The Online Dating Thread 3..**READ 1ST POST Oct 2012**

LegacyUser

Despite feeling like a total loser for doing it, signed up on POF 3 weeks ago. I was surprised at the number of replies I got but most of them were something lame like "Hi" or "Nice profile". I got 2 responses where women actually put something about themselves in their email and wound up meeting one of them. We got on like a house on fire and are still seeing each other about every other night so I'd have to say it works.
Thats my story and I'm sticking to it.
OTS

riveratom

Mental Mickey wrote: »

You're right............I think it is superficial!!!??? From experience(not much, obviously), I think unless you're 6 ft plus, and look like George Clooney, you're not gonna get looked at on dating sites, and anything outside the "norm" is ignored......?

Nah...seeing as probably something like 0.0000000000001% of the male population look anything like George Clooney, it's not very likely to be the case! At the end of the day, there are a million and one reasons why it might take a while to meet someone where there is mutual chemistry / attraction that translates into a date / something more, sames goes for why you may or may not get replies - so the odds are just what they are, same as any other area of life!

It's not about what it is, because it is what it is. It's about how you react to it!

jamesbere

I said I would ask here for some advice.

I'm going to give to online dating thing a go and see what it is like, most of my friends now have girlfriends and my general social scene is pretty poor because of work and I doubt I will pick up any women in the gym.

Just wondering what sites are the best and what one's to stay away from.
And any other advice I would be great. Cheers.

Snowie

Been back online dating with, everything feels forced messages like hey, or hi hows things. retarded no effort what so ever to engage in stupid hahah lol hun xxx crap... Honestly I don't know...

I want to meet a girl who i can talk flirt giggle drink kiss etc but where i live 90% of the women have kids!


Thats plain awkward worse still have you seen some peoples pictures its like why whats wrong with socity come on serously really are some people that stupid?

Mental Mickey

Snowie wrote: »

Been back online dating with, everything feels forced messages like hey, or hi hows things. retarded no effort what so ever to engage in stupid hahah lol hun xxx crap... Honestly I don't know...

I want to meet a girl who i can talk flirt giggle drink kiss etc but where i live 90% of the women have kids!


Thats plain awkward worse still have you seen some peoples pictures its like why whats wrong with socity come on serously really are some people that stupid?

That's another thing about OD - the forced messages. Crap.

Dermo73

jamesbere wrote: »

I said I would ask here for some advice.

I'm going to give to online dating thing a go and see what it is like, most of my friends now have girlfriends and my general social scene is pretty poor because of work and I doubt I will pick up any women in the gym.

Just wondering what sites are the best and what one's to stay away from.
And any other advice I would be great. Cheers.

My advice for what it's worth. Try POF for starters. It's free so you can try and not buy. There's lots of users and it seems to be working for a good few on here of late. Me included Take a bit of time to write up a decent profile - include some interests, hobbies and a bit of humour if you can. Stick up a few good pics of yourself. Then send lots of messages to profiles that catch your eye (and your brain). Take time to personalise the messages to each user, refer to interesting things on their profiles, use a bit of humour. Accept that the vast majority will not respond but don't get disheartened. Women get a lot of messages and they can't / won't respond to lots of them. It can take a while to make progress but there are some good catches out there still. And then update us on progress. There's always some good advice or encouragement on this thread. Good luck with the fishing :cool:

cloud_dancer

Dermo73 wrote: »

My advice for what it's worth. Try POF for starters. It's free so you can try and not buy. There's lots of users and it seems to be working for a good few on here of late. Me included Take a bit of time to write up a decent profile - include some interests, hobbies and a bit of humour if you can. Stick up a few good pics of yourself. Then send lots of messages to profiles that catch your eye (and your brain). Take time to personalise the messages to each user, refer to interesting things on their profiles, use a bit of humour. Accept that the vast majority will not respond but don't get disheartened. Women get a lot of messages and they can't / won't respond to lots of them. It can take a while to make progress but there are some good catches out there still. And then update us on progress. There's always some good advice or encouragement on this thread. Good luck with the fishing :cool:

What he said. Great advice from Dermo

POF is working great for me. I was active on it for about two weeks before I arranged a first date. In that time I also got chatting to a few other nice guys that are potential dates if this one doesn't work out. Send mails to anyone that takes your fancy. Most of the guys I'm chatting to and the guy I'm dating at the moment, I mailed first. Make sure you have a range of good pictures, not web cam or moody self shots. Just bite the bullet and go for it. It's well worth the risk

andreac

Mental Mickey wrote: »

That's another thing about OD - the forced messages. Crap.

No one is forcing you to do anything....

Mental Mickey

andreac wrote: »

No one is forcing you to do anything....

I didn't mean it that way...........:) I was replying to another person's post about the same thing.

Meauldsegosha

You may remember from my earlier posts that I have been on a few dates with a guy and we have been getting on great. I noticed today that he has made his profile pic private, is that normal/usual? I haven't been doing the OD thing for long so not sure of the protocol.

cloud_dancer

Meauldsegosha wrote: »

You may remember from my earlier posts that I have been on a few dates with a guy and we have been getting on great. I noticed today that he has made his profile pic private, is that normal/usual? I haven't been doing the OD thing for long so not sure of the protocol.

