The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

sharper

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I just told that story to point out that there are freaks both offline and online, you never know until something happens.

I really wish you didn't have such a severe example There are seriously odd people all over and unfortunately they're harder to detect than we'd like. There are a lot of messers online to be sure but I've never felt it was more than in real life.

Prick!

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Don't want a sympathetic date either. Maybe I should stop sitting behind a feckin laptop too lol!!!!???

If I had the balls to meet people out, I wouldn't be online :P

Mental Mickey

Prick! wrote: »

If I had the balls to meet people out, I wouldn't be online :P

Well you are just a pr!ck(just kiddin'!!!):D

Esoteric_

sharper wrote: »

I really wish you didn't have such a severe example There are seriously odd people all over and unfortunately they're harder to detect than we'd like. There are a lot of messers online to be sure but I've never felt it was more than in real life.

I wish it wasn't as severe myself, but it's one of the few times I've encountered somebody who seemed normal but was actually a nutjob. On the opposite side, absolutely every single person I've met from the internet, either through online dating, or as a friend, was completely lovely!

I think there's an equal amount of messers online and in real life. We just tend to encounter them a little bit less in real life because most of us can make snap judgements in real life (in most cases!), whereas online it's a little more difficult because we all have online 'personalities' and can hide flaws if we really want to.

Mental Mickey

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I wish it wasn't as severe myself, but it's one of the few times I've encountered somebody who seemed normal but was actually a nutjob. On the opposite side, absolutely every single person I've met from the internet, either through online dating, or as a friend, was completely lovely!

I think there's an equal amount of messers online and in real life. We just tend to encounter them a little bit less in real life because most of us can make snap judgements in real life (in most cases!), whereas online it's a little more difficult because we all have online 'personalities' and can hide flaws if we really want to.

Bang on. This is why I'm kinda losing the interest in OD.............? I've even heard of guys posing as girls and vice versa:eek:. T'interweb is a breeding ground for strange people.

Mental Mickey

Have tweaked my profile a little bit...............bet a tumbleweed keeps blowing across it though........?

A friend said to me that they gave it up cos there are too many weirdos on it.....

Prick!

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Have tweaked my profile a little bit...............bet a tumbleweed keeps blowing across it though........?

A friend said to me that they gave it up cos there are too many weirdos on it.....

So many weirdos. I encountered one. Weirdos aren't limited to men

HellFireClub

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Just one thing though I do think its hilarious that you were expecting romance from one date???

Any relationship I've been in before, (I'm 36 now and in the 18 years that have passed since I was 18, I've been in a 5 year relationship, a 9 year relationship and I've been single around 3 years), with regard to the two long term relationships I was in, from the very first date, we (myself and my respective partner at the time), were hugely attracted to each other and it took off from there and lasted many years.

Maybe I was very lucky, although I don't personally think that I was, but it is against this backdrop, the only backdrop that I can personally relate to by way of my own life experience, that the idea of having to go on a series of dates with a girl, in order to see if, after discovering that we have things in common, some chemistry might just emerge, is such a difficult concept for me to get my head around. The only two times I've been in long term successful relationships was when I met someone who fancied me, and I fancied them and as far as we were both concerned, we were the real deal for each other, from the get-go.

Historically, this is the ONLY way I've ever done the dating thing, so whatever about being able to maybe find the patience to try to run with OD and with second and third dates with someone I might get on ok with, for the purposes of hoping that some chemistry will emerge between us, one thing that I am a COMPLETE fúcking stranger to, given my own past experience, is having to go on something like 20-30 dates, just to find one person that I might have a strong mutual attraction with, and I don't believe I have deteriorated to that much of an extent in my 20's and early 30's in terms of who I am or how I appear to others, that I should somehow have to settle for what I see as actually a fairly mad & bizarre way of carrying on, when I reflect on MY PARTICULAR OD experiences.

It might also be worth factoring in, that as someone who was always in one of two consecutive long term relationships basically from the age of 18 'til the age of 33, I've also never done the "going on the prowl" thing, going the "going on the pull" thing, and all of that. So maybe I'm not conditioned through my own life path, (and we are all a product of our own particular experiences), to think that it is not normal for a lot of people I've been in contact with, to behave as they do on OD.

When I refer to what I believe are peculiar ways of carrying on, I mean (1) basically having to compete with a plethora of other site users who are hiding their profile pics and then sending out images of their cóck to women that you are trying to get a mail to, (2) women who won't reply to a mail, despite them being a few years on the site and having up on their profile header, "ARE THERE NO DECENT MEN LEFT?!?!?", (3) women who will terminate a conversation with you if you are not comfortable adding them on Facebook for the purposes of them "vetting" you, (4) women who you end up going on a date with but who seem to be fairly cynical in relation to whether you actually are who and what you say you are, etc, or else are highly nervous to the point where you can't get a conversation out of them.

