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The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**
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HellFireClub wrote: »Yeah in both cases I knew the girl beforehand, in the first case (5 year relationship), we knew each other for years as kids and more or less hung around together. When we started going out, we were loves young dream, the "Jason & Kylie" of our parish! But I was too immature at the age that that relationship ended to be able to fix or compromise what were very different views and perspectives that were emerging from our developing adult personalities as we got older and wiser.
Then that finished and I was single for a bit but never bothered with dating, then one night went out and met another girl I knew from my younger days, (I went to her debs as a kid years previous), and next thing we know, we are hugely attracted to each other and going out together for years. I was so into this girl, I could have been out and about with my mates and I didn't even notice other women as I was just simply extremely happy in with my lot, although like all couples, we had disagreements about things from time to time.
Maybe I just landed on my feet on both occasions, in fact, with hindsight, I probably did. For right or for wrong, I judge the OD scene against the above backdrop to my life and going on dates here there and everywhere is just extremely difficult to reconcile with anything that happened romantically in my life in the 18 years that have passed since I turned 18!
Well I do not think you can compare OD experience, or women you date via OD to women you met while you were a teenager. Things are different when you are a teenager/kid and relationships made at that age are different to relationships now (even just between friends).
When I was around 18 I had a very romantic view of life. I really believed in love at first sight etc. But I never got into a serious relationship and for 15 years of dating my outlook on love has changed. It is mainly down to not getting my hopes up about anybody, as it usually didnt turn into a relationship. It is not so much I have become cynical, more my thoughts about love and expectations have changed, I have also changed as a person.
However if I had fallen in love with that romantic view at age 18, I would never have had the experiences I did. I think I would be still holding into that "love at first sight", "head over heals" "spark" scenarios.
Now I am happy to go along with a companion who has many similarities as me and who is a nice friend. Of course there would be an intimate relationship involved as well and I have experienced these type of relationships with men. I would be happy enough with this scenario. It sounds a bit boring, but time is going quickly for me and I have 8 years before I am 40 in order to realistically start a family.
Though I am finding it difficult to find guys who are happy with that from OD/real life. The guys I have dated are holding onto the 1st love they dated, the magic of that relationship and they want it again. I don't know if you ever get that back? It is like having your 1st kiss...although other kisses will be good...there is nothing like your 1st time to do things.
I am curious myself if this really exists?? I never get my hopes up too much in relationships as if and when they end you need to get back into the swing of things. I would love to throw all caution to the wind and say im madly in love with someone, but that would usually result in them running away. I too have ran away from guys who were overly "in love" with me.
Anyway, my search goes on via OD to find the right balance between attraction and companion
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magneticimpulse wrote: »Well I do not think you can compare OD experience, or women you date via OD to women you met while you were a teenager. Things are different when you are a teenager/kid and relationships made at that age are different to relationships now (even just between friends).
When I was around 18 I had a very romantic view of life. I really believed in love at first sight etc. But I never got into a serious relationship and for 15 years of dating my outlook on love has changed. It is mainly down to not getting my hopes up about anybody, as it usually didnt turn into a relationship. It is not so much I have become cynical, more my thoughts about love and expectations have changed, I have also changed as a person.
However if I had fallen in love with that romantic view at age 18, I would never have had the experiences I did. I think I would be still holding into that "love at first sight", "head over heals" "spark" scenarios.
Now I am happy to go along with a companion who has many similarities as me and who is a nice friend. Of course there would be an intimate relationship involved as well and I have experienced these type of relationships with men. I would be happy enough with this scenario. It sounds a bit boring, but time is going quickly for me and I have 8 years before I am 40 in order to realistically start a family.
Though I am finding it difficult to find guys who are happy with that from OD/real life. The guys I have dated are holding onto the 1st love they dated, the magic of that relationship and they want it again. I don't know if you ever get that back? It is like having your 1st kiss...although other kisses will be good...there is nothing like your 1st time to do things.
I am curious myself if this really exists?? I never get my hopes up too much in relationships as if and when they end you need to get back into the swing of things. I would love to throw all caution to the wind and say im madly in love with someone, but that would usually result in them running away. I too have ran away from guys who were overly "in love" with me.
Anyway, my search goes on via OD to find the right balance between attraction and companion
Have to say, it's been 18 years since I was 18 and happily doing the whole soppy teenager thing, but I don't think I would be any less romantic, physically affectionate, passionate or open to love, at this stage in my life, once of course I'm with someone who I do love and enjoy a positive & healthy relationship with. I don't think I can say for myself, that OD didn't work for me because I was looking for a soppy teenage thing that I had experience of in the past, but that I would have to therefore accept that because I may be at a more cynical or cautious stage of my life now at 36, that I could not find something that was filled with attraction, romance, huge intimacy, etc. I wouldn't be a subscriber to that school of thought at all, yes, we have hormones that are a bit all over the shop in our younger years, but I certainly wouldn't have watered down my expectations one bit in relation to still wanting a relationship that has a lot of intimacy, chemistry and romance at the very centre of it.
Maybe it is that very refusal to modify my expectations in the slightest, that has me bulling against OD???
I know, just speaking for myself while obviously respecting your own view, that if I landed into something where I was thinking to myself at night as I was going to sleep, "this isn't really as intimate or close as I'd rather it was", or "we get on well but there feels like there's a big bit of something missing out of this", or if I was having those kind of thoughts in my head, I simply couldn't stay in the relationship or pursue it any further if I felt it was the start of a relationship, I imagine I'd actually get fairly depressed in such a situation.0 -
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HellFireClub wrote: »I was massively attracted to my respective new beau at the time
/lurker/ Hi there, just want to do you a quick favour by alerting you to the fact that the word "beau" is a French masculine adjective, and is used in English as a masculine noun, e.g. "He is my new beau." The female version of this French adjective would be "belle", although this is not used in English in an analogous context.
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/beau
So, in essence, if I were you, I wouldn't be using the word "beau" as an alternative to "girlfriend" or similar, for example, as it could lead to all sorts of misunderstandings (as you can well imagine).
No need to thank me, my linguistic pedantry is its own reward.
/lurker/ 0 -
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Here is the photo she sent me :rolleyes:, anyone know her? :
Yeah that's my ex. No it looks a bit dodgy to me.
Now granted I know there are a couple of models on POF with professional photos because I have met them IRL, but if you see a profile with only 1 photo of a very attractive woman its usually dodgy.0 -
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HellFireClub wrote: »This is me, am just home from a stint in Iraq if any girls on the thread fancy a coffee this evening...
:D:D
Ladies n Gentlemen, I can tell you, hand on heart, HellFireClub looks NOTHING like that, cos I actually know him!!!!!0 -
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