Maybe he doesn't want to get any messages but doesn't want to delete the profile yet so removed his pic. I'm not sure what protocol is. I'd assume you can log in as much as you like until you talk about some sort of exclusivity. How many dates have you gone on now?

Meauldsegosha

cloud_dancer wrote: »

How many dates have you gone on now?

We've been on three dates so far next date is planned for Sunday as we both have other commitments til then. We have been texting or talking each day.

Daveysil15

Mental Mickey wrote: »

You're right............I think it is superficial!!!??? From experience(not much, obviously), I think unless you're 6 ft plus, and look like George Clooney, you're not gonna get looked at on dating sites, and anything outside the "norm" is ignored......?

I don't know about looking like George Clooney, but the height thing seems to be an issue with a lot of people. I've seen so many profiles where women explicitly say "don't message me if you're under 5'10" - even if they're very short themselves. I don't think the looks are as important.

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

I don't know about looking like George Clooney, but the height thing seems to be an issue with a lot of people. I've seen so many profiles where women explicitly say "don't message me if you're under 5'10" - even if they're very short themselves. I don't think the looks are as important.

I don't understand the height thing. All of my female friends love tall men too, and I just don't get it. I've dated tall and short men. I'm 5'1. Shortest guy I dated was 5'3, tallest was 6'10. Makes absolutely no difference to me. If a girl is tall, I can understand wanting to date a tall guy, but short women specifying 'only tall guys' is a bit silly. Height is such an arbitrary thing to judge somebody on.

Daveysil15

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I don't understand the height thing. All of my female friends love tall men too, and I just don't get it. I've dated tall and short men. I'm 5'1. Shortest guy I dated was 5'3, tallest was 6'10. Makes absolutely no difference to me. If a girl is tall, I can understand wanting to date a tall guy, but short women specifying 'only tall guys' is a bit silly. Height is such an arbitrary thing to judge somebody on.

Wow 5'3 and 6'10 is quite a difference. Yeah I can understand a tall woman wanting a man over 5'10, but it seems to be a necessity for a lot of women regardless of their own height. Uusally the excuse is that she likes to wear heels.

Galvasean

I fall somewhere between 5'8 and 5'9. I used to put 5'9 in my profile and would get a reasonable amount of messages, replies and dates. A while back I changed it from 5'9 to 5'8, the logic there being that I didn't want to be seen to be trying to deceive people (as from experience I can tell you that it aint nice when you turn up for a date and the other person is not how they described themselves). Since the change I've had absolutely no luck with OD whatsoever (nothing even resembling a positive response). My messaging style is the same and my profile hasn't changed (with the exception of getting a few better photos put up as a response to not getting any mail). There must be some sort of psychological cut off point in a lot of girls' heads where 5'8 sounds too short but 5'9 doesn't.

Esoteric_

Daveysil15 wrote: »

Wow 5'3 and 6'10 is quite a difference. Yeah I can understand a tall woman wanting a man over 5'10, but it seems to be a necessity for a lot of women regardless of their own height. Uusally the excuse is that she likes to wear heels.

My last post never posted, boo-urns.

Unless a woman is quite tall, most men of 5'9 or so will be the same height or taller than the woman in heels. I love heels, but I honestly couldn't give a monkey's if a guy is shorter than I am when I wear heels.

And yes, the 6'10 to 5'1 height difference was ridiculous. The guy had to pick me up off of the ground to kiss me, not even joking. I came up to below his man boob area without heels on, and nearly reached his shoulder when I had heels on. :pac:

Mr_Spaceman

Conversely, the idea of having a gf who is taller than me (I'm 5' 11") doesn't bother me at all.

I think some OD ladies need to get real. Demanding men be at least 6ft tall (which is a regular request) is a bit ridiculous.

If you have to go ODing in the first place, it's time for a slight realignment of your wish-list.

Galvasean

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Conversely, the idea of having a gf who is taller than me (I'm 5' 11") doesn't bother me at all.

My last girlfriend was taller than I and we met online dating. In fact, she was also the one to instigate the messaging. I'm pretty sure the planets aligned that day too, so rare a collection of occurances it was.

mood

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Conversely, the idea of having a gf who is taller than me (I'm 5' 11") doesn't bother me at all.

I think some OD ladies need to get real. Demanding men be at least 6ft tall (which is a regular request) is a bit ridiculous.

If you have to go ODing in the first place, it's time for a slight realignment of your wish-list.

Not necessarily. I joined a dating site because I have less opportunities to meet men (friends married etc) not because I can't get anyone.

Mr_Spaceman

mood wrote: »

Not necessarily. I joined a dating site because I have less opportunities to meet men (friends married etc) not because I can't get anyone.

Fair enough.

I just find that the strict height demands from many women users are a wee bit unrealistic and off-putting.

Esoteric_

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Conversely, the idea of having a gf who is taller than me (I'm 5' 11") doesn't bother me at all.