It hasn't all been negative, it's killed the boredom at times and I've had a few nights out where it was worth the evening, but I got nowhere near finding what I was looking for out of it, which was dating, but to a very specific end. The most awkward part of the whole thing was the end of every first date, there apparently is a convention that I wasn't aware of, where you should have a smooch at the end of a first date that has lasted the full night and hasn't been cut short by either party, something that I personally find very difficult to initiate, where there is no obvious strong chemistry, from her to me, whatever about how I might perceive her. I got feedback I think about 2 or 3 times, that I "should have" moved in for a kiss at the end of the night, basically that it was expected, that this was the norm, although it was a norm that I wasn't aware of.

Anyways, thankfully, fate appears to have intervened and the rest is history...

So that is the unique context that I had landed out of, that has me just not "getting" OD, especially the really awkward departures at the very end of a first date, I cringe at the thoughts of them and I hope I never live to experience those type of really awkward uncomfortable moments again.

Esoteric_

Honestly, it sounds like you're just unaccustomed to the dating scene.

Like you, I happened to find people I had instant chemistry with and was in a few long term relationships from when I was 17, up til nearly a year ago.

The dating scene is, in general, totally different though. You generally need a few dates at least to see if there is chemistry, especially when doing it through an online site.

It's fair enough that it didn't work for you, some people just don't like the method of dating in that particular environment and can't grow accustomed to it. I think the reason you got a good bit of backlash is because, well, to be perfectly honest, you came across in a very cynical and somewhat rude manner when discussing the whole online dating thing.

I genuinely do wish you the best of luck with your offline thing, and hope it works out for the best. Just please bear in mind that, while it doesn't work for you, going on a few dates before feeling much chemistry is the 'norm' in pretty much any method of dating. I'm sure you're still the same person you were in your 20s, but that's just how dating is right now.
But yeah, good luck!

Mental Mickey

Pembily wrote: »

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Don't want a sympathetic date either. Maybe I should stop sitting behind a feckin laptop too lol!!!!???

That would defo help.

Age is but a number

Yeah but as a friend(who also uses a chair) told me, once women see the chair it's curtains as far as anything long term is concerned.

ViveLaVie

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Pembily wrote: »

Mental Mickey wrote: »

Don't want a sympathetic date either. Maybe I should stop sitting behind a feckin laptop too lol!!!!???

That would defo help.

Age is but a number

Yeah but as a friend(who also uses a chair) told me, once women see the chair it's curtains as far as anything long term is concerned.

It's not the case for everyone. I am good friends with a girl who happily dated a guy with wheels and was mad about him. They met on a night out and kissed the same night.

KTRIC

Had a lovely date last night that lasted 11 hours !! Got home before the sun came up. I was pleasantly surprised as she looked even better than her pics and was a great laugh.

There was much kissing good night in the end and looks quite likely we'll see each other again. Well we are nearly neighbours so thats a given either way !! :P

Meauldsegosha

Second date last night, went really well. Last ones to leave the pub again. Third date is planned, lunch on Tuesday.

HellFireClub

LyndaMcL wrote: »

Honestly, it sounds like you're just unaccustomed to the dating scene.

Like you, I happened to find people I had instant chemistry with and was in a few long term relationships from when I was 17, up til nearly a year ago.

The dating scene is, in general, totally different though. You generally need a few dates at least to see if there is chemistry, especially when doing it through an online site.

It's fair enough that it didn't work for you, some people just don't like the method of dating in that particular environment and can't grow accustomed to it. I think the reason you got a good bit of backlash is because, well, to be perfectly honest, you came across in a very cynical and somewhat rude manner when discussing the whole online dating thing.

I genuinely do wish you the best of luck with your offline thing, and hope it works out for the best. Just please bear in mind that, while it doesn't work for you, going on a few dates before feeling much chemistry is the 'norm' in pretty much any method of dating. I'm sure you're still the same person you were in your 20s, but that's just how dating is right now.
But yeah, good luck!

I don't know how I could be accused as having been rude, for simply having the audacity to say that I've come to the conclusion that something that I've tried to use, on and off, for the last 3 odd years, simply does not work. I'm a bit taken aback to be honest at the deeply bedded in groupthink that is clearly going on within this thread, where there is no room whatsoever in the discussion for someone who takes a step back (after trying it extensively), and has a different perspective than others on the thread. You've a thread, over 400 pages long, full of people going on an endless string of dates, none of whom it appears to me, are managing to find someone who they think is credible relationship material, at least half if whom are throwing in the towel with the site, before getting so bored with the absence of any alternative, they sign back up again, out of pure boredom, and that's no criticism of anyone because I've done it myself!

But it is bizarre I think, that groupthink has taken over to such an extent, where you cannot fairly but robustly question the wider ultimate purpose or viability of OD from the unique perspective of a male user, without being told that you either have personality issues yourself, or else get told to shut up 'cos you are "clogging up the thread"!

mood

I think people don't log into this thread when things are going well with someone they meet online. There are possible 1,000s of success stories we will never hear about. Like I said I know 4 married couples who meet through online dating sites. This thread seems to be used by people to get advice, vent etc so it only shows the negative site of online dating IMO.

