agreeing to go on a date.

This is why I don't think OD works, why I think it is just a fatally flawed method of meeting someone special. If you met someone face to face randomly in the offline/real world, and there was a spark or mutual attraction going on, you can do something about that, there is an attraction there to motivate you to pursue it, or not, or to think about pursuing it, if it's strong enough, you might find yourself having no choice but to pursue it.

With OD however, you have to go to the bother of getting ready, clearing your evening/night, making this big stupid fúcking effort, to meet someone who on the balance of probabilities, will have you wishing after an hour or two that you were back at home sitting on your sofa watching the Discovery Channel! 99% of these dates, in my experience, are just extremely boring encounters where you are rehashing the exact same shíte about yourself for a few hours and hearing the same regurgitated shíte from your date about their life. Any date I've been on, I've ALWAYS detected this little barely disguised veneer of suspicion about whether I am as how I've represented myself on my profile, (as in am I really single, have I really got no kids?), that just adds further weirdness into the conversation and fuels the boredom and the regret about having agreed to go on a date to begin with.

Sorry lads and ladies, it's just a loada shíte shíte shíte!

It didn't work for YOU. That doesn't mean it doesn't work.

It worked for me in that I had a pretty nice relationship out of it. I'm sure it'd still work for me now if I wanted to go to some more effort, but I don't at this point in time.

It might not work for you, but telling us all that it's 'shíte' is a bit degrading to all the people still posting in this thread who use online dating sites.

I hope your off-line thing goes well and that you're happy, but it's pretty rude to tell people that it's 'shíte.' It's not. Your PERSONAL experience was bad. Many of us have had good or even great experiences.

Daveysil15

LyndaMcL wrote: »

What if someone who isn't your type messages you, but seems to have a great personality? Any exceptions? That's directed at everyone, by the way!

Well I wouldn't know if she has a great personality. You really can't tell, especially after a first message. If I find her attractive I will chat to her. Any girl I've ever chatted to in OD I would have found physically attractive on some level. She may seem nice and have a good personality, but I'd be only guessing. I won't know that until the date.

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

It didn't work for YOU. That doesn't mean it doesn't work.

It worked for me in that I had a pretty nice relationship out of it. I'm sure it'd still work for me now if I wanted to go to some more effort, but I don't at this point in time.

It might not work for you, but telling us all that it's 'shíte' is a bit degrading to all the people still posting in this thread who use online dating sites.

I hope your off-line thing goes well and that you're happy, but it's pretty rude to tell people that it's 'shíte.' It's not. Your PERSONAL experience was bad. Many of us have had good or even great experiences.

I think it's pretty obvious that it's my personal view that I've stated, and I fail to see how me genuinely reckoning that it is a defective way of meeting someone, is in anyway derogatory towards any other poster on the thread. I haven't heard of anyone on the thread having much luck at all with it, especially guys I have to say. It can't really but work for girls, for reasons we've already discussed. That's just my view on it as a male user of the site, who has actually used it, nobody is asking you to agree with it.

Esoteric_

HellFireClub wrote: »

I fail to see how me genuinely reckoning that it is a defective way of meeting someone, is in anyway derogatory towards any other poster on the thread.

It's the way you phrased it.

fat__tony

I completely agree with Hellfire's opinion towards online dating.

I have been on match.com for approximately 10 months and I have just wrapped up my membership for good. I saw 8 different girls during that time but ultimately things didn't go anywhere. I had the usual ' lack of a spark ' nonsense on first date from a few of them. One of the girls I actually dated for 3 months but she turned out to be an utter timewaster.

The experience has made rather bitter and cynical towards dating in general, too many dishonest people with no courtesy or manners. It became stressful and time consuming which is why I have to stop it.

Online dating is a fundamentally flawed way of meeting people. I'll be sticking to the real world from here on in (after my 6 month break from it all of course.)

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

It's the way you phrased it.

Sorry for being blunt about it, I personally think, for reasons that I've well backed up, that it doesn't work, especially for guys.

Anytime I've said this before on the thread, I've been accused of sweeping generalisations or of being "negative". In general, I've found that the experience has been overwhelmingly negative and I scratch my head at times on this forum to understand why there appears to often be no room for straight talking or for saying it as it is, "it doesn't work for guys", plain and simple. That's my experience, that's the experience of most if not all guys on the thread. I'm not suggesting that you, clearly as a woman, with a very different perspective and experience of OD, should agree with me, but I do expect a genuinely expressed opinion on my behalf to be respected for what it is.

HellFireClub

fat__tony wrote: »

I completely agree with Hellfire's opinion towards online dating.

I have been on match.com for approximately 10 months and I have just wrapped up my membership for good. I saw 8 different girls during that time but ultimately things didn't go anywhere. I had the usual ' lack of a spark ' nonsense on first date from a few of them. One of the girls I actually dated for 3 months but she turned out to be an utter timewaster.

The experience has made rather bitter and cynical towards dating in general, too many dishonest people with no courtesy or manners. It became stressful and time consuming which is why I have to stop it.

Online dating is a fundamentally flawed way of meeting people. I'll be sticking to the real world from here on in (after my 6 month break from it all of course.)

One thing OD has done for me, which I previously took for granted, is that it has led me to appreciate like I never ever have appreciated before, offline/real life encounters in my life that have a romantic potential. In the case of my current pursuit, we already have chemistry in truckloads, we can go for a walk in a park with coffees in hand, arms around other and it doesn't feel awkward or weird or difficult. I don't have to look at her and keep asking myself do I fancy her, trying to see her under different lights and shades like I was doing on OD's, I can look at her and think she is an incredibly beautiful stunning girl who I could see as my wife someday. I can talk to her about anything. I know what people are going to say, "sure what the fup were ya doing on a dating site to begin with?!?", well you just can't plan these things, can you?

Daveysil15

HellFireClub wrote: »

With OD however, you have to go to the bother of getting ready, clearing your evening/night, making this big stupid fúcking effort, to meet someone who on the balance of probabilities, will have you wishing after an hour or two that you were back at home sitting on your sofa watching the Discovery Channel! 99% of these dates, in my experience, are just extremely boring encounters where you are rehashing the exact same shíte about yourself for a few hours and hearing the same regurgitated shíte from your date about their life.

Do you not have to do that anyway when you're going out socializing, meeting people, or going on a date with someone you met from work? You can't expect to meet people without making any effort. Life is not that easy.

fat__tony wrote: »

I saw 8 different girls during that time but ultimately things didn't go anywhere.

That's a lot to me. I've met a total of 2 girls in 18 months. At least you're meeting people. There's guys that can't get a date full stop.

HellFireClub

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Do you not have to do that anyway when you're going out socializing, meeting people, or going on a date with someone you met from work? You can't expect to meet people without making any effort. Life is not that easy.

Sure if I'm going out with mates, I know I'm going out with people who's company I enjoy and they mine... If I was going on an offline date with a girl, I imagine I'd know her to talk to and have an idea as to her personality, (if it was like a work date or something). This is my whole point, when it's a real world thing, you generally know the person, and it's knowing the person, to even the smallest extent, that can lay the foundation for some kind of success!!! With OD, you're going in completely blind, you have no idea how that other person carry's themselves, how they view life, their sense of humour, etc!

Daveysil15

HellFireClub wrote: »

Sure if I'm going out with mates, I know I'm going out with people who's company I enjoy and they mine... If I was going on an offline date with a girl, I imagine I'd know her to talk to and have an idea as to her personality, (if it was like a work date or something). This is my whole point, when it's a real world thing, you generally know the person, and it's knowing the person, to even the smallest extent, that can lay the foundation for some kind of success!!! With OD, you're going in completely blind, you have no idea how that other person carry's themselves, how they view life, their sense of humour, etc!

I agree with what you're saying. It's much easier going on a date with someone you've already met. But you surely knew before hand that you'd be going in blind when you started OD. I feel your frustration and I haven't had much luck with OD either, but I try not to take it too seriously. If I meet someone from it that would be great. If I don't... well I haven't really lost anything by trying.