I think some OD ladies need to get real. Demanding men be at least 6ft tall (which is a regular request) is a bit ridiculous.

If you have to go ODing in the first place, it's time for a slight realignment of your wish-list.

I agree with all of this post, bar the last line. I don't have to use OD, I choose to because I like getting to know someone a little bit before dating, rather than meeting someone in a bar (or on the street or a bus, as has happened a few times).

jaffacakesyum

Meh...I think people should be free to have whatever standards they wish. You can't help it if you're not attracted to smaller men. Same way you can't help it if you're not attracted to red heads, blondes, brunettes, Asians, Africans, body builders, skinny guys, women with big boobs etc. etc.

The whole "Listen luv, you're on an online dating site. Lower your standards" thing is a bit patronising I think.

Esoteric_

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Meh...I think people should be free to have whatever standards they wish. You can't help it if you're not attracted to smaller men. Same way you can't help it if you're not attracted to red heads, blondes, brunettes, Asians, Africans, body builders, skinny guys, women with big boobs etc. etc.

The whole "Listen luv, you're on an online dating site. Lower your standards" thing is a bit patronising I think.

I don't think the preference is a problem. It's posting it on your profile that comes across as being ridiculous. I'm hardly gonna say 'won't date blonde guys' on my profile, and I'd laugh if I saw 'no fat chicks' on a guy's profile.

I don't think anyone should lower their standards, but telling people not to bother if they look a certain way comes off as ridiculously arrogant.

jaffacakesyum

LyndaMcL wrote: »

I don't think the preference is a problem. It's posting it on your profile that comes across as being ridiculous. I'm hardly gonna say 'won't date blonde guys' on my profile, and I'd laugh if I saw 'no fat chicks' on a guy's profile.

I don't think anyone should lower their standards, but telling people not to bother if they look a certain way comes off as ridiculously arrogant.

I see what you mean. It does come across as a bit rude but in doing so it saves time for both parties?

I do know what you mean though. If I saw someone with a "no short arses" demand on their profile, I probably wouldn't message them, despite being 5"10.

Mr_Spaceman

jaffacakesyum wrote: »

Meh...I think people should be free to have whatever standards they wish. You can't help it if you're not attracted to smaller men. Same way you can't help it if you're not attracted to red heads, blondes, brunettes, Asians, Africans, body builders, skinny guys, women with big boobs etc. etc.

The whole "Listen luv, you're on an online dating site. Lower your standards" thing is a bit patronising I think.

Fine.

But don't come complaining that there are 'no decent men' left. People can't have it both ways.

Of course, this also applies to men who have unrealistic expectations too.

I could be wrong, but chiselled 6ft+ male models and slender, big-boobed temptresses are a bit thin on the OD ground.

jaffacakesyum

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

Fine.

But don't come complaining that there are 'no decent men' left. People can't have it both ways.

Of course, this also applies to men who have unrealistic expectations too.

I could be wrong, but chiselled 6ft+ male models and slender, big-boobed temptresses are a bit thin on the OD ground.

You have to be thick skinned at times for online dating. But I think it's pointless getting so frustrated with it by complaining about women being 'unrealistic' in their expectations for men. Men and women can have whatever expectations they like. I'd rather find someone who's genuinely interested in me than 'settling' for a 5"10 small chested woman, when neither tall women nor small chested women are attractive to that person.

I do agree that men and women who have such specific expectations, shouldn't complain that there's "no good men/women out there" but who's saying they are complaining like that? If I had a height restriction on my profile, I'd realist that it's a bit unfair and would expect to have reduced chances on getting dates.

Having read through some of this thread, people get very frustrated and annoyed when a "reasonably good looking lad, good personality" messages someone who's "not exactly a stunner" and doesn't have any success. I think dating in general would be a lot better in Ireland if people didn't have such ideas in their head that a 'below average' woman should fall head over heels with the prospect of a traditionally supposedly good looking lad asking them out.

Just using that as an example by the way; it can work for both genders.

A Primal Nut

For the people who were interested in meetup.com, there is a singles night in Dublin on there next Friday.

I'm not involved, just checked there out of curiosity.

It's a good site, I use it for meeting people while travelling.

I have a gf, so I'll not be at the singles night.

Daveysil15

Galvasean wrote: »

I fall somewhere between 5'8 and 5'9. I used to put 5'9 in my profile and would get a reasonable amount of messages, replies and dates. A while back I changed it from 5'9 to 5'8, the logic there being that I didn't want to be seen to be trying to deceive people (as from experience I can tell you that it aint nice when you turn up for a date and the other person is not how they described themselves). Since the change I've had absolutely no luck with OD whatsoever (nothing even resembling a positive response). My messaging style is the same and my profile hasn't changed (with the exception of getting a few better photos put up as a response to not getting any mail). There must be some sort of psychological cut off point in a lot of girls' heads where 5'8 sounds too short but 5'9 doesn't.

I'm 5'8, maybe that's why I'm having no luck. It's hard to believe 1 inch would make such a difference.

KTRIC

Mr_Spaceman wrote: »

but chiselled 6ft+ male models .

*puts up hand


:pac: