The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

Esoteric_

To be honest, seeing some of the things posted in this thread recently, I'm thinking that maybe if you're having such issues with rejection/failure (which some posters seem to be having), you should get offline and try IRL because clearly the OD thing isn't working for everyone here. :-/ Rejection and failure are part and parcel of dating in general, not just online dating. It's something that you have to learn to accept, or get used to being alone.

AnnyHallsal

Yay, there was chemistry Lesson, don't write things off after a not great second/cinema date.

Tchaikovsky

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Yay, there was chemistry Lesson, don't write things off after a not great second/cinema date.

Congrats. Go get him tiger.

Lucky baxtard

rubytuesday86

smallgarden wrote: »

chat works if youve sent few messages first, rarely works straight off the bat

I never, ever replied to chat messages before I had mailed the guy a few times first. One night a guy sent me a message on chat on OKC - something cheeky about my taste in movies.
That was 34 months ago today he sent that cheeky message.
We're getting married next year. I never thought I'd meet the man of my dreams online but it happened!
Guess I'm just trying to say.....it does work sometimes!
Good luck to anyone who hasdates this weekend x

cyrusdvirus

AnnyHallsal wrote: »

Yay, there was chemistry Lesson, don't write things off after a not great second/cinema date.

saw this message come up and was thinking "WTF is she talking about"... Then remembered....

Did a little yay!!:D



HellFireClub, remember that not every bloke in Ireland who does OD posts here.

And unless the women on this thread are all lesbians, then for every success story they have, then that's also a success story for OD and some bloke somewhere.

So it CAN'T be that bad.....

The Dagda

HellFireClub wrote: »

You wouldn't find 3% of guys on here who would report the same success rate and agree, let alone 30%, so I dunno where you are pulling your "statistic" from... Has there been any credible survey done in relation to OD? Nope, not as far as I'm aware, I think you might have picked up that "statistic" from an ad on the radio that, surprise surprise, has launched a website that is actually an introduction agency!

I suppose all the other people on here who have completely abandoned it as a means of meeting someone for a relationship, I suppose they are all doing something wrong as well, yeah?!? :rolleyes:

It's pretty obvious why you're not having much success with OD, you seem to be a very negative, cynical, and suspicious person. It comes out in every one of your posts on this thread.

Read rivertom's post above. If it's not working, you're doing something wrong.

OD is a great way to meet people, i would go so far as to say, it's an easy way to meet someone, but it's so random that it may take a long time to meet a match. There are so many variables at play, that it's pointless expecting a few lines on a profile, or a couple of messages, to give you an accurate insight into someone. Because of this, going into OD with "hard and fast" rules is, IMO, crazy.

Lighten up, stop over-thinking every situation, not everyone is good at writing profiles or messages, and meeting strangers is a difficult thing to do, so give the "imperfect" ones a chance. You might surprise yourself.

mood

HellFireClub wrote: »

It's not that I'm "too good to be true", I'm certainly not all that, but I have noticed in the past, that I've had girls ignore me, after them starting a conversation with me, when I wouldn't add them on Facebook, we did that to death here a month or so ago and the in's and out's of that. The rationale on the part of girls who did that, (discontinued a conversation when you wouldn't add them on FB this side of meeting them), is that I clearly had something to hide. Nothing could have been further from the truth, as I argued previously on here, take me as you find me or don't bother with me at all...

Then only this week I had a girl throw her toys out of the pram because I wasn't prepared to meet her after what were between 5 and 10 messages exchanged over a 24 hour period.

Girls I've been on dates with, have asked how come I haven't any kids, as if I'm shooting blanks or something. That has been a subject of some particular inquiry on some dates, although I've been meeting girls my own age and have blocked new mails from girls who smoke and who have kids, so it begs the question how come the girls who were so curious about me not having had any children, are not more accepting of this fact, given that they themselves haven't had any children, despite being of a similar age to me?!?!?

The whole thing is just one big web of mind games and second guessing, which I don't think is the way romance is meant to be. Were it not for this offline development in my life, I'd still be at it, I had a date agreed in principle for next week, won't be going on that now which is a pity because I seriously fancied that girl, but sure you make your bed and you lie in it as the phrase goes. And no, I didn't send her a departing mail before I deleted my account, what's the point.

It could be that they want to know if you like kids and want kids in the future. You wouldn't believe the amount of guys who have left the kids bit of profile blank.

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

You wouldn't find 3% of guys on here who would report the same success rate and agree, let alone 30%, so I dunno where you are pulling your "statistic" from... Has there been any credible survey done in relation to OD? Nope, not as far as I'm aware, I think you might have picked up that "statistic" from an ad on the radio that, surprise surprise, has launched a website that is actually an introduction agency!

3% - are you actually challenging the statistic by bringing out a completely random and arbitrary statistic of your own?!

Yes, there has been at least one credible survey done, and as far as I recall it was actually that 4/10 couples now meet online. It was just a general survey, there was no dating agency attached.

HellFireClub wrote: »

I suppose all the other people on here who have completely abandoned it as a means of meeting someone for a relationship, I suppose they are all doing something wrong as well, yeah?!? :rolleyes:

Who are these people? On a thread with hundreds of thousands of views, I can't think of anyone recently who gave up? I thought about it, but then realised I had nothing to complain about at all! I get emails every day or every second day, a couple of winks each day - what have I got to complain about? Nada!

So, not sure what you're talking about there at all. Also, anyone for whom it has worked in terms of finally meeting someone - you won't find them posting here. Also, if you are lucky enough to be getting regular mails and responses, and going on regular dates (which you have already admitted you are), then it is working.

HellFireClub

The Dagda wrote: »

It's pretty obvious why you're not having much success with OD, you seem to be a very negative, cynical, and suspicious person. It comes out in every one of your posts on this thread.

Read rivertom's post above. If it's not working, you're doing something wrong.

OD is a great way to meet people, i would go so far as to say, it's an easy way to meet someone, but it's so random that it may take a long time to meet a match. There are so many variables at play, that it's pointless expecting a few lines on a profile, or a couple of messages, to give you an accurate insight into someone. Because of this, going into OD with "hard and fast" rules is, IMO, crazy.

Lighten up, stop over-thinking every situation, not everyone is good at writing profiles or messages, and meeting strangers is a difficult thing to do, so give the "imperfect" ones a chance. You might surprise yourself.

Absolute rubbish. With one notable exception, every single OD that I've been on, I've been the one who didn't want to pursue it to a second date, and the only reason I felt like that about it was because I was looking for a proper romance, and all I was getting was engaging conversation, and basically friendship. Any time I had to do the, "look I don't think we really fancy each other, probably not a 2nd date in it" conversation, usually I'd get a little dig back by text, something along the lines of "I thought we got on fine", or "you sound like you don't know what you are looking for"... I've never once got feedback that said, "sorry you sound like a cynical/negative/suspicious person".

OD doesn't work for me because I know EXACTLY what I've been looking for, I'm looking for the whole gig, a powerful romance, a deep friendship, huge mutual attraction, and I'm simply not prepared, as a guy who has had absolutely no problem whatsoever in the past finding these things, to accept any less right now!

Not finding that on OD, and weirdly enough, which proves a point to me, having appeared to have found it offline, doesn't make me cynical/suspicious or negative.

What I've been looking for, OD does simply not deliver in sufficient numbers to make it worth my while. I'm not prepared to wade through dozens of "will we won't we go on a second date" encounters, while both parties are also pursuing sales leads with other people "just in case". To my mind, there is nothing whatsoever romantic about that approach to meeting someone.

Rather than just respect someone else's genuinely held opinion in that regard, based on their own extensive experience with OD, you come on here with a personal attack that I don't think you'd make to my face if this conversation was going on across a dinner table.

Liam McPoyle

You are expecting to find a powerful romance et al but you write people after one date?

You sound like you want to have it all straight away but it doesn't work like that outside of Hollywood.

First dates can be awkward most of the time,you can't get to know someone properly in just a couple of hours.

You seriously sound like you have your head in dreamland with your expectations.

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

Also, if you are lucky enough to be getting regular mails and responses, and going on regular dates (which you have already admitted you are), then it is working.

It's not working when all you are doing is going on one date after another with different people!!! The ultimate purpose of the whole thing is to meet someone you can have a relationship with!!! That hasn't happened for me, and it hasn't happen for you either if you are still going on dates with different women every week, so surprise surprise, it isn't working for you either Sherlock!

If there is no end or purpose to the whole exercise for you, other than going on dates week in week out, then yeah, it's working for you, but if you are trying to find a relationship out of it but are still on this thread as a single man, then it clearly isn't working for you!

I'm starting to wonder is there almost a kind of "group think" going on on this thread where people think that because they are ticking the box that says "I've got a date", that there is some success being had with OD?!?!? Dating is not the ultimate objective of trying OD, finding someone you can have a relationship is, unless you are chasing NSA.