AnnyHallsal

HellFireClub, consider the possibility that it isn't groupthink but that your posts in this thread create an impression of a negative, cynical person who refuses to accept they are an agent in the situations they complain about. I'm sorry but it's not us but you, the attitude your posts project.

cloud_dancer

KTRIC wrote: »

Had a lovely date last night that lasted 11 hours !! Got home before the sun came up. I was pleasantly surprised as she looked even better than her pics and was a great laugh.

There was much kissing good night in the end and looks quite likely we'll see each other again. Well we are nearly neighbours so thats a given either way !! :P

Great to hear! My date also went really well and I hope to see him again soon.

Ammsy500

Why do people put up photos of themselves looking worse for wear with captions like 'so drunk at my brothers wedding' or 'hungover in Newcastle'. Do they really think people will be attracted to this??

sharper

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Why do people put up photos of themselves looking worse for wear with captions like 'so drunk at my brothers wedding' or 'hungover in Newcastle'. Do they really think people will be attracted to this??

I took it to be an extension of the Irish obsession with drink - "look at me I get drunk!". Lots of people have stuff in their profile about how they spend their Saturday/Sunday being hungover too.

mood

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Why do people put up photos of themselves looking worse for wear with captions like 'so drunk at my brothers wedding' or 'hungover in Newcastle'. Do they really think people will be attracted to this??

There also seem to be a lot of photos of men that are just terrible. The photo are so bad what could be a good looking guy look anything but. Photo taken with web cams, your own mobile etc should be avoided.

Daveysil15

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Why do people put up photos of themselves looking worse for wear with captions like 'so drunk at my brothers wedding' or 'hungover in Newcastle'. Do they really think people will be attracted to this??

Yep, they're almost as bad as the holiday photos of people standing a mile away in the distance. "Look at me... I'm at the bottom of the Grand Canyon." Where's the point in putting up photos where nobody can make out what you look like?

hollypink

mood wrote: »

There also seem to be a lot of photos of men that are just terrible. The photo are so bad what could be a good looking guy look anything but. Photo taken with web cams, your own mobile etc should be avoided.

Couldn't agree more! I can't speak for photos of women because I wouldn't be looking at them, but a photo of someone staring grimly into a webcam is just so unappealing. It probably feels silly to be smiling into a webcam, but it would be marginally better than the slightly scary expressionless ones :P

mood

hollypink wrote: »

Couldn't agree more! I can't speak for photos of women because I wouldn't be looking at them, but a photo of someone staring grimly into a webcam is just so unappealing. It probably feels silly to be smiling into a webcam, but it would be marginally better than the slightly scary expressionless ones :P

Simple don't use web cam photos. They are never good. In this day and age I find it hard to believe someone can find a decent photo of themselves take on a night out, at a wedding etc. Most people using dating site most likely use facebook etc so there must be photo there they could use.

sharper

mood wrote: »

There also seem to be a lot of photos of men that are just terrible. The photo are so bad what could be a good looking guy look anything but. Photo taken with web cams, your own mobile etc should be avoided.

I have seen some decent webcam pictures, usually someone in a funny pose or a funny hat or something. Out of context it sounds a bit silly but someone not taking themselves too seriously is good I think.

The worst part of webcam pictures is people usually tend to look grumpy or angry because they're concentrating on how to work the webcam software!

Ammsy500

mood wrote: »

Ammsy500 wrote: »

Why do people put up photos of themselves looking worse for wear with captions like 'so drunk at my brothers wedding' or 'hungover in Newcastle'. Do they really think people will be attracted to this??

There also seem to be a lot of photos of men that are just terrible. The photo are so bad what could be a good looking guy look anything but. Photo taken with web cams, your own mobile etc should be avoided.

Completely agree I remember talking about this with my friend whose doing online dating too and how some guys we have met have looked much better in real life than their pics. Those web cam photos have to be the worst I don't think I've ever seen anybody look good in them. I think it's a good idea to have a few different photos up of yourself in different settings like one of you dressed up in your best or one of you on holidays or whatever. It helps people get an idea of you. I don't know why but I get put off profiles with just one picture(that could be their only good photo )

Prick!

I only have webcam photos. I don't go out and I hate pictures so yeah, I don't have any pictures of myself.

mood

Prick! wrote: »

I only have webcam photos. I don't go out and I hate pictures so yeah, I don't have any pictures of myself.

Not even for family occasions, Christmas, holidays? I find that hard to believe. You won't get far with internet dating with a web cam photo I think.

Micky 32

So I send her a text asking why the fake photo of a certain model. She replies " She looks a bit like me" :rolleyes::D

Prick!

mood wrote: »

Not even for family occasions, Christmas, holidays? I find that hard to believe. You won't get far with internet dating with a web cam photo I think.

I hate pictures. Don't have any family occasions, don't go on holidays and avoid christmas pics.

I have a pic that doesn't make me look serious, although it took a lot of takes :P

Prick!

Micky 32 wrote: »

So I send her a text asking why the fake photo of a certain model. She replies " She looks a bit like me" :rolleyes::D

Did you meet her?