The Dagda

HellFireClub wrote: »

Absolute rubbish. With one notable exception, every single OD that I've been on, I've been the one who didn't want to pursue it to a second date, and the only reason I felt like that about it was because I was looking for a proper romance, and all I was getting was engaging conversation, and basically friendship. Any time I had to do the, "look I don't think we really fancy each other, probably not a 2nd date in it" conversation, usually I'd get a little dig back by text, something along the lines of "I thought we got on fine", or "you sound like you don't know what you are looking for"... I've never once got feedback that said, "sorry you sound like a cynical/negative/suspicious person".

OD doesn't work for me because I know EXACTLY what I've been looking for, I'm looking for the whole gig, a powerful romance, a deep friendship, huge mutual attraction, and I'm simply not prepared, as a guy who has had absolutely no problem whatsoever in the past finding these things, to accept any less right now!

Not finding that on OD, and weirdly enough, which proves a point to me, having appeared to have found it offline, doesn't make me cynical/suspicious or negative.

What I've been looking for, OD does simply not deliver in sufficient numbers to make it worth my while. I'm not prepared to wade through dozens of "will we won't we go on a second date" encounters, while both parties are also pursuing sales leads with other people "just in case". To my mind, there is nothing whatsoever romantic about that approach to meeting someone.

Rather than just respect someone else's genuinely held opinion in that regard, based on their own extensive experience with OD, you come on here with a personal attack that I don't think you'd make to my face if this conversation was going on across a dinner table.

There's so much wrong with this post i don't know where to start.

Good luck with your offline "romance", she's a lucky lady :rolleyes:

And i guarantee if i met you across a dinner table and you were spouting the same delusion views, i most certainly would give you the same "feedback".

HellFireClub

Necronos wrote: »

You are expecting to find a powerful romance et al but you write people after one date?

You sound like you want to have it all straight away but it doesn't work like that outside of Hollywood.

First dates can be awkward most of the time,you can't get to know someone properly in just a couple of hours.

You seriously sound like you have your head in dreamland with your expectations.

I've no head in dreamland, I've been in 2 long term relationships since I was 18, one for 5 years and one for 10 years and each time, I got completely swept off my feet in the romantic sense.

During those relationships I was extremely happy & content from the get-go, from the very first date. I'm certainly not going to be watering down my expectations because I happen to be 36 and single, why should I?!?!?

HellFireClub

The Dagda wrote: »

There's so much wrong with this post i don't know where to start.

Good luck with your offline "romance", she's a lucky lady :rolleyes:

There's absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with it that you can debate on subject merit or otherwise. The only way you seem to be able to make any point is with a childish personal attack on me, as opposed to discussing the actual subject at hand on it's merits or otherwise. That's the second time now you've tried to play the man and not the ball on the thead this hour.

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

It's not working when all you are doing is going on one date after another with different people!!! The ultimate purpose of the whole thing is to meet someone you can have a relationship with!!! That hasn't happened for me, and it hasn't happen for you either if you are still going on dates with different women every week, so surprise surprise, it isn't working for you either Sherlock!

Hasn't happened for you yet. Hasn't happened for me yet. The difference is I'm willing to go on the adventure with an open mind, to see if I do meet someone. You're writing it off as not working when the reality is actually very different - based on millions of people meeting via OD, propping up a $2 billion industry!

Again, I go back to the handy gym analogy. If I've been going to the gym for a year and I haven't lost weight / gotten fitter, is it down to the gym, or maybe is it time for me to review how I'm doing? (Hint, Hint!).

Also, I'm not going on dates every week, fyi. My last one was last week, there was a gap of about a month or six weeks prior to that one. I am being more selective now, and it's working well thus far.

HellFireClub wrote: »

If there is no end or purpose to the whole exercise for you, other than going on dates week in week out, then yeah, it's working for you, but if you are trying to find a relationship out of it but are still on this thread as a single man, then it clearly isn't working for you!

As above, there is no definite time-frame for achieving what you are looking for. You either write it off, or you're open to what might unfold. And that's part of the whole experience, which I find enjoyable. I enjoy meeting new women. And I'm open to what might happen - be it a relationship, a fling, or whatever unfolds.

HellFireClub wrote: »

I'm starting to wonder is there almost a kind of "group think" going on on this thread where people think that because they are ticking the box that says "I've got a date", that there is some success being had with OD?!?!? Dating is not the ultimate objective of trying OD, finding someone you can have a relationship is, unless you are chasing NSA.

Group-think or people making sense?!

The Dagda

HellFireClub wrote: »

There's absolutely nothing whatsoever wrong with it that you can debate on subject merit or otherwise. The only way you seem to be able to make any point is with a childish personal attack on me, as opposed to discussing the actual subject at hand on it's merits or otherwise. That's the second time now you've tried to play the man and not the ball on the thead this hour.

Where did i attack you? I simply pointed out that from your posts here you "seem" to be negative, cynical, and suspicious. The implication being, that if you give off those vibes to potential dates you won't be successful in OD, or anywhere else, for that matter. Your replies have done nothing to alter that view.

Tbh you seem to think that because it hasn't worked for you there's something inherently wrong with OD, and even worse than that, you are suggesting that people who do enjoy it are actually doing something improper.

If you're so against OD, why are you pursuing it, and more importantly, why do you feel it necessary to flood this thread with your blinkered views on the subject?

Prick!

I think people on here have to realise not everyone on OD posts here.

What I mean is not everyone is fast at typing or types out a lot. Imagine if you didn't read this thread your profile would probably a bit different.

riveratom

HellFireClub wrote: »

OD doesn't work for me because I know EXACTLY what I've been looking for, I'm looking for the whole gig, a powerful romance, a deep friendship, huge mutual attraction, and I'm simply not prepared, as a guy who has had absolutely no problem whatsoever in the past finding these things, to accept any less right now!

Not finding that on OD, and weirdly enough, which proves a point to me, having appeared to have found it offline, doesn't make me cynical/suspicious or negative.

Yes, OD doesn't work the same as real-life! If you think you're going to walk into a bar, greet a perfect stranger and then have this Hollywood moment where it all comes together over a few hours, then it's no wonder you're frustrated with it!

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

Hasn't happened for you yet. Hasn't happened for me yet. The difference is I'm willing to go on the adventure with an open mind, to see if I do meet someone. You're writing it off as not working when the reality is actually very different - based on millions of people meeting via OD, propping up a $2 billion industry!

Here's an analogy for you: I give you a car for free. The purpose of the car is to get you from A-B going foward, in relative peace and quiet. Next week, you call me to say that you'll need me to take the car I gave you back and bring you over another car, because the car I gave you won't start. The same goes on week after week after week, and I've now given you somewhere around 30-40 cars over the space of a year. At some point, you are clearly going to sit down and think to yourself, "I don't know what it is about this guy and his cars, he claims that his cars are decent and reliable but I think I could actually be at fúck all trying to get anywhere with the cars that he is giving me, I think I'll tell him to shove it and I'll see if I can maybe get a more reliable car somewhere else, because it couldn't be clearer that I'm at absolutely fúck all with this guy and his cars that last one week long"...

The morale of the story? If you are the kind of guy who enjoys the hardship of having to fix my car every week when it lets you down, then we can do business together. If however, you are like the vast majority of people who aren't into the hardship, and just want the car to work without too much of an issue, then you and I are obviously not going to get on!

HellFireClub

riveratom wrote: »

As above, there is no definite time-frame for achieving what you are looking for. You either write it off, or you're open to what might unfold. And that's part of the whole experience, which I find enjoyable. I enjoy meeting new women. And I'm open to what might happen - be it a relationship, a fling, or whatever unfolds.

Maybe we are getting to the actual centre of the matter there now. You have clearly been using the site for different reasons than I have. I'm not looking for a fling, that would be a waste of time for me, I could have met a girl off the site for a fling last week, if I did, it would have been an absolute waste of time for both of us, given what I am looking for, and have since managed to find offline, so the point really is moot.

ladylost

HellFireClub wrote: »

Maybe we are getting to the actual centre of the matter there now. You have clearly been using the site for different reasons than I have. I'm not looking for a fling, that would be a waste of time for me, I could have met a girl off the site for a fling last week, if I did, it would have been an absolute waste of time for both of us, given what I am looking for, and have since managed to find offline, so the point really is moot.

Good for you that you have managed to find what/who you are looking for offline. I hope it continues to go well for you. However not everyone here has been as lucky. If those of us who have not been as lucky as you feel that OD is still a viable option and are happy with how it's going then good for us. They don't have to be mutually exclusive. OD didn't work for you. We get it. However there are other people that it has worked for and there are people who are still hopeful that it will work for them.
Surely we can move on from this now!?! Horses for courses and all that.

Mental Mickey

HellFireClub wrote: »

Maybe we are getting to the actual centre of the matter there now. You have clearly been using the site for different reasons than I have. I'm not looking for a fling, that would be a waste of time for me, I could have met a girl off the site for a fling last week, if I did, it would have been an absolute waste of time for both of us, given what I am looking for, and have since managed to find offline, so the point really is moot.

I'm not looking for a fling either............maybe that's why I'm not having luck?

gilmour

oh FFS every single time i come for a browse in this thread hellfire is hogging it up with his usual "i'm ok its you and the world who are not ok" drivel.

miamee

Mental Mickey wrote: »

I'm not looking for a fling either............maybe that's why I'm not having luck?

Maybe...a fling is a lot easier to find than a real relationship. For a fling, most people aren't quite as particular about what they are looking for as it is a short-term arrangement, not 'rest of your life' stuff

HellFireClub

gilmour wrote: »

oh FFS every single time i come for a browse in this thread hellfire is hogging it up with his usual "i'm ok its you and the world who are not ok" drivel.

What are you on about. First of all, it's "The Online Dating Thead", not "The Online Dating-Really Positive Happy Stories Only Please" Thead.

By any evaluation at all, OD, not in general, but the OD we have all become accustomed to on POF, it simply DOES NOT WORK. It cannot work, for several reasons, the primary reason being that there is extremely poor moderation of the site, (would you get away with PM'ing female users of this site, boards.ie, images of your cóck?!? I don't think so, you'd be lucky to not get a call from the Gardai if you tried it on this site!).

If you have an issue with a post, please use the report button if you think it is against the charter. Alternatively, please have the humility and manners to respect the differing views of other posters!

Ammsy500

Ok we get it its not working for hellfire and he's going to Persue things offline good luck to you but for many of us this is one of the only ways available to meet people who are looking to date or whatever. I for one hate meeting people in clubs/pubs as its more a night out to catch up with my friends than anything else.

Just one thing though I do think its hilarious that you were expecting romance from one date??? I think meeting a person online is very different for one they are a complete stranger on your first date your lucky if you feel a bit of chemistry and 'spark'. This is why you to go on a second date if you are attracted to them and got on well first time around. I think people are to quick to write somebody off after one date because there was no fireworks or whatever. Don't get me wrong I've gone on dates where I felt no connection with the person and ofcourse there was no point persuing it but if there was something there I give it a shot.

As we discussed a few pages back you have a date where you get on great have a bit of kiss and than nothing you hear nada back from them. This is why I think Irish people are still not used to the whole idea of 'dating'. This is a new concept for us dating a few different people at one time or meeting somebody off the Internet. I do think some people can't get round the latter in my opinion. It's like 'all my exes I met through friends or on a night out this is all alien to me'.

Mental Mickey

miamee wrote: »

Mental Mickey wrote: »

I'm not looking for a fling either............maybe that's why I'm not having luck?

Maybe...a fling is a lot easier to find than a real relationship. For a fling, most people aren't quite as particular about what they are looking for as it is a short-term arrangement, not 'rest of your life' stuff

snip

Mental Mickey

miamee wrote: »

Mental Mickey wrote: »

I'm not looking for a fling either............maybe that's why I'm not having luck?

Maybe...a fling is a lot easier to find than a real relationship. For a fling, most people aren't quite as particular about what they are looking for as it is a short-term arrangement, not 'rest of your life' stuff

I don't think a fling would my thing, but then again I've never had either.........

Micky 32

How would one approach this scenario. Started chatting to this one POF that had a private photo. She let me see it, a very good looking woman. Was a tiny bit suspicious as it looked " modely" so being me i googled the photo. Low and behold it is of a famous enough designer..

However, she phoned me today and we had a great chat and seems to be a very sound girl. So i wonder how she expects to pull this off tomorrow when i meet her..what should i do ? lol

mood

Micky 32 wrote: »

How would one approach this scenario. Started chatting to this one POF that had a private photo. She let me see it, a very good looking woman. Was a tiny bit suspicious as it looked " modely" so being me i googled the photo. Low and behold it is of a famous enough designer..

However, she phoned me today and we had a great chat and seems to be a very sound girl. So i wonder how she expects to pull this off tomorrow when i meet her..what should i do ? lol

Maybe she looks very like that person! How did you 'google' the photo?